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Old 04-06-2009, 02:03 AM   #41
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Sure, I see girls/women in the teener/tweener age range out shopping all the time in pajama pants....
Eeek , I gotta get out to the mall more, or not. If they're wearing PJ pants, maybe that is why they are out shopping? They really "have nothing to wear"? Maybe there was a fire? or they haven't done their laundry? Harley, could you do some more research on this? interview them, see what they buy, if it is a style, are they out buying more PJs? T
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Old 04-06-2009, 10:18 AM   #42
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I would just like to stand up and admit I have some awesome pajamas.
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Old 04-06-2009, 10:24 AM   #43
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A friend once told me she needs a man in her life but not in her house.
I like her already........
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Old 04-06-2009, 10:44 AM   #44
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I am surprised that many dont seem to wear PJs around the house. I thought women liked some attractive PJs to lounge around in, when evening comes, and they don't have to go out, when the day's work and chores are done, when perhaps they just want to sit back, pull their feet up under them on the couch, have a drink and feel relaxed.

And maybe look kinda cute for an admiring gentleman too.

Ha
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Old 04-06-2009, 10:45 AM   #45
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I would just like to stand up and admit I have some awesome pajamas.

Me too !
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Old 04-06-2009, 11:17 AM   #46
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I just went back and read this entire thread. I think the live-apart-but-be-committed plan may appeal somewhat more to older women than to older men. By the time men are in their late 50s if they are single there is a reason, and often a reason that seems plenty good enough from their POV. However, if they do commit to the emotional part of an exclusive relationship, IMO many of them want a little caretaking in the deal, even though it might be hard to admit publicly. I think this group of men realizes that your SO isn't going to come over and clean your house if she doesn't even live there.

Women OTOH are likely to see domestic routines as mostly done by them, especially if their yard work and heavier mechanical maintenace is hired out.

One other observation-looking ahead a few years, if I were trying to do something like this (and I am not, at least not yet), I would really want to minimize the distance. A mile IMO is pretty far. As you get older, driving at night, or in bad weather or even driving at all may become difficult. At the same time, there can be situations like surgery recovery, fractures or other causes of temporary disability such that the SO would need some care. It really helps if you can walk over in just a few minutes. It's one thing to get out on a nice day and walk for pleasure, another altogether to go out at 10pm on a stormy night to so something that your SO needs done.

A friend of mine recently was recovering from a hip replacement. Her husband was her main helper, and IMO pretty good at it although she was concerned prior to the events that he might not do very well. They asked if I could pinch hit sometimes when he was at work, or had to be away. I did it, and was glad to help, but them being 5 or 6 miles away made it not really easy. If she had been right down the street I could have done more.

Ha
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Old 04-06-2009, 11:25 AM   #47
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I just went back and read this entire thread. I think the live-apart-but-be-committed plan may appeal somewhat more to older women than to older men. By the time men are in their late 50s if they are single there is a reason, and often a reason that seems plenty good enough from their POV. However, if they do commit to the emotional part of an exclusive relationship, IMO many of them want a little caretaking in the deal, even though it might be hard to admit publicly. I think this group of men realizes that your SO isn't going to come over and clean your house if she doesn't even live there.
I recognize this is somewhat generalized and stereotypical, but in my lifetime of observation it seems like widowed women are considerably more able to cope with the loss of a spouse than a widowed man. It also seems like widowed men are more likely to either look to remarry or wither away into a pile of goo and pass on than widowed women. Together this would seem to me to suggest *in the general case* that as we age, men are more dependent on companionship than women seem to be, at least among those who are widowed.
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Old 04-06-2009, 12:04 PM   #48
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Ziggy, I don't think our ideas here are in conflict. I agree with your observation. Usually men who are committed bachelors have either been this way most or all their lives, or have been taught this attitude by unfortunate marriage experiences.

But of the larger group of older men who want to latch onto another skirt, I think it likely that most of them want the full meal deal, complete with wifey/SO right there in the AM to help butter his toast just right.

OTOH, I am not clear what motivates 55+ year old women to seek a permanent or semi-premanent mate.

ha
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Old 04-06-2009, 12:11 PM   #49
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Ziggy, I don't think our ideas here are in conflict.
I don't think so either, and maybe there's something in how you interpret my delivery, but you seem to often think I'm in disagreement with you when I'm mostly just following up and adding on to your thoughts. Perhaps I need to examine my delivery a bit if it's not clear.

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OTOH, I am not clear what motivates 55+ year old women to seek a permanent or semi-premanent mate.
For one thing, there seem to be a lot more support groups and social groups for older single women and there really aren't all that many for single and widowed men of that age.

