"Retired" nurse struggling to stay retired.

[CK2015]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Calico Absolutely not. You are living in a fantasy land. Based on your replies in this thread, and the other thread you started, your "plan" is to "hope" and "wish" that everything works out in the end, if you just keep adding to your real estate portfolio and working on ebay. No matter how many thoughtful and constructive responses and suggestions you receive, you shoot every one of them down. You are not looking for an actual solution. You are looking for people to validate your choices so far, which as far as I can tell have gone like this: it's my money, and if I need it now I need it now, and to heck with the future. I'm just a victim of my stubborn mother and my culture, and there's nothing I can do about it. Woe is me. I'll just buy more real estate and hope for the best and if it doesn't work out I'll survive on reverse mortgages (which you flat-out stated in your other thread.) According to you: You "can't" live with your mother to save money. You "can't" continue working as a nurse, not even working from home as a consultant, because of your health issues. You "can't" do any other kind of job, because of your health issues. You "can't" sell any of the properties you own, or downsize. You "can't" stop giving your mother money every month. The fact is "can't" can be replaced with the word "won't" in every instance. You blame your mother. You blame your cultural traditions. You blame your sibling who won't contribute. You blame your health issues, and the meds you take, for not being able to work more. Interestingly enough, according to one of your posts, you were well enough to attend many trade shows this year. I don't know of anyone on this board, or in real life, who reached financial independence by following the "Hoping-and-Wishing-for-a-Miracle" plan. You can continue on the path you have chosen (and you have chosen it, you are not a victim) and eventually math will catch up to you.

The trade shows are here local. I live in a big city they come to me.
Just went to one last week in Fort Lauderdale.

And yeah I am living in a Fantasyland, it's part of my Disney love.

I am posting here because I work online remember?
I sit at a computer much of the day. I do take lots of breaks but that is my job these days.

And maybe you are right.
I do want validation of my plans not just do this or do that.
I never said I could not work, I can work just not in the traditional sense for corporate America, it's going to be for myself.

I was following the rules of how to introduce myself to this community. Those said to pretty much lay it all out on the line and explain my scenario instead of just saying "Hi". Well I see that that was probably a mistake given that I have angered everyone here in my first day in your community.
Normally I wouldn't have shared so much but since that's how your moderators suggested I introduce myself, I did. Honestly I should have just lurked and not laid it all out there for you guys to shoot me down.

But I appreciate being called lazy, lying, irresponsible, pathetic, lacking intelligence and did I miss anything? Nah, but thanks. I needed that.

[MichaelB]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CK2015 Well I see that that was probably a mistake given that I have angered everyone here in my first day in your community.

No one here is angry with you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CK2015 Normally I wouldn't have shared so much but since that's how your moderators suggested I introduce myself, I did. Honestly I should have just lurked and not laid it all out there for you guys to shoot me down.

Shoot you down? More like try to help you out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CK2015 But I appreciate being called lazy, lying, irresponsible, pathetic, lacking intelligence and did I miss anything?

Actually, no one wrote anything like that at all. And yes, you missed all the posts where members are giving you the helpful advice you asked for. What you won't fine here is help being a victim.

[CK2015]

Quote:

Originally Posted by EastWest Gal I've been watching this thread for it's entertainment value. If it is for real. Many things in her responses make me wonder. I'm only going to post once in this thread. OP claims to have an illness which keeps her on sedating meds but is able to place post after post after post here. She claims to be unable to work but then in another post says she doesn't want to because of "changes in the health care industry" and in another post says she won't pass drug screening due to narcotic meds she's being prescribed. She let her license go only two years after getting this illness, whatever it is. She is running out of money yet keeps giving her mother $700/mo because it's part of the culture. She's headed toward homelessness, so what's her mom going to do when she has nothing to give and is on the street? She has $50K in credit card debt and she gives money away. This doesn't make sense. Her profile here lists her interests: Cruising, travel, timeshares, going to the beach. Really? She says she believes in miracles and says that others here do too. Where did that come from? I'm pretty into reality, myself, not dreams and miracles. Her answers to why she cannot find other work are all over the map: can't pass drug test, doesn't want to work for $10/hr, can't do case management due to quotas, can't do the work or reinstate her license after less than two years off the job. Why not? She refuses any and all reasonable suggestions with inconsistent responses. "Yeah, but..." An example: case management for an insurance company, from home, online and by phone. I personally know several nurses who do exactly that. She claims she can't due to he workload and quotas. That's plain b*****t. One very basic requirement for early retirement is financial independence. I'm not seeing that in her case. One other thing. The OP posted on this thread 31 times, 28 times in the last 24 hours starting at ~1PM EDT and her last post was probably at about ~3AM. And her posts aren't exactly short. She could certainly handle an online case management job, and she does not exactly seem sedated. This whole thing seems fishy. I'm not going to bother posting any direct responses to the OP because all of us have posted many things I have thought as I read this thread and the OP has rejected every bit of help offered. There's not much point in continuing an advice thread if the person asking for advice refuses all the advice offered. She's dug herself into a hole and everyone has told her to stop digging but her only response is that she has to keep digging to get out of the hole. She's going to eventually lose both homes, one through foreclosure and the other to the government when she eventually fails to pay taxes. OP, I'm not sure your story is real. And if it is, then I would not to want to be a patient with a nurse who is as adept at making excuses as you have exhibited here, in order to avoid dealing with the reality of your situation. Yes, I am being harsh. But her story is either real or it's not. And if it is real, then her rejection of everyone's advice is an insult to our collective wisdom, a waste of our time, and frankly, it's getting boring. Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

