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Old 02-19-2018, 07:25 AM   #21
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Weclome to the forum, I have learned a lot here and I hope you find it helpful!
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Old 02-19-2018, 08:59 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by ER Eddie View Post
Why is he retired, if you guys still need the money? You say you're working because you need the money, not because you want to. So it sounds like the family isn't in the position for both of you to be retired.

I know that circumstances intervened to cause his early retirement, but is he unable (or unwilling?) to work at some other job, even part-time? Can't he pitch in at all, so that the burden of working is shared? Or does he have some medical condition that prevents him from working?
Yep. When I considered semi-retirement (PT hobby job), the first thing I did was to encourage DW to retire, which she did. I could only imagine her anger as she continued to get up at 4 AM while I slept in. NO WAY.

Sure, we get on each others nerves a little since my business is home based, but we are still married!! Unlike the other situation!!

Tell him either you both work, or you are both fully retired. Let him choose.
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Old 02-19-2018, 08:59 AM   #23
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Welcome, BTW.
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Old 02-19-2018, 09:31 AM   #24
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Drive-by posting?
OP has never been back.
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Old 02-19-2018, 09:00 PM   #25
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I suspect that in his view he was trying to be helpful. Did he even know about your planned late start?
Sounds plausible, and I would give him the benefit of the doubt, at least if this was an isolated incident (if his reminder was merely one example of many such incidents - which the OP has not said - that would of course be a different story).

I occasionally find my wife's efforts to help me to be rather tedious. While I am not always as patient as I should be (I'm not a saint), I do my best to remember that she is speaking/acting from a position of love and concern. A smile and a "thank you", without any eye-rolling or similar disrespectful behaviour, is the best response.

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Originally Posted by Yarnstormer View Post
Id come up with a nice long honeydo list for him asap!
I doubt that OP turning into a nagging shrew is going to improve the situation. She doesn't like him hassling her - and I certainly don't blame her - but just reflecting that back on him will not yield results.

Rather, she should be patient and if things don't improve they should have a heart-to-heart chat about each other's perspectives. It's a close marriage of some 40 years' duration, so I'm confident that they can work out these small issues. Mutual love and respect go a long way.

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Tell him to start looking around for a volunteer gig or two. It sets a routine for the week, and gets him out of the house and around other people. He needs to find his passion and follow it (see Ernie Zelinski How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free).

There are so many organizations looking for just a little help each week. Go to the United Way site for listings for a start. If nothing appeals there, check the web sites of some of your favorite local charities who also post for helpers.
This certainly has worked very well for me. However, I don't believe anyone should be 'voluntold'; that rarely works well for them or the organization they are supporting.

By all means gently suggest volunteering; but don't tell him to do it. No sane person wants to be married to a controlling spouse (husband or wife).
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Old 02-20-2018, 08:45 AM   #26
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By all means gently suggest volunteering; but don't tell him to do it. No sane person wants to be married to a controlling spouse (husband or wife).
Ah, but many are! Recently we have seen that attempting to control near adult children is not unknown among some of our members. Spouses, given that they have the power to hurt one financially, sexually, and other ways likely escape a good bit of this, but not all.

When I first came to this board I remember reading a post by some husband announcing that he would make his wife do this or that. Wow, I thought. Best of luck mi amigo, may your guardian angel have compassion and make bail for you.

There are many advantages to being married, but also a few meaningful disadvantages!

