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50 office-speak phrases you love to hate
11-05-2010, 08:45 AM
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#1
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,934
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50 office-speak phrases you love to hate
Contributed mostly by Brits, but I've heard most of these lousy phrases in the U.S. too.
BBC NEWS | UK | Magazine | 50 office-speak phrases you love to hate
My own pet peeve is "utilize." Please someone tell the world that "utilize" means exactly the same thing as "use," but with three times the syllables and twice the slime.
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And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know.
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11-05-2010, 08:48 AM
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#2
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 13,566
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I liked # 9
9. "Until recently I had to suffer working for a manager who used phrases such as the idiotic I've got you in my radar in her speech, letters and e-mails. Once, when I mentioned problems with the phone system, she screamed 'NO! You don't have problems, you have challenges'. At which point I almost lost the will to live."
Stephen Gradwick, Liverpool
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“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching.”
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11-05-2010, 08:56 AM
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#3
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Rio Grande Valley
Posts: 38,001
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Onward
My own pet peeve is "utilize." Please someone tell the world that "utilize" means exactly the same thing as "use," but with three times the syllables and twice the slime.
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The funny thing is that they do the same thing in Spanish! But there you have twice the syllables (4 versus 2).
"Drill down" always amuses me. Typical of software lingo applied to more general business matters. Whatever happened to the good old phrase - "get to the bottom of it"
But I think some of the best was all that internet speak we heard in the 99/2000. About companies being in a certain "space" and a bunch of other silly jargon.
It's funny - I think a bunch of the phrases that the Brits find annoying are phrases that have been in the US vocabulary for at least 100 years. LOL!
Audrey
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Retired since summer 1999.
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11-05-2010, 09:22 AM
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#4
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 12,483
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A few others?
GIGO (garbage-in-garbageout)?
"We don't see obstacles, just opportunities"
"I think its an idea we can get our heads around"......
"Just webinar it"
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Consult with your own advisor or representative. My thoughts should not be construed as investment advice. Past performance is no guarantee of future results (love that one).......:)
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11-05-2010, 09:33 AM
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#5
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Orlando, Fl
Posts: 950
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Thinking "out of the box" is an oldy but goody.
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"Some people describe themselves as being able to see things as a glass half full. For some, the glass is half empty. Me? I can't even find the f***king glass."
Silver
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11-05-2010, 10:11 AM
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#6
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Oahu
Posts: 26,856
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Quote:
"Thank you for your note. We are assessing and mitigating immediate impacts, and developing a high-level overview to help frame the conversation with our customers and key stakeholders. We intend to start that process within the week. In the meantime, please continue to raise specific concerns or questions about projects with my office via the Transition Support Center..."
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Quote:
"Thanks for the impactful article; I especially appreciated the level of granularity. A high altitude view often misses the siloed thinking typical of most businesses. Absent any scheme for incentivitising clear speech, however, I'm afraid we're stuck with biz-speak."
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At least in the military you got to shoot back once in a while...
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11-05-2010, 10:59 AM
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#7
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Montgomery
Posts: 74
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I've always hated "last but not least" simply because some people use it for every list they present. Come on, sometimes we put things last because they really aren't as important as the first thing on the list. I now go out of my way to say "last and least important."
A close 2nd is "all intents and purposes" because it is reduntant. I really want to tell the speaker "ah, for a second there I thought we needed to implement this for intents only, but since it is for purposes as well, I'd better take Friday off to think about it"
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11-05-2010, 11:09 AM
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#8
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 838
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A phrase I heard a lot from top management the past few years was "if you can't measure it, you can't manage it". Which led to us putting in place all sorts of metrics and reporting about number of work requests, amount of time to complete tasks, time to respond to problems, time to resolve problems, etc etc etc. The results of which helped top management craft the outsourcing deal which led to me being laid off. Happily for me, that became early retirement. (But not so happy for most of my other coworkers).
