Hi -- I'm NEW & Trying to Plan for Retirment

[Blue Collar Guy]

Col Sanders didnt find his fortune till he was in his 60's. People go at a different pace. Maybe accounting isnt his calling.

 

[Closet_Gamer]

It sounds like your husband may suffer from depression, which affects his appearance and his job performance. Does he have any medical insurance? He should see a doctor if possible ASAP.

I had the exact same thought.

Also agree with the "he used to be in accounting" viewpoint. He's been out a long, long time. He will need a real "in" to even get a look at this point. Perhaps he should do accounting for free at a charity or something to rebuild his network?

Regardless, My suggestions:

1). Check out his mental health
2). Get any kind of ongoing work -- both money and because you're better off doing than thinking (see #1)
3). Crash financial diet. How tight can you pull the belt?

 

[sugarcubesea]

Have the two of you had a discussion about this? Many temp/contract jobs turn into full time work when the company values the worker and wants to keep on working with them. It's very common for companies to use the no strings attached temps to weed out the bad apples. How did your DH lose the direct hire job in 2015?

You're going to have to keep working much longer if he only brings in income for 6 months of the year or less.Maybe that's fine with you.

Sorry for the delay in responding, I have been travelling a ton over the last 4 weeks...

We have had multiple discussions about his career. He lost his job in 2015 because the company lost a ton of money when their CEO and CFO decided to try to centralize all of their warehouses into one and did not put enough time, resources and planning into the execution and the company lost a ton of business because they could not deliver the product to their end user customer. They started mass layoffs with the CEO and the CFO being their first 2 to go.

Thankfully he has a contract position now and just interviewed for two direct hire jobs, so hopefully something pops for him.

 

[sugarcubesea]

Welcome Sugarcubesea

If your DH has been out of work so long, it might be helpful for him to brush up on current developments in accounting. Deloitte offers many, many FREE webcasts through its Dbriefs portal that may be helpful to him in finding full time employment. The webcasts topics are specialized for all different industries and areas of accounting. There is no requirement to view them other than to register. He can even earn CPE credit if he needs it. The other big accounting firms offer free webcasts too, but in my experience the Deloitte offerings are great.

https://www2.deloitte.com/us/en/pages/dbriefs-webcasts/topics/upcoming-webcasts.html#

Did I mention that they are FREE? [emoji6]

Thank you, this is great info... I have passed this on to him...

 

[street]

I don't think your situation is all that dire. Sure, it would be nice to have more savings at this point. But your combined SS is $54K/yr. Two pensions take that up to $70K. Work a few more years with a target of getting savings up to maybe $400K and that will provide another $16K/yr (4% WR), taking the total to $86K. Lots of people here live on far less than that.

Lots of unanswered questions though, like what age were those SS figures for? What age can you collect the pensions and are they COLA'd? What are your current expenses? How much are you planning to help with college expenses? Do you enjoy work or are you mentally ready to retire soon? Sounds like your husband already is.

I guess if I were in your situation, I'd be looking at all these details very carefully and developing a plan for retiring at, say, 62. Plan out the timing and amount of income streams each year and then ask yourself if that's enough to support your desired lifestyle.

I also think it's critically important to build a bottoms-up projection of spending after you retire, including how that will change over time. I've found that many people over-estimate how much they actually need based on some percentage of working income, and then under-estimate how much spending goes away after they stop working with no change in lifestyle.

Put this all together and I think you'll feel better that you at least have a sufficient handle on the details so that you can decide on current actions with more confidence, like whether to downsize the house, or what level of support you can provide the kids for college without jeopardizing your own future.

I agree you should be fine but get you expenses nailed down.

 

[sugarcubesea]

It sounds like your husband may suffer from depression, which affects his appearance and his job performance. Does he have any medical insurance? He should see a doctor if possible ASAP.

Exercise would help with the weight and the depression. Is he getting regular exercise?
What is he eating? Junk food or healthy meals?

What does he do with his time? Does he watch TV and play games on the computer? Or is he helping you around the house while looking for work? Is he cooking and cleaning up when he's off work? You shouldn't be working and coming home to cook and clean.

In your shoes, I would be pushing him to see a doctor, get some exercise, and do all the housework while he is not working. It is important to note if something happens to him, you will not get both Social Security checks. You will get the higher of the two. Getting him healthy and back to work is in everyone's interest.

