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Originally Posted by Martha
Look into respite care for your MIL so you folks can get away from time to time.
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i could not agree more. first thing that came to my mind from your post was that your depression might be more from dealing with your mom-in-law's alzheimer's disease than from retirement or even your grandson. a.d. is so stressful that many caregivers (especially among the elderly--older than even you  ) die first, die before the person suffering the disease. i quit working a job that became crappy anyway because i wanted to remove some misery from my life as i deal with mom's end-stage ad. if you were happy working, maybe you don't want to remove that now. maybe there is another job you'd like to do if any job would do. or if in good enough financial shape maybe a volunteer job would make you happier.
but do not for a second underestimate the stress a.d. puts on your lives. and if you get a job for yourself, find also something to help your wife because she will have it even harder without you there. when i went through this 20 years ago with my grandfather i used to take care of him while my parents sent his wife off to a spa for a long weekend once a month or two. now there are nursing homes and assisted living facilities that will take patients short term to give the caregivers respite.
good luck with all of that and do not hesitate to seek help in dealing with a.d. there is no good reason in any world why it should kill more than one. don't let your mil's a.d. take your lives as well.
ps martha. i read your post about how you lost your parents so early in life. then the other day my uncle and cousin joined us for lunch with what's left of my mom. looking at my cousin, i thought of how much i liked her mom who died of breast cancer when we were in our 20s. my own mom would have made such a cool old lady. i can picture her in her 90s, still traveling, still laughing, and knowing mom, still working, not in her 70s dying in slow motion. then i think of your story and my cousin's and really so many people i know who lost their parents early in life and i think even with this horror i'm going through now, how oddly lucky am i.
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"off with their heads"~~dr. joseph-ignace guillotin
"life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages."~~mark twain - letter to edward kimmitt 1901
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