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Old 04-28-2010, 09:44 AM   #21
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Her younger sister and BIL were the only ones where the man gave up his job (draftsman) for a few years and stayed at home for about 8 years. He actually became a registered child minder during this time and now the kids are both in school he has gone back to work full time as a teachers aid, although we're not sure if that is want he wants to all his life but it is perfect for continuing to look the kids as his wife spends a LOT of time working away from home on big IT projects.
Yeah. Despite how far society has come in terms of accepting alternatives to traditional gender roles, it's a shame so many people still can't respect men in a household who do anything other than maximize their paycheck.

The bottom line is that if a man can earn $X and his wife can earn $2X, it makes a lot more sense for Dad to stay home and raise the kids. It's just unfortunate that even today, many would look down at him as a lazy, slacking ne'er-do-well for not being the breadwinner even as they may think a mother doing the same was a noble sacrifice for the good of the kids.
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Old 04-28-2010, 09:55 AM   #22
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Yeah. Despite how far society has come in terms of accepting alternatives to traditional gender roles, it's a shame so many people still can't respect men in a household who do anything other than maximize their paycheck.

The bottom line is that if a man can earn $X and his wife can earn $2X, it makes a lot more sense for Dad to stay home and raise the kids. It's just unfortunate that even today, many would look down at him as a lazy, slacking ne'er-do-well for not being the breadwinner even as they may think a mother doing the same was a noble sacrifice for the good of the kids.
That is just what we were talking about (following a news article on the BBC about women in parliment).

We are SO respectful of their decision and he did have to put up with the stigma of being the one that gave up his job. He did get an awful lot of praise for going into child minding as there are so many infants in day care and so few "father figures" available for that age group.
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Old 04-28-2010, 10:52 PM   #23
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What about a stay at home dad?

My Brother in Law called himself a stay at home dad. And he did that. What I'm saying, and perhaps not for everyone, is that for him he began to feel more and more out of touch with the male world that he originally strived for.

Eventually he got back into it sort of.

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Old 04-28-2010, 10:53 PM   #24
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I tend to agree. very...locke-ish. if we all had to do or did the same thing, what fun would that be? I don't follow the logic of working so you have something to talk to your friends about though. When I get together with friends, I try to avoid talking about work. Sure, I may talk about my latest business trip, but that is more on the culture and the people, not my business meetings. maybe something i will learn with age?

but it's all about creating choice - e.g. working b/c you want to v working b/c you have to. I'm sure you all know that.

Besides (and I have been unsuccessful at convincing my wife to let me be a stay at home dad), I could not imagine anything better than spending time with my family (just my wife right now) without worrying about money.
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Old 04-28-2010, 11:03 PM   #25
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Her younger sister and BIL were the only ones where the man gave up his job (draftsman) for a few years and stayed at home for about 8 years. He actually became a registered child minder during this time and now the kids are both in school he has gone back to work full time as a teachers aid, although we're not sure if that is want he wants to all his life but it is perfect for continuing to look the kids as his wife spends a LOT of time working away from home on big IT projects.
I think that a break of 8 years for essential child rearing is admirable, and if the male in the family can be successful in their career to, or after, that's a far cry from dropping out of the work world at 31 and then trying to go back at 57. My brother in law found that all that were available then were entry level jobs, and what 57 year old with two science masters degrees, wants to start out with youngsters of 22? It was a big problem for him; his relationship with his wife soured; and the longer he was out the harder it was for him to get back in.

My biggest concern for being into actually retiring at 27-35 is not the money, its the emotional consequences later. And there will be a lot of them. [moderator edit] But for my Brother in law.... the child rearing part has pretty much been his life. But other guys don't really enjoy talking about raising kids. Its just plain weird for him. He compensated by getting into guns, but there is only so long that I'm willing to talk about his guns with him.

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Old 04-28-2010, 11:27 PM   #26
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They want 12 - or (2+2)*3.
Not to hijack this thread, but I thought of that, too. However, they wanted a "sum", which is the result of adding two things together. Had they wanted (2+2)*3 they should have said "what is the product of two plus two times three".

To bring this back on topic, I slightly agree with the notion of thinking about and planning for retirement, but not obsessing over it. I find myself doing the same thing, but it's so far away, I sometimes think I'm missing out on actually "living" by being so focused on the future. It'll come sooner than any of us thinks, so you might as well enjoy the ride in the mean time!
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Old 04-29-2010, 12:12 AM   #27
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The reason I obsess plan for retirement, is because I am naturally lazy. I have had to forcefully put myself in a mindset to get out there and do what I need to do. I have no problem slacking off the moment there is some time. Many people are like this, I think, some of them just aren't able to push themselves as hard to avoid being lazy when they really to get something done, or forget along the way what they really enjoyed, and overdo it. It is a very tight line to walk.

I think many people who say they will retire in their 30s, don't actually do it. Life happens, but having a high goal gives a lot more breathing room later when certain things don't work out, don't work out quite as well as expected, or plans change. This applies to a lot of things in life. Also, jumping too early isn't retiring, it is letting laziness take over right before reaching the next stage (or not looking ahead before leaping).
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Old 04-29-2010, 09:05 AM   #28
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The reason I obsess plan for retirement, is because I am naturally lazy. I have had to forcefully put myself in a mindset to get out there and do what I need to do. I have no problem slacking off the moment there is some time. Many people are like this, I think, some of them just aren't able to push themselves as hard to avoid being lazy when they really to get something done, or forget along the way what they really enjoyed, and overdo it. It is a very tight line to walk.

