HELP!

[rrspike]

get out from under the lease. I ran into a young couple in similar situation as you..they wanted out of their lease. I bought their car, paying off the lease, minus about $2000 they said they would cover. It was the best deal I ever made. I got an almost brand-spanking new car for a lot less than it would have cost for a new one. And less than the other comparable used cars i saw in the market. The young couple got out of the lease and got my $14,000 or whatever it was. 'Course this worked well for me because i think they had put down a fair chunk at the time of the lease, so that was water under the bridge. But on a lease, you don't have any real equity in the car anyway. I could never see the value to leasing unless it was business and you could write it all off. I drive my cars until they are too expensive to maintain - which is usually 275,000 miles (never had a mercedes). Both current cars are over 200,000. They get me from A to B and are reliable as a car with 1,000 miles.

Another red flag...Eating out once a week is a real money pit. SO and I eat out maybe once a month, and we eat better than most people do when we eat at home. So tell me, what's the big attraction of 'eating out'. 40 years ago it was unusual for people to routinely do that.

I guess what i am saying here, is tt's a lifestyle thing, like most other expenses in our lives, and if you can master the struggles of changing your lifestyle (i.e it's not sufficient to simply change your spending habits or your budget) many, many good things will happen. And low cost lifestyle is not always the same as frugal.

[newguy88]

30?

You lucky bast@rd!!

Your first child is due? You really are a lucky dude! A Druggest?

A great gig, heck you could do that forever!

You will do just fine, relax, take a deep breath, if its a girl in 25 or 30 years you get to pay for a wedding, we just did 2 years ago st us back about 35 grand, but WHAT A GREAT EFIN PARTY! It was worth every cent!

[yelnad]

35K?? Wow. Where do you live?

[macdaddy]

I don't mean to criticize anyone's lifestyle decisions, but unless my family or my fiance's family was loaded, and I mean millions and millions of liquid cash dollars loaded, I couldn't fathom dropping 35k on a wedding. I would head down to the courthouse and seal the deal. Or maybe fly somewhere nice and tie the knot on the beach, with both sets of parents and brothers/sisters. Or just elope and have it done with. Then that 35k could be used for a down payment on a house, for a kids education fund, etc.

I have been to a few weddings where the cost approached 100k. At one of them, the flowers alone cost 18k, and the couple, neither of whom have careers, live in a rented apartment and probably net 35k take home per year between them. I am sure they don't have any incentive to save a couple thousand per year or fund their roths, after their parents blew such a gigantic sum on them. I suspect the party was as much for their parents as them.

Pet peeve of mine...

[Cattusbabe]

I'll also chime in here. It seems that one of your biggest problems is your wife. She has to be on the same page with you money wise or you are going to have a tough row to hoe. Dear husband had similar problems with wives number one,two and three and came to me heavly in debt, bankrupt and on the verge of losing his job. I had more assets, stable job, home, a little saving but was also in debt. We dug out together slowly over time. It can be done if you two work together. Thats key.
We used Mary Hunt book the Complete Cheapskate and set up our budget using Mvelopes. we know where every penny of our money is and where it is going. We read and learn all we can about our assets and how to make the most of them. You did the right thing by coming to this site. These folks will give you good advice. We were debt free except for our very small mortgage when we inherited the money we are using to retire early. However we would not have been able to take advantage of this gift if we had not gotten our financial house in order. Dear Husband is in his 60's and I am in my 50's. Which shows that you can get you act together at any time and live better. You are blessed with the gift of time and are smart enough to want to get on track now. Get your wife on board, that will make or break any plans you have. Good luck.

[HobbyDave]

Originally Posted by daverph

Even so, we don't have the cash to buy a cheap used car and she would probably not go for that anyway.

Well first, you'll probably need to work on your communication skills with your wife. I'm getting the impression that you two don't talk about finances much? When I say talk, I mean you both discuss what the best solution is. If she wouldn't "go for" a used car, you need to work with her to come up with another way of saving money. If she wants to spend extra on a car lease, then she can help figure out how to cut a different $400 from the budget. It has to be a decision between the two of you if you both have a say in the matter.

Originally Posted by daverph

Unfortunately I have to pay for her foolishness as I now make the payments.
...
I am on her all the time about spending money, sometimes she is on board and sometimes not. She just doesn't understand want vs. need and she has to have things NOW especially while pregnant.

Once again, it sounds like your biggest financial problem is that you two need to work on your communication. You shouldn't be "on" your wife all the time about anything, well... except physically

You can get "on" your kids about cleaning their room, you can get "on" your neighbor about walking in your flower bed, but you discuss things with your wife. So if she continues to buy things you can't afford, then she must not understand the consequences, or must feel that it's Your problem to deal with. If she understands that it is her responsibility to reduce costs just as much as yours, then she'll become part of the solution rather than the problem.

