What would Mega Corp Do If I Just Stopped Going To Work?

[CuppaJoe]

I knew a stellar employee at megacorp who didn’t show up one day. Her co-workers had the police check her house, they were there by 11 a.m.

 

[e86s54]

Another fun network security story from my Megacorp. My group brought in a female security engineer as a contract-to-hire position. She was appalled at the lack of security knowledge in our management, and made a few points and comments. So one day they fired her for a trumped up reason. She's a contractor, so she has no recourse. But she gets mad, and about 16 hours later she signs onto her email account through the company VPN and sends an email similar to Onward's suggestion to ALL the management in the company Director level and above. In the email she points out that there's no way she should be able to send this email, since any security noob knows you disable all accounts BEFORE you fire someone, especially someone with root for the whole company. I and all my coworkers got rousted out of bed that night to try to pull the email back out of the various mailboxes in an attemt to salvage my bosses' reputations, but we didn't work to hard at it. Huge embarassment, but they survived it for a few more years. The sad part is that people in the real world think these people are capable of protecting their data and private information.

I really loved my job.

Wow! I love that one!

 

[harley]

So, um, was he downloading porn during his late shift?

Audrey

I wouldn't want to get him in trouble, but I suspect he was. This was back in 2001 or 2, it happened a lot more back then. We didn't have the controls and logging we have now. I used to watch the traffic on the network, and there were a fair number of muckety mucks looking at some pretty non-work related stuff. Still, any halfway competent computer forensics nerd should have been able to prove it one way or the other. Bosses, feh.

 

[MooreBonds]

This may seem like a stupid idea .....but if the amount was that minuscule, I'd definitely get a straw poll of your co-workers on your same level to see if ALL of them had a similar % range, or if perhaps a few were different. If you were ALL in that same 0.3% area, I'd go to HR or your superior (maybe not all of your co-workers together...although the presence of a mob can be more effective than a single person! ) and mention that everyone was told that they would receive stock in exchange for not getting the raises/bonuses, and that the amounts you received were an insult for the work you produced, compared to the CEO and higher-ups who were showered with stock.

The reason I suggest this is that I wonder if there could be a very slim chance that perhaps there was a math error in assigning the # of shares? I know it sounds implausible, but hey, strange things happen in MegaCorps (imagine some lowly payroll entry operator mistaking 3% or 30% for 0.3%). If everyone on your level had the same lowly % result, then it very well might be a math error. Granted, it's doubtful...but I'd definitely explore that (and demand to know why you received such a small amount while the higher-ups were lavished with shares) before resorting to any other walk-out or revenge.

And if it wasn't a math error - your boss will be aware that they have a department full of unhappy productive employees whom they better take care of pretty quickly, or suffer the consequences.

 

[BunsGettingFirm]

True story: My former manager didn't show up and didn't read a single piece of email for 6 months. He wasn't fired. He didn't get a demotion. In fact, he wasn't "let go" until he found another job and moved on on his own. Meanwhile, everything that required his attention got dropped on the floor. Purchase orders for on-going manufacturing agreements didn't get renewed. Shipment contracts with DHL and FedEx didn't get renewed because the renewal notices sat in his in box for months. Of course, he did have time to show up to work one day to get on my ass about a graph that I made for a presentation that was no longer needed. Talk about a piece of sh1t. Of course, it helps to have the big boss as your friend. Meanwhile the rest of us were asking ourselves how stupid we are to show up everyday to get paid less than this guy who does nothing. In short, to the OP, less will happen than you think if you simply stopped showing up.

 

[chemist]

So, um, was he downloading porn during his late shift?

Audrey

We had a guy fired for that at my work. Joke going around the office was, "IT caught him because they could tell he was using his left hand to operate the mouse".

(Hoping that doesn't offend anyone) <ducking>

 

[clifp]

Another fun network security story from my Megacorp. My group brought in a female security engineer as a contract-to-hire position. She was appalled at the lack of security knowledge in our management, and made a few points and comments. So one day they fired her for a trumped up reason. She's a contractor, so she has no recourse. But she gets mad, and about 16 hours later she signs onto her email account through the company VPN and sends an email similar to Onward's suggestion to ALL the management in the company Director level and above.