1. He has medical insurance thru my company.
2. He really does not help too much around the house because of his weight issue. Does the dishes & occasionally picks weeds.
3. His parents, siblings, the kids and I have been pushing him for years to lose weight and he does for a bit then gains more weight. He is never successful in losing weight.

 

[ivinsfan]

1. He has medical insurance thru my company.
2. He really does not help too much around the house because of his weight issue. Does the dishes & occasionally picks weeds.
3. His parents, siblings, the kids and I have been pushing him for years to lose weight and he does for a bit then gains more weight. He is never successful in losing weight.

If you don't mind answering would your DH be considered obese? Is it actually his weight that keeps him from helping around the house or is he just sitting because he might be depressed?

The more details you add the more it seems as though this could a very upsetting and frustrating situation for you. In a perfect world what would you like to see happen next?

 

[sugarcubesea]

If you don't mind answering would your DH be considered obese? Is it actually his weight that keeps him from helping around the house or is he just sitting because he might be depressed?

The more details you add the more it seems as though this could a very upsetting and frustrating situation for you. In a perfect world what would you like to see happen next?

His doctor has classified him as obese, it's his weight that keeps him from doing anything around the house. He worked on the weeds yesterday for about an hour and then had to rest for an hour and then went back to it for an hour and that was all he could do for the day.

I have RA so between working 9 to 10 hour days, I'm unable to do more than an hour of housework before my joints start swelling up really bad.

 

[ivinsfan]

His doctor has classified him as obese, it's his weight that keeps him from doing anything around the house. He worked on the weeds yesterday for about an hour and then had to rest for an hour and then went back to it for an hour and that was all he could do for the day.

I have RA so between working 9 to 10 hour days, I'm unable to do more than an hour of housework before my joints start swelling up really bad.

So to answer my question, in a perfect world what you like to see happen? You haven't really addressed your feeling about the way this is all happening. On paper, your life feels as though it could be very frustrating.

 

[sugarcubesea]

So to answer my question, in a perfect world what you like to see happen? You haven't really addressed your feeling about the way this is all happening. On paper, your life feels as though it could be very frustrating.

In a perfect world, I would like to start over and get a divorce. I spoke with a lawyer who I have known for 30+ years. He took me out to lunch and brought his good friend who is a divorce lawyer and said if I divorced now with 30 years of marriage in, I would lose 50% of my net worth and it would be difficult to recoup that loss in 10 to 12 years time.

He's a good person, with a good heart but just very lazy and has no desire to improve himself. I really feel that when he goes into an interview, on paper he looks great but then when a company sees that he is 60, extremely overweight, they look at the bottom line and think will this guy be out of work due to illness. He has type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure.

 

[Bamaman]

Your priority is to provide for your future retirement. I know it sounds a little rough, but you do not owe the kids a college education.

ROTC and The National Guard can get people thru college. They can join the military and get a college education eventually. And they can go to work at a company that pays for education. A basic RN can make enough to get them thru a BSN, and some.hospitals will pay tuition if they work there after school. And many apprenticeships pay well--better $ than a degree.

 

[Bamaman]

My friend goe to a group lunch every week with 20 finance professionals that are in the same boat--50 years old. Some also have CPAs. Overqualified and used to making more $ than they have to pay.millennials.

 

[ivinsfan]

In a perfect world, I would like to start over and get a divorce. I spoke with a lawyer who I have known for 30+ years. He took me out to lunch and brought his good friend who is a divorce lawyer and said if I divorced now with 30 years of marriage in, I would lose 50% of my net worth and it would be difficult to recoup that loss in 10 to 12 years time.

He's a good person, with a good heart but just very lazy and has no desire to improve himself. I really feel that when he goes into an interview, on paper he looks great but then when a company sees that he is 60, extremely overweight, they look at the bottom line and think will this guy be out of work due to illness. He has type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure.

I'm sorry..I fact I picked up quite a bit this thru some of your posts. You are frustrated and stress out.

I don't know either one of you, but I will say that at 56 you very young to throw in the towel on a new life. None of this is pleasant but you can't change him, you can only change yourself. I'm picking up that you are actually treading water or even going backwards with your DH part time employment so you're not really building toward retirement anyway. You could stay with this situation and in 10-12 years not be any better off then you are now.