Honestly this was supposed to be an introduction thread.
I was following your moderators suggestions on laying my situation out there for you guys to apparently shoot down the newbie.

I know that selling all my assets and paying the debts is the collective wisdom. I am not looking for the obvious answer. I'm looking for a creative answer. Yes I want to have my cake and eat it too if it's at all possible. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. I've been honest as to my situation knowing that this comity would probably not understand my cultural issues. I get that. It's not the American way of thinking.

And I'm sorry that you all think I am wasting your time. Like I said, I know the obvious answers to my problem would be to sell the house and pay everything off. I'm not as dumb as you think or want me to be so that you can enlighten me. I guess I just thought this was a site for creative thinkers like I am used to with the creative real estate communities where they are doing the less than obvious solutions to problems.

And what is so wrong with having traveling and going to the beach as hobbies? I live in Miami. We are a cruise capital port city, have beautiful beaches and I own several timeshares that I have owned for years which allow me to travel.

Here are the rules in case anyone is curious:

Welcome to the Early-Retirement.org discussion board, where thousands of self-professed experts (and a few real ones) are ready to help answer all your questions and solve your problems. Here's how you can attempt to keep the process on track. Using the "New Thread" button in the upper left hand side, please create a new thread for yourself following these suggestions:

1. Please make the subject of your post something unique. "Hi", and "Hi there" gets quickly lost in all of the other posts. Something like "Hi from Mayberry" is better. The best would be something descriptive, such as: "40-year-old parent of four wants to learn more", or "Young student just opening my first accounts."

2. Post as much information as you feel comfortable with, but the more specific the data then the more & better responses you'll get. Especially useful are your age, desired retirement age, assets, asset allocation, income, expenses, spouse, kids, and relevant location. If you say you have $900,000 in assets and you want to know if you can retire, you will not get many good responses. If you explain that you're age 45, would like to retire at 50, you have $900,000 in 50% stocks, 40% bonds, and 10% cash, you earn $55K/year and spend $60k per year, you're married with two teenagers and want to retire in San Antonio, then you will find that our responses are much more helpful.


3. It will not surprise you that the specific question most new members are eager to ask is "Can I retire?" The short answer is "It depends", so it also should come as no surprise that older members will respond to your question with some of their own, such as "What are your expected expenses? What are your sources of income?" etc. We have compiled the most common of those questions here Some Important Questions to Answer Before Asking - Can I Retire?. By running through the list and answering them, even if only to yourself, you'll be able to refine your post so that you get the best and most useful responses.

[Letj]

East West Gal I was wondering the same thing about the OP's ability to post with clarity under the influence of what I assume to be narcotic pain killers. Someone I know who suffers from chronic pain, unable to work and suffered from back injury as a result of her work as a nurse and takes those pain killers would never be able to do this.


Sent from my iPad using Early Retirement Forum

[splitwdw]

Quote:

Originally Posted by splitwdw Medicare pays for a social club? I'm not near Medicare age but did not know there were things like this paid for by Medicare.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CK2015 Apparently we are. Come to Miami because they most certainly are. Leon Medical Centers ? Serving Miami?s Medicare Community Yes we are. There is nothing like this elsewhere in the USA. President Obama even came to check this out as a model for what he wanted ACA to be.

