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A new milestone - empty nest!!!
Old 10-19-2013, 10:03 AM   #1
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A new milestone - empty nest!!!

Well, today is an interesting milestone. DS is moving out of the ol' homestead into a mobile home where he is renting a room from the owner. We are leaving to move most of his stuff in about an hour.

I think for both us and him it is exciting and scary at the same time. He's going to be 25 next week and this will be the first time he has lived away from home as an adult.

A year ago he was unemployed and living at home and had been chronically unemployed - not unusual for many kids his age as I understand. He took a licensed nursing assistant course early in the year, passed the course and the state licensing exam, within a month started a job with benefits and saved some money to be able to move out on his own so I'm proud and happy for him. He is also now starting to think of continuing his training and becoming an EMT or a RN.

He'll be living about 1/2 hour away from our home and 10 minutes from the city we do most of our shopping and errands at (and also the city where he works) so I expect that we'll see him regularly (have him over for or take him out to dinner, meet him for a movie, etc).

My only reservation is that now I will be the only one that DW has handy to order around.

Any reflections/advice from more experienced empty nesters?
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Old 10-19-2013, 10:30 AM   #2
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.... He took a licensed nursing assistant course early in the year, passed the course and the state licensing exam, within a month started a job with benefits and saved some money...
Sounds like he has made some very important progress in the past year. Congrats to all of you!



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My only reservation is that now I will be the only one that DW has handy to order around.

Any reflections/advice from more experienced empty nesters?
Depends on the relationship I guess, but through three kids being away at college and now two out on their own, the kids call Mom (and Dad as a far second - unless they have car/computer problems) every week. That means a lot to us both, and Skype is nice to see their smiling faces and rolling eyes at my comments.

Only other thing that comes to mind, I try to avoid sounding like I'm telling them what to do in a situation, but rather to explain the consequences, and let them decide. Of course, if they make the 'wrong' decision, the discussion might just take a little longer....

-ERD50
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Old 10-19-2013, 10:33 AM   #3
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Thanks for the kind words. i'm quite happy with the progress DS has made this year.

DD has been on her own for a while so I'm pretty familiar/experienced with that side of it.

The more unfamiliar part is that it has been almost 30 years since DW and I shared a house alone.
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Old 10-19-2013, 10:46 AM   #4
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The day both of our kids were away at college felt like DH and I were finally back where we belonged.
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Old 10-19-2013, 11:04 AM   #5
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It's a great feeling to be home alone again when it's for the "right" reasons, and we sure adjusted quickly. Besides, the kids have not truly left the nest until they have their own laundry in-home.
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Old 10-19-2013, 01:02 PM   #6
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Besides, the kids have not truly left the nest until they have their own laundry in-home.
Yeah, I'm only empty-nest-ish, hehe: Daughter 2 of 2 is home this weekend (fall break, first freshman semester). This is her second time home since school started. She STILL hasn't done any laundry at school!
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Old 10-19-2013, 01:52 PM   #7
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The place he has moved into has a washer and dryer - and I'm pleased to say that DS knows how to use them. Folding - still a work in progress.
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Old 10-19-2013, 02:34 PM   #8
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Sounds like your son made som great decisions in the last year, to get him on his feet and be independant!!!!

PLEASE buy him a little gift for his new digs...a smoke detector......!!!

Not to scare you but a friend's mobile home burned down here recently and it went REALLY fast and completely...fortunately no one was hurt, but boy did it go fast...
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Old 10-20-2013, 12:14 PM   #9
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Sounds like your son made som great decisions in the last year, to get him on his feet and be independant!!!!

PLEASE buy him a little gift for his new digs...a smoke detector......!!!

Not to scare you but a friend's mobile home burned down here recently and it went REALLY fast and completely...fortunately no one was hurt, but boy did it go fast...
A very good idea. Also, don't forget about carbon monoxide detectors, if the furnace or water heater burns gas of some type. A lot of new detectors have both built in.

Also, a fire extinguisher.

DS is probably going to think "What strange gifts!" but they could literally be life-savers in the event of an emergency.
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Old 10-20-2013, 12:34 PM   #10
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First congrats on the empty nest. It may feel lonely for a little while. When DS moved out, it took us about 3 months to finally stop setting a place for him at the table. He's been out of the house for 7 years now. DD moved out 4 years ago, and that was really hard on me, because that's when our nest became empty. I was still working, so DW did not overload me too much with hunny-do's. When I retired and we moved back to the states, DW began to overwhelm me with things she wanted done. After a while it also seemed like she wanted it all, and she wanted it all, NOW. That's just the way she talks. But, it was kind of hard on me and I blew my stack a little bit a couple of times. When I finally realized that some of the things she said she wanted were really 'maybe's' and 'maybe somedays' I took her aside and asked her to be a little clearer about her 'dreams and wishes' vs her 'really need this soon' items. That has helped a bit, but I do need to remind her from time to time.

