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Old 10-13-2015, 05:53 PM   #21
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I found out our accountant is a Certified Financial Planner. I am definitely going to make an appointment with him ASAP. I am a long time reader of this forum. That is why I did the 50/50 Wellesley and Wellington. It looks like with this amount of money, it will be more complicated. Thanks everyone for the feedback. It has really helped me figure out what I am going to do next.
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Old 10-13-2015, 07:03 PM   #22
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I found out our accountant is a Certified Financial Planner. I am definitely going to make an appointment with him ASAP. I am a long time reader of this forum. That is why I did the 50/50 Wellesley and Wellington. It looks like with this amount of money, it will be more complicated. Thanks everyone for the feedback. It has really helped me figure out what I am going to do next.
Don't let him talk you into a high fee account - stick with Vanguard.
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Old 10-13-2015, 07:25 PM   #23
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I realized my earlier post was pretty terse (just the facts!) and wanted to add my sympathy for what you're going through. I divorced a mentally ill husband (bipolar) after 13 years of marriage when the alcoholism and the endless verbal abuse were threatening my own sanity and turning DS into an angry, confused young man. That was 16 years ago and life is very good. Mental illness is hell and I wouldn't wish I on anyone.


It sounds like you've spent your entire adult life taking care of everyone else and holding the family together. You're still young (yes, 58 IS young!). I hope you can take some breathing space and think about what you want for yourself in the next phase of your life. It doesn't sound like you need to go find yourself a lucrative career, but would you like to study? Travel? It's time to get a little selfish!
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Old 10-13-2015, 07:52 PM   #24
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I would strongly suggest that you consult with a competent lawyer (one knowledgeable about this area of law) about what the law provides as to responsibility for your husband's debts and about what you need to do to best protect your money and to protect yourself in terms of any liability. This is something that varies from one state to another so you need to consult with a knowledgeable local lawyer.
Without a doubt, this is the best advise you are going to get. Just do it.
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Old 10-14-2015, 06:04 AM   #25
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I am definitely sticking with Vanguard. I don't think my accountant would try talking me into anything. He and I have had a good working relationship for many years. I have been the financial person in my family and he knows it.

athena53. My husband is also bipolar. It's been very tough going, but he has always been able to do well at work. Unfortunately, as I needed him to step up to the plate and help out as my elderly aunt and mom were failing and dying, he withdrew to fantasy computer land. He has gotten arrested and has had a restraining order against him from another woman. He has alienated my kids. He was very out there, and all over facebook with inappropriate comments. It's been very difficult and demoralizing.

I am planning on living apart. We will get together a couple of times a week. I am taking the year off to recuperate. I have been putting out fires nonstop for the last 4 years, especially. I am planning on traveling. I will substitute at a preschool for a little money and hugs. I just want to breathe.
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Old 10-14-2015, 06:29 AM   #26
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This link is a primer on tax efficient placement. In short, you want to keep tax efficient assets (like equities which are tax preferenced) in taxable accounts and tax inefficient investments (like non-muni bonds which generate ordinary income) in tax-deferred and tax-free accounts.

https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Prin...fund_placement
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Old 10-14-2015, 08:59 AM   #27
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I am definitely sticking with Vanguard. I don't think my accountant would try talking me into anything. He and I have had a good working relationship for many years. I have been the financial person in my family and he knows it........
Excellent.
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Old 10-15-2015, 08:57 AM   #28
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I am definitely sticking with Vanguard. I don't think my accountant would try talking me into anything. He and I have had a good working relationship for many years. I have been the financial person in my family and he knows it.
That puts you a step ahead of many divorcees. I was the financial person in my first marriage (as well as current marriage), too! Given the financial decisions someone with bipolar disorder can make, especially in a manic stage, that's a good way to arrange things. Current DH just jokes that he was an English major and I was a Math major so it was an easy decision.
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Old 10-16-2015, 11:58 AM   #29
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Welcome to the forum. My empathy on your situation, not easy. I watched my MIL stick with bipolar FIL, not always easy but she did it.

