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Old 09-07-2015, 03:20 PM   #121
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This does seem like the most logical solution. I'd even be open to moving there myself and getting Mom a senior housing arrangement but she refuses to move.......
The reason why I even have a second mortgage on my place was that the house needed a 30K roof put on it and I didn't have the cash at the time because she pitched a fit and we closed the equity line that I had been using on that home to borrow against to keep my expenses at a manageable amount. Since losing that equity line everything has gone south as far as monthly payments. Now with no income I doubt I'd get that line re-opened and she wouldn't agree to it anyway. I feel like I'm being held hostage until something happens to them both. I just hope the nursing home doesn't try to take the home as collateral for her care in the future. If that happened then I'd really be screwed. At that point I'd just move into it and be stuck with it for the rest of my life. I really should do some estate planning with her but she feels that if we talk about these issues then she will somehow magically die the next day. Living in denial is an art she has perfected to a T. Sadly thanks to me and my stupidity in trying to be a good and fair daughter.
Chips.....and old blocks. Trees.....and falling apples.

Apparently it's genetic.
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Old 09-07-2015, 03:42 PM   #122
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Frankly you seem a little scattered in that you worked in an ICU , were a part time realtor , ran a ebay business & had several rentals . Since ICU nurses work 12 hour shifts & also have call time I find it amazing that you were able to do all these things . Plus a few things you have mentioned about ebay are slightly off . I am also a retired nurse & am a top seller on ebay . Opening & Closing your store frequently is dooming your store to failure . Plus most nurses hang onto their licenses even after retirement or a disability . Sorry you are disabled & in a bad place financially but you have been given great advice now follow it .
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Old 09-07-2015, 04:33 PM   #123
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You received ton of practical advice from very experienced well meaning board members. Unfortunately you did not invest your time to stop and evaluate what was written so far. Are you looking for simple or complex life? Please read below, and that might help you to re focus, to start your life journey from the new beginning. It is not a solution but food for though.

http://betterexplained.com/articles/...nd-complexity/

Simplicity isn't so simple but thanks for the interesting link.


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Old 09-07-2015, 04:38 PM   #124
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Here is an out of the box solution for you.

Move your mother into a Park Model home in one of the 55+ communities, it will cost literally 15K =>45K depending upon the community. They are anchored for hurricanes so don't use that as an excuse.

The benefits are: a community of peers for her with built in activity centers, pools, and planned outings.

I know as I looked at a couple this year.

Then you can sell the house and pay off your bills, and live happily ever after
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Old 09-07-2015, 08:00 PM   #125
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Frankly you seem a little scattered in that you worked in an ICU , were a part time realtor , ran a ebay business & had several rentals . Since ICU nurses work 12 hour shifts & also have call time I find it amazing that you were able to do all these things . Plus a few things you have mentioned about ebay are slightly off . I am also a retired nurse & am a top seller on ebay . Opening & Closing your store frequently is dooming your store to failure . Plus most nurses hang onto their licenses even after retirement or a disability . Sorry you are disabled & in a bad place financially but you have been given great advice now follow it .

I worked 3s and 4s.
Most of my real estate clients were other hospital employees.
I am single.
I had a lot of free time.
There were a few years that mom was a realtor with me and she helped me with floor time and showings.
I had a 30 year nursing career. My real estate career was 20 years but I stopped actively working it in 2007 and focused mostly on ebay. I guess you can say that I can multitask. Not everyone can do it.

And we did not take call.
You either accepted the OT or you didn't.
We had a union. The only time you had to do OT was during a hurricane.

Not sure why you think my eBay business is off. I open and close my store all the time. It's called vacation mode. And just so you know when you reopen you reindex your listings in Cassini and your store gets a boost in search. Try it. Running a sale also does the same thing.




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Old 09-07-2015, 08:01 PM   #126
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Chips.....and old blocks. Trees.....and falling apples.

Apparently it's genetic.

