Hello, I'm desperate at 55.

[Katiek]

I second the recommendation for an hourly financial advisor. That can help force you two to discuss current expenses and work on a realistic retirement budget. The advisor can also be an "impartial" voice examining your budget and goals and helping you to come up with a plan. Perhaps hearing reassurances from an "expert" (as well as seeing the inputs that go into the expert's opinion) may help relieve some concern from your wife.

[braumeister]

I notice that OP only hung around for one day when he was here two years ago with the same question. I'm not sure it's worthwhile bothering unless he comes back with better information about his situation.

[MRG]

Quote:

Originally Posted by braumeister I notice that OP only hung around for one day when he was here two years ago with the same question. I'm not sure it's worthwhile bothering unless he comes back with better information about his situation.

He might be lost. He did say this was Reddit.

[MuirWannabe]

Keep working the miserable job. Check in again in 2 years. You’ll get different responders or not. Maybe different answers or not. Maybe you’ll feel differently or not. Maybe this site will be reddit or not.

[scrinch]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mountainsoft Have you run the numbers yourself to know if it's possible? Since she pays the bills, maybe she is aware of expenses you don't know about. Credit cards, shopping expenses, home or vehicle maintenance, etc. Maybe she is considering future expenses as well, such as sending your kid to college. Or she just might be more conservative and want a bigger financial safety cushion. Numbers don't lie. You could earn 5 million per year, but if you're spending 6 million you won't be able to retire. If you only earn 30K per year but your expenses are only 20K, you're ready. Write it all down. Make an outline of your current and future expenses (including insurance, taxes, health expenses, home repairs, etc.). Then figure out what your income sources would be after retirement (pension, social security, retirement savings, etc.). If your income exceeds your retirement expenses you're good to go. When you're confident the numbers work out, show them to your wife. Give her time to look them over and ask her to update the income or expenses you may be wrong about. Run the numbers again. And again if needed. Don't pressure her, it's just about seeing if you're really financially capable. Maybe she has valid reasons to worry. Maybe not. If she's still concerned, ask her if there is a future date she would be comfortable with. If the calculations show you're ready on paper, you'll need to find out what emotional hurdles are scary for her. Maybe she values her time at home alone. I'm sure you could figure out a solution to that, maybe go to the farm during the day or something. Equally, find out what things she might enjoy about retirement. Maybe she wants to travel, or has hobbies or interests she would like to pursue. Having something to retire "to" might be more valuable than what she is giving up. Remember, your retirement is as much about her as it is about you. I think I'm more nervous about making the transition to retirement than my wife is, but we've run the numbers numerous times and it always works out. After that it's just my own fears holding me back. I'm sure it's probably similar for your wife.

I was in the same position as the OP about 7 years ago. My DW just had some sort of mental block against (my) retirement. It was a subject that would almost inevitably lead to an argument at the dinner table. I took mountainsoft's approach with various asset, expense, and future-model spreadsheets and she slowly became more comfortable with the idea. Still, it still took about 5 years to slowly come to the point where she was comfortable with me retiring. In the meantime we continued saving and the numbers continued to look better and better.

In my opinion this isn't something that I could force on DW. It was some sort of emotional thing for her, so my logic was not going to bring about a rapid change. She had to slowly become emotionally comfortable with the idea, with supporting information from me and whatever internal machinations she needed. It was a slow, painful (for both of us but in different ways) process. But we finally got there and are now very happy about it!

[CoolRich59]

Unless I missed something (always likely), I think the OP needs to do some level setting first.

The best guidance I got when I first came on board here was this link posted by moderator MBAustin.

Until you can get a handle on the questions "can you retire", you won't know if you actually can retire.

Reviewing these questions were eye openers for me and the DW. Answering them gave us both the knowledge and -- just as important -- the confidence that we could FIRE.

[donheff]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CoolRich59 Unless I missed something (always likely), I think the OP needs to do some level setting first. The best guidance I got when I first came on board here was this link posted by moderator MBAustin. Until you can get a handle on the questions "can you retire", you won't know if you actually can retire. Reviewing these questions were eye openers for me and the DW. Answering them gave us both the knowledge and -- just as important -- the confidence that we could FIRE.

