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16 things that it took me over 50 years to learn
Old 12-14-2007, 04:33 PM   #1
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16 things that it took me over 50 years to learn

16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN:

by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2 If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman, that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the
Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the cr*p out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
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Old 12-14-2007, 04:39 PM   #2
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Thanks Purron, I needed that...
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Old 12-14-2007, 05:26 PM   #3
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#13 is very true. I always took anyone I was interviewing out for lunch to see how they treated the waiter/waitress.
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Old 12-14-2007, 08:19 PM   #4
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i also relate real well to #13 because i was friends with a snob once. he was the most charming person i'd ever met until i later saw how badly he treated others. silly me, i thought i could change him. i was young & stupid and, after all, i knew he could be so incredibly nice.

finally i'd had enough. when i cleaned up my act of booze, meat, cigarettes and soda (you know, all the bad things), i rid myself of him too.
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Old 12-15-2007, 12:57 PM   #5
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Good post. Thanks. I like #6 and #15.
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Old 12-15-2007, 01:33 PM   #6
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I can personally vouch for #10.

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Old 12-15-2007, 01:48 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SecondCor521 View Post
I can personally vouch for #10.

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Missed that one the first time thru.
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Old 12-15-2007, 02:10 PM   #8
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Great list!

I was doing some work in an office a month or so ago. I was with a sub-contractors that works for me on a regular basis. Totally out of the blue he asks the receptionist when her baby was due. (I knew this would not end well, but there was no place to run.) She looked him straight in the eye and said, "You better be kidding." Not being a total idiot in spite of his original idiotic comment, he allowed that yes he was kidding. The temperature suddenly felt 20 degrees cooler. Boy was I glad to get out of there.
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Old 12-15-2007, 09:50 PM   #9
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I also like #9. I have railed against daylight savings time for years. Either make DST permanent year round, or make standard time permanent year round. It is crazy, and upsets our circadian rythms twice a year. Causes lots of wrecks too.
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Old 12-15-2007, 10:08 PM   #10
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Thanks, I needed a lift...and that worked just fine.
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Old 12-15-2007, 10:10 PM   #11
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And everyone still working should memorize #5...might help a few who are on the fence about retiring.
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