Yup


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Old 09-07-2015, 08:02 PM   #127
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I am sympathetic. You have had a big income shift and health issues to deal with. But we see evidence that you can write, have a nursing background and I think earlier you mentioned being a forum moderator. Those are all skill sets that could lead to work at home or paid online jobs, or at least contract work. $15k - $30K jobs are easier to find than $100K jobs, so with some online / telecommute work and cutting expenses you could be financially worry free in a relatively short period of time.

I agree.
Thanks for the suggestions.


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Old 09-07-2015, 08:03 PM   #128
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Here is an out of the box solution for you.

Move your mother into a Park Model home in one of the 55+ communities, it will cost literally 15K =>45K depending upon the community. They are anchored for hurricanes so don't use that as an excuse.

The benefits are: a community of peers for her with built in activity centers, pools, and planned outings.

I know as I looked at a couple this year.

Then you can sell the house and pay off your bills, and live happily ever after

Maybe where you live but not here in Miami but thanks for the suggestion.


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Old 09-07-2015, 08:59 PM   #129
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Maybe where you live but not here in Miami but thanks for the suggestion.
There are some nice retirement villages with condos, golf courses, swimming pools. stables, bowling alleys and many activities and centers here in California. The last one we looked was like resort living, and even here in NorCal they were relatively inexpensive compared to a single family home. Who knows you mom might be happier in one than where she is now. I would think in Florida you could spend a lot less than $375K on a retirement condo which would leave you money left over to pay off the credit cards and invest the rest to help cover your living expenses. It seems like right now being house poor is more of an issue than your total net worth.
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Old 09-07-2015, 09:07 PM   #130
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No solutions, and no advice on specifics, but a bit of philosophy...

Simplify the problems and the numbers... On spread sheets or a blackboard, separate the problems... for each one, the alternatives, from "impossible to absolutely".

Pull the dollars into a recognizable format. My own plan is simple, based on age, but the real objective is to put the numbers into a format that makes decision easier, instead of playing "Whack-a-mole".

It's time to get serious about an action plan.

Elderlaw attorneys can be expensive, but there are many elderlaw websites that are excellent, and good steering mechanisms for attacking specific problems that get convoluted with inexpert guidance.

First step in any action plan has to be establishing the limits... budgets for time and effort. Instead of putting forward individual expenses and assets, a single 'real' number... Income $50K, outgo 70K... Easier to set these numbers with three plans... Optimum, Nominal and Austerity... On the asset side... Recurring, Liquid and Illiquid. Putting numbers down, right or wrong is the first step to reality. If's and But's not allowed.

Philosophy from a geezer who made it through without having millions. Some details here:
Sharing 23 years of Frugal Retirement

No, it won't apply to your specific situation, but includes some discoveries along the way.

Good luck..
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Old 09-07-2015, 09:10 PM   #131
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I have to agree with hnzw_rui.... Your best approach is to tackle the budget/spending side of things. Even it it's not 100% of the solution - it's a big start towards the solution.

I understand you like your loft style downtown apartment... but if you are really honest with yourself - can you afford it? If you don't want to sell, can you rent it to cover the ownership costs and then move in with your mom to the house you paid for. It may not be the ideal situation - but it is a big budget saver.

The rent is around $1900-$2000.
My expenses are $2350 for PITI & condo fees.
So I would be subsidizing the rent of another and lose my homestead so my taxes would increase.


Other things to look at:
- do you have a landline? If so, consider dropping it or switching to Ooma or MagicJack for much lower prices.

No, no landline. Just a cell phone and a Magic jack app.

- Cell phone - if you're on a big carrier (Verizon, ATT, etc) consider switching to one of the low cost providers. I save our family over $100/month by using Ting. There are lots of low cost cell providers - especially if you bring your old phone. Since you're an ebayer- you know that good phones can be had, used, from e-bay for FAR cheaper than the price you pay through the cell phone operator.

I pay $30 a month to be on my brothers family plan with T-Mobile that includes unlimited talk, text, tethering and unlimited data. I cannot do better than that even with the low cost carriers in my city. I shopped this last year.