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Old 10-20-2013, 02:26 PM   #11
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A year ago he was unemployed and living at home and had been chronically unemployed - not unusual for many kids his age as I understand. He took a licensed nursing assistant course early in the year, passed the course and the state licensing exam, within a month started a job with benefits and saved some money to be able to move out on his own so I'm proud and happy for him. He is also now starting to think of continuing his training and becoming an EMT or a RN.
?
Good work. To have a young adult employed in a secure field and launched in today's job market is a big accomplishment.
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Old 10-20-2013, 02:28 PM   #12
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That means a lot to us both, and Skype is nice to see their smiling faces and rolling eyes at my comments.
I never realized I might actually miss the eye rolling some day.
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Old 10-20-2013, 08:54 PM   #13
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Congratulations to your son.

The empty nest was difficult for DH and me for several months. I remember being so very sad, dwelling on memories of them as babies/ toddlers (they brought us so much joy and fun) when I SHOULD have focused on the teenage years.

We did eventually adjust quite nicely. About a year later, our youngest DS moved BACK in for six months and we had to adjust again when he moved out.

It gets to the point that you know they should be out and them staying around might be crippling them.
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Old 10-20-2013, 09:03 PM   #14
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Our last kid (boy) moved out on his own about a year ago. He's still local. So is one of our 2 daughters. The other daughter is in NC. Kids ages are 30, 28 (girls) & 22 (boy). So far, they're all doing pretty well and are self-sufficient.
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Old 10-21-2013, 08:20 AM   #15
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Any reflections/advice from more experienced empty nesters?
Great question, and please don't tell my adult children, but DH and I are loving this phase in our lives. It has honestly been the best period yet in our marriage.

To set the stage here - when we flew home from dropping our last one at college I was feeling a little weepy. As we walked in the front door after our long flight, there stood two matching, sparkling, brand new road bicycles. My wonderful husband had arranged to surprise me, with the help of a neighbor, as a reminder of the wonderful possibilities becoming empty nesters would create for the two of us.

We haven't looked back since. Even during the brief periods our two children returned home after college, about five months each, we continued our new "All about us" lifestyle. We were happy to have them, but made it clear they were now adults and would need to assume all responsibilities for themselves, including cooking, laundry, etc.

One thing I've suggested to friends that are nervous about this phase is to think back to what they used to do with their significant others when they first began dating. Chances are if those things gave them both joy back then, they will still do so today, and makes for a great starting point.
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Old 10-21-2013, 08:28 AM   #16
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I just realized my post above may have given the impression we no longer consider time with our adult children well spent. Far from it! We continue to spend lots of time together, but more often than not to pursue common interests such as hiking, biking, running and attending college football games. And even though they have flown the coup and are adults, we still expect to be treated as their parents when we get together, not their peers. (Meaning I still don't want to hear them swear, nor hear details of their love lives. )
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Old 10-21-2013, 10:01 AM   #17
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This is our first year with both kids off in college (since 8/26). It is strange to have them gone - quiet. But we, DW and I are starting to do more things together. We plan on camping out (RV) on Lake Tahoe later this week and checking out a couple resturants up there we have talked about for a long time....
Planning dinner is so different now also - we are making more elaborate and healthier meals like Thai and sushi. So far so good!
Both the kids are less than 2 1/2 hours away so they get home once a month or so for a night or 2. It's is fun to see them growing into such great adults! I am truly blessed.
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Old 11-03-2013, 03:32 PM   #18
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We are joining you in celebrating our newly empty nest! Our younger son moved into his own apartment over the weekend. Our other son has been out for a few years.

His new place is a 1 bedroom apartment about 2 miles from us. Typical mid 1980s multi-unit complex with plenty of space, huge closets and the most awkwardly small kitchen I've ever seen. He doesn't care, it's homey enough and he really likes the location which is very wooded and quiet.

He's self employed and has good months, spectacular months and occasional bad months but he finally got to a point where he's built up enough savings and work that he's able to get over the slumps between gigs.

He's an audio engineer working for a couple of sound, lighting and event companies as free lance. He prefers to do audio (front of house, stage monitors, live theater) but also works a lot with lighting, staging, rigging, etc.

He has a full week coming up with a large event in Cleveland (Fabulous Food Show) so he won't have much time to notice that he has no furniture. I'm hoping he gets samples from all the cooking demos!
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Old 11-03-2013, 03:41 PM   #19
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Congrats and when we experienced the empty nest syndrome, every room in the house became a bedroom. Meaning we could nap wherever we wanted.
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Old 11-03-2013, 03:46 PM   #20
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His new place is a 1 bedroom apartment about 2 miles from us. Typical mid 1980s multi-unit complex with plenty of space, huge closets and the most awkwardly small kitchen I've ever seen. He doesn't care, it's homey enough and he really likes the location which is very wooded and quiet.
That brings back memories! Still, if the fridge is big enough to stack some beer.....

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He's self employed and has good months, spectacular months and occasional bad months but he finally got to a point where he's built up enough savings and work that he's able to get over the slumps between gigs.
But he still needs your moral support and maybe the occasional casserole.

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He has a full week coming up with a large event in Cleveland (Fabulous Food Show) so he won't have much time to notice that he has no furniture. I'm hoping he gets samples from all the cooking demos!
LOL! I bought a potted plant and called it minimalist style! Unfortunately I managed to kill the plant by overwatering.
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