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Old 03-15-2013, 06:42 PM   #41
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My heart goes out to you as well.

Although you have used up all your leave would an unpaid leave of absence be possible? You do need grief counseling, and a leave of absence would be akin to a trial retirement. My concern is that work is both a social and economic activity. Unless you have a large circle of friends or social activities I fear that you will just retreat into a shell.

Have a long talk with your HR department, find out what your options are. Often there are Employee Assistance programs which can be very helpful as well.

Please keep in touch.
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Old 03-16-2013, 09:08 AM   #42
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Have a long talk with your HR department, find out what your options are. Often there are Employee Assistance programs which can be very helpful as well.
+1

EAP is a great way to get started with some counseling. Not sure about CA, but in CO we have 6 weeks FMLA leave.. (I thought it was a federal thing) I would chat with HR to see what the options are.
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Old 03-16-2013, 09:59 AM   #43
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Can your municipality really afford this?
Much of that is dependent on the municipality. Contrary to news reports not all are hanging on the ropes with millions/billions in unfunded liabilities. Some are doing quite well, thank you very much.

I retired from a county government job and that county still has no unfunded pension liabilities. They have a better bond rating than the U.S. government. So at least in my case, they can afford it.

And here in West Virginia, the state government saw the problem, addressed it, and is well on course to eliminate unfunded pension liabilities within a few years.

But none of that makes for a very good news story. A headline that says "Local government pays bills on time" just doesn't have the appeal of a bankrupt one.
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Old 03-16-2013, 11:18 AM   #44
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Hi - I know how devastating that loss can be. I lost my mom when I was 59. It was a brief illness, but somehow going from healthy to dead in a week was unbelievably heartbreaking. Good for her, terrible for me. I still miss her a lot, 5 years later.

I'm torn on what advice to give you. Everything has been said already, and all of it is valid. But the thing that kicked me over into quitting my job at 62 was having a close friend die (at 67). I decided the stress of my job was just not worth it. I have had health issues and I'm happy with my decision.

I hate to guess what you need to live on but $68K a year (and COLA) seems like a lot to me, since you have no children or spouse. Have you tried just sitting down and figuring out what you spend money on, and how much it adds up to? I don't mean for housing, but just general stuff you buy like food and so on. Then move on to housing, car loan, whatever it is. Getting rid of debt is usually a good thing - but if you can buy into your condo by getting a loan at 3 or 4% might be a better way than taking a tax penalty.

(I think that's what you said the debt was -- sorry if I'm remembering wrong.)

The other parts of the advice that I agree with strongly are:
- taking a few weeks off unpaid (try FMLA) to calm down
- grief counseling or psychotherapy for a while
- getting medication to help with the depression and anxiety

I hate to quote cliches, but you only go around once (usually) and it doesn't sound like your life is rewarding or pleasurable. I'm happy just sitting at home looking at the bird feeder and reading, lots of days. In California you might have better weather and be able to enjoy the outdoors more often than in the midwest where I live.

Waiting to make a major decision is important - if you can. But maybe... it's time. Maybe you've worked a lot of this out in the past years of caretaking and you just don't know it.
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Old 03-18-2013, 05:51 PM   #45
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Welcome to the forum. I am sorry for your recent loss. Take care.
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Old 03-18-2013, 08:30 PM   #46
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Sorry about the loss of your mom. Agree with the advice to take it slow.

Can you explain why you are thinking of buying a bigger place than what you currently have? i would put a hold on those plans, too, until you can really evaluate both your needs and expenses. The tax hit you will take on the 457 cash out makes this a really questionable investment in my book.

Working full time and being a full time caregiver for nearly a decade would be INCREDIBLY stressful! No wonder you are in poor health. But as others have pointed out, you now have more time to devote to yourself, and things like hypertension and diabetes can be controlled pretty well with exercise and diet. Lots of good advice about both here. Dig into the forums and let us help you get back into a better place mentally and physically. I think you will find that once you start making small improvements, you may feel better about your work situation. And if not, well, we're the early retirement forum so there are bound to be lots of people giving you the ok to ER! But not when you are in a tramatized/run down state.
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Old 04-01-2013, 04:32 PM   #47
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Thanks for all of your comments and advice. I've calmed down since I last wrote and am back on track to retire in June 2014. A mere 14 months! I will be in a much better place financially if I wait until then.

I am moving to a larger place but it is just $120 more a month than the one bedroom I rent right now. It is a cooperative townhouse, meaning I pay a $30000 buy-in (I purchase 1/60th of the development) and then $1120 a month assessment that pays for everything outside and most of the work inside the townhouse. It is not upscale by any means but it is in a nice college town, next to a greenbelt and safe. It is cheaper than buying as I just want a place to perch for a few years until I decide if I want to buy or not.

