As I understand COBRA, your wife as a beneficiary of the PLAN, would be eligible depending on her status as of the last day that you were employed (covered as an employee in the PLAN). Your ex ER does not have an option as long as there are 20 employees and not a church. What happens to you in October, should have no bearing on your wife's eligibility for COBRA.
Here is the DOL page on COBRA. http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/faqs/faq_consumer_cobra.HTML
If you feel that they are slighting you, you may want to contact a ERISA lawyer.
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