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Old 02-20-2018, 08:52 AM   #27
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Looks like another OPT (One-Post Troll). The OP hasn't been back after starting this thread with his/her only post on the board four days ago.
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Old 02-20-2018, 09:21 AM   #28
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Looks like another OPT (One-Post Troll). The OP hasn't been back after starting this thread with his/her only post on the board four days ago.
Perhaps the subject was broached. A struggle ensued......





then they sat down for hot chocolate and worked things out
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Old 02-20-2018, 09:38 AM   #29
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Perhaps the subject was broached. A struggle ensued......
...and she broke her laptop on his skull.
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Old 02-20-2018, 03:54 PM   #30
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Old 02-20-2018, 07:33 PM   #31
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I don't consider a one-poster a troll. Just someone who decided this wasn't the place for them. Trolls are intentionally stirring up controversy by advocating tendentious POVs.
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Old 02-25-2018, 09:11 AM   #32
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Yeah, that's not a troll. Trolls make posts that are designed to aggravate people and stir up conflict. For instance, if someone made a thread about how early retirees are lazy, selfish, or a drain on society, that would be a troll. I don't think I've ever seen an actual troll on this site. You're fortunate.

That was just someone who posted once, then abandoned her thread. I don't know what you call that.

My guess is she posted in a moment of frustration, then felt regret or exposure, and didn't want to discuss it further. Who knows.
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Old 02-25-2018, 09:46 AM   #33
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Yeah, that's not a troll. Trolls make posts that are designed to aggravate people and stir up conflict.
Perhaps it is someone attempting to troll but who is not all that proficient at doing so? Another possible example: 55, 5-year plan to move from high-paying work to low-paying but beloved career

But as you say, who knows...
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Old 02-25-2018, 10:54 AM   #34
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"Not enough money. Too much husband."

A quote from DW shortly after I retired (the money part was just that I wasn't getting paid - we are FI). We were both at Myrtle Beach last week. She's home now. I'm still here. We're working it out quite nicely.
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Old 02-25-2018, 11:03 AM   #35
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I think the OP was just "going NUTS" and did a google search and found this board. She aired out her grievance, and hopefully felt better and is back into the loving embrace of DH. Or maybe I'm projecting...

This board has seen trolls, oh yes it has. I especially remember a few years back that kind of went like: "I'm making 10% a month and it is awesome... Come join me!"
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Old 02-25-2018, 11:10 AM   #36
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Or a "sock puppet" account created by one of our regular members who did not want to post under her regular account? Perhaps too much personal information being divulged ?
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Old 02-25-2018, 02:06 PM   #37
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Originally Posted by REWahoo View Post
Perhaps it is someone attempting to troll but who is not all that proficient at doing so? Another possible example: 55, 5-year plan to move from high-paying work to low-paying but beloved career

But as you say, who knows...
Yeah, I suppose it's possible that they could be an inept troll -- a troll who can't even manage to get anyone stirred up. But I define trolls by their effect -- they are people who try to aggravate or stir other people up. If they aren't doing that, or even seeming to try to do that, then they're not really trolls. I don't perceive either of those posters as trying to provoke or aggravate people.

Lots of people make one or two posts then never post again. I wish they wouldn't do that. If you create a thread asking for input, it's only decent to stick around and participate in the discussion. Lots of people just create a thread then bail out, though, for whatever reason.
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Old 02-25-2018, 02:15 PM   #38
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My "DGF" of 20 + years left corporate years ago to try a new line of work with a goal of eventually owning her business. Long story very short after a couple years of me suggesting a plan B, I was told to mind my own business. I let her know when I'm done. Well, I pulled the plug 4 years ago and she has no end in sight.
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Old 02-25-2018, 02:45 PM   #39
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Lots of people make one or two posts then never post again.
Made me look.

The members list shows a total of 28,297.

Members with 1 post = 3.7%
Members with 2 posts = 3.8%
Members with 0 posts = 65.4%

Nothing here to really shine any light on the troll question, just interesting (to me) stats.
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Old 02-25-2018, 02:49 PM   #40
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Originally Posted by REWahoo View Post
Made me look.

The members list shows a total of 28,297.

Members with 1 post = 3.7%
Members with 2 posts = 3.8%
Members with 0 posts = 65.4%

Nothing here to really shine any light on the troll question, just interesting (to me) stats.
Thats an interesting stat.
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