Great story, revenge is a dish best served cold..

 

[clifp]

Years ago I got tasked with the dubious privilege of helping to decide which sites our firewall should block. Porn was obvious but surprisingly infrequent. The real time wasters back in the last 90s were all of the sports sites like ESPN, and think that was before the explosion in online fantasy sports leagues.

I pity the poor IT guys trying to figure out do you block Facebook or not?

 

[FUEGO]

And if it wasn't a math error - your boss will be aware that they have a department full of unhappy productive employees whom they better take care of pretty quickly, or suffer the consequences.

We are half way through a mutiny at my company. A quarter of the company has left in the last few months and found significantly better jobs with futures, better pay, benefits, etc. The president has been informed that everyone is unhappy with the continued "cost savings measures" when we know we are well into the black now and will be for at least 6 months (we have fairly open books unless they are Enron-ing us).

His response? "Well let them be unhappy". Classic.

 

[vicente solano]

This thread reminds me of a story - Who knows if it's true - but I like the story...

I had a friend who formerly worked at Honeywell. The story is - from the friend, is that management was bad so people were leaving right and left for other jobs. One guy decided to take another job and not formerly quit the Honeywell job. he just didn't show up any longer. He also changed his phone number. His paychecks were posted automatically to his bank account.

Well it took Honeywell 2 or 3 months to figure out that the guy wasn't there anymore and to terminate him. The story is, is that he was able to keep all those extra checks.

This in the land of the corporate sharks and ruthless executives

 

[e86s54]

This may seem like a stupid idea .....but if the amount was that minuscule, I'd definitely get a straw poll of your co-workers on your same level to see if ALL of them had a similar % range, or if perhaps a few were different. If you were ALL in that same 0.3% area, I'd go to HR or your superior (maybe not all of your co-workers together...although the presence of a mob can be more effective than a single person! ) and mention that everyone was told that they would receive stock in exchange for not getting the raises/bonuses, and that the amounts you received were an insult for the work you produced, compared to the CEO and higher-ups who were showered with stock.

The reason I suggest this is that I wonder if there could be a very slim chance that perhaps there was a math error in assigning the # of shares? I know it sounds implausible, but hey, strange things happen in MegaCorps (imagine some lowly payroll entry operator mistaking 3% or 30% for 0.3%). If everyone on your level had the same lowly % result, then it very well might be a math error. Granted, it's doubtful...but I'd definitely explore that (and demand to know why you received such a small amount while the higher-ups were lavished with shares) before resorting to any other walk-out or revenge.

And if it wasn't a math error - your boss will be aware that they have a department full of unhappy productive employees whom they better take care of pretty quickly, or suffer the consequences.

The minuscule grants of .3% are across the board...some of my underlings got even less. There has been some backlash and HR is gathering a critical mass of complaints to take to board. What I've been told is what was given was a watered down package by the CEO and not what upper management agreed on. It seems are CEO of less than 1 year is a bit of a rogue and ticking off many employees. A open and scathing email was sent out my my boss covering all aspects (both money and moral aspects) was sent out a day after the grants were announced. 10 days later...still no response. Doesn't look good.

Anyway, I'm outta here in a couple of months.

E86S54

 

[e86s54]

How things change quickly. Not showing up is now back on the front burner. Today I was informed that my boss, my bosses boss and his boss (senior VP) have all been fired/layoff, packaged off...what ever you want to call it. Along with other important and quality managers & directors. My new boss calls me and says " Your job is safe and I need to know your on-board?" and that "You are crucial to our success" to which I replied "the .3% didn't give me confidence that I'm valued" and "I'll get back to him with the on-board thing".

I am now seriously considering telling him that I have concluded that I am NOT on-board and that I have lost confidence in management and especially the CEO. Then I'll wait for the package while showing up late, long lunches, ignoring work orders, conference calls, his calls and the likes. Then wait for the Axe...should take too long.

