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Old 06-21-2009, 12:22 PM   #21
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I agree wholeheartedly with the above sentiment. My son is old enough to know his own mind and I trust his judgment. And I don't think he would be too gracious if I criticized any girlfriend of his. I have learned to smile and say "She's seems very nice". And so far this has been true. He has good taste in women.
Well Iīll smile, too, and say she is very nice. But Iīll do it in the right doses, not too often.... lest word gets to her and she believes it, goes to her head and she decides to please me.... and Iīll have her all over the place....!
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Old 06-21-2009, 12:46 PM   #22
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Maybe if SHE, or HER PARENTS, reject him her family will save face.
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Old 06-21-2009, 01:04 PM   #23
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She is too forward, casual, and takes things for granted-mainly my house. I wouldnīt mind all that if not for the annoying feeling both my wife and I have that weīīll be seeing too much of her. In fact we already are.We are consevative and so we like nice, shy and well mannered girlfriends that are a bit nervous when it comes to seeing their prospective in-laws. In our opinion only when their relationship becomes really solid with a wedding in sight should she behave in such a confident familiar way.

And the funny thing is that our son doesnīt seem to be too happy with her, just the two of them. They donīt seem to have much in common. They have entered in some sort of routine. So maybe he brings her along to alleviate the situation.

And he doesnīt like her future mother-in-law, which is gonna be something terrible for him, given that his girlfriend loves to spend a lot of time with her rather bossy mother and clannish family, which by the way I donīt like either-too gossipy and with terrible manners and views.
Any polite way of discouraging her/them to come too frequently before itīs too late?
Two points. First. Your son is possibly marrying this young lady and not you or your wife so what you think is secondary. This is his relationship and he will work it out with her and his potential in laws. She will have to do the same with him and you and your wife.

Secondly, you may be projecting your reservations about this relationship onto your son. He may be just fine with the relationship.

With this choice your son has to suit himself not you. He has to live with her you don't. You just have to deal with it. I would not give a person two cents who would allow family to "Monday Morning Quarterback" their relationships. If your grown handle your business.

I am in an interracial marriage so I feel you when you talk about the difference in cultures. That is just part of the deal, the best part IMO, and you learn to handle it. On our case on both sides there were/are family members who to varying degrees were/are not happy with our choice. We still have relatives who have not accepted me, him, us after being together for eleven years. Seven of them married.
Guess what? That is their problem we do not make it ours. This marriage is the best thing that ever happened to the both of us and we are in it for life. Those who cannot deal with that fact we say button it.

If your relationship with your son is that important then be happy for him, hold your nose and put up with her and stay in his life. In the long run it is about keeping lines of communication open and family bonds tight.
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Old 06-21-2009, 01:33 PM   #24
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Maybe if SHE, or HER PARENTS, reject him her family will save face.
Believe me if I tell you that Iīd rather have that than the other way around. I donīt think itīll hurt him too much. And after all the years heīs been with her she doesnīt deserve to be the one dumped.
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Old 06-21-2009, 01:38 PM   #25
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Two points. First. Your son is possibly
If your relationship with your son is that important then be happy for him, hold your nose and put up with her and stay in his life. In the long run it is about keeping lines of communication open and family bonds tight.

I stand corrected.
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Old 06-21-2009, 02:43 PM   #26
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... And after all the years heīs been with her she doesnīt deserve to be the one dumped.
Vince, are you saying the relationship is unequal, that he is getting more out of it?

Or that it's a matter of "previous investment" as Harry Browne described in his book, "How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World." Sorry all, I couldn't resist mentioning old Harry as his financial viewpoint is being discussed in another thread. The book has a section called, "the Previous Investment Trap" covering such things as, IIRC, say, you paid up-front for a class and find it bores you or doesn't suit your needs. Harry would recommend you drop the class and forget about the cost as your time is more valuable for other uses. So goes a long-term relationship, you've invested time, etc. into it but might want to look at the possibility that it has become a trap. Has anyone read that wonderful book recently?
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Old 06-21-2009, 03:15 PM   #27
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I have a personal policy about never saying something bad about anyone no matter what I think.

One nephew married a girl who I don't see what he sees in her. I asked him what first attracted him to her and he said her sweet personallity. She is painfully shy and avoids people so I seldom see her. When I do see her I say hello and never ask her personal questions knowing she hates that. He has been married to her more than 10 years and she is finally more about to be with immediate family but still won't interact. She drove him to his parents because he had drank a beer when invited. We played cards but she was in the next room on her laptop. She will be offered food and drink and might eat with us at the table but other than normal pass the food type things nobody really talks to her because she wouldn't welcome it. But we have her not dreading seeing us and not expecting an interigation. She came from an abusive family and has problems so we need to bring her in slowly. We care about him and want his wife to be happy and him to be able to have her with him when he sees people. He doesn't believe in divorce, he picked her and he will deal with issues, we will not cause him any problems. She is a sweet girl and he cares about her.
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Old 06-21-2009, 04:50 PM   #28
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I donīt want to bore you anymore. AndĻ,besides, Iīve been chastised very politely in this thread recently. Iīm sure Iīve exagerated an issue that can be summed up simply as I donīt like the girl or her family.

Today was my sonīs patron saint and we reminded him that we would like him for lunch and open his presents. Well, they had a quarrel: she resented his not inviting her to lunch with him at my house.

This is an example, among many, of a directness and casualness, that in my circle we consider bad manners. Aside of an astonishing lack of pride, tact, common sense...
Well, case closed. Iīll have to put up with her and her family.
Thatīs all folks
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Old 06-21-2009, 10:30 PM   #29
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Iīll have to put up with her and her family.
In law type relations are often tough for all concerned. Good luck.
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