- Cable or satellite. Do you really need it. Can you reduce your package. I threatened to cut my video cable and they made me aware of a much cheaper option (that didn't show on their website and was never mentioned by the CSRs). That cut my cable/internet bill by $60/month for very little loss of service (I get shows in standard def vs high def - big whoop... for $60/month I can live with the lower resolution.)

No cable just high speed Internet because I need it for my business and I do have Amazon Prime for $100 a year which includes some movies and TV shows. I have digital TV with a Roku player and watch the basic Netflix app.


These are just some of the areas. I personally targeted the monthly recurring charges as my first place to tackle... These $10-$20 month savings add up on an annual basis.

You've got the low hanging-big impact budget savings of your housing - but you can also nibble along the edges to improve things.

Also - as you find these savings - take that money and apply it to the highest interest credit card. When that's paid off - apply the extra to the next highest interest rate card... I paid off over $20k in credit debt using this snowball method. It is really nice to pay my credit card in full each month.

i bet it is. Something I haven't been able to do for 3 years now.

And with every purchase - ask yourself "Do I really need this? Is this worth risking my home or facing Bankruptcy?"

You've gotten great advice. You have a variety of reasons why you won't take the advice. There's no magic - and 'out of the box' thinking only goes so far when you spend more than your income.... Rather than looking at ways to tap into your retirement income early (and paying tax penalties you can avoid) you should be looking at the non-magic spend vs income.
Thanks for the ideas.
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Old 09-07-2015, 09:16 PM   #132
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Originally Posted by daylatedollarshort View Post
There are some nice retirement villages with condos, golf courses, swimming pools. stables, bowling alleys and many activities and centers here in California. The last one we looked was like resort living, and even here in NorCal they were relatively inexpensive compared to a single family home. Who knows you mom might be happier in one than where she is now. I would think in Florida you could spend a lot less than $375K on a retirement condo which would leave you money left over to pay off the credit cards and invest the rest to help cover your living expenses. It seems like right now being house poor is more of an issue than your total net worth.
I agree and this would definitely solve my problem but Mom won't budge right now so honestly as logical as this solution is it's a mute point without going to war with Mom, something I am not willing to do.
But yeah I could get her a condo in a senior community for $200K or a little less with MF's around $500 a month. They are pretty nice and something that i would consider for myself if I was 55. Mom won't move to the county where these senior communities are located because at her age she doesn't want to change health plans. Right now that's pretty much her life and entertainment. She likes the attention.
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Old 09-07-2015, 09:56 PM   #133
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Originally Posted by imoldernu View Post
No solutions, and no advice on specifics, but a bit of philosophy...

Simplify the problems and the numbers... On spread sheets or a blackboard, separate the problems... for each one, the alternatives, from "impossible to absolutely".

Pull the dollars into a recognizable format. My own plan is simple, based on age, but the real objective is to put the numbers into a format that makes decision easier, instead of playing "Whack-a-mole".

It's time to get serious about an action plan.

Elderlaw attorneys can be expensive, but there are many elderlaw websites that are excellent, and good steering mechanisms for attacking specific problems that get convoluted with inexpert guidance.

First step in any action plan has to be establishing the limits... budgets for time and effort. Instead of putting forward individual expenses and assets, a single 'real' number... Income $50K, outgo 70K... Easier to set these numbers with three plans... Optimum, Nominal and Austerity... On the asset side... Recurring, Liquid and Illiquid. Putting numbers down, right or wrong is the first step to reality. If's and But's not allowed.

Philosophy from a geezer who made it through without having millions. Some details here:
Sharing 23 years of Frugal Retirement

No, it won't apply to your specific situation, but includes some discoveries along the way.

Good luck..
Thanks for sharing the very interesting read.

And I know this isn't going to win me brownie points here, but I happen to own in a campground too in Wisconsin. It's a place where I could park an RV for 6 months of the year with the same set up that you have but paying even less MF's with full hook up.