The cashing out of the 457 is to pay for the $30k, pay off debts and to have a savings. I realize I will have a heavy tax burden at the end of 2014 and am meeting with a tax person to figure all that out. It isn't enough to live on monthly for 30 years. I do not incur a penalty to cash out. 20% tax right off the top.
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Old 04-01-2013, 04:35 PM   #48
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Hey! I am so glad to hear things have calmed down a bit for you. Yes, a 'mere' 14 months. It'll be here before you know it.
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Old 04-01-2013, 08:39 PM   #49
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linny727....I sure did relate to your posting! I too became an adult orphan 2 years ago @ 60. My Mother lived with me for 10 years and I was her caregiver. I have no spouse or children either. I gave myself 2 years before I started making my decision about retirement and this weekend I finally decided to do it 010314 (my thread is "Of Age & Ready....but Jittery")

IMHO opinion, your pension sounds great, specially since you stated that you didn't make a ton of money. 14 months will go by quickly....thank you for sharing, I learned a lot from your thread!

Cheers, Cassie
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Old 04-01-2013, 09:50 PM   #50
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My husband died on January 31 after a 15 month battle with pancreatic can er. My mother died on march 13 and my father just passed away on march 27. His funeral is this Wednesday. Life can be so grueling. Please enjoy your life and don't spend another unhappy day at your job unless it is absolutely necessary. And you sure doesn't sound absolutely necessary to me.
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Old 04-01-2013, 09:58 PM   #51
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My husband died on January 31 after a 15 month battle with pancreatic can er. My mother died on march 13 and my father just passed away on march 27.
I'm stunned reading this and cannot imagine what you must be going through. Wish you all the best...
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Old 04-01-2013, 10:17 PM   #52
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My husband died on January 31 after a 15 month battle with pancreatic can er. My mother died on march 13 and my father just passed away on march 27. His funeral is this Wednesday. Life can be so grueling. Please enjoy your life and don't spend another unhappy day at your job unless it is absolutely necessary. And you sure doesn't sound absolutely necessary to me.
I am so very sorry for your losses janeeyre. Yes, life can be grueling.
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Old 04-01-2013, 10:57 PM   #53
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My husband died on January 31 after a 15 month battle with pancreatic can er. My mother died on march 13 and my father just passed away on march 27. His funeral is this Wednesday. Life can be so grueling. Please enjoy your life and don't spend another unhappy day at your job unless it is absolutely necessary. And you sure doesn't sound absolutely necessary to me.
Oh janeeyre, I am so very sorry after reading about all of your very recent losses. I can not imagine all three so close together. It was difficult enough having my parents pass 4 years apart. Thinking of you and sending you prayers.
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Old 04-02-2013, 04:12 AM   #54
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Words fail, Jane. Wishing you the best.
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Old 04-02-2013, 04:16 AM   #55
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So sorry to read this. Take care.
Quote:
Originally Posted by janeeyre View Post
My husband died on January 31 after a 15 month battle with pancreatic can er. My mother died on march 13 and my father just passed away on march 27. His funeral is this Wednesday. Life can be so grueling. Please enjoy your life and don't spend another unhappy day at your job unless it is absolutely necessary. And you sure doesn't sound absolutely necessary to me.
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Old 04-02-2013, 07:26 AM   #56
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My husband died on January 31 after a 15 month battle with pancreatic can er. My mother died on march 13 and my father just passed away on march 27. His funeral is this Wednesday. Life can be so grueling. Please enjoy your life and don't spend another unhappy day at your job unless it is absolutely necessary. And you sure doesn't sound absolutely necessary to me.

I feel for all of you that have had family losses. Was getting ready to retire in less the two years. My son took his life after a battle with OxyContin addiction this year. I am still in shock but my values have changed. I need to work to help myself from going insane, at least for now. It is not for the money. My wife has gone back to work and is doing as good as possible. Everyone , please enjoy your life, plan for the future but don't let it control you
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Old 04-02-2013, 07:29 AM   #57
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Sorry to read this. Take care, pletal.
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I feel for all of you that have had family losses. Was getting ready to retire in less the two years. My son took his life after a battle with OxyContin addiction this year. I am still in shock but my values have changed. I need to work to help myself from going insane, at least for now. It is not for the money. My wife has gone back to work and is doing as good as possible. Everyone , please enjoy your life, plan for the future but don't let it control you
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