I guess part of what drives it are numbers; the bottom line is that there are a lot fewer "available" men under 55 than women under 55. So maybe some older single women figure they'd better get while the getting is good and the pickings are slim. Just a guess...
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Old 04-06-2009, 12:27 PM   #50
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I am surprised that many dont seem to wear PJs around the house. I thought women liked some attractive PJs to lounge around in, when evening comes, and they don't have to go out, when the day's work and chores are done, when perhaps they just want to sit back, pull their feet up under them on the couch, have a drink and feel relaxed.

And maybe look kinda cute for an admiring gentleman too.

Ha
I own a few pairs of nice soft flannel PJ bottoms for just that reason. If I see them on sale, they are mine. If it's a set, I use the top as an overshirt for doing yard work in late spring weather. I never wear them in public.
I buy guys' PJs because they are much less expensive and have that loose fit I like. My body type is what it referred to as "statuesque".
Women's sizes tend to run too small for me in the torso or are way too big if I go to plus sizes. Women's PJs also tend to be synthetic or blends.
Flannel is breathable and just perfect for my climate.
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Old 04-06-2009, 12:36 PM   #51
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OTOH, I am not clear what motivates 55+ year old women to seek a permanent or semi-premanent mate.

ha

I would think with most 55+ women it is the same type of care a loving man brings . Men are great companions , usually handy around the house , eager to help when you are sick and always think you look great even when you don't . Plus they usually have a few recipes they can pull off .
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Old 04-06-2009, 12:43 PM   #52
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Plus men are fun.

Here are the latest pajamas I bought, by the way--
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Old 04-06-2009, 12:43 PM   #53
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I don't think so either, and maybe there's something in how you interpret my delivery, but you seem to often think I'm in disagreement with you when I'm mostly just following up and adding on to your thoughts. Perhaps I need to examine my delivery a bit if it's not clear.
Your delivery was completely clear. I was just following up on an idea, with no personal referents at all. It appears that it is me who needs help my delivery!
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Old 04-06-2009, 12:47 PM   #54
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As someone who has been "lucky in love" and with the same woman for over 38 years I tend to forget how tricky the course can be. I recently emailed an old friend and casually asked if he had anything new to report.

His reply was pretty close to, "Well I ran off with another woman last summer. [XDW] is furious, of course, and the kids won't talk to me. Works good. How 'bout you?"

Wouldn't want to take what I've got for granted but it sure is easy to get complacent and forget that when it goes bad, it can really go bad, and fast.
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Old 04-06-2009, 12:54 PM   #55
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I would think with most 55+ women it is the same type of care a loving man brings . Men are great companions , usually handy around the house , eager to help when you are sick and always think you look great even when you don't . Plus they usually have a few recipes they can pull off .
And very low maintenance...
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Old 04-06-2009, 01:12 PM   #56
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Plus men are fun.

Here are the latest pajamas I bought, by the way--

They look warm and comfy.
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Old 04-06-2009, 02:38 PM   #57
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I would ask, "Does anybody over the age of 4 own PJs any more?" if I wasn't already guilty of dreadful case of thread-jacking .
Do sweats count? I see another interesting poll on the horizon... back to the pre-nup.

I spent the better part of last week with a friend who's husband was busy dying and it was a major eye opener for me. The choices that had to be made and their extremely personal nature sort of drove home the value of intimacy and trust in a relationship. I would not want to take any action in preparation for marriage that could undermine this.

What each person needs to be comfortable and maintain trust may be different. For you that may be a clear separation of assets - for me it means 'warts and all' and each scenario has value. Maybe it's more important that both parties have the same expectations in a relationship, regardless of the details. Exploring a pre-nup is one of several ways to do this.
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Old 04-06-2009, 02:57 PM   #58
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I spent the better part of last week with a friend who's husband was busy dying and it was a major eye opener for me. The choices that had to be made and their extremely personal nature sort of drove home the value of intimacy and trust in a relationship. I would not want to take any action in preparation for marriage that could undermine this.
Right on target. I have seen a lot of people die in a zillion different circumstances. I can't remember one yet were the topic of discussion in the waning days and hours is money (other than making sure the will and estate papers are current). Intimacy counts heavily in those moments.
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Old 04-06-2009, 03:06 PM   #59
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Good to remember, Rich, thanks for the perspective.
As one of those who got married young and broke, I don't have any sort of advice to offer on the prenup from personal experience.

We do like to see trust arrangements made when clients remarry later in life after divorce or death--it is more of a sure thing than a prenup in my limited experience.

And I like sweats, though some flannel bottoms and a soft t-shirt are another good choice.
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Old 04-06-2009, 03:17 PM   #60
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...We do like to see trust arrangements made when clients remarry later in life after divorce or death--it is more of a sure thing than a prenup in my limited experience.
Please see post #7 for a real life example. I am a widow contemplating marrying a divorced man. It is the inheritance and marital property laws as well as the court systems that force the pre-nup issue, not the relationship between the individuals.
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