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Re: children
Old 03-23-2006, 06:43 PM   #21
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Re: children

I always knew I did not want kids. As soon as I found a doctor
who would snip a young, unmarried guy, I had it done (at 27),
before I got married.

It is not that I hate children, I just do not particularly enjoy
their presence, and did not want the responsibility of raising
them. Dogs suit me much better. Most of my friends. male and
female, are also happily child-free (and own animals). Most are
programmers or engineers. The few that do have children seem
happy about it. I do not know anyone who regrets their decision
either way.
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Re: children
Old 03-23-2006, 06:54 PM   #22
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Re: children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheryl
I've always thought that if you don't have a very strong wish or desire to have kids, don't. You would probably be doing it for the wrong reasons.
I think that's similar to the argument that some people say that if you're not "certain" you should get married to someone, then they are not the right person for you. While romantic, I think it's a very incorrect assumption (for multiple reasons, which I won't get into here because it's a RE board, not a marriage board

Anyway, I think that often things are not black & white in life. I personally like kids. If I had 10 million in my bank account right now, I believe I'd quit my job and throw away the condoms (at least for a couple years However, I believe that money / time does factor into all decisions, even having kids.

Sometimes having children seems like a religion to people. They freak out if you suggest that you are trying to consider the financial aspects of having kids before doing the deed. They think it's blasphemous to run a budget to see if you can afford them without selling the house. They think that pondering the decision for awhile is at the same level as saying "Well, my wife has more money, but my mistress is better in bed".

I personally think people should think longer before becoming parents. It's not as if we're lacking in children at the moment, there are lots to go around. I've seen time and time again a young couple gets married, and wham, babies start popping out.. and then they suddenly realize that they aren't a good couple and split. Or how a couple that just got married, and said "we're going to start having kids in a few months, and one of us will stay home to take care of the kids".. I asked how they were going to afford their house (they just bought a new one), when I knew their combined salary was barely enough.. they seriously were surprised at the idea... "we'll figure it out when the time comes" was the answer.

Anyway, I suppose I'm rambling a bit. I think it's always a good idea to think about something. I thought before getting engaged, I thought before getting married, I thought before buying our latest house (maybe not enough), and now I'm thinking before having kids. Even if I do end up wanting them, I think the thoughts are important.
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Re: children
Old 03-23-2006, 06:57 PM   #23
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Re: children

I have one son. Raising a child is the hardest thing I have ever done. Thank god DW is there to help do most of it. I have no idea how single moms do it. Had we not had a child, we would probably be retired now. I wouldn't change a thing though. The world needs good people and I am doing my best to put one more out there.

So............ for those that don't have kids, who are your beneficiaries? Assuming you don't spend it all, who/what is going to get your stash?

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Re: children
Old 03-23-2006, 07:04 PM   #24
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Re: children

Quote:
Originally Posted by REWahoo!
Wouldn't that be, "We are dying because we don't breed, literally."?*

Both, I think.
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Re: children
Old 03-23-2006, 07:43 PM   #25
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Re: children

Quote:
Originally Posted by dusk_to_dawn

So............ for those that don't have kids, who are your beneficiaries? Assuming you don't spend it all, who/what is going to get your stash?
Heck if I care, you want it?
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Re: children
Old 03-23-2006, 08:04 PM   #26
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Re: children

Quote:
Originally Posted by dusk_to_dawn

So............ for those that don't have kids, who are your beneficiaries?* Assuming you don't spend it all, who/what is going to get your stash?

Why leave any stash to anyone? DW and I have 2 adult sons and they are getting by on their own. Could be doing better if they put some muscle behind their effort. It's their choice how they want to live their lives. I intend to have a good time spending my stash in retirement.... starting about 36 days from now.

Oh yeah, since this was about having kids.. I would repeat the experience of having kids. It was mostly fun. No grandkids in sight though and not sure it matters either way.
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Re: children
Old 03-23-2006, 08:35 PM   #27
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Re: children

Sheryl,

I agree with this,

Quote:
I think there must be a gene that causes one to want to remain child free.
But I have a stupid theory that for many men it is dormant and has to be turned on somehow. At least that was the way it was for me.