The link is to a medical center not the social club that your mother goes to that teaches knitting, computer skills or toe nail painting. Can you post a link to the social club that Medicare pays for? I have friends near Miami that I'm sure would like to take advantage of the facility.
Edit: Never mind, I did some internet searches and found that clinics were/are offering inducements to Medicare patients like free rides, classes and beauty treatments so they would come to their clinics. Is this the clinic that was/is owned by Maggie Leon? If so she was convicted of health care fraud. https://www.fbi.gov/miami/press-rele...e-fraud-scheme

[CK2015]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichaelB No one here is angry with you. Shoot you down? More like try to help you out. Actually, no one wrote anything like that at all. And yes, you missed all the posts where members are giving you the helpful advice you asked for. What you won't fine here is help being a victim.

Well that's not the way it seems.
Apparently most feel that responding is a waste of their time.
I can appreciate that cause retirees have so little free time.

And I don't have a victim mentality but I have been given a dose of reality.
Things did not work out as I had planned and to be honest I am okay with that and have come to terms with it. I'm really not sitting around thinking woe is me. I am pretty determined to make this work if you couldn't tell.

Maybe I will fail. Sounds like many of you are sure that I will. If I do that's okay. I could always move back in with Mom and sell my place if it all goes to hell tomorrow. Truly I have a first world problem deciding whether or not to tap into money that is mine already and there for the spending if need be.

[CK2015]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Letj East West Gal I was wondering the same thing about the OP's ability to post with clarity under the influence of what I assume to be narcotic pain killers. Someone I know who suffers from chronic pain, unable to work and suffered from back injury as a result of her work as a nurse and takes those pain killers would never be able to do this. Sent from my iPad using Early Retirement Forum

I am on very little narcotics, only use at night to sleep and when absolutely necessary during the day, but enough to flunk a drug screening.
There are other drugs that are given to intractable pain patients that are not narcotics but do affect your life. I also take anti-seizure medications and have an implanted nerve stimulator.
And my pain is not from a back injury although I do have some back issues.

[CK2015]

Quote:

Originally Posted by splitwdw The link is to a medical center not the social club that your mother goes to that teaches knitting, computer skills or toe nail painting. Can you post a link to the social club that Medicare pays for? I have friends near Miami that I'm sure would like to take advantage of the facility.

That's it. You have to become a member of the medical center and then they give you access to their social club and social services. They will even pick you up if you don't drive. They do not open access to all seniors only to their members. Many seniors here get their medical care here and it's actually a pretty good medical model they just happen to lure them in with all these extras and word gets around. My Mom could be a recruiter for Leon. LOL

[Gumby]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CK2015 Well that's not the way it seems. Apparently most feel that responding is a waste of their time. I can appreciate that cause retirees have so little free time. And I don't have a victim mentality but I have been given a dose of reality. Things did not work out as I had planned and to be honest I am okay with that and have come to terms with it. I'm really not sitting around thinking woe is me. I am pretty determined to make this work if you couldn't tell. Maybe I will fail. Sounds like many of you are sure that I will. If I do that's okay. I could always move back in with Mom and sell my place if it all goes to hell tomorrow. Truly I have a first world problem deciding whether or not to tap into money that is mine already and there for the spending if need be.

Maybe I misunderstand your point, but I don't think you can draw the conclusion that "most feel that responding is a waste of time". We have a large and diverse membership on this forum, and the reasons people don't post in response to any particular thread are varied. I'm sure that the vast majority of them just did not read the thread; it would take more time than even a retired person has to read every one of the threads posted here. Others may have read the thread and determined that they did not have any helpful suggestions to offer, or may have thought of something but then saw that someone else had beaten them to the point. And, based on my own experience on here, there were a substantial number of people who did post with helpful suggestions. More than many new posters ever see. The suggestions may not be a good fit for your particular situation, but I am absolutely certain that they were posted with the best of intentions.

I think that you are seeing some frustration from those who did take the time to post. It is a normal human reaction when we feel we have extended ourselves apparently in vain. Of course, it is easy to give advice when we don't have to live with all the consequences. So, if I were you, I would take the posts with a grain of salt. Use what seems helpful to you and don't use what is not. In any event, it is probably better from a human relations standpoint to simply thank people even if you are not going to take their advice, rather than telling them that their idea won't work.

Finally, I don't think you are trolling, as some have suggested. As you have admitted, you already know the conventional answer to your situation. You are looking for the unconventional. Perhaps you'll find it with the help of the intelligent and talented members of this board. Perhaps not. I wish you luck in dealing with your situation.

