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Old 06-24-2009, 04:53 PM   #21
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DW and I can't really talk about it in depth. She's not interested in planning at all. She has gotten used to budgeting/tracking spending although sometimes she slips up and wants to do something well outside the budget. I am not complaining, but retirement is "my job" and she'll tell you that.
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Old 06-24-2009, 04:59 PM   #22
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DW and I can't really talk about it in depth. She's not interested in planning at all. She has gotten used to budgeting/tracking spending although sometimes she slips up and wants to do something well outside the budget. I am not complaining, but retirement is "my job" and she'll tell you that.
Yep, that describes us pretty well. DH figures that's why I spent three years studying financial planning. He's right--this is my gig. But he's the beneficiary, since he'll be retiring long before I will.
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Old 06-24-2009, 08:13 PM   #23
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We've been retired for 3 years now, and DW is starting to chafe at the bit a little. She's easily bored, not a reader, and along with w*rking has spent the last 25 years caring for people (DD, FIL, MIL). So she's feeling directionless and unneeded now. She's been filling her time with QVC and Ebay (buying, not selling), which is not setting too well with me. She keeps saying "we" need to go back to work, both to defray the effects of the economic downturn as well as giving structure to our lives. I say "we really should, if by we you mean you".

I personally am happy as a pig in nasty stinky mud being at my leisure, with no structure. I'm pretty difficult to bore, although my old job succeeded at it pretty well. I haven't wanted either of us to work, because we've been traveling back and forth from the beach to Northern VA a lot. But I'm buying into her getting a job, both to pay for her addiction and to keep her busy so she has less time to engage in it.

Long story short, we agreed on retirement leading up to it and early on, but while it's working well for me it's not for her. So we need to figure out some good compromises. But at least we can discuss it without falling back on sharp objects.
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Old 06-24-2009, 08:35 PM   #24
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Can you do an intervention with DW? I pay well........

DW is well-meaning, but because she grew up with nothing and her dad was a packrat/expert at rummage sales, she likes to "collect" things.......
I grew up poor. And learned not to ask for stuff. And still don't want much.
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Old 06-25-2009, 09:11 AM   #25
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I grew up poor. And learned not to ask for stuff. And still don't want much.
How about $500 cash + travel expenses?
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Old 06-25-2009, 09:18 AM   #26
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Harley, I kinda worry about DH's ability to keep himself occupied once he doesn't have a job to go to. I can see how your DW could want to fill her days with something like shopping. My mom does that. Any pending grandchildren that might be able to fill the space? I know it is hard to take up hobbies at this age, but there are a lot of cool things out there that don't cost much.
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Old 06-25-2009, 09:40 AM   #27
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. She's easily bored, not a reader, and along with w*rking has spent the last 25 years caring for people (DD, FIL, MIL). So she's feeling directionless and unneeded now. She's been filling her time with QVC and Ebay (buying, not selling), which is not setting too well with me. She keeps saying "we" need to go back to work, both to defray the effects of the economic downturn as well as giving structure to our lives. I say "we really should, if by we you mean you".


I briefly went through that same lack of structure feeling . She needs to find something that will add structure a few days a week . (Volunteering, a regular gym class or maybe a fun part time job ).We are all not meant for total retirement .
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Old 06-25-2009, 09:56 AM   #28
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We've been retired for 3 years now, and DW is starting to chafe at the bit a little. She's easily bored, not a reader, and along with w*rking has spent the last 25 years caring for people (DD, FIL, MIL). So she's feeling directionless and unneeded now. She's been filling her time with QVC and Ebay (buying, not selling), which is not setting too well with me. She keeps saying "we" need to go back to work, both to defray the effects of the economic downturn as well as giving structure to our lives. I say "we really should, if by we you mean you".
If I ever saw a prime candidate for volunteering (or w*rking ) at a senior center...has DW considered this in her present antsy stage ?
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Old 06-25-2009, 11:02 AM   #29
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I've learned my lesson. I just say "yes dear".
That works well for me too.

In practice, I handle the finances but she is very much "in the loop", keeping a spreadsheet on the computer showing this and next month's income and predicted expenses. We talk a lot about money, which is really talking about priorities.

The thing is, we are so much "on the same page" about priorities that sometimes I wonder if she's telepathic. In 20 years of marriage I think we've had perhaps five disagreements over money.
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Old 06-25-2009, 11:07 AM   #30
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I grew up poor. And learned not to ask for stuff. And still don't want much.
DW and I did too, which we think makes us appreciate what we have, and to not think much about what we don't have. She shared a pillow with her sister until she was eight, and as for me, when growing up a box of Ritz crackers and a six-pack of Coke was a perhaps once-a-month luxury.

But we had it good - we did have cars and indoor plumbing. I'm now working with people who didn't have either until they were in their teens.
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Old 06-25-2009, 01:24 PM   #31
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That works well for me too.
Mmm, hmm. I have to admit the old budget comes in handy. I'm not the "bad cop" anymore........
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In practice, I handle the finances but she is very much "in the loop", keeping a spreadsheet on the computer showing this and next month's income and predicted expenses. We talk a lot about money, which is really talking about priorities.
I keep the spreadsheet up-to-date. DH is getting more involved in the finances...finally.
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The thing is, we are so much "on the same page" about priorities that sometimes I wonder if she's telepathic. In 20 years of marriage I think we've had perhaps five disagreements over money.
Yeah...after 32 years of marriage for us, telepathy can have its moments....
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Old 06-25-2009, 01:35 PM   #32
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DW and I agree for the most part. The part we disagree on is for when to do it. But slowly we are coming to some kind of agreement
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Old 06-26-2009, 10:15 PM   #33
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I'll make the volunteer suggestion to her. Good idea. She's looked into a couple things (animal shelter, Quaker activism), but nothing has clicked. I agree with y'all, kids or old folks would probably be good. And Sarah, I hope there are no more grandkids on the horizon, we're hoping for a SIL first this time.
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Old 06-27-2009, 09:15 AM   #34
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I'll make the volunteer suggestion to her. Good idea. She's looked into a couple things (animal shelter, Quaker activism), but nothing has clicked. I agree with y'all, kids or old folks would probably be good. And Sarah, I hope there are no more grandkids on the horizon, we're hoping for a SIL first this time.

Several of the women I take a gym class with have part time jobs in gift stores and they all really like it . Maybe this is something she would be interested in ?
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Old 06-27-2009, 11:23 AM   #35
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I think it would be discouraging to be married to someone who didn't agree with my retirement planning. I have worked so hard on it and I would hate to have to go "back to the drawing board", so to speak.

So happy to hear of the married folks whose partners are on the same wavelength in their planning!
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Old 06-27-2009, 08:39 PM   #36
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We're pretty much on board with the big things. She tends a bit more to the just one more year side of planning, but we have agreed on a date -July 1, 2011 with a contingency in regard to asset values at that time.

We've been together for over 30 years and been through a lot. We'll get through this fine, I am confident
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