E86S54

 

[M Paquette]

How things change quickly. Not showing up is now back on the front burner. Today I was informed that my boss, my bosses boss and his boss (senior VP) have all been fired/layoff, packaged off...what ever you want to call it. Along with other important and quality managers & directors. My new boss calls me and says " Your job is safe and I need to know your on-board?" and that "You are crucial to our success" to which I replied "the .3% didn't give me confidence that I'm valued" and "I'll get back to him with the on-board thing".

I am now seriously considering telling him that I have concluded that I am NOT on-board and that I have lost confidence in management and especially the CEO. Then I'll wait for the package while showing up late, long lunches, ignoring work orders, conference calls, his calls and the likes. Then wait for the Axe...should take too long.

E86S54

Hmmm... That's quite a hole in the old org chart above you. I wouldn't be surprised if things got misplaced for a while...

Bob Slydell: Milton Waddams.
Dom Portwood: Who's he?
Bob Porter: You know, squirrely looking guy, mumbles a lot.
Dom Portwood: Oh, yeah.
Bob Slydell: Yeah, we can't actually find a record of him being a current employee here.
Bob Porter: I looked into it more deeply and I found that apparently what happened is that he was laid off five years ago and no one ever told him about it; but through some kind of glitch in the payroll department, he still gets a paycheck.
Bob Slydell: So we just went ahead and fixed the glitch.
Bill Lumbergh: Great.
Dom Portwood: So, uh, Milton has been let go?
Bob Slydell: Well, just a second there, professor. We, uh, we fixed the *glitch*. So he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore, so it'll just work itself out naturally.
Bob Porter: We always like to avoid confrontation, whenever possible. Problem is solved from your end.​

 

[e86s54]

So I had a conf call with my new boss & HR. I told them that if they were looking to save more money they could lay me off since I planned to retire in 2013 anyway. Only my boss spoke and said that I was too important to lay off and would hear none of it. Gave me the company cheer BS and said we would talk in a few days so I would have time to think about it. I told him I saw no future here, that I have personally moved on and I had been thinking and planning this for months/years, so a few days wouldn't change anything.

I believe he was either unprepared for my offer and was confused as what to do as he does not hold any power over me. He ended it with the comment "I still expect you to perform your responsibilities to the best of your abilities". I felt like answering "or what...you'll fire me!? That's what I'm asking you dumb a$$!"

I think when he has time to reflect on this with the HR guy, they come to the conclusion that this only ends with me leaving.

E86S54

 

[MasterBlaster]

So I had a conf call with my new boss & HR. I told them that if they were looking to save more money they could lay me off since I planned to retire in 2013 anyway. Only my boss spoke and said that I was too important to lay off and would hear none of it. Gave me the company cheer BS and said we would talk in a few days so I would have time to think about it. I told him I saw no future here, that I have personally moved on and I had been thinking and planning this for months/years, so a few days wouldn't change anything.

I believe he was either unprepared for my offer and was confused as what to do as he does not hold any power over me. He ended it with the comment "I still expect you to perform your responsibilities to the best of your abilities". I felt like answering "or what...you'll fire me!? That's what I'm asking you dumb a$$!"

I think when he has time to reflect on this with the HR guy, they come to the conclusion that this only ends with me leaving.

E86S54

My two cents here -

You need to negotiate better. You should say something like - "What are you going to do to enable me to stay here ?" I wouldn't talk about how you have mentally moved on. Let them know you are onboard - On your terms.

Think Big - Chances like this are rare. This is one big opportunity if you play it right.

 

[MasterBlaster]

I had a friend who was working for a company that was being sold. People were assuming the worst and bailing out right and left.

So the company he worked for gave him and others a (whopper) big bonus and a big raise to stay on through the acquisition.

Then the new company took over and gave him another (whopper) big bonus and raise to stay on for 6 months.

After 6 months he feigned that he was considering other offers. Ditto the raise (yet again).

He would have been much much worse off had he left. He never would have received the kind of money he did by moving on.

There is opportunity in changing times.

 

[e86s54]

MasterBlaster,

You're absolutely correct! A very wise business person I know once said..."in life you get what you negotiate".