I don't use it personally but a friend rents it out for me and we split the profits. I own part of a cottage there. It's a non-traditional timeshare more like a fractional ownership but I paid nothing for it.

I have a friend who summers in the same campground and winters in the SW Florida area. She's very frugal like you and has been retired for a while now. Obviously if you cut your housing expense to the bare bone you can retire and manage. If it was just me then I'd be just fine but my family isn't as understanding as yours is. I've tried the, let's stop giving stupid birthday and Christmas present talk many times but they don't want to stop the tradition. But I agree with you it's a waste of resources and you end up with crap you end up regifting or in my case selling on ebay

And cancer is totally a wake up call. When you find yourself facing death you just see things differently. I too plan to spend down my retirement funds. I'll chip away at it every year until it's gone. I may just start a little earlier than most. I look at it this way. If I take some of my cash now from my retirement savings, I can always replace them when my business is in a better position to give me profits. I've run a few of those retirement calculators and I never seem to have enough money just like you. I wonder who writes these programs anyway.

I doubt I will make it to 85 with all my medical issues. I'd be happy to make it to 75.
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:03 PM   #134
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Not sure why you think my eBay business is off. I open and close my store all the time. It's called vacation mode. And just so you know when you reopen you reindex your listings in Cassini and your store gets a boost in search. Try it. Running a sale also does the same thing.

Considering that my ebay business has always turned a profit I think I will stick with my methods .
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:07 PM   #135
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"Retired" nurse struggling to stay retired
This thread has done an excellent job of explaining why.
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:11 PM   #136
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QUOTE=CK2015;1632259]

Considering that my ebay business has always turned a profit I think I will stick with my methods .
Glad your business has always turned a profit.
You're one smart lady I am sure, me not so much.
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:11 PM   #137
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This thread has done an excellent job of explaining why.
Had to get everyone's attention somehow.
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:57 PM   #138
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Yes it sure does give her all legal rights.
Her name is on the title because I felt like it was the right thing to do at the time since you just never know when you are going to die and didn't want her to have to deal with inheriting my assets.

I do not have any children and my heirs are just a niece and nephew.
I didn't want my brother to take control of everything and leave Mom with no way to take care of herself.

Never thought that plan would backfire but sad to say that a selfish elderly parent situation has done exactly that. When my Dad died, me being the oldest sort of assumed his position financially. She was more than happy to allow that to happen and she stopped working early on. I am a bit of a sucker with her and it's definitely been to my detriment.

Honestly it would have never been an issue if I was still working on that 30 year hospital pension plan and gotten my properties paid off by my true retirement age. Before all this happened I had no credit card debt at all. I always paid in full every month. Obviously I cannot do that anymore.

Just got into this thread and am many pages behind.... but, sounds like a complete disaster....

Looking at your RE issue, good intentions going bad... never should have put her name on it....

We just bought my MIL a new place... we had to get it in her name to begin with, but DW went to her this summer and had the property transferred to her name... we own it 100%.... yes, we can kick out mom at any time..... do not plan on doing it, but if my financial situation was as bad as yours I would.... but I would pay her back the % of funds she put into it.... it was not all our funds....
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Old 09-07-2015, 11:10 PM   #139
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The game is called "Yeah, butt". Are we having fun?

Getting tired of reading the thread and reading the 'yeah, butt'.....


To the OP... get a grip... you seem to say you have thought of all the good advice giving here but have decided not to do it.... so be it... it IS your life... but we all know the outcome that will happen eventually.... it is plain as day....

If it were me, I would sell anything that I could and move it with mom and become 'queen bee' as you say... I would NOT let mom run the show if she is not putting up any money... what can she do, kick you out? NOT.... sure, life might suck for awhile, but at least you would not go broke (at least not as fast).... and it might force mom to want to move and sell the place... but you seem to want to take the abuse and do nothing...

I hope things change for you, but without you doing something it will not...
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Old 09-08-2015, 12:10 AM   #140
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This may not be trolling, but to stick with the fishing motif, it is chumming. Yikes!

Ha
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