2006 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction results

[mickeyd]

http://www.sjsu.edu/depts/english/2006.htm

The winner:

Quote:

Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean. Jim Guigli Carmichael, CA

...However my personal favorite:

Quote:

Although Brandi had been named Valedictorian and the outfit for her speech carefully chosen to prove that beauty and brains could indeed mix, she suddenly regretted her choice of attire, her rain-soaked T-shirt now valiantly engaging in the titanic struggle between the tensile strength of cotton and Newton's first law of motion. Mark Schweizer Hopkinsville, KY

[REWahoo]

It was a dark and stormy night...

http://early-retirement.org/forums/i...3983#msg153983

[Scrooge]

Not bad, but I find that if you want the ultimate in outrageosity (!) you can't beat the annual "Imitate Keeler Competition". The first (1997) winner should give you a rough idea:

Quote:

Young Marshall "Gunless" MacLuhan stared down a street flanked with those saloons, stables, Chinese laundries, and Christian Science Reading Rooms that pop up like prairie dogs in cow-towns from the cattle-choked plains to the beef-hungry rail-heads, watching the approaching black-stockinged figure of "Dusty" Babbooncrotch, transvestite gunfighter, thinking that it still challenged his grasp of Reality to see this raucous Gomorra of the prairie in the heart of Chicago. "Interesting thought," he reflected, "And unless yon high-heeled messenger of death belies his reputation, it will be my last. Still, I wonder what became of Jacqueline? Did that novel, on which depended the consummation of our dreams, reach the desk of a publisher intelligent enough to gamble on an unknown, brilliant young authoress? Will Jacqueline Collins become two household words? But what matter, if I lie buried in the faux Boot Hill of this outré theme park, due to the machinations of Uncle Venal MacTightlee, who built this mock cow-town in the Loop?"

And yes, the notorious Harry Stephen Keeler was that awful idiosyncratic *

[Nords]

Quote:

her rain-soaked T-shirt now valiantly engaging in the titanic struggle between the tensile strength of cotton and Newton's first law of motion.

Shouldn't they give extra points for extra-bad puns?