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Old 03-10-2013, 06:41 PM   #21
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Retirement is a big change in your life. Do not even think about retiring until after you and your DW come to an agreement about how the two of you want to spend the rest of your life.
What would you suggest?

Financially, we need to come up with a plan we both like.

Non financially, As we've talk about it these past months, she's said that she plans to keep spending most of the days at her parents preparing food, and talking care of her aging folks. She's a little concerned, maybe guilty sounding, about leaving me alone during the day.

We'll do the same things at night we currently do. Eat, watch movies, walk together.

During the day, while she's gone, I plan to go to pursue hobbies and interests. Yoga classes, vegan cooking. Study all those classics books I never had time for in engineering school. Do meditation practice. Go to bible study at church. Go on long bike rides. Do some journalling and creative writing. Help some people learn English as a second language. Grow herbs and vegetables.

We'll take a couple of trips a year just like we do now.

The ideas I'm mentioning here are as about as detailed as we've gotten.

We talk about moving some day, but we don't have a definite plan. We might like San Antonio, Las Cruces, Tuscon, or N. Florida. However, she tends toward the desert, and I towards the water.
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Old 03-10-2013, 08:32 PM   #22
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What would I suggest? Make sure your marriage is on track, and that can only happen if you have similar goals before you make the decision to retire.
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Old 03-10-2013, 09:43 PM   #23
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If I read this correctly, you can easily meet your expenses using only your numbers. Your wife's funds are not needed to fund your (individual or combined) retirement.

You said you have $1.86 million in investable assets. Your current expenses are $60K per year. Add an additional $10K per year for health insurance. Using a fairly conservative 3.3% withdrawal rate (IIRC this was the 100% success rate for a 40 year retirement), you can withdraw just over $60K a year from your portfolio. In five years, you will get SS of $22 thousand per year, and in eight years a pension of $17 thousand per year, and once you are over 65, your medical insurance costs should decrease.

So why not set aside $50K from your portfolio to cover medical expenses for the next 5 years, withdraw 3.3% of your remaining assets for your expenses ($60K). Once SS and pensions start, you will have an extra $22K - $40K or so a year to enjoy.

The fact that your wife has substantial assets, social security and a pension means that life should be easier for the two of you together. But being able to support your lifestyle alone if you retired today would give me the confidence to go ahead and do it.
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Old 03-11-2013, 08:26 AM   #24
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So why not set aside $50K from your portfolio to cover medical expenses for the next 5 years, withdraw 3.3% of your remaining assets for your expenses ($60K). Once SS and pensions start, you will have an extra $22K - $40K or so a year to enjoy.

The fact that your wife has substantial assets, social security and a pension means that life should be easier for the two of you together. But being able to support your lifestyle alone if you retired today would give me the confidence to go ahead and do it.
Thanks - I had my blinders on. I been looking at how to get my wife to my way of thinking, when she obviously has her own already. It's not very satisfying for personal or marital happiness. When I put all the numbers into Firecalc and RIP it looks like my assets alone along with both pensions and social securities support our lifestyle at 100% success to 95. There's a bit of margin over the 3.3% you are quoting - the initial spending rate from Firecalc and RIP is more like 5.1% of the assets, because pension and social security streams are added on. This always scares me a little to see those high initial withdrawal rates, since I suppose it makes the portfolio more vulnerable to a stock market armageddon in the first few years of retirement. So it does look like I could take the financial decision, and ER on my own, if I wanted to, and I think I will have to do that anyway at some point.

However, I understand as people are kindly pointing out that I need to make sure my wife and I have a solid marriage and are on the same page about plans for the future. I doubt many couples are clones, and that's unfortunate sometimes, since you have to negotiate, and you're spouse won't act like your robot. We have a lot of things we enjoy together, but we have some battlefields too. We certainly need to agree on a "safe" budget, but here again, it may be a case of "her", "my", and "our" money. I can already tell that she wants a lower budget than I do, and will probably be scared about every new hobby or activity I take up that isn't absolutely free. We both worked for our money, and have definite opinions.


There is never going to be a day when another year of having me w*rk would not add to the portfolio. I suppose the safest retirement of all would be for me to work until age 80, have 6 or 8 MM$ or so, and spend it all the very next year before dying at age 81. Doesn't that sound like fun?
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Old 03-11-2013, 08:34 AM   #25
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Reading this makes me wonder....

Why did you get married Seems that you two have very different outlooks in life...

Also, you are in Texas... do you have a prenup? Are you keeping ALL separate assets separate at all times? if not, it is a bit harder to say who owns what... not impossible, just harder....