++1 Gumby has a good list. Since your wife handles all the bills this may seem like a daunting project but it is actually pretty simple. Going over the check register and downloading a couple of years of credit card transactions will give you a good picture on routine and recurring expenses. Google will find you lots of retirement planning budget check sheets that will remind you of items you forgot to consider. Once you have a handle on expected expenses you will need to carefully evaluate what will drop out that you are currently spending (SS payroll taxes, 401K contributions, etc).

With a panicky spouse I would recommend that you approach your own education in a reassuring manner - not "I'm evaluating whether we have enough to pull the plug now," but rather "I want to get a solid handle on when we will be in position to pull the plug."

I suspect that an underlying issue is in your title "I'm Desperate." High stress jobs have a way of catching up with you and suddenly you feel like you can't do this any more - I have been there. The anxiety can push you to make rash decisions. Now would be a good time to talk to a professional counselor who could help you center yourself, maybe prescribe anti-anxiety meds to get you through the crisis so you can invest the energy needed to educate yourself.

Good luck.

[Milton]

Quote:

Originally Posted by donheff With a panicky spouse I would recommend that you approach your own education in a reassuring manner - not "I'm evaluating whether we have enough to pull the plug now," but rather "I want to get a solid handle on when we will be in position to pull the plug."

Sensible advice.

Quote:

Originally Posted by braumeister I notice that OP only hung around for one day when he was here two years ago with the same question. I'm not sure it's worthwhile bothering unless he comes back with better information about his situation.

+1

[bingybear]

you really need to work thru what your budget is, what an ER would really look like, how much are you going to support children's college, etc.
I would dismiss the idea of 4% WR as your wife could be in retirement for 50 years.

I would you ought to work together on starting to plan for when retirement is possible and how you both envision it. This should be a process to get you on the same page. I have no idea when retirement will be for you... It really depends on budgets, finding your desired retirement, and emotionally getting on the same page.

Good luck.

[Milton]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuirWannabe Keep working the miserable job. Check in again in 2 years. You’ll get different responders or not. Maybe different answers or not. Maybe you’ll feel differently or not. Maybe this site will be reddit or not.

^^^THIS^^^.

[aida2003]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Milton ^^^THIS^^^.

+1

Unless you wish to link your answers in Reddit forums, it's not worth wasting your time as the OP is not here...finally googled the right link...

[Midpack]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Car-Guy Also consider that it's probably a little more scary to think about ER for someone who is 44 VS someone who is 55.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big_Hitter Hire a fee-based FA to perform an analysis of your situation that finally convinced DW that we were okay

Both my thoughts. I can understand why someone at age 44 would be nervous about retiring and giving up income. And if she has no concept of what nest egg is needed to support a given level of retirement income/spending, it’s probably “fear of the unknown.” If you can’t show her the figures, maybe an “expert” like an FA can. If the facts don’t help, then the problem may be other than financial.

[ransil]

Time for the 44 yr old to get a job with benefits, should be able to get 20 years of income and benefits to contribute .

[Canoeboy]

I’ll raise one other point, not mentioned by others. You mentioned having a cattle farm. Is the farm self supporting year to year or is it a hobby farm that you leverage for tax reduction purposes? From my experience, Some hobby farms are money pits, but it’s often something folks enjoy lifestyle-wise and it often provides tax benefits as many items can be written off. In most cases net worth in cattle farms/ranches does not produce returns similar to more liquid investments, if any return at all. I miss having livestock, but I don’t miss the expenses....

[MikeWillRetire]

Quote:

Originally Posted by scrinch In my opinion this isn't something that I could force on DW. It was some sort of emotional thing for her, so my logic was not going to bring about a rapid change. She had to slowly become emotionally comfortable with the idea, with supporting information from me and whatever internal machinations she needed. It was a slow, painful (for both of us but in different ways) process. But we finally got there and are now very happy about it!

I am in the middle of this right now too. I've been planning my retirement for years now, and I've talked with my wife about it many times, but she never wants to accept it. This weekend, I told her that I only have a couple more years left in me, and it really rocked her. I sense that she will eventually understand, but it really is a weird emotional thing for her.

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeWillRetire I am in the middle of this right now too. I've been planning my retirement for years now, and I've talked with my wife about it many times, but she never wants to accept it. This weekend, I told her that I only have a couple more years left in me, and it really rocked her. I sense that she will eventually understand, but it really is a weird emotional thing for her.

Does your wife work full time herself? The answer to this might give you some hints on how to proceed.

Ha