FIRED and depressed

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You may be going through a transition that's not unusual for retirees. You've been retired about 3 years. Those years have been filled with doing things you wished you could have done while you were w*rking, like house projects and going for walks during the day. Now that has run its course, and it's time to find your passion. For some, it's making a differences in others' lives. For others, it's making a difference in one's own life, for example learning a new skill or improving an existing one.
 
Sounds like you are in suffering. Take it seriously, but also don't despair. You are handed a new set of cards and have to learn how to play them, that's all.

Could be many things triggering you: loss of identity, status, purpose. Or just a disease (literally) dragging you down. Even a hormonal imbalance.

Being without external pressures also can be very disconcerting, especially if you never had that before. For the first time it's about you. Being handed a blank piece of paper and a pencil with the assignment being: "draw what you want" is a life skill few of us need, and certainly aren't prepared for. "What's the point" is a natural first reaction. And there isn't one. Doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

My brother was without job for two months and it started driving him nuts. He can't do it. Needs something to run towards. I can easily stare in the abyss, see the blackness ahead and not freak out. It's actually comforting, and makes me laugh sometimes. The upside of the silliness and lightness of being. Brother is now starting up a company, first time ever. He's very happy and driven now. Small change, big effect.

Also, early retirement it seems is sometimes experienced like relocating to paradise for introverts, and to a living hell for extroverts. The former arrive home, the latter feel outcasts in a desert and easily drop into depression.

Anyway, beyond the obvious "go get some counseling" and "do lots of exercise", here are some ideas to get you moving forward:


That last link: ignore the buddhism wrapping. Try and recognize the basic message: you can train baseline happiness to some degree. It works in my own personal experience. I had mild depression on and off.

You have been given a great gift: Time. What you haven't been given is the manual on how to use it effectively and for maximum happiness.

Keep posting your thoughts here.
 
Sojourner said:
I could easily have written this exact post about a year ago, and in fact I did start a thread titled "Coping with excessive solitude" that touched on some vaguely similar themes.

What you are dealing with in a very stark way in your life right now is something known as "philosophical pessimism". This is a philosophy that was explored and written about primarily by Arthur Schopenhauer, Albert Camus, and Friedrich Nietzsche in the 19th and 20th centuries. It is a fairly bleak view of the condition of human existence, but I can assure you it is not incompatible with finding happiness and peace in one's life.

I'm living proof of this. I find Schopenhauer's philosophical pessimism quite compelling, yet I have been able to reconcile this with an optimism in my own life based on a number of different concepts. First, although I do recognize that all human endeavors ultimately have no intrinsic "meaning", I also recognize that we have to create that sense of meaning and purpose for ourselves somehow. For me, that means staying busy doing things that I know provide both short-term and long-term enjoyment and fulfillment. For example, planning trips. The planning process takes awhile (for longer or more exotic trips) and then the trip itself provides excitement and adventure, etc. Also, I actively seek out and spend time with other people who share my worldview. I have done this over the past year by joining various Meetup groups that have a scientific, skeptical, rational, philosophical theme to them. This way, I can have very interesting, friendly, and fulfilling discussions with people about topics like philosophical pessimism (and lots of other stuff) and can hear their insights about how they are making their way through life.

Ultimately, you have to find a way to make peace with the absurdity of life and just enjoy it moment to moment as best you can. Reading more about philosophical pessimism would be a great place to start, so that you can see there have been some brilliant people who have struggled with and articulated this philosophy over the centuries. That in itself can be very reassuring. Check out the writings of Nietzsche, especially, since his take on the matter was more optimistic than some others.

Philosophical_pessimism (Wikipedia)
Click to expand...

I just got myself some reading material. Thank you.

As much as I liked philosophy in college, it was one of the very few classes where I earned a C. Now, I have more time to go back to study this subject.
 
I am not a physician and decline to offer medical advice. That said, there is depression in the clinical sense which is devastating and which should be treated and there is simply an awareness that in point of fact there is nothing out there. This will sound weird, but after being certain that you are not in the clinical camp, perhaps a rigorous series of courses in philosophy would fill the bill. Whatever you do, do not get tied up with the religious.
 
I have been a volunteer business counselor with SCORE for about 8 years now ( www.score.org ). It's a nonprofit organization under the US SBA, of retired senior executives, who provide counseling to aspiring entrepreneurs.

We guide them through business planning, cash flow projection, licensing, insurance, staffing, inventory, marketing and many other areas associated with what they hope to do.

