Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 11-28-2015, 07:53 AM   #41
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,318
Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
....I called my sister who lives in the same city as the cousin to see if she could cover the week and I would reimburse her. Well she told me that this cousin has been living off family members for quite some time, but she had been unable to get employment after losing her job months ago. She had been living in a woman friend's basement, but the woman's boyfriend told her that either cousin must get out, or he would. Hostess decided that she needed boyfriend more than my cousin, so cousin's stuff wound up out in the yard. So this is where I came in.

Sister and I talked a while, and sister said that all the solvent family members had been trying to get now homeless cousin to apply for disability, housing assistance, etc but that she had been dragging her feet.

Sister bawled her out for trying to involve me, 2500 miles away, and I figured that would be that. Next day I got an im- "I'll be at the new hotel in an hour, and I'll call you then". I had decided not to mess up the tough love that my other cousins had been trying to establish, and also to save myself some money and grief, so I texted her that I could not help.

Meanwhile, I am pretty upset. This woman had always worked, but spent too much on travel, expensive apartment and so on. I felt mixed....

In recapping with my sister, I learned that my Dad and his brother had been helping her now dead mother for years, after aunt got divorced and had poor representation...

This newly homeless cousin has always been generous, not only with herself but with her derelict brother's children and others. She is in no way a bad person, just really lacking in sense and unable to say no.

Family members and friends can make suggestions and have done so, but we really have no control over self-destructive financial behavior.

Still, it makes me feel awful.

Ha
Ha, Know what you mean about feeling awful but some people we just can't help. If you trust your sister then stay out of it. It sounds like the cousin's reaching out to you because she ran through all her local family members.
__________________

__________________
splitwdw is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 11-28-2015, 02:15 PM   #42
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Utrecht
Posts: 2,213
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clone View Post
But I suspect that underneath it all they felt working for a living like that was not enough. They wanted to be the boss, they wanted to manage from a distance, they wanted to sit back and let others make the money for them.
Sounds exactly like my cousin.

He was on his second cycle about to go bust, owed 200k+ to his creditors from a failed bar/restaurant venture. Personal bankruptcy looming within weeks.

Then he won the lottery. 1M+.

Then he bought a ferrari.

Haven't heard from him in a long time. Second cycle will eventually complete I expect, in another 10 years or so.

Unless his mother will have died by then, should give him a decent inheritance.
__________________

__________________
Totoro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-28-2015, 04:25 PM   #43
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 5,326
Quote:
Originally Posted by NW-Bound View Post
I have always tried to understand how people chose such lifestyle, hence I found these blogs interesting. They wrote fluently, sounded educated, and appeared to be of normal mind. In the end, I still could not understand.
It really struck me how many people I know really hate their jobs after being around less retired and more employed people than we usually are around on Thanksgiving. Maybe the van people really are happier.
__________________
Even clouds seem bright and breezy, 'Cause the livin' is free and easy, See the rat race in a new way, Like you're wakin' up to a new day (Dr. Tarr and Professor Fether lyrics, Alan Parsons Project, based on an EA Poe story)
daylatedollarshort is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-28-2015, 05:36 PM   #44
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
braumeister's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Northern Kentucky
Posts: 8,610
Quote:
Originally Posted by Totoro View Post
Then he bought a ferrari.
ROFL!
I'm sure he felt he deserved it after all the stress he had been through.
__________________
braumeister is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-28-2015, 05:37 PM   #45
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,386
This may work out better than I feared. She is still in the hospital, and apparently is slated for release early next week. Someone who has been self supporting all her life suddenly going downhill is not normal, so I am hoping this gives us something to build on.

Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-28-2015, 07:31 PM   #46
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 408
Quote:
Originally Posted by walkinwood View Post
Keep an eye on her Haha. Maybe there'll be a better time to step in and help in the future with a better expected result.


