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Old 09-03-2008, 10:53 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by Milton View Post
With the exception of minor issues, I hope you're not planning on making any unilateral "executive decisions" in your relationship. If you are, it probably won't last long.

Ha has offered good advice, and your response was immature.

Milt:

When it comes to finances, I will compromise unless there is a certainty of losing to inflation. This is the case.

By the way, Mr. HA handled himself appropriately after my response to him. Something tells me you couldn't handle yourself in a dark alley.......

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Old 09-03-2008, 11:02 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by Space Mountain View Post
Something tells me you couldn't handle yourself in a dark alley.......
I think we can do without the "internet tough guy" stuff.

You asked a question and got some good answers from some very seasoned financial and relationship savvy people.

To be honest, based on your responses I'm gonna have to wish your fiancee a whole lot of luck. I hope that when she doesnt like your "executive decisions" that she doesnt end up getting taken out to a dark alley.
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Old 09-03-2008, 11:12 AM   #23
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I was hoping folks here can convince my girlfriend, that at 34 years of age, FDIC savings are NOT the way to go.
She is VERY conservative with her investments while I am not afraid of a little risk. I am not suggesting she goes ALL out and invests in ALL stock mutual funds. However, a blend of stocks/bonds would not seem so bad?
I'm not sure how financial incompatibility qualifies anyone for "love of my life". Lovestruck, sure, but not lifetime status...

I'm surprised we're not discussing how to gift-wrap the next anniversary copy of "Four Pillars"!

One good way to convince a 100%-fixed-income absolutely-safe investor of the error of their ways would be to spend a few days observing the lifestyle of my parents-in-law. But then that might poison your relationship, too.
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Old 09-03-2008, 11:52 AM   #24
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Wait until you're married, then YOU will be 100% in cash too.

Just pick a good balanced fund, and average 7-8% a year for the next 50 years..........
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Old 09-03-2008, 12:57 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by cute fuzzy bunny View Post
I think we can do without the "internet tough guy" stuff.

You asked a question and got some good answers from some very seasoned financial and relationship savvy people.

To be honest, based on your responses I'm gonna have to wish your fiancee a whole lot of luck. I hope that when she doesnt like your "executive decisions" that she doesnt end up getting taken out to a dark alley.

The "executive decision" comment was used tongue & cheek. I apologize for those that didn't get the sarcasm. Fortunately, Mr. Ha did.

Space Mountain
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Old 09-03-2008, 02:15 PM   #26
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Let me elaborate on what Ha said.

Nothing enrages me faster than my SO trying to tell me how to spend / invest / save my hard-earned money. This is undoubtedly bias on my part -- "no man is going to tell me what to do," and "look how well I'm doing myself, thank you." etc. etc., but that doesn't make the risk of PO-ing your girlfriend any less real.

If she's working and has gotten to where she is today she's probably proud of herself and needs to feel that she's done a good job. (That she's saving at all puts her ahead of the vast majority of Americans.) You're telling her she's fallen short is risky business, indeed.

That's not to say you can't be helpful -- just tred very, very carefully.

My sister (financially clueless) saw her boyfriend (well-heeled and sensibly invested) invest his "mad money" in a single stock, which did very well. She asked him to invest for her. He properly put her small sum into something slow and steady, but she was looking for a quick killing. When he made more on his stock, and her investment just ticked along, she got VERY angry and blamed him for steering her wrong. You don't want to end up there, believe me.

Having warned you, let me add that I don't see mention of what your girlfriend's goals are. Does she have a target retirement date and amount? Does she even want to retire early, or does she love her job and expect to work forever? How is she doing against these goals -- is she steadily making progress, or not?

You will want to make sure that there really is a significant problem before you undertake significant risk in trying to fix it.

Assuming that there IS an issue, your best bet is to serve as an example, rather than an instructor.

I had a partner years ago who loved to talk about his OWN financial planning and show me his millions of spreadsheets. He never once told me what to do or even made suggestions -- I could see for myself that I wanted what he had, and I made the necessary changes to get it.
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Old 09-03-2008, 02:23 PM   #27
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Not financial advice, but relational:

Decide now if she is still the love of your life if she never changes her investments one iota. There is no requirement that she change, and if you impose such a requirement as a condition of your affection for her (which I think you are, BTW) it will sour the relationship greatly if not sink it.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt divorce decree.

2Cor521
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Old 09-03-2008, 02:40 PM   #28
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More than likely I think most on these boards have one spouse who does the investing and the other spouse knows less than the average on what the other half is doing. Just a guess, I know that is true in my house.

Experience is the best teacher, and advice is probably about 4th or 5th on that list somewhere after common sense and somewhere before desperation.

I tread lightly when I have to give my wife advice on ANYTHING. That means I make sure I have picked my spot correctly for that day or week, not that I hold back sharing my vast knowledge of everything with her.