There are chapters all over the country, and this might be an stimulating environment for you, if you like to teach and mentor others to start and run a business.
 
For me, I decided when I was around 19 that although life has no "meaning," it is there to be lived as best you can according to your own lights and without harming other people. No use making anything more out of it than that. I did have a bit of religious education, but hadn't read any philosophers - that came later and did nothing to change my view, in fact it confirmed it.

This will sound like a joke, but I honestly think that growing up with cats had a big influence on my personal philosophy.

I had, and have, lots of interests, many of them frivolous, but they're mine and I like 'em, and will pursue them as long as I'm able. Just like a cat.
 
Bogaigh said:
But I still live in the same 3/2 bungalow that I have lived in for the past 10 years, have the same friends, and life hasn't changed that much, except of course that I do not go into work.
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Maybe it is time for a change? use some of those tens of millions? build an amazing house? You may need to find a project!

Bogaigh said:
Retiring early has brought into focus the fact that life is essentially without meaning or ultimate purpose.
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You must have done something pretty well to retire when you have with so much money. So how about teaching others how you did what you do?
 
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Amethyst said:
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This will sound like a joke, but I honestly think that growing up with cats had a big influence on my personal philosophy.

I had, and have, lots of interests, many of them frivolous, but they're mine and I like 'em, and will pursue them as long as I'm able. Just like a cat.
Click to expand...
Cats and dogs can teach us a lot about what's important in life.
 
I've had some serious bouts of medically defined depression over my life. The OP should at least speak with a professional to get a third party view of what's going on. It could be an actual medical condition, instead of an existential crisis.
 
As someone who has not yet retired, but plans to do so some time within the next several years, I appreciate this thread.

Naturally, this forum is populated primarily by people who express happiness with their decision to ER and describe the many good things about ER, how they enjoy it, etc. And yet, I know there are also many people who are unhappy after they retire and either go back to work or just live with the unhappiness.

In making my decision to ER, it is helpful to hear from -- in addition to the many who are happy -- people who are not enjoying retirement and are not finding it fulfilling, and to understand their struggle. It is also helpful to read about those who initially found retirement challenging but managed to overcome the challenges. So thanks to all for the insights.

I hope people on this forum who find retirement challenging or have struggles that they did not anticipate after leaving work feel free to express those on this forum. There are many of us who can learn from your experiences, and at the same time you may receive useful advice from others, as some of the posts on this thread demonstrate.

To me, the best advice given to the OP has been (1) talk with a therapist; I don't know whether you have a clinical depression or not, but regardless it could be helpful to discuss your feelings with someone who has expertise in helping people think through their condition and learn how to improve the quality of their lives -- I am not talking here about psychoanalysis, but instead a focused, practical therapy that could help you improve your level of satisfaction with life; and (2) find a way to help others, which has been shown to improve the quality of life and satisfaction. I am quite sure you have a lot to offer.
 
It's true. They don't concern themselves with existential worry. They only "worry" when they are in danger or lonely or in pain, and the rest of the time they seem to be content doing whatever Nature impels them to do.

The big difference, as I see it, is that people have lots more choices of what to do, when we are not in danger/lonely/in pain. When I have been in those bad situations, it has really brought home to me how grateful I would be to have a regular, ordinary life again.

Not trying to find a "lesson" in here for OP or tell him what to do, but I imagine he wouldn't have posted, if he didn't want to hear various points of view.

Lsbcal said:
Cats and dogs can teach us a lot about what's important in life.
Click to expand...
 
Most of us who have FIREd have done so primarily via a life of accomplishment from skilled work combined with frugality. Upon reaching FIRE, the need for both of those goes away. That's a major change in life. You need to either enjoy that changed life, or mimic the old. If the latter, find something to do, anything, that gives you a sense of accomplishment. Many suggestions appear in this thread.
 
There have been many good suggestions so far. My two cents would be as other have suggested would be to rule out organic issues - get a check up, have a healthy diet, get enough sunshine / vitamin D, exercise for the endorphins, and ensure adequate sleep. Then try some tips from positive psychology like keeping a gratitude journal, meditate, adopt a rescue pet, volunteer, set goals, build a social network, use your money to help others and get out in nature regularly.

