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Old 01-10-2014, 11:37 AM   #21
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One option which I contemplated was to kowtow to this guy for everything. He's from a 3rd world culture where this is expected. But it is against my integrity, pride, personality. Because of this, I get into major confrontation with him about once a year (things build up, and I had to push him back when it reaches a boiling point).
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Old 01-10-2014, 11:47 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by W2R View Post
I decided that I was a grown-up and that I needed to suck it up and power on through.
Great that it worked for you. For me, it has been hard to do when a boss acting like a 7 year old brat is waiting at every turn to pounce on you. Perhaps, I buy him a few toys to play with.

Once, I sneaked in a book on how to manage people in his bookshelf. Someone beat me to it. There was the exact book already on the shelf .
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Old 01-10-2014, 11:54 AM   #23
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Great that it worked for you. For me, it has been hard to do when a boss acting like a 7 year old brat is waiting at every turn to pounce on you. Perhaps, I buy him a few toys to play with.

Once, I sneaked in a book on how to manage people in his bookshelf. Someone beat me to it. There was the exact book already on the shelf .
I never said it was EASY to do. Just put all that energy from your anger and desires for revenge into saving more money than your boss would ever think was humanly possible. Becoming FI is a great way out of this situation.

Or at least, that is my only suggestion. Wish I had a more palatable solution for you.
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Old 01-10-2014, 12:01 PM   #24
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Sounds like it may be best to minimize non-essential interaction with boss, keep collecting those nice paychecks, & 'run out the clock' until RE. Might help to set mental boundary to NOT think about him or the office after you go home for the day, although that can be surprisingly difficult to do.
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Old 01-10-2014, 12:23 PM   #25
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One option which I contemplated was to kowtow to this guy for everything. He's from a 3rd world culture where this is expected. But it is against my integrity, pride, personality. Because of this, I get into major confrontation with him about once a year (things build up, and I had to push him back when it reaches a boiling point).

At this point, two years from FI, I think I would sit on my pride and integrity and try to keep my personality out of it. And maybe no one told your boss what his third world culture expects, so forget the kowtowing. You are pretty close to your goal so maybe just suck it up til you get there. Remember the adage about arguing/ wrestling with a pig, I think it is....
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Old 01-10-2014, 01:23 PM   #26
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No chance of his moving on. Moving up, yes.

I tried to minimize my interaction with him. Then, he confronted me one day, demanding to know why I have been ignoring him .
Had a similar situation. I tried to ignore the jerk. Then one day he told me he wanted to see me more often around the office. Then it was "I need to see you every day". There was no reason for him to see me every day, and I hated this ******* control freak so much, I called upper management to complain, and I was granted permission to not have to see the clown every day. These abusive manager types are often mentally ill sadists, and unbelievably, they don't get fired.
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Old 01-10-2014, 01:26 PM   #27
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Oh yes, and think about selling the movie rights after you've written the book.
That crossed my mind more than once .... . I can probably sell 10 copies to my peers, employees, ex-employees, his enemies, and give a free copy to my boss. But it'd be too much *work* to write a book in RE.
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Old 01-10-2014, 01:28 PM   #28
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Had a similar situation. I tried to ignore the jerk. Then one day he told me he wanted to see me more often around the office. Then it was "I need to see you every day". There was no reason for him to see me every day, and I hated this ******* control freak so much, I called upper management to complain, and I was granted permission to not have to see the clown every day. These abusive manager types are often mentally ill sadists, and unbelievably, they don't get fired.
I suspect mine has narcissistic personality disorder. I had an occasion to study NPD b/c several of my family members have it, and my boss fits the bill.
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Old 01-10-2014, 01:32 PM   #29
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Bad boss? Pfffttt.

I used to work for this guy:

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Old 01-10-2014, 01:48 PM   #30
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A bad boss makes life miserable. I've had a few, but never for too long fortunately. My DH, OTOH, is a bad boss magnet. His last one (who he had worked for at another company!) was the caregiver for a sibling who was disabled by bipolar disorder ... a genetic condition. His boss had all the symptoms. DH went through the EAP program to talk to a counselor about the situation. It helped him gain some perspective. However, I suspect he would still be w*rking, if he'd had a more reasonable boss. He couldn't talk to the CEO about the problem because the CEO was also terrified of DH's boss!