I would have been very happy to not have kids. But them something kicked in around the birth of my first one that made me realize that it was the best thing that every happened to me.

MB
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Re: children
Old 03-23-2006, 08:35 PM   #28
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Re: children

Quote:
Originally Posted by CyclingInvestor
I always knew I did not want kids. As soon as I found a doctor
who would snip a young, unmarried guy, I had it done (at 27),
before I got married.
If you do enough cycling, this should take care of itself....
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Re: children
Old 03-24-2006, 01:38 AM   #29
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Re: children

http://www.foreignpolicy.com/story/c...6&print=1.html
Quote:
....The greatly expanded childless segment of contemporary society, whose members are drawn disproportionately from the feminist and countercultural movements of the 1960s and 70s, will leave no genetic legacy. Nor will their emotional or psychological influence on the next generation compare with that of their parents.
Quote:
....These circumstances are leading to the emergence of a new society whose members will disproportionately be descended from parents who rejected the social tendencies that once made childlessness and small families the norm. These values include an adherence to traditional, patriarchal religion, and a strong identification with one’s own folk or nation.

This dynamic helps explain, for example, the gradual drift of American culture away from secular individualism and toward religious fundamentalism. Among states that voted for President George W. Bush in 2004, fertility rates are 12 percent higher than in states that voted for Sen. John Kerry. It may also help to explain the increasing popular resistance among rank-and-file Europeans to such crown jewels of secular liberalism as the European Union. It turns out that Europeans who are most likely to identify themselves as “world citizens” are also those least likely to have children.

On a lighter note (for liberals, anyway):
http://www.nokidding.net/
Quote:
The international social club for childfree and childless couples and singles.
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Re: children
Old 03-24-2006, 03:11 AM   #30
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Re: children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cool Dood
If you do enough cycling, this should take care of itself....

I wear cushioned bike shorts and tilt the seat so the prong is down when biking.
No more kids planned, but I like to know I still got what it takes.
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Re: children
Old 03-24-2006, 05:34 AM   #31
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Re: children

Who will get my stash when I'm gone? If there's any left 1/3 will go to dh's kids, 1/3 will go to my two nephews (yes someone in the family did have kids) and the other 1/3 will go to an animal charity.

I always knew I wasn't cut out for having kids, plain and simple. I have many reasons which I won't go into but I know it was the right decision for me.

I will tell you there was a time I thought I should have them, someone to take care of me in my old age. I had a long talk with my stepdad about that and his answer to me was. "Go to a nursing home and see how many people are there who's kids never visit". Clinched it for me.
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Re: children
Old 03-24-2006, 06:24 AM   #32
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Re: children

The people who should have kids , don't, those that shouldn't, Do

You end up paying for kids anyway, they are just other people's.

Many families are dependant upon Child Welfare Payments, te children become the de facto employer.
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Re: children
Old 03-24-2006, 07:21 AM   #33
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Re: children

Quote:
Originally Posted by AltaRed
Why leave any stash to anyone?
Because you can't take it with you. The question was who/what will get your stash when you are gone. If not a person, perhaps an organization. It seems highly unlikely that any of us will die with a zero balance. Many on this board will probably have substantial assets at the time of death.
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Re: children
Old 03-24-2006, 07:30 AM   #34
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Re: children

Quote:
Originally Posted by dusk_to_dawn
Because you can't take it with you. The question was who/what will get your stash when you are gone. If not a person, perhaps an organization. It seems highly unlikely that any of us will die with a zero balance. Many on this board will probably have substantial assets at the time of death.
We have children, but in our wills in case our children don't survive us - we have designated Minnesota Public Radio and American Friends Service Committee to get the stash.
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Re: children
Old 03-24-2006, 07:45 AM   #35
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Re: children

Our stash goes to our surviving parents, if any, a sister (who has children), and a few of our favorite charities. If we outlive all our parents, and as long as sis' remains financially secure, we'll leave her all the sentimental stuff and probably 1/4 of the moolah -- to compensate her for the trouble of weeding through all our junk heirlooms looking for the good stuff , with the rest going to charity.