Here's a good staring point:

"We all want to be happy. But how, exactly, do you go about it? The answers in these TED Talks on happiness -- from psychologists, journalists and monks -- may surprise you."

https://www.ted.com/topics/happiness
 
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Down at the waterfront this evening, saw this in a gallery, seemed kinda apropos for the thread:

16llhfr.jpg


La angustia por alcanzar un futuro prometedor no nos permite disfrutar el presente


The quest for a promised future causes an agony that prevents us from enjoying our present
 
Amethyst said:
For me, I decided when I was around 19 that although life has no "meaning," it is there to be lived as best you can according to your own lights and without harming other people. No use making anything more out of it than that. I did have a bit of religious education, but hadn't read any philosophers - that came later and did nothing to change my view, in fact it confirmed it.

This will sound like a joke, but I honestly think that growing up with cats had a big influence on my personal philosophy.

I had, and have, lots of interests, many of them frivolous, but they're mine and I like 'em, and will pursue them as long as I'm able. Just like a cat.
Click to expand...

I know that cat feeling, I like to watch the birds, nap and eat a bunch.
 
The only time I am really sad is when someone close to me dies: friends, relatives, good acquaintances, cats, dogs. But I shake it off and move on. It has been happening with greater frequency as the years go by. But I refuse to let the depression linger.

Once you accept that your state of happiness is your main responsibility, you will get better. You may need some help and there have been some good suggestions made here. You were probably too busy to think about this before.

The good news is that you seems to be immune to seeking solace through acquiring things.
 
When I retired I thought I would fill my spare time with volunteer work, etc. I am passionate about animal rescue. What I found is that people can be difficult, bossy, etc-just like at work. So I did some consulting in my field. But then I was offered the chance to teach at a 4 year college p.t. and that was something I had never done and I love it. It gives my life meaning. I also help out a few of my friends that are disabled, sick, etc. My DH is 5 years younger and has worked off and on the past 5 years. He has not worked now in 1 1/2 years and it has not been good for him. It looks like he will be hired for a 2-3 year project so he is happy. WE are all different in our adjustment. I would get a medical checkup because some physical illnesses cause depression. There is situational depression and clinical depression. If you are healthy you may just need to change your situation to get out of your funk. I would start exploring options. You may find that you need to work at something entirely different from your past or find some meaningful activities, etc. It can be hard to seek action when you are in a funk but you need to in order to make your new life what you want.
 
Work is both an economic and a social activity. The OP should consider what activities are meaningful to him.

As a wife I notice that sharing home space with husband 24/7 requires a lot of finesse because we now live in an apartment, he doesn't have a yard or home to maintain. Now he goes most weekdays to our son/dil's business to give them a hand. His efforts are appreciated by all.

Because my DH is very active he would go nuts if he didn't have an activity where he was valued.
 
I think it depends on your personality type, but I like keeping my calendar full of activities as I always have things to look forward to. It is usually just small events, nothing like climbing Mount Everest or rafting the Yangtze, but it keeps me busy. Last night we were at the planetarium for star gazing and two Laserium shows. They only have the Laserium shows once every month or two so I've been looking forward to that for some time. Today we're going to a craft beer tasting benefit. Drinking craft beer for charity - what's not to like about that? :) And tonight we're seeing a play at a local college. Next week I have a little something like that planned for every day as well. Some days it is just going to a pub for lunch or a hike with one of our clubs but there is usually at least a little something to get out of the house and socialize.
 
I'm not a Freudian by any means but he echoes what so many philosophers have said over the centuries: love and work make us happy. Find something/someone to love and devote yourself to; find something to work on that you always wanted to do and/or gives you great satisfaction.

Easier said than done, but a therapist, life coach, or good friend might be able to help direct you. I am not retired but I expect there will be a period of transition that may be uncomfortable as a new horizon opens up. Reach out--you will be all right!
 
Life is empty and meaningless! But it is empty and meaningless that it's empty and meaningless. Don't make it mean anything. Don't put significance into it. It is just empty and meaningless. That is all. What meaning did you put into the discovery of life's meaninglessness?

We as human beings are a meaning making machine. We make up meaning, non-stop, our whole lives. Our problem is that usually, the machine acts on its own, without us being in control. We do not observe the observer. If we do observe the observer, we discover that we are not even aware that we have been giving meaning to everything in our lives, without even thinking about it. It is a default meaning.

Yes, life is empty and meaningless. And it's empty and meaningless that it is empty and meaningless. You are a meaning making machine. Why don't you take control of that machine and make it mean what you want it to mean instead of a default meaning. You are the creator of your life.
 
Eyesman said:
Life is empty and meaningless! But it is empty and meaningless that it's empty and meaningless.
Click to expand...
Is that like a double negative, which actually means the opposite?
 
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