So true. We're just the result of our genes, environment and chemistry. And most of that is pure luck.
+1, Agree. You mentioned both cousins were adopted. Children given up
by their birth mother have "learning disabilities". Not their fault.

Check out Psychiatric text books if you do not believe me.
__________________
wolf is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-28-2015, 07:44 PM   #47
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 11,615
Quote:
Originally Posted by wolf View Post
+1, Agree. You mentioned both cousins were adopted. Children given up
by their birth mother have "learning disabilities". Not their fault.

Check out Psychiatric text books if you do not believe me.
Probably not. Link
__________________
"Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite." - R. Heinlein
samclem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2015, 12:26 PM   #48
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Chuckanut's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: West of the Mississippi
Posts: 6,334
Quote:
Originally Posted by Totoro View Post

Then he won the lottery. 1M+.

Then he bought a ferrari.

Haven't heard from him in a long time. Second cycle will eventually complete I expect, in another 10 years or so.

Unless his mother will have died by then, should give him a decent inheritance.
This reminds me of the best reason I ever heard for buying an annuity. (not that I am a big fan of annuities). An elderly lady had over 2.5 million dollars at the death of her husband who had owned a highly successful business which he sold just before his death. Unfortunately, she had two children both of whom were similar to those spendthrifts described in this thread. After less than two years her cash was down to 2 million thanks to her being a soft touch for her kids. She simply could not say 'no' to them. At the advice of a nephew who knew something about personal finance and her family situation, she bought several annuities with most of the remaining 2 million thus putting her in the position where she could no longer simply write a large check to bail out her spendthrift children.
__________________
The worst decisions are usually made in times of anger and impatience.
Chuckanut is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2015, 12:51 PM   #49
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
travelover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 9,896
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuckanut View Post
......... At the advice of a nephew who knew something about personal finance and her family situation, she bought several annuities with most of the remaining 2 million thus putting her in the position where she could no longer simply write a large check to bail out her spendthrift children.
Plus it made her more creditworthy if she co-signed loans for them...
__________________
Yes, I have achieved work / life balance.
travelover is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2015, 12:58 PM   #50
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Chuckanut's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: West of the Mississippi
Posts: 6,334
Quote:
Originally Posted by travelover View Post
Plus it made her more creditworthy if she co-signed loans for them...
True, it was not a perfect solution. But, without it she might have been wiped out in only a few years. Or so I am told.
__________________
The worst decisions are usually made in times of anger and impatience.
Chuckanut is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2015, 01:37 PM   #51
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
travelover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 9,896
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuckanut View Post
True, it was not a perfect solution. But, without it she might have been wiped out in only a few years. Or so I am told.
I'm pullin' your chain, but yeah, some people are drawn to bankruptcy like a moth to a flame.
__________________
Yes, I have achieved work / life balance.
travelover is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2015, 03:50 PM   #52
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
youbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 9,965
Quote:
Originally Posted by daylatedollarshort View Post
It really struck me how many people I know really hate their jobs after being around less retired and more employed people than we usually are around on Thanksgiving. Maybe the van people really are happier.
The saddest stories I read on this board (to me at least) are those of folks who hate their current jobs but due to golden handcuffs, needing more money in the portfolio, needing medical coverage or whatever are going to stay on for additional years. Sometimes it seems like good career planning and the good fortune of getting into a career you enjoy are as important as retirement planning, maybe more so.

I didn't get to FIRE until 58. DW FIRE'd at 55. Certainly not young by the standards of this board. But we were both doing things we liked (to some varying extent or the other depending on the day) and never felt like we were in hell while working. I can't imagine spending years and years toiling at something you really dislike because you think it's going to enable you to RE.

I'm sure everyone's thoughts on this will vary......
__________________
"I wasn't born blue blood. I was born blue-collar." John Wort Hannam
youbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2015, 04:23 PM   #53
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Helen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,351
Haha, I'm sorry to hear of what you are going through. I am going through something similar with a friend I recently connected with on Facebook. She lives on the east coast and has what looks to be schizophrenia. I have spoken to mutual friends who live back their and they have all counseled me to stay away from her, that she is beyond my abilities. After reading her rants on FB, I have come to the same conclusion.

