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Hi from four year fire
Old 06-21-2019, 09:16 AM   #1
Confused about dryer sheets
 
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Hi from four year fire

Thanks to all form members who I have been reading for years! Finally joined and canít believe my luck in being unemployed since age 58 and net worth continues to go up. Hereís a concern too me. We have always been frugal and still are not spending enough which we are trying to flip that switch. Our dd married a spender(who we like). But heís a spender and comes from a spending family. Just bought first home for 500k as an example, and still planning big vacations and new car.

So my problem is we are saving, saving and I am afraid as soon as sil inherits he will spend it all. Guess I am being selfish but I hate the idea of being so frugal and then sil enjoying blowing it all. Thoughts?
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Old 06-21-2019, 09:19 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by Rocky mtn high View Post
Thanks to all form members who I have been reading for years! Finally joined and canít believe my luck in being unemployed since age 58 and net worth continues to go up. Hereís a concern too me. We have always been frugal and still are not spending enough which we are trying to flip that switch. Our dd married a spender(who we like). But heís a spender and comes from a spending family. Just bought first home for 500k as an example, and still planning big vacations and new car.

So my problem is we are saving, saving and I am afraid as soon as sil inherits he will spend it all. Guess I am being selfish but I hate the idea of being so frugal and then sil enjoying blowing it all. Thoughts?
Well, you can start spending more on yourselves. Do you have grandchildren to set up trusts for? That's another way to pass wealth along.

Any other children? More details will be necessary to provide other options.
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Old 06-21-2019, 09:26 AM   #3
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It has always seemed to me that it is senseless to worry about what happens to my money after I'm gone. I want to take care of the young wife, of course, but beyond that I don't care. I'll be dead.

Moreover, it's not a certainty that your son-in-law will "inherit" anything from you. Your daughter will inherit, but he may or may not be in the picture at that point.* If it really bothers you that he might get his hands on some of your money, you can consult a trusts and estates attorney about a trust for your daughter that can place limits on how the money can be used.




* To the surprise of absolutely no one, it seems that racking up consumer debt causes problems in marriages and leads to divorce. http://www.stateofourunions.org/2009/bank_on_it.php
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Old 06-21-2019, 09:29 AM   #4
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+1 on the Trust concept and/or funding grandchildren's college funds.
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Old 06-21-2019, 10:03 AM   #5
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DW and I classic millionaire next door still living in 30 yr old house. 17k negative nw over 30 yrs ago and now over 4m nw, no debt all from hard work and super saving/investing. DS super saver and so was DD. I was hoping DD would show SIL the light but instead it’s seems he has shown DD the dark side.
To me, we are first generation wealth and don’t want SIL (second generation) spend it, I guess. So yes, trust is a good idea but also don’t won’t to upset SIL. Thanks for your input.
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Old 06-21-2019, 10:48 AM   #6
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Do you know their income and know for sure they are stretching/spending excessively? I only ask because 500k doesn’t sound like a luxury purchase price for Denver—I thought the RE market was pretty high there?

My mother and her husband are regularly tsk tsking us re spending and while we’re less frugal than they are, as a % of net worth/income, our spend is significantly lower than theirs. Frankly, it’s annoying!

That said, if you’re really worried about it, as others have said, set up a trust that limits what it can be spent on and when. I can definitely understand not wanting to have all of your hard earned savings that you’ve scrimped for be blown on an excessive lifestyle!
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Old 06-21-2019, 02:56 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Rocky mtn high View Post
We have always been frugal and still are not spending enough which we are trying to flip that switch. Our dd married a spender(who we like). But heís a spender and comes from a spending family. Just bought first home for 500k as an example, and still planning big vacations and new car.
If you're not spending at a SWR of 3.5% or higher, time to ramp up the spending!! Is there travel you'd like to to, but were afraid to spend money on? Is there a new car you'd like to have? Check out the Blow that Dough thread if you really need ideas.

If I were you, I'd set up a trust for your DD, or just leave the money to her. If she married a big spender, she must be fine with his spending, and once you're gone, you won't know how the $ are spent, and as my wife likes to point out, "It's none of my business"!
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Old 06-21-2019, 03:01 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Rocky mtn high View Post
DW and I classic millionaire next door still living in 30 yr old house. 17k negative nw over 30 yrs ago and now over 4m nw, no debt all from hard work and super saving/investing. DS super saver and so was DD. I was hoping DD would show SIL the light but instead itís seems he has shown DD the dark side.

To me, we are first generation wealth and donít want SIL (second generation) spend it, I guess. So yes, trust is a good idea but also donít wonít to upset SIL. Thanks for your input.
You need to talk with a good estate attorney, think things over thoroughly, and make a decision about you legacy.