I think many people who say they will retire in their 30s, don't actually do it. Life happens, but having a high goal gives a lot more breathing room later when certain things don't work out, don't work out quite as well as expected, or plans change. This applies to a lot of things in life. Also, jumping too early isn't retiring, it is letting laziness take over right before reaching the next stage (or not looking ahead before leaping).
Amen, in my not so humble opinion, of course. Other people may have differing and just as valid positions.
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Important to be said....
Old 05-01-2010, 08:09 AM   #29
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Important to be said....

I may be putting myself at risk......

I do want to share that in circumstances where female caregivers, such as elementary school teachers or females on playgrounds surrounded by lots of children, get together..... the kinds of conversations tend to be oriented toward issues that have to do with children at all levels from pre-natal to whatever age is represented. These discussions often involve backgrounds that a male care-giver, ie stay-at-home dad, will have absolutely zero experience, and some of which that he could never have had experience.

I suspect after some recent conversation with some people on ER.org, that this kind of conversation may be well be limited to the above circumstances, and only when the people are very active caregivers with children, that is, kids under the age of 11.

So my point remains that a male care giver, i.e. stay at home dad, may be find himself more socially isolated that he might expect, not knowing the passage of conversations in this setting.

I am also now appraised properly that in other settings in same sex gatherings(ie all females or all males) where they are not in fact surrounded by children under the age of 11, certain conversations about prenatal child growth to age 11, and whatever else might be related to that discussion, SIMPLY DOES NOT HAPPEN. I wish to apologize to anyone who may have misconstrued my previous more specific statement as offensive. In my limited defense, my only experience of groups of females in not work related discussions, consists of lunchrooms in elementary schools, which are largely inhabited by female teachers k-5, female aides, and female parents. There are effectively NEVER men in those places. And when I show up, they are so familiar with me, that I am fortunately or unfortunately not perceived as......male. Every once in a while they will look at me at say, "Oh, this is TMI for you isn't it?"


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Old 04-02-2012, 11:18 AM   #30
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checking in

It's been about 2 years, and I am...2 yrs older. I think the check in's and updates are kind of fun, so I thought I might do the same.

I've since switched j*bs, relocated to a much better place and had a new daughter. DW and I continue to save for what will be a hopeful early retirement. Our NW is over $450k with $315k being investable assets, the rest is in our primary home. So, we have grown leaps and bounds in a couple of years. The most important thing, we are happy and loving life!

Thanks so much to everyone who has taught me and put up with me being naive!
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Old 04-02-2012, 11:23 AM   #31
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Congratulations on your new daughter and your happy life!
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Old 04-02-2012, 11:44 AM   #32
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I love reading these happy check ins ! Congratulations on your little girl
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Old 04-02-2012, 12:53 PM   #33
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You done good all over your life the last two years.
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Old 04-02-2012, 01:32 PM   #34
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If your plan is to relocate to the American Redoubt from Houston, my advice is to bring money and lots of it. This will likely mean keep working and saving for at least another decade or two.

Jobs are low paying, far below what you can make in Houston.

Acreage, home, motor vehicles, water well, clothes, fuel, preps - very easy to spend $1MM on just the acreage.

The good news is you don't have to do it all at once. Buy the acreage now, gradually position yourself into Montana and when your retreat property / cash reserve is built - make your move.
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Old 12-13-2014, 08:33 AM   #35
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Another check in, roughly 2 years later....again.

This year was the year where I unfortunately learned what everyone means when they say prepare for the worst and you never know what will happen. My father suffered a traumatic brain injury while we were out on a quick road ride this past May. It has been tough to watch. But, DW didn't complain when we sent in the check for my guardian disability insurance this year.

My income and compensation have continued to grow through the past 2 years. My cash compensation is $225-250k and if you throw in the stocks it is well over $300k. I've always counted myself lucky and been forever grateful for my situation. And I've always understood it may not last forever. Even though oil prices are higher than when I initially shoved off in my career, the next year will make me nervous each and every day. I'm sure I will have a job for at least another year, but after that I'm nervous about it. I'm nervous about even tomorrow. But, I'll take each day as it comes and watch my hairline recede.

Net worth has grown to around $800k ($500k investable assets) and probably approaching a million if you count my unvested options and stocks, even with the stock price in the toilet right now. If I get laid off, everything vests, so not really something to count today, but worth keeping an eye on, if it turns out to be worth anything at all.

I apologize the over all tone of this "check in" is somber, but I'll share the happiest of all. Here's to 31, and an ever improving 32 (hopefully).

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Old 12-14-2014, 11:51 AM   #36
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First congrats on being where you are financially at your age! You are ahead of most of your peers and a good portion of the country. If you stay the course you will have the freedom to make some choices!
I started thinking and saving toward retirement in my late twenties too. I found that, by not being much of a consumer of things ( other than food), I was able to save enough that I should be able to leave my job and maintain my lifestyle after only 28 years of working. I feel blessed that I have had the luxury to so while working much less than full time along the way. This allowed me plenty of tome to also enjoy the journey. I feel lucky also to still have a DB pension at age 56 even if it's not huge. I'm sure I'm leaving with less than some would feel comfortable with but it is all about priorities. I need stuff much less than I need my time and the freedom to explore the world! And many things in life are better appreciated from close up rather than from some lofty height.
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