I didn't weather a divorce, but from ages 18-43 faced the myriad challenges of fulfilling middle-class dreams in the California economy. I had chosen a less-than-lucrative major (English), and entered teaching with eyes wide open. Plus, I knew I'd probably fall for a spouse who had as little interest in getting rich as I did. Well, I married a theology major (at least his undergrad degree was in biology/chemistry/math). We were far more interested in "helping the world" than in building a bank acct.
While we're still idealistic-- and continue to volunteer in altruistic settings---- back in our thirties we had to face hard facts: the quality of our son's education would depend on which school district we lived in (ie. the cost of our house would determine the quality of his school); high school teachers earn far more than college adjunct faculty (so I returned to teaching h.s., to help pay a whopping mortgage payment in a highly rated Bay Area school district); that mortgage payment + daycare took my whole teacher's salary each month (so we lived on what my husband made----- he eventually worked for a pharmaceutical co.)
We could save little for retirement or DS's college. Our big idea (when he was in preschool) was to refinance to a 15-yr. mortgage, so the house would be paid off when he entered college. Then we would use the former mortgage $ to pay for college expenses each month.
However, with growing drug and gang-activity on campus, I became disillusioned with the wonderful high school from which I thought I would retire. Plus, we needed a bigger yard for our son to play in as he grew. We learned he had special needs, and would probably need private schooling. But we could not afford private schools for 13 years, or a larger mortgage payment for a bigger house or lot.
So, we took 3-5 years to research possible transfers within my husband's co. In 1996, we sold our house (had doubled our $), moved to Ohio (where he kept the same job at the same salary, with a 50% cut in the cost of living). We bought a 3,000 sq. ft. house for less than the sale price of our 1300 sq. ft. California home. I took time off work, then went back part-time, our son attended private school (to get the needed help), and we were able to save aggressively for retirement. DH ER'd at 61, and I at 59.
With the $ saved by moving to Ohio, we can easily afford to visit the CA friends and family, at least every two years. Plus, they like to come here on vacation, relaxing on our porch overlooking a 400 acre forest (which is city park, never to razed by developers).
We still get to enjoy the delights of sunny Cal, visiting friends up and down the coast. But it's much easier to do as a tourist, than as middle-class wage earners. Plus, rush hour here lasts for about 20 min., and we can still drive at 55-65 MPH (no gridlock).
I know that moving is drastic.......but our quality of life improved 100%, and we retired about 3-5 years earlier than expected.