There are plenty of options available to you. You don't need to give anything to your daughter or son in law if you don't want to do so.
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Old 06-21-2019, 03:13 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Rocky mtn high View Post
DW and I classic millionaire next door still living in 30 yr old house. 17k negative nw over 30 yrs ago and now over 4m nw, no debt all from hard work and super saving/investing. DS super saver and so was DD. I was hoping DD would show SIL the light but instead itís seems he has shown DD the dark side.
To me, we are first generation wealth and donít want SIL (second generation) spend it, I guess. So yes, trust is a good idea but also donít wonít to upset SIL. Thanks for your input.
IMO you can teach a saver to spend, but it's more difficult to teach a spender to save, it must be our brain wiring or something. I know a few couple swith the spender/saver dynamic and they either divorce or the saver starts to spend.
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Old 06-21-2019, 06:56 PM   #10
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Thanks all of you, for your feed back
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Old 06-21-2019, 07:22 PM   #11
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That's right, blow that dough before you die! If you blow it first you won't have to worry about SIL blowing it later.

Get some Maine lobster shipped in! Travel first class, jacuzzi rooms!
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Old 06-21-2019, 08:52 PM   #12
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So my problem is we are saving, saving and I am afraid as soon as sil inherits he will spend it all. Guess I am being selfish but I hate the idea of being so frugal and then sil enjoying blowing it all. Thoughts?

Start spending money for yourself. It's a hard habit to break, I know. I have been retired for 4 years and am getting better at splurging on me & DW. Explore for what money can do for you. I found that I can *buy" a lot of enjoyment. Recently, I bought myself a bunch of woodworking tools to support my new hobby - making stuff with scrap wood. Enjoy your money. That's what you saved so hard for.
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Old 06-23-2019, 03:45 PM   #13
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Set up a trust for your daughter's share. She doesn't need the money now; but you can set up a monthly stipend for her for life starting at age 50 - i.e. protect her ability to retire if SIL runs through all marital resources.

I would not worry about his feelings - he's not worried about making a good financial impression on you . . .
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Old 06-26-2019, 11:09 AM   #14
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Maybe my attitude will change as i get older, currently 39. I am trying/and will continue to attempt to educate my sons on living frugal, but if they don't im not sure if I will care what they do with the money when I die.

I am not saying to give it to them now and let them blow it, but if you should pass with a substantial amount of money left over and you had no regrets on how you lived your life why worry about what your family will do what your money?
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Old 06-26-2019, 12:22 PM   #15
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Your are probably right, once I am gone itís up to them I guess. I think about where we came from to where we are now. I kinda hate to see all that hard work be blown a way by someone who didnít earn it and not appreciate what it took to accumulate the assets.
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Old 06-26-2019, 01:28 PM   #16
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Have the money go to charity upon death. Then you can spend as you wish and know the funds will be put to good use when you die. We have no kids and we set up college scholarships, funded upon our death. We even set the parameters of who the scholarships can go to.
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Old 06-26-2019, 02:10 PM   #17
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I have always enjoyed seeing this bumper sticker on the back of a big, expensive RV:
"Spending our kids' inheritance"

That's a perfectly serious comment, but I understand the problem. I used to beg my mom to spend her money (very modest amount, but still ...) and she always replied "I'd rather have it go to you."

In the end, what assets she had went to fund her last few years in a memory care unit (amazingly expensive places), so it all worked out OK.
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Old 06-26-2019, 02:43 PM   #18
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I sat my daughter down and explained that when I die, she gets everything. She is free to do as she wishes with the money. I also explained that it’s possible that she can withdraw 2-3% per year and it will last forever, even to pass along to her kids. Depending on the amount of money I leave her, she may have the freedom to work a job that she likes but doesn’t pay well, or she may be able to not work at all. But I stressed that no matter how much I leave her, if she isn’t careful, it could all be gone in a couple of years and she will have far fewer options regarding how much income she has to generate on her own. Hopefully this talk sinks in.
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Old 06-26-2019, 02:52 PM   #19
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"Tell me and I’ll forget. Show me, and I may not remember. Involve me, and I’ll understand."
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Old 07-22-2019, 07:23 PM   #20
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Why not endow some institution with a significant part of your estate to do something you consider important? It might be a university department to do research on a topic that is near and dear to you, or an initiative to get financial literacy taught in high school. Perhaps there's a church, a school, or non-profit that would appreciate and make good use of the Rocky Mountain High endowment.

Then do as you wish for your daughter, other kid(s), and grandchildren. You can afford an estate attorney!
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