[prose3589]

I am a newbie to this forum. I don't post on any other forums either. I haven't posted very often, but recently i posted about the sudden death of my father as a result of suicide. My thoughts were racing at the time and I was overwhelmed by the death and resulting inheritance.

What I found is a compassionate group. I received great advice- grounded in kindness and reality.

I am an attorney and I have found that the advice on this forum is better than some people can get from accountants and attorneys and anyone else. People here do think outside of the box.

Op- the only way out of your mess is to open yourself up to tough advice from people who have nothing to gain. Open your ears and best of luck.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

[Golden sunsets]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mystang52 With all due respect I've seen some excellent advice given, but each time you seem to come up with a reply as to why you cannot follow the particular suggestion. Maybe you should re-read and reconsider some of them?

+1. You have come here for advise but have rejected virtually all of it. You reference that your Mom is at the end of her life but she isn't even 80 yet. She could easily live another 15 years. She seems to have you bamboozled here and your brother seems to have washed his hands of all responsibility. It appears that you are supporting your mother as well as your Aunt( you said your mother was receiving $500 rent from her and your mother kept that $ for herself?). Sorry to be so harsh but you need serious help and more than this board can provide. Do you have a pastor or therapist that could step in here and guide you through these very tough issues?

[BTravlin]

First, let me say that I'm sorry that life rose up and bit you in the a$$ unexpectedly and put you in such a difficult situation.

Secondly, it seems the crux of your problem is your family. Your mother seems as if she is going to do what she wants to do for her own happiness regardless of the dire circumstances you are facing. Am I correct in concluding that your mother is fully aware of the financial jam you are in? If she is, and still won't work with you to improve the situation, then there is something wrong with her.

And your brother, what assistance does he provide? Is he fully aware of the problems you are facing? If he is aware, is he financially able to more or has he just chosen to let you deal with it?

I understand the Latino tradition of taking care of family members but doesn't this go both ways? If you have family members who expect help but have no consideration for your situation then it may be time to rethink your course.

Part of the tradition assumes that your children will return the favor but this is not an option for you.

Best of luck to you in finding a way out of this mess.

[CK2015]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gumby Maybe I misunderstand your point, but I don't think you can draw the conclusion that "most feel that responding is a waste of time". We have a large and diverse membership on this forum, and the reasons people don't post in response to any particular thread are varied. I'm sure that the vast majority of them just did not read the thread; it would take more time than even a retired person has to read every one of the threads posted here. Others may have read the thread and determined that they did not have any helpful suggestions to offer, or may have thought of something but then saw that someone else had beaten them to the point. And, based on my own experience on here, there were a substantial number of people who did post with helpful suggestions. More than many new posters ever see. The suggestions may not be a good fit for your particular situation, but I am absolutely certain that they were posted with the best of intentions. I think that you are seeing some frustration from those who did take the time to post. It is a normal human reaction when we feel we have extended ourselves apparently in vain. Of course, it is easy to give advice when we don't have to live with all the consequences. So, if I were you, I would take the posts with a grain of salt. Use what seems helpful to you and don't use what is not. In any event, it is probably better from a human relations standpoint to simply thank people even if you are not going to take their advice, rather than telling them that their idea won't work. Finally, I don't think you are trolling, as some have suggested. As you have admitted, you already know the conventional answer to your situation. You are looking for the unconventional. Perhaps you'll find it with the help of the intelligent and talented members of this board. Perhaps not. I wish you luck in dealing with your situation.

I have no reason to troll.
I moderate a community also and am hard on the members who pounce on the newbie, but all communities have different personalities.

I do appreciate that people took the time to give me advice and maybe I should not have given my reasons why and just accepted graciously as you suggest.

I know the advice is sound like I have said, but for me that's the last option I'd want to do right now today. Who knows how I will feel tomorrow. Was just thinking that there are other creative options.

I guess not or at least they are not shared with the newbies and I can appreciate that. Why throw your pearls to the swine? Prove yourself a valuable member of the community before we give you our secrets. I totally get it and we run our community in that manner as well. We give the generic advice and save the nuggets for PM ing and insider chats.

If you feel this thread is upsetting too many members please feel free to lock it and I'll just lurk for a while until I have something to contribute. I won't be offended and everyone can go back to drinking their coffee.