You might ask why DH went to work for someone he knew to be crazy? The guy told DH that he was planning to retire within 18 months. Five and a half years later, DH quit.
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Old 01-10-2014, 01:53 PM   #31
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I know many people criticized my managerial skills over my career, and I'm sure I wasn't perfect. But one thing I did learn along the way is that sometimes bad employees declare their bosses to be lousy, rather than taking any ownership for the failure of the relationship. I'm certainly not suggesting that to be the case here. Just that I know for every time I made a bonehead decision as a boss, I had an employee who made an equally bonehead decision without my help.
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Old 01-10-2014, 02:05 PM   #32
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I know many people criticized my managerial skills over my career, and I'm sure I wasn't perfect. But one thing I did learn along the way is that sometimes bad employees declare their bosses to be lousy, rather than taking any ownership for the failure of the relationship. I'm certainly not suggesting that to be the case here. Just that I know for every time I made a bonehead decision as a boss, I had an employee who made an equally bonehead decision without my help.
I ought to know. I had my share of bad employees as I have been a boss myself for 15 years. Most people managers will learn to be a good boss over time. Bad guy at heart won't.
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Old 01-10-2014, 02:08 PM   #33
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I think you should set your date for retirement, mark it on a calendar, the very day two years from now. No need to tell anyone but yourself.

I bet your boss's bs will not bother you near as much as widdle the days by.
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Old 01-10-2014, 09:24 PM   #34
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Thanks for the replies. I have been already following a lot of your suggestions here. I wasn't looking for a solution but sitting at my office desk & writing about my boss gave me a lot of relief. Actually, some folks at my megacorp get a comic relief from the way my boss acts sometimes b/c they are truly pages out of a bad movie (featuring bad boss).
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Old 01-10-2014, 09:44 PM   #35
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I tried to minimize my interaction with him. Then, he confronted me one day, demanding to know why I have been ignoring him .
I had that happened to me with a boss when I was younger who was hitting on me. I told an assistant manager about it and he suggested I call our headquarters and complain. I didn't do that but the assistant manager passed the complaint on anyway without telling me. I was interviewed by some internal security type people from our headquarters, and the manager was fired shortly after that. This was in the seventies, pre-sensitivity training era, so I was kind of shocked they fired him so quickly, but I guess he had been bothering other young females as well.

Back to the original question, people skills training never hurts. There are lots of books, DVDs, classes, etc on dealing with difficult people. I used to listen to the audio books on that topic endlessly when I had a corporate job.

One of the VPs from hell at my last job actually offered me a job at her next company, even though I was totally terrified of her. I just remember practicing responses right from the books to every snotty thing she could possibly say before I gave a presentation on a big project she was sponsoring.
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Old 01-10-2014, 09:48 PM   #36
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wow, reading all these stories about bad bosses, you have to wonder why people are surprised we want to (or have) Retired Early.
Or that the societal/cultural expectation seems to be to work until you drop for people like that.
Sheesh. Life's too short to put up with bipolar/narcissistic/sociopathic people who have control over your life in the workplace.
I've had a few bosses like that in my 30 year megacorp career myself, but I've just finished my glass of Johnnie Walker Black Label, and I'm too mellow to bring all that misery into my consciousness again.
Cheers, everyone!
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Old 01-10-2014, 09:54 PM   #37
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I worked a few years for a boss like that. Finally we had a reorg and I got out from under him. Eventually I left the company and went somewhere else, and a couple years later heard he'd been laid off. Then one day my then-current boss showed me his resume, thinking I might know him since it looked like we had crossed paths, and I put my arms up over my face in terror. He did not make it to the interview process. Sometimes life works out. I even thought for a minute to make sure I wasn't rejecting him on personal reasons, but on second thought I was sure he was just not someone who should be hired.
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Old 01-10-2014, 10:38 PM   #38
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Minimise contact, make sure you have some stress relievers outside the office and keep telling yourself it is only two more years.
+1
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Old 01-10-2014, 11:20 PM   #39
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I told an assistant manager about it and he suggested I call our headquarters and complain. I didn't do that but the assistant manager passed the complaint on anyway without telling me.
For some time now (at least CA where I work), managers are required to report such things with or without consent from complainer. We are also required to get training on harassment every other year.
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Old 01-11-2014, 12:35 AM   #40
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I've mentioned this before, but worth bringing up again in this context. One thing that really helped me get through a rough 6-month period between when I knew I would be leaving a job (after major fall-out/blow-up with psycho boss) and when I could actually leave (needed to wrap up projects that were important to me and get my transition plan in line) was creating a spreadsheet where I actually calculated how much I was earning by every additional day I worked, as well as a running tally of earnings. As I made it to the end of every work day, I sang a little inner "kaching!" to myself. PTO days were scheduled sporadically along the way, never more than 3 weeks worked without a day off of some kind (holidays and comp time also played into it). That little spreadsheet was one of the few happy things in my life during that very dark period.
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