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5 Biggest Regrets People Have Before They Die Article
Old 05-19-2019, 04:53 AM   #1
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5 Biggest Regrets People Have Before They Die Article

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/study...re-die-iwuoha/

I saw this article on LinkedIn this morning and I thought some people here might be interested in reading it. I will list the 5 most common regrets below. These were the most common regrets mentioned by terminally ill patients to this nurse in Australia.

1) I wish I pursued my dreams and aspirations, and not the life others expected of me.

2) I wish I didnt work so hard.

3) I wish I had the courage to express my feelings and speak my mind.

4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5) I wish I had let myself be happier.

Some of the items on this list really resonated with me. What do you think?
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Old 05-19-2019, 05:17 AM   #2
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Seriously, on their deathbeds, they lie there second-guessing their younger, healthier selves' choices? What is the point? Do the imagine they can negotiate a second chance?
Quote:
Originally Posted by RxMan View Post
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/study...re-die-iwuoha/

I saw this article on LinkedIn this morning and I thought some people here might be interested in reading it. I will list the 5 most common regrets below. These were the most common regrets mentioned by terminally ill patients to this nurse in Australia.

1) I wish I pursued my dreams and aspirations, and not the life others expected of me.

2) I wish I didnt work so hard.

3) I wish I had the courage to express my feelings and speak my mind.

4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5) I wish I had let myself be happier.

Some of the items on this list really resonated with me. What do you think?
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Regrets
Old 05-19-2019, 05:32 AM   #3
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Regrets

Regrets.jpg
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Old 05-19-2019, 07:33 AM   #4
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I think it reads like a screenplay and agree with Amethyst...like they say if wishes were horses...beggars would ride.

In fact when my DH almost died in a surgery incident last year I asked him this exact question ( I waited several months until he was feeling himself again). His answer, nothing really because it all got me here today and I was just happy to get back to you and our kids and grandkids. in fact if you did back in time, would you really do anything differently?
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Old 05-19-2019, 07:38 AM   #5
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in fact if you did back in time, would you really do anything differently?
If I went back I'd buy a boatload of apple/google/amazon. But other than that? Nope.

I call BS on this article, and almost everything on Linkedin is there as click bait and writer-self-promotion. Most people aren't half as self-aware and articulate as this "list" wants to portray.
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Old 05-19-2019, 07:59 AM   #6
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Old 05-19-2019, 08:22 AM   #7
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Most people aren't half as self-aware and articulate as this "list" wants to portray.
I so agree and that is so me. I wish I had answers for things like this, but the truth is that I just live my life. Not exactly day to day, because I have a basic plan, but seriously, I wish I could let myself be happier?? Give me a break. Yeah, I wish I wouldnt have worked so hard, but I like a roof over my head and food to eat. My career unfolded as it did and it was what it was, a means to an end. If I didnt work hard, it would have ended prematurely.

As for self aware, I liken this to when my DW asks grandson (8) why he did something (that he wasnt supposed to do). Seriously, you think he knows why? He just did, theres no why at 8, and frankly, I dont know at 58 why I did a lot of what I did. Thing is, its worked out pretty well.

I think my one regret is that I wish I could be more extroverted. Im kind of a loner and I think Id be better for having more relationships and better relationships with family. I dont have any negatives around the friends and family, but I wish I could do better. But, whine about it on my deathbed? I dont think so.
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Old 05-19-2019, 08:24 AM   #8
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I think it's a good reminder of what's important in life. I've seen several articles on the same issue, and they center around the same themes.

I think it's good to be reminded of what matters and what doesn't. Obviously these are these people's individual lessons, but one or two of them probably resonate with each of us.

For me, the point of these articles isn't whether it's good or bad to have regrets, but about what feels important when you're coming to the end of your life.
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Old 05-19-2019, 08:30 AM   #9
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I hope my kids/DW and my family are in good shape, that we've had a great relationships and experienced everything this life has to offer, and that I've made a positive contribution to the world and people around me.

If I'm faced with an extended downhill slide, I fully expect some soul searching, but if the above is in good order I think I will be at peace.

Now let's not learn how this turns out for another 50 years or so!!
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Old 05-19-2019, 08:31 AM   #10
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# 4 would be one that I should change and have the control to change. That one is the most bothersome to me.
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Old 05-19-2019, 08:49 AM   #11
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I'm too easily drawn into self doubt and second guessing - it works out much better to assert that at any time, given the circumstances and resources, I made the best decisions I could.
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Old 05-19-2019, 08:58 AM   #12
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I never thought of a career as a means to an end. Spending half or more of my waking hours for 35-40 years doing something I felt "meh" about would have felt like purgatory.

Not that there weren't days when I kicked myself for not taking a permanent job in the small-town post office where I worked during college. I struggled at times in journalism, but the struggle eventually paid off. In fact, I'm often nostalgic about my career. It was great fun.

So I can look at that list and feel satisfaction when reading points one and three. Yeah, I have regrets, but those aren't among them.

As for introversion, I'm in the same boat, but that's more a matter of who I am rather than what I've done or haven't done. So I would agree that point 5 is hogwash, again because that's more a matter of an individual's nature than a choice.
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Old 05-19-2019, 09:00 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by Amethyst View Post
Seriously, on their deathbeds, they lie there second-guessing their younger, healthier selves' choices? What is the point? Do the imagine they can negotiate a second chance?
Not sure how you managed to conclude they were second-guessing or thought they could negotiate a second chance. From the article:

As part of therapy, Bronnie would ask about any regrets they had about their lives, and anything they would do differently if life gave them a second chance.

So they were being probed for regrets and second chances, not spontaneously spewing regrets and wanting a second chance.
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Old 05-19-2019, 09:03 AM   #14
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1) I wish I pursued my dreams and aspirations, and not the life others expected of me.--I did this for the most part. Never really cared what people thought or expected. Still don't.