Have your spoken to your DH about how you feel? Perhaps he might be motivated to step it up if he realize how negatively the unemployment and the obesity is impacting you. You don't seem to feel you have a real partner, its a hard situation to go it alone in a marriage.

 

[swakyaby]

I'm sorry..I fact I picked up quite a bit this thru some of your posts. You are frustrated and stress out.

I don't know either one of you, but I will say that at 56 you very young to throw in the towel on a new life. None of this is pleasant but you can't change him, you can only change yourself. I'm picking up that you are actually treading water or even going backwards with your DH part time employment so you're not really building toward retirement anyway. You could stay with this situation and in 10-12 years not be any better off then you are now.

Have your spoken to your DH about how you feel? Perhaps he might be motivated to step it up if he realize how negatively the unemployment and the obesity is impacting you. You don't seem to feel you have a real partner, its a hard situation to go it alone in a marriage.

I think you are one of the clearest thinkers on this forum.

 

[FlaGator]

Originally Posted by sugarcubesea
In a perfect world, I would like to start over and get a divorce. I spoke with a lawyer who I have known for 30+ years. He took me out to lunch and brought his good friend who is a divorce lawyer and said if I divorced now with 30 years of marriage in, I would lose 50% of my net worth and it would be difficult to recoup that loss in 10 to 12 years time.

He's a good person, with a good heart but just very lazy and has no desire to improve himself. I really feel that when he goes into an interview, on paper he looks great but then when a company sees that he is 60, extremely overweight, they look at the bottom line and think will this guy be out of work due to illness. He has type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure.

I'm sorry..I fact I picked up quite a bit this thru some of your posts. You are frustrated and stress out.

I don't know either one of you, but I will say that at 56 you very young to throw in the towel on a new life. None of this is pleasant but you can't change him, you can only change yourself. I'm picking up that you are actually treading water or even going backwards with your DH part time employment so you're not really building toward retirement anyway. You could stay with this situation and in 10-12 years not be any better off then you are now.

Have your spoken to your DH about how you feel? Perhaps he might be motivated to step it up if he realize how negatively the unemployment and the obesity is impacting you. You don't seem to feel you have a real partner, its a hard situation to go it alone in a marriage.

And now we get to the real issue.....Ugh

As suggested, take a realistic look at what you could do on your own over the next 10-12 years if your NW is cut in half.

Was married for 30 years, it wasn't perfect, but ultimately glad I stuck it out. The cost of separating was one of many factors in my evaluation of next steps at the darkest hours several years before her terminal diagnosis (kids still at home was the primary).

That said, my mother ended a 25+ year marriage when it became clear she would never be financially secure. She was proven right, as her then-husband died penniless. She has done well on her own, and hasn't needed any support from us kids, unlike our father.

Hard to provide specific advice, me being just some rando on the internet.

Suggest you consider these factors as you evaluate your situation:
1. In your mid-50's, you could have several good decades ahead - is this a situation you will be happy with for the rest of your life?
2. If not, what does it look like financially for you if you're on your own? How much can you save, are your expenses meaningfully different, what would your daily life be like? Would you be comfortable with that?

In no way am I an advocate for divorce. I am satisfied with the marriage I had, and am looking forward to finding the right opportunity to do it again. I know there are times when a couple's lives diverge to such a degree they can not achieve their mutual goals. Hold open the idea that may apply to you, and if it does, evaluate how that alternate path may unfold.

Best of luck to you in these difficult circumstances. Plenty of people here to bounce ideas off of as you move forward.

 

[sugarcubesea]

Originally Posted by sugarcubesea
In a perfect world, I would like to start over and get a divorce. I spoke with a lawyer who I have known for 30+ years. He took me out to lunch and brought his good friend who is a divorce lawyer and said if I divorced now with 30 years of marriage in, I would lose 50% of my net worth and it would be difficult to recoup that loss in 10 to 12 years time.

He's a good person, with a good heart but just very lazy and has no desire to improve himself. I really feel that when he goes into an interview, on paper he looks great but then when a company sees that he is 60, extremely overweight, they look at the bottom line and think will this guy be out of work due to illness. He has type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure.



And now we get to the real issue.....Ugh

As suggested, take a realistic look at what you could do on your own over the next 10-12 years if your NW is cut in half.