I think your financial situation will be fine. Take care of yourself and hopefully your husband's situation improve.
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Old 10-18-2015, 01:16 PM   #30
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Masd57:
I'll skip financial/legal since you got that and others are more knowledgable.

Im 40 with two kids (1 and 3). I simply can't imagine how you carried kids, a husband, and sick relatives for so long without going nuts. DW and I are constant support for each other and admittedly have it easy in most meaningful ways.

I sincerely hope that you take time and put yourself first for a while. Honestly my first thought was "how can someone take care of so many people and still have her **** together."

It sounds like your kids are doing ok, but maybe sit down and tell then you'll be focusing on yourself and they need to take care of each other and themselves without your help for a while. Maybe living rent free is fine... But in their 20s they should be helping take care of you .

Seems like you'll survive anything but make sure you give some time to live as well!

Bless you.

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Old 10-18-2015, 01:51 PM   #31
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Sorry you are having to deal with all this -- sounds incredibly stressful. I understand that you feel you need a break, but do be mindful of your long-term financial stability as well. Personally, I would not be comfortable relying on someone with a serious mental illness for the next 10+ years financially. Understand that you might not have the energy to take on full time work at the moment, but do consider what you can do to bring in more income on your own so that you would not be devastated if you lost the financial support of your spouse at this time. Also consider putting some time limits on the financial outpatient support to your kids. I understand that you are wanting to help them out and be sure they can launch successfully, but they should also understand that your support cannot be unlimited in either amount or duration. For example, have you considered the possibility of downsizing your current home, and what that might allow you to add to your retirement stash? It might be substantial. If that is the case, then you might want to let all of them know that Hotel Mom is probably going to close up shop in 1-2 years, and they will need to have a plan for living independently before then.

If you can get to a situation where your dividend and interest income is sufficient to support your own basic living expenses, that would be ideal. Will investing the $400k in Wellington/Wellesley allow you to do that? If so, then perhaps downsizing is not necessary. If not, then I would be thinking about it, as well as additional ways to generate income. Note that offering to babysit for parents at the preschool where you substitute, if allowed, can be a great way to generate extra income with minimal stress -- I used to do this for one family when I worked in childcare, and it was great. I really liked their daughter and they paid me about $50/night back in 1990 --would probably be more like $100/night these days.
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Old 10-19-2015, 04:09 PM   #32
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lhamo, Actually, I have more than $400k. Once all the paperwork is finally complete, I will have more like $850K. My mother also had a condo that will be mine. I want to eventually sell it. I would probably get another $250k for that. I really want to invest it all wisely so that it will generate enough dividends to live on if need be. I am not one to just jump into something willy nilly. That is why I wanted to pick peoples' brains on this forum along with going to speak with my accountant next week.

My kids have been tremendously helpful to me, my mom and my aunt. They have really been there every step of the way performing eldercare tasks along with me while supporting each other. They want what is best for me and are very protective of me. After my husband and I split, my then 15 year old would take walks with me. He would put his arm around me while we would walk and talk. The older two have worked all through college. My daughter is getting her master's in biology right now. She has a Teacher Fellowship and is going tuition free. She should be finished next summer and getting a full time job in her field. She will be moving out at that point. I am planning on selling this house in 5 years after my youngest has graduated college. By that time, my eldest will have completed college also. He has one more year to go. He is also working and will continue to work while completing college. My high schooler also is working about 5 hours a week during the school year. Except for electricity and some food, they are all fairly autonomous.
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Old 01-22-2016, 08:15 PM   #33
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A word of advice for those with CPA's that are connected with financial planners. Steer clear of the MLP advice ect... Stick with generic Low cost ETF's or individual night quality dividend aristocrat stocks. My partner lost $5m trying to outsmart taxes and listening to experts on trying to overcomlicate his tax picture to "save" money. If you do not understand it then avoid it.


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Old 01-22-2016, 08:35 PM   #34
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so what the op needs to do is.......
wait a minute, this new posters thread is 6 months old
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