If she has problems working through the numbers, you could always come up with the math game of "We have no choice but to reduce our costs to $XXXX per month. Here are our expenses, help me figure out what to do". If she is involved in the decision, she will be much more open to the consequences (including owning cheaper cars)

[SteveR]

Hi Dave,
Welcome to the board. From the content of this thread so far you should be getting a good idea of what areas should be attacked first.

You said:

Originally Posted by daverph

MBNA 700+
Loans 1630
Her car 432
Geico 191
Verizon 171 (basic home, internet, cells with family plan)
Cash 400 (for month for both of us, take out/restaurant, etc or other needs such as medications)

Dave

MBNA 700+ Can you move this to another institution to get a lower rate? If not, pay it off first. 20% is close to Loan Shark rates.

Loans 1630 What are these? Student loans or other loans you did not elaborate on? These along with the MBNA load are almost half your take home.

Her car 432 Not much room to do much here due to lease agreement. You may be just need to live with this one until the end of the term. It could cost you more to get out of it now and then buy a car than it would to live with the lease.

Geico 191 This is a pretty high rate for two cars. Do you have some prior insurance issues that have created this? If not, then shop around and increase your deductables to get a lower rate.

Verizon 171 (basic home, internet, cells with family plan) Re-evaluate this area. Can you use fewer minutes? Can you reduce your plan or change plans? This seems like a lot to me.

Cash 400 (for month for both of us, take out/restaurant, etc or other needs such as medications) Cash is the hardest thing to keep a handle on. Keep a note book with you and record every and I mean every, transaction you AND YOUR WIFE make in a month.

Don't feel too bad about where you are right now. I too have been where you are at an even later age. It took me about 3 years of clearing the debt from a divorce (wife loved to spend and use C. cards so the debt piled up very high) with a salary lower than yours while a being a single parent and paying alimony and child support. It took another 15 years to get to financial independence.

The key for me was paying off the debt while at the same time holding back some $$ every paycheck and investing it when I reached a minimun amount for a fund or stock purchase. I slowly increased my 401k over time and kept my spending under control. Later I remarried and both our salaries went to fund investments as well as toys and other things.

Take your time and try to get your wife to align with you on this. It is very important that you both see your debt reduction as a priority. If not, you have NO chance of ever getting there.

Good luck.

[newguy88]

Originally Posted by macdaddy

I don't mean to criticize anyone's lifestyle decisions, but unless my family or my fiance's family was loaded, and I mean millions and millions of liquid cash dollars loaded, I couldn't fathom dropping 35k on a wedding. I would head down to the courthouse and seal the deal. Or maybe fly somewhere nice and tie the knot on the beach, with both sets of parents and brothers/sisters. Or just elope and have it done with. Then that 35k could be used for a down payment on a house, for a kids education fund, etc.

I have been to a few weddings where the cost approached 100k. At one of them, the flowers alone cost 18k, and the couple, neither of whom have careers, live in a rented apartment and probably net 35k take home per year between them. I am sure they don't have any incentive to save a couple thousand per year or fund their roths, after their parents blew such a gigantic sum on them. I suspect the party was as much for their parents as them.

Pet peeve of mine...

The daughter had finished medical school, was getting married to wonderful young man, they wanted 200 or so friends and relatives at a real nice place on a sunday evening in June here in new jersey.

Yes with all the bells and whistles gown, reception flowers gift yada yada yada yep about 35 grand. We paid it over a 20 month period BEFORE the wedding date.

Hey we did it and paid cash. No debt, and she only gets ONE!!

[Cattusbabe]

Sounds good. Thats want its all about, ya can't take it with you. Heres wishing the young couple a lifetime a happiness and good fortune.

[daverph]

Ok well, the little one is finally here. Actually born 4/20/06 but haven't got around to posting for a while. Cutest little boy ever. I now realize what is truly important in life. I am working on paying off my debt and building up an emergency fund/house downpayment. Once that is taken care of we will start investing full speed. I want to make sure there is always money to help this little guy out in life.

[brewer12345]

Originally Posted by daverph

Ok well, the little one is finally here.* Actually born 4/20/06 but haven't got around to posting for a while.* Cutest little boy ever.* I now realize what is truly important in life.* I am working on paying off my debt and building up an emergency fund/house downpayment.* Once that is taken care of we will start investing full speed.* I want to make sure there is always money to help this little guy out in life.*

Congrats, dave. It is an amazing experience, isn't it? It is also amazing what motivation will do for you on the money front over time. Enjoy the new baby.