Was married for 30 years, it wasn't perfect, but ultimately glad I stuck it out. The cost of separating was one of many factors in my evaluation of next steps at the darkest hours several years before her terminal diagnosis (kids still at home was the primary).

That said, my mother ended a 25+ year marriage when it became clear she would never be financially secure. She was proven right, as her then-husband died penniless. She has done well on her own, and hasn't needed any support from us kids, unlike our father.

Hard to provide specific advice, me being just some rando on the internet.

Suggest you consider these factors as you evaluate your situation:
1. In your mid-50's, you could have several good decades ahead - is this a situation you will be happy with for the rest of your life?
2. If not, what does it look like financially for you if you're on your own? How much can you save, are your expenses meaningfully different, what would your daily life be like? Would you be comfortable with that?

In no way am I an advocate for divorce. I am satisfied with the marriage I had, and am looking forward to finding the right opportunity to do it again. I know there are times when a couple's lives diverge to such a degree they can not achieve their mutual goals. Hold open the idea that may apply to you, and if it does, evaluate how that alternate path may unfold.

Best of luck to you in these difficult circumstances. Plenty of people here to bounce ideas off of as you move forward.

Thank you for that very nice post. My lawyer friend actually suggested that I put pen to paper and figure if I worked 12 to 13 years more vs 10 where would I be at? I need to just put into numbers and see where it takes me..

 

[ivinsfan]

Thank you for that very nice post. My lawyer friend actually suggested that I put pen to paper and figure if I worked 12 to 13 years more vs 10 where would I be at? I need to just put into numbers and see where it takes me..

What can it hurt to run the numbers? Once you know the financial fallout you can put your thinking to your desired outcome. Maybe it will counseling either as a couple or individual. Maybe it will be divorce. Maybe it will be an all out heart to heart with your spouse to see if some changes can be made.

Good Luck to you and your family.

 

[CoolRich59]

It sounds like your husband may suffer from depression, which affects his appearance and his job performance. Does he have any medical insurance? He should see a doctor if possible ASAP.

Exercise would help with the weight and the depression. Is he getting regular exercise?
What is he eating? Junk food or healthy meals?

What does he do with his time? Does he watch TV and play games on the computer? Or is he helping you around the house while looking for work? Is he cooking and cleaning up when he's off work? You shouldn't be working and coming home to cook and clean.

In your shoes, I would be pushing him to see a doctor, get some exercise, and do all the housework while he is not working. It is important to note if something happens to him, you will not get both Social Security checks. You will get the higher of the two. Getting him healthy and back to work is in everyone's interest.

Great advice.

While I agree 100% with what others (particularly Senator and Bigdawg) have said, your job can be a key source of self-esteem, and losing it can really drive people into depression.

Watching tv or playing video games (if that's what he's doing) are only making things worse. Getting some exercise and accomplishing something -- even domestic chores -- will give him a sense of accomplishment and self-worth that he can build on and rekindle that fire in the belly.

 

[sanjeev0276]

Sorry about your husband's job situation. It is good that you are planning your retirement now. It's NOT too late yet. But you have an uphill battle for next few years.
Like others have said, now is the time think about you and your husband's retirement NOT your kids education. They can go to community college, have part-time jobs, look for scholarship, and can look for many other options.

Please try to max out 401K. For your situation, 401K is the best retirement plan. Sell the house and move to cheaper place if house expense is a big concern. Get you kids to help out in your household finances if they can work jobs. Invest in your education and skills, be more expert in you line of work. Company will pay high BUCKS for being expert. You can use internet, youtube, library. Most are FREE. Go far salary increase. You can use your TV time, social time, and spare time to improve your skills.

Lastly, continually get educated on Personal finance, Investing, retirement. There are plenty of books, CDS, DVDs on library, youtube, blogs, and websites for FREE. All you have to do is NOT get lazy in learning. You will be fine in few years.

 

[retired1]

You asked for some suggestions how to save. We've been living pretty thrifty yet comfortable using the below :

* Cars: Never bought a brand new car. All cars had 25-30K miles. They seemed to look & drive just like new cars. That saved me well over 60K (20K * 3 cars). I took my time when looking for cars. Best times to buy was July 31st for me. All my cars are fully loaded (leather, sunroof) so you don't have to give up any luxury. Also try to pay as much cash down as you can. Car loans are really bad loans.

