Adult Child is Hoarder in Parents' House

[Letj]

Whatever approach you use, I would be very careful. Your brother sounds mentally imbalanced and may have the tendency to resort to some serious violence. He may view your actions as trying to screw him. Having to move can be an extremely disruptive for him and can set him off.

 

[Nords]

Relying on a government agency to do what a family does not rarely produces what I'd call a "happy" outcome.

Compared to what-- the "domestic violence happy outcome"?

If the elders could have solved the problem by now, they would have. The element of physical/emotional coercion means that they need an outside authority figure to intervene.

My Mom is afraid that if pushed/antagonized too much he will take his own life, though this was never presented as an alternative on the show,so I don't know if it is a valid fear or if she is just being extra cautious because she is a mother.

That's an empty threat. The hoarder is too busy taking care of their stuff to contemplate taking their own life. And beside if they were gone, who'd take care of their stuff?

 

[GrayHare]

If the elders could have solved the problem by now, they would have. The element of physical/emotional coercion means that they need an outside authority figure to intervene.

A medical professional is what I recommended. In a not-dissimilar situation I tried the government intervention approach, and it was a disaster, including loss of life. YMMV

 

[MichaelB]

If the elders could have solved the problem by now, they would have. The element of physical/emotional coercion means that they need an outside authority figure to intervene.

Absolutely.

My Mom is afraid that if pushed/antagonized too much he will take his own life, though this was never presented as an alternative on the show,so I don't know if it is a valid fear or if she is just being extra cautious because she is a mother.

That's an empty threat. The hoarder is too busy taking care of their stuff to contemplate taking their own life. And beside if they were gone, who'd take care of their stuff?

Not sure it is a threat or a fear, but there is no reason to believe it isn't legitimate.

A TV show isn't a substitute for professional help when dealing with mental illness. I am not saying this in response to any particular post or member. From what LauAnn has written, professional help is called for.

 

[meekie]

It sounds like severe OCD to me as well. Silver's example sounds like a really good plan. It's not going to be pleasant or pretty, but your brother needs to get his stuff under control if he wants to stay in your parents house. Getting him out of the guest room seems like it would be a pretty good goal.
Hopefully you can get him treatment as well, and there are drugs that help with OCD, but it sounds like he's not very willing to give them a try.

 

[tinlizzy]

My mother and her siblings are hoarders. From my experience, people suffering from OCD (hoarding, in particular) are very abusive toward anyone who doesn't allow them to hoard. They are also selfish, manipulative and liars. My mother and her siblings are all terrible with finances and you should be pro-active in protecting your parents money. My mother also likes to "hoard" information. If there is a pregnancy, death, illness, holiday invite - anything really, she'll keep it to herself. I think it makes her feel powerful or smart, to know something that no one else knows?

You should set up nanny cam in your parent's house. Good luck. It's a very tough disease to understand.

 

[Ally]

Can he afford to live on his own and do they financially depend on him? On the first post, you said he shared their expenses. I don't think there is an easy answer, but for your parents' sake, I think you should try. It may take involving therapists and authorities.