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Old 10-02-2014, 12:17 PM   #61
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Originally Posted by Chuckanut View Post

FWIW, she is in a moment of panic. Perhaps she will find an alternative. It sounds like she is good at alternative life styles. I would not let her move in. Getting her out would be a real problem. If you feel like helping offer to pay the rent increase for a few months while she finds a cheaper place to live.
Pretty much my thinking. I am going to offer to pay the increase for 2 months so she can find a less expensive place. I will make it clear she will not be moving in.

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Originally Posted by MRG View Post
Jrwinfla,

I bet, with 60 hour weeks for 29 years, you took some cr*p.

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Help her as much as you can, without sacrificing your own happiness to compensate for her poor choices. If you can do that, you can feel good about your choices.
It's not like I haven't given substantial financial support in the past. Actually the reason I made sure to tell her my plans to retire is so she knows that my budget must be more carefully planed. I will make it clear it's a new ballgame now.



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Originally Posted by imoldernu View Post
Your situation is not uncommon.

There are state and federal programs for those who cannot provide for themselves... too many to list here. .

So... not money, but help... a leg up.
You know that was one of my first thoughts but she does not qualify for any of the assistance programs I've looked into. We received a small inheritance from our Mother's estate and she does not meet the asset qualifications. So she is not going to be on the streets for now when I don't let her move in. I understand she doesn't want to spent all of her last resource but it's been over a year since we received the estate and she hasn't found any way to increase her income.

Thank you all for the replies. You know it's been helpful to me just to put it in writing and sort out my thoughts and feelings. The smartest thing I did was delay the conversation to get it all sorted out in my mind.
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Old 10-02-2014, 02:50 PM   #62
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Pretty much my thinking. I am going to offer to pay the increase for 2 months so she can find a less expensive place. I will make it clear she will not be moving in.
...
If it were me I would rather offer to pay her move in expenses after she gets the lease on the new place. There is little incentive to move if you are paying for two months. After she got you to put up for two months, my guess it is likely she will try for another and another. I would not give any money until something has changed. Help her move and change her ways don't help her with the status quo.

Guilt is just one technique some people use to exert control over others, no different from bullying or intimidation in my opinion.
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Old 10-03-2014, 02:03 AM   #63
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"The Ant and the Grasshopper." I never understood why the ant was expected to give the grasshopper a cushy free ride when the seasons turned.
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Old 10-03-2014, 04:45 AM   #64
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@jrwinfla: could you direct her to housing at alternative coop communities that share her lifestyle?
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Old 10-03-2014, 06:27 AM   #65
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I suspect there's an unwritten part of the tale, where the grasshopper threatens to burn and raze the anthill if his demands aren't met.

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"The Ant and the Grasshopper." I never understood why the ant was expected to give the grasshopper a cushy free ride when the seasons turned.
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Old 10-03-2014, 06:39 AM   #66
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That was certainly true in the Pixar version.
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Old 10-03-2014, 02:43 PM   #67
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Also a better portrayal of the dynamic of the modern welfare state. Surest way to get some money coming your way is to riot and burn.

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Old 10-03-2014, 03:07 PM   #68
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"The Ant and the Grasshopper." I never understood why the ant was expected to give the grasshopper a cushy free ride when the seasons turned.
That's the children's version. In the adult version the grasshopper starved, froze, and died.
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Old 10-03-2014, 03:44 PM   #69
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Worked my tail off 60 hours a week for 29 years. She has never worked a conventional job because "she doesn't want to take s*** from employers" and want to live a more "spiritual" life. Now she said she can't do any more of the work she does do because she is getting to old( I can relate).
Funny how those frees spirits don't mind mooching off those who DID take the s*** from their employers in order to build some financial security.

I wouldn't have any guilt over not supporting her financially. I would definitely support her emotionally and try to nudge her into better decisions.
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Old 10-04-2014, 10:57 AM   #70
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I'm 54 and looking to ER early next year. I've been planning and getting my financial ducks in a row trying to do everything I can to maximize my resources. Everything is looking like a go and then I got the phone call. My sister was so upset because her rent was just increased and she "doesn't know what she is going to do". I told her several months ago that I was going to retire because my job is taking a toll on my heath and I can't physically handle the work any more. Now comes the guilt because she truly does need help but... I've always been a saver and lived well below my means. Worked my tail off 60 hours a week for 29 years. She has never worked a conventional job because "she doesn't want to take s*** from employers" and want to live a more "spiritual" life. Now she said she can't do any more of the work she does do because she is getting to old( I can relate). I've had many discussions with her over the years about her need to get a job "on the books" so she has SS in the future. Well low and behold she is 60 now and looking at the minimum SS benefit. So now she wants to move into my 900sf house that I have paid off as part of my retirement plan. THAT is not going to work for me. We get along when we visit but I will not live with her. Her constant comments about what I eat and her wacked out theories about this and that would drive me crazy. We are getting together this Sunday it is not going to be a pleasant conversation. She is my Sister and I want to help but I will not sacrifice my happiness in retirement I have earned because she did not plan ahead. I may be the a******* here but I'm not going to do it. But I do feel guilty about it.

I feel your pain. I'm experiencing something similar with my mom. She never saves, we drive each urgent nuts and I fear that due to her poor planning and flakiness she'll end up on my door. Thankfully she has a small SS check to keep her head above water.

Help her find senior housing, other than that, you've paid your dues.


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Old 10-04-2014, 11:38 AM   #71
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Ah the free spirited person who is all lubbydubby right up until THEY need something...
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Old 10-04-2014, 03:12 PM   #72
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DW has a friend who is much like your sister - she is chronically unemployed and when she is employed it is in low wage jobs and often under the table pay. I'm sure her SS will be minimal and she has no savings as she live paycheck to paycheck and not even good at that.

Nice "girl" and fun to socialize with, but she has no idea how screwed she is.

Luckily, she moved far away a few years ago and isn't a close enough friend that we need to worry about her showing up on our doorstep.
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Old 10-06-2014, 09:12 AM   #73
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That's the children's version. In the adult version the grasshopper starved, froze, and died.
Sort of off topic but did you every read the original Grimm's Fairy Tales? Much harsher time back then and the stories certainly prepared the children for the harsh realities of life!
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Old 10-06-2014, 03:26 PM   #74
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Bill gross is 70 and has > 1 billion dollars and just changed jobs. I think your sister can work for the next 10 yrs like you have for the last 29. Honestly, if work was fun they would
call it PLAY. She needs to take care of herself financially while she still has time. Spiritually she will be fine.


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