I like knowing that after we check out, a big chunk of what we own is going to be used for something good.

SC
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Re: children
Old 03-24-2006, 07:46 AM   #36
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Re: children

Beneficiaries? Siblings, and organizations that work with refugees.

Here in NY leaving it to nieces and nephews likely sentences their family to a lifetime of dealing with the Court if they are minors. People hate it.
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Re: children
Old 03-24-2006, 07:48 AM   #37
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Re: children

Ceberon
Our Son and DIL have decided not to have kids, and while DW and I think that is a mistake, because they both love kids, for what ever reason it is their choice and there life, and it is OK with us.

For those trying to decide if they should have kids the one thing that seems to come through here is that those of us that do, even those who thought they didn’t want kids, would not trade them for anything. I personally can not think of anything worse than turning 60 or older with a huge stash of cash and regretting that decision. There is an old decision matrix that says there are only 4 outcomes to all decisions for children it would go like this:

I don’t have kids and I didn’t think I wanted kids – good
I have kids and I wanted kids – good
I have kids and I thought I didn’t want kids – good in most cases
I don’t have kids and I should have had kids – bad

Yes you can turn these around, but most of our friends 60+ years old or older that thought they wanted kids and waited too long have regrets, those that didn’t want kids and didn’t have them are just fine. Frost poem about two roads comes to mind. There are times in life you make a decision and you can’t go back. For us it was to have kids. We retire May 5th, at 62, could have retired at 55 but didn’t think about it. No excuse!
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Re: children
Old 03-24-2006, 08:20 AM   #38
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Re: children

I have absolutely no doubt that if I'd had children I would love them fiercely and probably be one of the people saying they are the best thing that ever happened to me. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm happy with my decision.
I've been very close for more than ten years with a group of childfree women who originally met on an AOL message board, so we've had all sorts of discussions on this topic.
One of the biggest challenges for me is this: Many people who are parents can comfortably say their greatest achievement is/was raising their children. They can say without a doubt, the most important thing in their lives is their families. And that's a good thing. But for a childfree person, (at least this one) it's important to have some other achievement or focus, in order to feel that I have contributed something positive to the world, or that I have some meaning and existence.

[existentialism before breakfast - not good!]

As to who gets the stash - Right now SO's son gets his, my brother and several charities get mine. As the son and impending grandchildren grow up, and my nephews mature that may change. If it seems they would benefit from it, they'll get more, if they are bums who would blow it all on dope, I'll leave it all to charity.

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Re: children
Old 03-24-2006, 08:55 AM   #39
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Re: children

I'm 37. Don't have kids (good, since they would have had to go through their parents' divorce). Don't think I want kids at this late stage in my life. Current BF doesn't want kids either, which helps. I like kids, just don't have that maternal instinct.

I have 2 cats and BF and I want to get a dog.

My sister and her husband, for 10 years, said they didn't want to have kids. About a year ago, they changed their minds and are trying to have one. You just never know! I'd LOVE to be an aunt.

Both of my aunts don't have any kids (one couldn't, one didn't want to). I am very close to the aunt who never wanted kids, she is like a second mother to me.

As for the "who do you leave your money to" question: my aunt's estate will go in a trust to provide income for her second husband if he is still alive, and then the assets go to my sister and I. And since I am not currently married, my will gives money and stuff to: my sister (if I have a niece/nephew, I'll change that), several charities, and a small amount to one of my best friends' kid.

Karen
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Re: children
Old 03-24-2006, 09:07 AM   #40
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Re: children

I have a 5 month old and what a blessing. I couldn't begin to imagine my life w/out kids. We plan on having 2-3 more.
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