Good luck going forward....
We got married for love and companionship. We've been together for 7n years. She's shown me a lot of love. Probably I've been obsessing too much on this money stuff and forget that, and see only the friction over this money crap. Yes we have quite different outlooks in life. Opposites attract, no?

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately since it will make me work harder at it, and I do think marriage is valuable, we don't have a prenup so I guess that means a 50 - 50 split in case things go south. It's too late to go back now, and I should have thought of it. I'd have to write some kind of big check since I have a larger kitty, but I'm determined to work this out, she sounds positive, and think we can. We do keep all the assets separate, and won't comingle since we have opposite styles of investing money, and each want to keep control of our own separate piles of money.


Thanks for the good luck.
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Old 03-11-2013, 10:34 AM   #26
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We got married for love and companionship. We've been together for 7n years. She's shown me a lot of love. Probably I've been obsessing too much on this money stuff and forget that, and see only the friction over this money crap. Yes we have quite different outlooks in life. Opposites attract, no?

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately since it will make me work harder at it, and I do think marriage is valuable, we don't have a prenup so I guess that means a 50 - 50 split in case things go south. It's too late to go back now, and I should have thought of it. I'd have to write some kind of big check since I have a larger kitty, but I'm determined to work this out, she sounds positive, and think we can. We do keep all the assets separate, and won't comingle since we have opposite styles of investing money, and each want to keep control of our own separate piles of money.


Thanks for the good luck.

Well, let's hope that divorce is not in the cards...

And yes, opposites attract... me and DW have a number of opposites and money is one of them.... she likes living the 'hear and now' and does not think long term where I have ALWAYS thought long term (had plans in place to have $1 mill by 55YO when I was younger than 18).... she travels all the time, and at times I go with her and the kids...

I think one of the things is how did she get this kind of thinking (both of our DWs)... mine lost her first husband to cancer in her late 30s... with two young kids.... maybe something in your DWs past can shed some light on your DWs thinking....


As far as splitting, it is not a lost cause, just harder... my DW had a friend who got divorced after 9 years... he had an accountant put together a reasonable showing of what was separate property.... he had almost all the assets when they got married... so, as long as you keep your assets separate, it is a lot easier to claim that it is yours...
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Old 03-11-2013, 04:12 PM   #27
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I think my wife is a little selfish, spoiled, and scared ... sisters, in-laws, wife, friends, mother love my $200 K salary and the prestige of a job at a large oil company. They can all always find a reason for me to keep going to work, and can't hear the despair and hate for the work in my voice.
I respectfully suggest that you change your forum handle to "Hank Rearden".
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An Update from Houston
Old 07-16-2013, 10:01 AM   #28
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An Update from Houston

Thanks for your comments, and not beating around the bush.

I'm planning on early retirement at age 58 by the end on April, 2014. I'm going to get the bonus that megacorp pays about that time, and walk right out the door. The bonus should be some nice spending money for some trips or hobbies. Most of the w*rk is in the second half of the year, so they can have the w*rk, and I'll take the money.

Wife is on board now. She can see that we have enough. We'll be spending way under our means for a while until we get comfortable. But we like $1.50 movies, free concerts, and sitting on the beach so it will be great.

I keep thinking about that OMY comment some members have posted. More or less goes,

"You can get more money if you need to, but you can never get more life."

I'm ready to enjoy some of my money while I still have life and health to enjoy it!

My Cobra will get me through the first year and a half of Obamacare -anyone besides me think it might be sort of a rough start ? And then I can get some health insurance. Thank you Mr Obama ! You have freed some of us w*rkers.

If the company comes up with a buyout option, I'll report back. My department has totally reorganized, managers all left, and has a new director who doesn't know what we do. My work has been shrinking, and I have to come up with things on my own to justify my presence. I got a great performance review, but they may not need me.
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Old 07-16-2013, 04:25 PM   #29
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Be sure and tell your DW that she has missed out on another 100K in easy equity growth since your last post on this thread in march if she still has all of her savings in cash. But once again, try not to sound as bitchy about it as I do.
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Old 07-16-2013, 06:01 PM   #30
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Sounds like you and your DW have come to a meeting of the minds. That is a major hurdle to have overcome - congratulations!

As another member of the oil-field ("we've established what we are, now we're negotiating a price"), I'm looking forward to retiring next April as well. Kinda scary, but exciting at the same time. Nine more months to go!!!!
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Old 07-16-2013, 06:35 PM   #31
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Be sure and tell your DW that she has missed out on another 100K in easy equity growth since your last post on this thread in march if she still has all of her savings in cash.
I'm working with her gently on this slowly buying stock mutual funds with some of her money. And I certainly do try not to be too bitchy.

Meanwhile, I've increased my own stock allocation from 50% to 60%.
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Old 07-16-2013, 06:50 PM   #32
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Sounds like you and your DW have come to a meeting of the minds. That is a major hurdle to have overcome - congratulations!

