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A different Approach: Don't give a &#@%
Old 12-02-2018, 06:21 PM   #1
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A different Approach: Don't give a &#@%

Much is said on this forum about methodically building a nest egg and a careful plan to attain FI.

There are other approaches to RE. For example, maybe you've just decided to not give a $*&@ about w*rk any more.

I guess I'm somewhere in between. Still, this TED talk resonated with me.

CAUTION: NSFW due to language! Headphones suggested!

https://youtu.be/GwRzjFQa_Og
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Old 12-02-2018, 06:35 PM   #2
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Love it!
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Old 12-02-2018, 07:26 PM   #3
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Kind of reminds me of this..

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Old 12-02-2018, 09:26 PM   #4
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Worth the listen and makes a lot of sense. We all have done things we didn't want to do, and were even convinced that it was needed to get ahead in the game.
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Old 12-02-2018, 09:47 PM   #5
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Reminds me of when I was in college I had a friend who talked about goal congruence. If it didnít help him reach his goal he didnít mess with it. I tried it and it made a huge difference. Unfortunately the fog of work got to me and I lost that concept for years.
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Old 12-03-2018, 08:39 AM   #6
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Great stuff! I already do this mostly, but the reminder and different way to describe it is good.
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Old 12-03-2018, 09:01 AM   #7
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So the message is say No when you want to say No.

Don't need to quit your job and wear a bikini to do it.

ps - notice she is again wearing pants.
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Old 12-03-2018, 09:16 AM   #8
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Ha! I was just reading this great article about how to avoid a__holes. It's very thoughtful and polite. It helps you recognize one and how to recognize this in yourself. Specifically, how to avoid a__holes.
https://www.vox.com/conversations/20...iding-assholes
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Old 12-03-2018, 10:16 AM   #9
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Nice TED talk, well worth my time! Thank you, CaptTom.
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Old 12-03-2018, 10:39 AM   #10
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Perhaps I am getting old, but the excessive use of the "F word" in the video stopped me from getting more than 7 minutes into the video. This coming from a guy who has a sailor's mouth and spent 22 years in the military dropping the "F bomb" a lot...and I mean A LOT. I get it that the whole shtick in her bit (and all her books, websites, other money making items) *IS* the F word...but her message it muddied up with its use.

Curb Your Enthusiasm, though? Love it. I only wish more people were as honest as Larry's character.
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Old 12-03-2018, 11:22 AM   #11
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I like it.

I don't see it as an alternative to traditional FIRE (I FIRED 6 years ago so), but rather as complimentary.

Over the course of 6 years, many 'extracurricular activities' have entered my life. Some of these are volunteer positions. After 6 years, some of these are starting to feel dangerously like w*rk again (people not listening to what you say - exposure to BiPolar individual leading to stress/burnout, etc.).

This also reminds me of a talk that I attended by caregiver/author Viki Kind.

In her talk Viki gave a handout of two lists.
- 7 ways to say 'no' to a request on the spot.
- 7 ways to stall for time to give an answer.

I need to find those lists again!

-gauss
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Old 12-03-2018, 11:45 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by ExFlyBoy5 View Post
Perhaps I am getting old, but the excessive use of the "F word" in the video stopped me from getting more than 7 minutes into the video. This coming from a guy who has a sailor's mouth and spent 22 years in the military dropping the "F bomb" a lot...and I mean A LOT. I get it that the whole shtick in her bit (and all her books, websites, other money making items) *IS* the F word...but her message it muddied up with its use.

Curb Your Enthusiasm, though? Love it. I only wish more people were as honest as Larry's character.
+1. I just don't get foul language in something like this, and like you say, I use that language too, but in a different setting. And people react like it's 'cool' or something - heck, anyone can use the F word, it doesn't take any special talent. It just makes the speaker look stupid and petty and hollow to me. All IMO.

But beyond that, I really dislike these motivational speaker type presentations. They just usually rub me the wrong way, like they are all knowing and superior or something.

Maybe there is value in what she says, I have a feeling it is all obvious to anyone, like diet and exercise to lose weight. Maybe I'll go back and try again, but I sense it will be a waste of time. Like those "10 tips to save money", and I'm doing all of them, and to a larger degree.

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Old 12-03-2018, 12:27 PM   #13
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Perhaps I am getting old, but the excessive use of the "F word" in the video stopped me from getting more than 7 minutes into the video.
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Originally Posted by ERD50 View Post
+1. I just don't get foul language in something like this, and like you say, I use that language too, but in a different setting. And people react like it's 'cool' or something - heck, anyone can use the F word, it doesn't take any special talent. It just makes the speaker look stupid and petty and hollow to me. All IMO.
Totally agree. The F-bomb was the "hook" in the title, to get people to pause long enough to decide whether or not to click on (or, in real life, attend) the talk.

After the first time, there really was no need to repeat it. She reverted to using "not care" instead of "not give a ..." successfully several times.

But consider her audience. Largely young, upwardly mobile, college-educated self-proclaimed professionals, artists and generally free spirits.

I've noticed some famous comedians going after this same crowd the same way. No need to actually develop a funny routine. Just stand on stage and toss F-bombs. Keeps the kids in stitches!

Sure, there are places where that language is appropriate. But at some point, you outgrow it. And you don't want to over-use some words. You want to reserve them, so you have something you can say when you stub your toe!

I still liked the overall content, even if I would have presented it a little differently.
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Old 12-03-2018, 01:00 PM   #14
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Thanks for posting. I think I'm pretty good at saying no without being an a$$hole and without being sorry. I learned late in my career that just because someone plops a meeting on my Outlook calendar doesn't mean I have to accept it. As time went on, I got better at picking my battles. I rejected lots of meeting requests with the polite comment, "Sorry, my calendar is full" ...(even though it wasn't).

Now in ER, I stay modestly social, but avoid all time commitments that I know will result in stress. OTOH, DW is not very good at saying no. And I can clearly see the stress it causes her, especially around the holidays. She often tries to drag me into her awkward "yeses" but I rarely go along. I showed her the video (and also the Larry David bit). She said something to the effect... "I don't know if I agree with all that. But it's funny and interesting to think about." Maybe there's hope.
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Old 12-03-2018, 01:09 PM   #15
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While on the language subject, it drives me nuts to walk through a books store (B&N) and see the abundance of books that now include (with cute little ampersands and such to "hide" the word) titles like (and guessing here, don't really remember) "How not to give a F*&k" and such. Really? Is your book so bad you have to throw an F bomb in your title to get attention? I think the S word is worked into some of the titles too.

I can watch cable comedy specials with lotsa this stuff, I think it's just stupid and doesn't really add much when it's so common. But to walk through a bookstore now and see it all over just is a bit much.
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Old 12-03-2018, 01:30 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by like2 View Post
Kind of reminds me of this..

I love Larry David....because he reminds me of me...
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