2) I wish I didnt work so hard. --Although still working at 53 I am not working hard. I worked hard enough, picked my spots to maximize the results.

3) I wish I had the courage to express my feelings and speak my mind.--I spoke my mind. Most people don't care.

4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.--Friendships are two way streets. I am friends with the people I want to be friends with. ALthough I have definately stopped keeping score.

5) I wish I had let myself be happier.--I am happy.

Believe it or not I am actually worried that although having some regrets I don't really aspire to anything other than retirement, travel, etc... I am worried that things are too good. I know know weird right?
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Old 05-19-2019, 09:08 AM   #15
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I enjoyed staying home with my kids, then college and a career I loved. Married the wrong person but fixed that 22 years ago. Wasn’t assertive enough when younger but fixed that. Life is about learning. No regrets.
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Old 05-19-2019, 09:43 AM   #16
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I wish I'd met DW 48 years ago, when she was 18 and I was 28. (Problem is, we were both different people back then, so we'll make do with what we have now.)

Other than that, naah....didn't work much or long, traveled a bit, no complaints.
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Old 05-19-2019, 10:05 AM   #17
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Very timely...
Lots of time on our hands, the past two weeks have been interesting, as we've both chosen to go over our lives, and do some planning for what will be a limited future.

After doing the necessary sorting out and planning for after we're gone, most of the time, has been spent in memories... the good, and those things that one of us doesn't remember (for good reason).

Dreams? We're both pragmatic about what "was". No time at all spent on that.

Work so hard? Just ingrained. Was never considered. Eighty hour work weeks, it was a team effort. With kids, jeanie filled in with the hard part, raising four happy and well turned out adults. How does one have regrets about something when there is no known alternative. If anything, a lesson in appreciation of the in-between times.

Courage?... Neither of us deals in double talk. One point of pride. Left a well paying job, with nothing waiting over a morally indefensible incident by the corporation. Difficult time, but no regret.

Friends?... some sadness here. After moving 22 times, losing touch with close friends, just happens naturally, especially with advancing age. More than half are no longer with us. Personal contact almost impossible with the rest. After dealing with this, in our 60's and 70's, not a consideration now. Once or twice a year, a few hours of going over thousands of jpg's.

Happy? With most of the difficult parts are behind us, right now, today, the happiest time of our lives. Reasonable health and mobility. Socialization when we want it, privacy when we don't. No cares about money, and with all of our extended family in good physical and mental health. Yes... Happy.
.................................................. ................................................

We are not naive. The time will come when mental and or physical health will deteriorate. Can we prepare?... No... It happens. Living in our CCRC, we see it happen every day. The comfort comes is seeing the kind of care that will be available... for pain, for adjusting to assisted living or nursing home care. We have a chance to see what happens. Despite the oft cited horror stories we have all heard about crying, moaning, total despair, and terrible physical pain, a walk through our nursing home or Alzheimer unit shows nothing like that. Quiet, sad, and not responsive, but not a living hell.

The article is well intended, and for some, a time to be feared. I doubt that either jeanie or I will come to the end with utter misery.
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Old 05-19-2019, 10:14 AM   #18
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3) I wish I had the courage to express my feelings and speak my mind.--I spoke my mind. Most people don't care.
+1

When I speak my mind, DW tells me to stop complaining.
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Old 05-19-2019, 10:18 AM   #19
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Seriously, on their deathbeds, they lie there second-guessing their younger, healthier selves' choices? What is the point? Do the imagine they can negotiate a second chance?
Actually I see that a lot in older people. Not "death bed" scenario exactly, but as they realize the end might be closing in they almost seem to be engaging in what I call lying their way into heaven. Either they start painting a heretofore unknown picture of themselves and their lives and honest and noble or the opposite. They express some sort of honest-sounding repentance for not being as honest and noble as they now "know" they should have been.
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Old 05-19-2019, 10:40 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by RxMan View Post
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/study...re-die-iwuoha/

I saw this article on LinkedIn this morning and I thought some people here might be interested in reading it. I will list the 5 most common regrets below. These were the most common regrets mentioned by terminally ill patients to this nurse in Australia.
1) I wish I pursued my dreams and aspirations, and not the life others expected of me.

I pretty much did. I did not waste my time trying to do things in my mind I wished I could do but "on the street" knew would be a non-starter. That's not regretting. That's the Triage of Life. I somehow managed to be a "Rules Player" and a maverick at the same time. Whatever the situation called for.

2) I wish I didnt work so hard.

I admit I keep going over this one. Giving a crap and having a work ethic and "caring to do the right thing right" as someone once accused me of always seemed to be, in the end a waste of my time and efforts. Everybody else around me was a slack-ass politician who either stepped over the bodies and produced nothing or was content to be a Homer Simpson or Alfred E Newman.

3) I wish I had the courage to express my feelings and speak my mind.

Another "On the one hand/on the other hand." Did I lack the "courage" to "give them a piece of my mind"? Or did I have prudence and wisdom to not bother with it? As someone else here has said: They don't care anyway.

4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Hey, I have actually had the opportunity in recent years to re-hook-up with some people from my youth. Not pleasant. Ya can't go home again. Had we not lost touch originally, after a time we would have drifted apart anyway. And perhaps in a less amiable way than had happened.

5) I wish I had let myself be happier.

Yes. Sometimes I over-think things. Or worry too much. I think personality type and upbringing shapes that. To a young me "happiness" was momentary and someone was always standing by to ruin it for you. So, I tended to see the world that way. I also see this as a motivator to achieve some wealth and retire early, so... ham and eggs.... eggs and ham...
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