* Food: We ate out only on Friday evenings. Rest of time it was all cooked in our kitchen. No Liquor, Wine etc. in our case... never developed taste for those. Most did "take-out" instead of "dine-in". That saves us almost 30% everytime since we end up sharing 1 dish if it's good size.


* Auto Insurance: I always shop & shop and keep looking for better rates. I've gotten quotes from some well-known companies (State Fare, All State etc) that gave me quotes almost double of what I pay with less known agencies. Shop for better rates every year.

* Shopping (Clothing etc): We always look for deals & coupons. They save us a lot. Also we try to purchase on those items that we "need" versus what we "want".

These are some of the examples that have helped me personally save enough money (as well as confidence to leave cheap) that I feel comfortable if I bad times come upon (e.g. loss of job etc).

Good luck !

 

[Doc0]

Sugar

I read through your post and I'm wondering if your husband is clinically depressed, as in major depression kind of depressed. He sounds like he is emotionally frozen from your description. Just an impression, you have my admiration for stepping up.

Best

 

[sugarcubesea]

Sugar

I read through your post and I'm wondering if your husband is clinically depressed, as in major depression kind of depressed. He sounds like he is emotionally frozen from your description. Just an impression, you have my admiration for stepping up.

Best

I have felt for years that he is clinically depressed. He is obese, constantly complains he can't help because he hurts everywhere yet he does nothing to lose weight. I have great insurance and I have encouraged him time and time again to get help and he gets upset because he states he is not depressed.

He helped me week last weekend and spent an 15 minutes and then went in the house to rest for 4 hours, meanwhile I got all of the weeding done.

Based on my lawyers recommendations years ago, I decided to create and have separate bank accounts. He is not even listed on my accounts. In this way when he loses a job it's his responsibility to get the funds to make the house payment, I pay every other bill. He usually borrows from his mother or sister. I refuse to let him borrow on my future any longer.

I have hired a handyman and he is fixing up our house (to realize maximum dollars) and I will put it up for sale in 2018. I want to purchase a small condo and pay cash and this will guarantee that when he loses the next job that we will not lose the investment of our home.

 

[sugarcubesea]

You asked for some suggestions how to save. We've been living pretty thrifty yet comfortable using the below :

* Cars: Never bought a brand new car. All cars had 25-30K miles. They seemed to look & drive just like new cars. That saved me well over 60K (20K * 3 cars). I took my time when looking for cars. Best times to buy was July 31st for me. All my cars are fully loaded (leather, sunroof) so you don't have to give up any luxury. Also try to pay as much cash down as you can. Car loans are really bad loans.

* Food: We ate out only on Friday evenings. Rest of time it was all cooked in our kitchen. No Liquor, Wine etc. in our case... never developed taste for those. Most did "take-out" instead of "dine-in". That saves us almost 30% everytime since we end up sharing 1 dish if it's good size.


* Auto Insurance: I always shop & shop and keep looking for better rates. I've gotten quotes from some well-known companies (State Fare, All State etc) that gave me quotes almost double of what I pay with less known agencies. Shop for better rates every year.

* Shopping (Clothing etc): We always look for deals & coupons. They save us a lot. Also we try to purchase on those items that we "need" versus what we "want".

These are some of the examples that have helped me personally save enough money (as well as confidence to leave cheap) that I feel comfortable if I bad times come upon (e.g. loss of job etc).

Good luck !

I have done most of these suggestions for years. Last year I did by a new car as my dad retired from GM and they were offering a deal I could not pass up at the end of the year for the retirees. 8K in rebates and 0% financing.

I have never bought clothes unless it came from the 75% off rack and or thrift stores or salvation army stores.

 

[ivinsfan]

My heart aches for you after your last post. You sound so sad and angry, just resigned to your life.You're so young to just settle for a life like this.Would you think about some personal counseling to clarify your feelings.

 

[sugarcubesea]

My heart aches for you after your last post. You sound so sad and angry, just resigned to your life.You're so young to just settle for a life like this.Would you think about some personal counseling to clarify your feelings.

I'm actually seeing a therapist right now, just found a great one a few weeks ago, so I'm hoping that will help with my pent up anger for him and against him.