[CK2015]

Quote:

Originally Posted by prose3589 I am a newbie to this forum. I don't post on any other forums either. I haven't posted very often, but recently i posted about the sudden death of my father as a result of suicide. My thoughts were racing at the time and I was overwhelmed by the death and resulting inheritance. What I found is a compassionate group. I received great advice- grounded in kindness and reality. I am an attorney and I have found that the advice on this forum is better than some people can get from accountants and attorneys and anyone else. People here do think outside of the box. Op- the only way out of your mess is to open yourself up to tough advice from people who have nothing to gain. Open your ears and best of luck. Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

Thanks for sharing. My father committed suicide when I was a child and so that's definitely part of our dysfunctional mother daughter relationship.
It's not easy to recover from something like this.
My Mom really hasn't and part of me obviously let her make me his replacement at least financially but also as her companion.
It's definitely complicated.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Golden sunsets +1. You have come here for advise but have rejected virtually all of it. You reference that your Mom is at the end of her life but she isn't even 80 yet. She could easily live another 15 years. She seems to have you bamboozled here and your brother seems to have washed his hands of all responsibility. It appears that you are supporting your mother as well as your Aunt( you said your mother was receiving $500 rent from her and your mother kept that $ for herself?). Sorry to be so harsh but you need serious help and more than this board can provide. Do you have a pastor or therapist that could step in here and guide you through these very tough issues?

Yes dysfunctional has been a big problem for me with her.
She is aware of the situation but like I said her solution is for me to sign over the house and let her get her own affairs in order and she'll sign off of the other properties. That is unacceptable to me because it's my equity tied up in there too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BTravlin First, let me say that I'm sorry that life rose up and bit you in the a$$ unexpectedly and put you in such a difficult situation. Secondly, it seems the crux of your problem is your family. Your mother seems as if she is going to do what she wants to do for her own happiness regardless of the dire circumstances you are facing. Am I correct in concluding that your mother is fully aware of the financial jam you are in? If she is, and still won't work with you to improve the situation, then there is something wrong with her. And your brother, what assistance does he provide? Is he fully aware of the problems you are facing? If he is aware, is he financially able to more or has he just chosen to let you deal with it? I understand the Latino tradition of taking care of family members but doesn't this go both ways? If you have family members who expect help but have no consideration for your situation then it may be time to rethink your course. Part of the tradition assumes that your children will return the favor but this is not an option for you. Best of luck to you in finding a way out of this mess.

My brother has two kids in college and has had employment problems himself although he also is building up an ebay store.
He's been good at putting distance between him and Mom but has had to deal with his wife's father and mother and their problems. They both ended up in nursing homes and having to dispose of assets.

[REWahoo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CK2015 I guess not or at least they are not shared with the newbies and I can appreciate that. Why throw your pearls to the swine? Prove yourself a valuable member of the community before we give you our secrets. I totally get it and we run our community in that manner as well. We give the generic advice and save the nuggets for PM ing and insider chats.

Good grief...

OK, I'll let you in on our secret:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdA__2tKoIU

[Meadbh]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CK2015 Why throw your pearls to the swine? Prove yourself a valuable member of the community before we give you our secrets. I totally get it and we run our community in that manner as well. We give the generic advice and save the nuggets for PM ing and insider chats.

There are no "secrets"; there are no hidden "nuggets". There is just one "pearl", and it is shared openly here: LIVE BELOW YOUR MEANS.

[travelover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CK2015 ..........I guess not or at least they are not shared with the newbies and I can appreciate that. Why throw your pearls to the swine? Prove yourself a valuable member of the community before we give you our secrets. I totally get it and we run our community in that manner as well. We give the generic advice and save the nuggets for PM ing and insider chats. ................

Don't feel bad, I'm at over 6000 posts and they still won't tell me the nuggets.

[CK2015]

Quote:

Originally Posted by REWahoo Good grief... OK, I'll let you in on our secret: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdA__2tKoIU

[Gumby]

And here is my "unconventional" idea for generating income:

If you really have evidence of pervasive Medicare fraud, you might consider becoming a qui tam relator. (start reading here How Qui Tam Works and Medicare Fraud)

[CK2015]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meadbh There are no "secrets"; there are no hidden "nuggets". There is just one "pearl", and it is shared openly here: LIVE BELOW YOUR MEANS.

That has always been my motto and I did that for many years but when your means drop by 1/3 almost overnight it's still not enough.
But thanks for sharing that pearl.

Quote:

Originally Posted by travelover Don't feel bad, I'm at over 6000 posts and they still won't tell me the nuggets.

Oh I feel better already.