Cliff Claven gave lots of advice on cheers (is that before your time?)- do you want to be perceived as the next Claven?
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Old 09-03-2008, 02:58 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Space Mountain View Post
I was hoping folks here can convince my girlfriend, that at 34 years of age, FDIC savings are NOT the way to go.
She is VERY conservative with her investments while I am not afraid of a little risk. I am not suggesting she goes ALL out and invests in ALL stock mutual funds. However, a blend of stocks/bonds would not seem so bad?
Space Mountain
I personally don't believe you have any business giving her financial advice, other than suggesting she read a book that you have already read and understand. Would some of you long-time posters please tell the man one or two specific books (The Four Pillars was already mentioned) appropriate for this situation? I started with Bogle but I am very last-century and most of you folks know a lot more than me.
I did find this thread:
More basic book on investing fundamentals than Four Pillars?
I've been married close to 30 years and here's how DH and I avoid arguments about money: We keep your money separate, and split household expenses down the middle. I often ask DH's advice on an investment I'm considering, and he me, but if he was to try to convince me he was a financial genius, I'd run screaming the other direction like any other rational woman. But if you say, "Please read this book that I learned a lot from", that shows that you acknowledge you don't know everything, and believe me, you don't.
I'd be leery to recommend an Internet forum as a beginning source of information. I mean, think about it, they let anybody post here, even me!
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Old 09-06-2008, 08:35 PM   #30
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This thread reminds me of what hapened with a very good friend of mine. 15 years ago he got married at age 54, it was a 2nd marriage for both of them. He was planning on retiring at age 60.

His new wife had all her savings in savings accounts etc. and he wanted to show her that there was a better way to invest her money. Rather than try and persuade her to do something inherently against her nature he decided simply show her each month how much better his investments were doing compared to hers and slowly bring her over to his way of thinking. Come the 2000 - 2002 bear and of course he was still 100% in equities and heavily invested in technology MF's. His investments went down 60%, and he had to put off his retirement 6 years and his wife was all too pleased she hadn't taken his advice. They are still very good friends and still very happily married.

OP needs to be very cautious if this girl really is the love of his life and not get involved with advising her financially at all. If she is prudent with money and lives within her means then she is probably financially 90% compatable with him and he needs to recognize that and back off.
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Old 09-06-2008, 09:40 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by Alan View Post
This thread reminds me of what hapened with a very good friend of mine. 15 years ago he got married at age 54, it was a 2nd marriage for both of them. He was planning on retiring at age 60.

His new wife had all her savings in savings accounts etc. and he wanted to show her that there was a better way to invest her money. Rather than try and persuade her to do something inherently against her nature he decided simply show her each month how much better his investments were doing compared to hers and slowly bring her over to his way of thinking. Come the 2000 - 2002 bear and of course he was still 100% in equities and heavily invested in technology MF's. His investments went down 60%, and he had to put off his retirement 6 years and his wife was all too pleased she hadn't taken his advice. They are still very good friends and still very happily married.

OP needs to be very cautious if this girl really is the love of his life and not get involved with advising her financially at all. If she is prudent with money and lives within her means then she is probably financially 90% compatable with him and he needs to recognize that and back off.
For all the BS we hear about how younger men have more enlightened attitudes on gender issues, Alan's post which I agree with completely makes me feel that maybe the young bucks have not had enough time in grade to figure out that most women don't enjoy being "helped" any more than most men do.

Rememeber the UK miners anthem from the 50s ? "I'm alright, Jack". I think that any woman who appeals to a right thinking man is very likely alright, and very likely she knows it. Furthermore, right behind her silently thinking "I'm alright Jack" could well be her saying "Hit the Road Jack"!

Nothing looks as stupid as a guy telling a woman what she should do, if as in Alan's story he turns out to be really wrong. It won't matter if he is theoretically right, it's goodbye Vitamin-P!

Ha
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Old 09-07-2008, 07:15 AM   #32
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Decide now if she is still the love of your life if she never changes her investments one iota. There is no requirement that she change, and if you impose such a requirement as a condition of your affection for her (which I think you are, BTW) it will sour the relationship greatly if not sink it.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt divorce decree.

2Cor521
Amen. Also learned at the U. of Hard Knocks.
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Old 09-08-2008, 03:01 PM   #33
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I hope you have known this woman a long time. Because if I were her, I would maybe wonder why you are so fired up about my money.

Do you also tell her how to dress, use makeup, or make love? Presumably she is an adult with some experience in the world and has reasons that to her at least seem sufficient to lead her to do things the way she is doing them.

Ha
Good points Ha. My husband quotes Robert A. Heinlein when he says:
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. " Needless to say we get along just fine.
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Old 09-08-2008, 06:58 PM   #34
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The meme claiming that you must invest in equities in order to meet/beat inflation infects millions of American minds. It's also a myth. Are all investors in the multi-trillion dollar bond market idiots who have never heard of inflation? The real situation is much more complex.

As far as equities go, past performance is only an indicator of future performance if the world isn't changing. Unfortunately, the world is changing rapidly, and possibly not for the better. The 20th century is gone and will never return. Proposing simple-minded asset allocation strategies may (or may not) do your GF more harm than good. Asking questions and raising issues may be more useful than trying to answer them.
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Old 09-08-2008, 07:50 PM   #35
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36 DD. I purchased a starter Target Retirement fund which she followed on her computer.

Later she became interested in investing, not me - paid the initial investment back and moved on.

Sort of a left handed victory for balanced index.

heh heh heh - More to the story - it has a tad to do with my 'don't read books mantra.' But I ain't talking. .
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