I knew she had a terrible childhood, but now I see how much she is suffering as an adult. She is on SSDI, has subsidized housing, food stamps and a part time job. She is better off than many, but she still dumpster dives for cans.

I have decided to send her some money anonymously, in hopes that it will add a little quality to her life. I am not sure what else I could do that would be prudent.

I hope you keep us posted, Haha.
__________________
Helen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2015, 06:06 PM   #54
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
youbet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 9,965
Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen View Post
I have decided to send her some money anonymously, in hopes that it will add a little quality to her life. I am not sure what else I could do that would be prudent.
If you know or can find out some things she really enjoys but can't normally afford, send her some. Stuff instead of cash might be a good idea.

My dad always helped his long widowed, destitute aunt. She was a sweetheart and a pleasure to be around even well into her 80's. When dad died, I wasn't sure what to do. Eventually we figured out that inviting her (which involved a tedious journey into the city to pick her up) to a few family gatherings and sending her home with boxes of groceries and household goods made her the happiest little old lady to ever live in public housing on the wrong side of the tracks....... When we gave her cash, we were never quite sure what she did with it.
__________________
"I wasn't born blue blood. I was born blue-collar." John Wort Hannam
youbet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2015, 06:26 AM   #55
Full time employment: Posting here.
Redbugdave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Columbia, SC
Posts: 959
Quote:
Originally Posted by youbet View Post
The saddest stories I read on this board (to me at least) are those of folks who hate their current jobs but due to golden handcuffs, needing more money in the portfolio, needing medical coverage or whatever are going to stay on for additional years. Sometimes it seems like good career planning and the good fortune of getting into a career you enjoy are as important as retirement planning, maybe more so.

I'm sure everyone's thoughts on this will vary......
Youbet...I was one of the Golden Handcuffs and not crazy about the job. You are absolutely right. Been there. It can drive you crazy. Not any more!
__________________
"I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it." Ashleigh Brilliant
Redbugdave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2015, 06:37 AM   #56
Full time employment: Posting here.
UnrealizedPotential's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 573
Quote:
Originally Posted by Free To Canoe View Post
They wrote a song for these funny, sad people:

I had forgotten about that song. I really think life success boils down to so many things that are not enjoyable for some people . Everyone recognizes confidence and self esteem. Some people do not have the tough determination and stick with it attitude it takes to make it in this tough World. Instead of trying something else when failure comes they give up . They lose that inner drive that is so vital to success.
__________________
Understanding both the power of compound interest and the difficulty of getting it is the heart and soul of understanding a lot of things. Charlie Munger
UnrealizedPotential is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-03-2015, 08:52 PM   #57
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,691
Ha,
Sounds similar to a situation I went through, my daughter had a foster child that really struggled with responsibility and sued to be given independence and was then homeless for several months living in homeless shelters.

After that I worked with my daughter and paid for one year's rent in a very meager apartment, rent was $550 a month. Paid through my daughter who then told him they were paying for one year and he had to get himself back up to fend for himself. After a year he did and now has a full time job with benefits. Sometimes the experience of being homeless can be a motivator, perhaps you could look at a situation like that if you could afford it.....
__________________

__________________
Running_Man is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My cousin and his "financial advisor" Ready FIRE and Money 44 08-04-2015 09:49 PM
My cousin's new video igsoy Other topics 14 04-24-2008 10:05 PM
How my cousin Amyumu beat Ben mickeyd Other topics 1 01-25-2008 05:45 PM
hello from a frugal cousin nellie Hi, I am... 6 04-11-2007 07:57 AM
Study: Free booze benefits homeless soupcxan Other topics 12 01-06-2006 10:43 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:51 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.