The only real issue here is that I have indeed moved on, however I would like to get something for my 13 years of life energy here (one of the 1st people hired). Just walking away with nothing when I have a six figure salary, benefits and 5 weeks holidays would not be good. In my jurisdiction, minimum due is 2 weeks salary for every year of service...so six months salary. My boss got 6 weeks for every year, or 18 months...but he was a director. I'd be happy with the minimum, but I think 12 months is possible.

We'll see...E86S54

 

[e86s54]

Another Update. The director has given me carte-blanche to operate the facility (within certain expectations that are obvious). So I decided and implemented a flexible work schedule that allows us to work from home 2 days a week. I am also no longer on-call. This makes my life much easier with additional free time to chill and do what I need to keep sane. We'll see if this works or if I leave in May or thereafter.

E86S54

 

[haha]

So I had a conf call with my new boss & HR. I told them that if they were looking to save more money they could lay me off since I planned to retire in 2013 anyway. <snip>
I think when he has time to reflect on this with the HR guy, they come to the conclusion that this only ends with me leaving.

E86S54

I sure agree with your conclusion. This is a little like when you say to your girlfriend, "I been kinda thinking about maybe we might think about seeing other people." Give her a fortnight and she'll being seeing some other guy up really close and personal.

Ha

 

[BunsGettingFirm]

I had a friend who was working for a company that was being sold. People were assuming the worst and bailing out right and left.

So the company he worked for gave him and others a (whopper) big bonus and a big raise to stay on through the acquisition.

Then the new company took over and gave him another (whopper) big bonus and raise to stay on for 6 months.

After 6 months he feigned that he was considering other offers. Ditto the raise (yet again).

He would have been much much worse off had he left. He never would have received the kind of money he did by moving on.

There is opportunity in changing times.

That's my situation right now. People are leaving right and left, and I'm given more and more responsibilities everyday which is perfectly fine with me. I'd rather be revved up the entire day rather than having to start, sprint, and then stop, and then sprint again.

However, the purported promotion is nowhere in sight. Unlike Brewer's problem of not being able to lead a team because of his official job title, my mega corp has no problem with under paying people and pretending that they are doing their old job when in fact they are leading a bunch of teams.

We will see. If by the time the economy turns around, the new bosses continue to pretend, then it's time to leave.

 

[HsiaoChu]

In 1985, my FIL was the London Branch manager for a major US Bank. While he was there an even larger bank bought them out. He was planning on retiring and they offered him this miniscule package to leave after working for the bank for 30 years(during which time he did such things as sell 747's for the bank and give them the commission at millions each, he stopped Toyota from coming into the country, and was friends with James Michner and other but those are other stories about this amazing quiet man.)

Anyways, he went to the new management and said, "You know every client that we have in Britain is coming to me and asking whether they should stay with the bank or move on.... and You know, I just not sure what to tell them."

They changed his package. Cost of living in London is high, very high, so the income for a major manager in US Dollars in London was about 50% higher than his salary in the States. They gave him his full London salary when he retired for three years, and then gave him 80% of that salary, for the rest of his life, and set it up so that when the bank was bought out again, it couldn't be touched. He also got full healthcare for him and his wife. Unbelievable deal, but it was his negotiation that got it for him.

He has/had many other funny stories where his negotiation skills of know when was the right time to speak made all the difference in the world.

Z

 

[e86s54]

Handed in my notice this morning...boss was shocked!? One month and I'm onto life part 2!

 

[CoolChange]

Handed in my notice this morning...boss was shocked!? One month and I'm onto life part 2!

Congratulations!

 

[clifp]

I take it you couldn't convince them to lay you off?

Congratulations and welcome to life part 2.

 

[e86s54]

I take it you couldn't convince them to lay you off?

Congratulations and welcome to life part 2.

Thanks all! It hasn't really sunk in yet, so kinda in a weird state.

No I could not convince them to lay me off. I certainly don't consider myself irreplaceable, but the equipment we currently use in no longer made, very specialized/complicated and only a handful of people in the world with real training or experience on it. So I'm walking out the door with a lot of knowledge and they certainly didn't want that.

Life goes on...