As another member of the oil-field ("we've established what we are, now we're negotiating a price"), I'm looking forward to retiring next April as well. Kinda scary, but exciting at the same time. Nine more months to go!!!!
Yes - it's nice to know that she'll be ready when I'm ready.

We've had quite a boom in the oilfield, compared to years of layoffs before. It's been a giant help in getting to early retirement to stay employed in my 50s, and have good raises and bonuses.

It is scary and exciting. Having all that j*b time freed up. I've had several unemployed periods, and I glimpsed a new me out there. But then I jumped back into work. We'll have to be positive and make it work; better to do it at a younger age when there's energy to start new things.
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Old 07-17-2013, 09:12 AM   #33
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Isn't it ironic -after 35 years of layoffs/downsizings/rightsizings/ etc., just as we're ready for our exit, the industry finally takes off and technical people are a hot commodity. Would have been nice to have had that security during our careers...
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Old 07-17-2013, 10:34 AM   #34
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Isn't it ironic -after 35 years of layoffs/downsizings/rightsizings/ etc., just as we're ready for our exit, the industry finally takes off and technical people are a hot commodity. Would have been nice to have had that security during our careers...
Ain't it the truth. It's a crazy biz and we all know the saying ' god please let there be one more boom and I promise I won't piss it away this time'.

At least three major boom bust cycles starting in 2004 and I don't know how many reorganizations, lets get lean and mean, oops we went too far and on and on it goes.

I don't know about you all but my plan is to ride this one to the max and then exit with my stash.
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Old 07-22-2013, 04:24 PM   #35
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Be sure and tell your DW that she has missed out on another 100K in easy equity growth since your last post on this thread in march if she still has all of her savings in cash.
I'd go easy on that angle.

First, hindsight is 20/20.

Secondly, markets go down as well as go up, and the o/p doesn't need the aggravation of his wife throwing his words back at him the next time there's a downturn.

Finally, we are all entitled to make the financial decisions that seem to work best for us, and a thoughtful person should respect their spouse's right to be more financially conservative (or aggressive) than they are ... in my opinion, anyway.
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Old 07-24-2013, 06:59 AM   #36
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Isn't it ironic -after 35 years of layoffs/downsizings/rightsizings/ etc., just as we're ready for our exit, the industry finally takes off and technical people are a hot commodity. Would have been nice to have had that security during our careers...
Fortunately, you and I both learned to live below our means and to take advantage of those fleeting good times to stock pile more savings.

It only took me until age 38 to see that ER was possible.

Before that, I never saved a dime. Luckily, I was able to cut back on my expenses, pocket every bonus and raise, remember that every boom time would turn into a bust, and I never sold my stocks at the bottom of the market. Wish I had started at age 22.
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Old 07-24-2013, 07:13 AM   #37
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I'd go easy on that angle.

First, hindsight is 20/20.

Secondly, markets go down as well as go up, and the o/p doesn't need the aggravation of his wife throwing his words back at him the next time there's a downturn.

Finally, we are all entitled to make the financial decisions that seem to work best for us, and a thoughtful person should respect their spouse's right to be more financially conservative (or aggressive) than they are ... in my opinion, anyway.
I've had to bite my tongue a number of times after I criticized her investing strategy. Getting bitchy never gets me anywhere with her.

Even though I am positive I am right that we should have had more of "her" money in stocks since 2009 , she may turn out to be right in the future, and I'll be happy that our overall stock allocation is only 35% to 40%. I'd rather not have a big stock market loss I couldn't recover from, and have to go back to full time W*RK !

She has to sleep at night, it's her money, and "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
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Old 07-27-2013, 04:57 PM   #38
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I've had to bite my tongue a number of times after I criticized her investing strategy. Getting bitchy never gets me anywhere with her.... She has to sleep at night, it's her money, and "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
Right on, brother.
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Old 07-29-2013, 01:43 PM   #39
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I'd go easy on that angle.

First, hindsight is 20/20.

Secondly, markets go down as well as go up, and the o/p doesn't need the aggravation of his wife throwing his words back at him the next time there's a downturn.

Finally, we are all entitled to make the financial decisions that seem to work best for us, and a thoughtful person should respect their spouse's right to be more financially conservative (or aggressive) than they are ... in my opinion, anyway.

You are right but people who think 100% cash is risk free need to understand that it isn't. Inflation is eroding the value of that million she has in cash.
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Old 07-29-2013, 06:09 PM   #40
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You are right but people who think 100% cash is risk free need to understand that it isn't. Inflation is eroding the value of that million she has in cash.
True, but damn little at present.

Ha
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