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11-05-2010, 11:14 AM
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#9
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,608
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I remember a number of the phrases being used in my former workplace. One phrase not on the list was "getting down to the short strokes".
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11-05-2010, 11:17 AM
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#10
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,684
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Worked with a curmudgeon who frequently used "when you unpeel the onion . . .", which makes no sense.
"At the end of the day" is also a favorite.
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11-05-2010, 11:28 AM
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#11
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,934
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"So how can we monetize this?"
"Let's ping so-and-so and see what he thinks."
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And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know.
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11-05-2010, 11:54 AM
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#12
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Palma de Mallorca
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In his book "Crimes against Logic", Jamie Whyte goes into management-speak and especially consultant-speak a little. Consultant-speak is there to pad out the report and make you think you're getting something more than a spotty 26-year-old for your $3,000 per day.
For example, say you are one of a group of four people, and you notice that you are the tallest. You would say, "Benchmarked against geographically proximate peers, I am a top-quartile height performer".
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11-05-2010, 11:57 AM
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#13
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 3,222
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nords
At least in the military you got to shoot back once in a while...
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With the military it's the use of acronyms that drove me nuts. When I first started working as a civilian for the Army my head was spinning for 3 months trying to understand what everyone was saying.
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11-05-2010, 11:58 AM
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#14
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Dryer sheet aficionado
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 39
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This seems to be the new one around here: "thoroughly vetted".
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11-05-2010, 01:54 PM
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#15
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Oahu
Posts: 26,856
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zinger1457
With the military it's the use of acronyms that drove me nuts. When I first started working as a civilian for the Army my head was spinning for 3 months trying to understand what everyone was saying.
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The nukes in the submarine force avoided this one when we were little student nukes by forbidding us to use acronyms. Every time we saw one we had to speak it out instead of pronounce its letters.
This worked OK when you had to say "reactor plant manual" instead of RPM, but it was a real hassle when you had to ask a question about "self-saturable burnable poisons" or "main coolant cut-out valves".
Then the non-nuclear submariners would torment the nukes by pronouncing the acronyms as words instead of speaking the words they stood for. I once listened to two sonar technicians talking about the noise made by equipment that they kept referring to as "tiglops". After about 20 minutes I finally admitted my ignorance (I had a lot of practice at that) and it turned out that they were talking about turbine generator lubricating oil pumps: "TGLOPs".
Over 27 years after nuclear power school I still find myself sounding out acronyms and hesitating over whether to write them out or just use the initials.
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Co-author (with my daughter) of “Raising Your Money-Savvy Family For Next Generation Financial Independence.”
Author of the book written on E-R.org: "The Military Guide to Financial Independence and Retirement."
I don't spend much time here— please send a PM.
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11-05-2010, 03:17 PM
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#16
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Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Flyover country
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The only rule I gave my cat was to never think "out of the box"
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I thought growing old would take longer.
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11-05-2010, 04:50 PM
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#17
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
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Location: Collin County, TX
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Quote:
Originally Posted by powerplay
I remember a number of the phrases being used in my former workplace. One phrase not on the list was "getting down to the short strokes".
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Hmmm...well..... ..........
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There's no need to complicate, our time is short..
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11-05-2010, 05:09 PM
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#18
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,401
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How can we operationalize this? (i.e. How can we get it done?)
The business planing proces is is all around accountability.... AARGH!
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11-05-2010, 05:43 PM
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#19
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: midwestern city
Posts: 4,061
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empowerment is missing :-)
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Very conservative with investments. Not ER'd yet, 48 years old. Please do not take anything I write or imply as legal, financial or medical advice directed to you. Contact your own financial advisor, healthcare provider, or attorney for financial, medical and legal advice.
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11-05-2010, 06:15 PM
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#20
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Gone but not forgotten
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 6,924
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Deleveraging
Eating our own dog food
Getting all our ducks in a row
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"Knowin' no one nowhere's gonna miss us when we're gone..."
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