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Old 04-06-2009, 03:22 PM   #61
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Please see post #7 for a real life example. I am a widow contemplating marrying a divorced man. It is the inheritance and marital property laws as well as the court systems that force the pre-nup issue, not the relationship between the individuals.
It's often more of an issue between older and more established folks who may have already had a marriage, prior marriages with children involved, and perhaps wildly different net worths entering the marriage. In such cases it's not unusual to have past wealth accumulation and kiddos from an earlier relationship that need separate protection when compared to two 20-somethings just starting the wealth building stage together.
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Old 04-06-2009, 03:28 PM   #62
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I think most would agree that when it comes time to die, it is best to have loving and trusting relationships in place.

I'm not going to bore you with an analysis of all the many ways that a couple may or may not get to this point. But until one party's unchanging attitudes invariably determine the outcomes of a 50 or 60 year marriage there is a lot of room for upset.

One's life goes on a long time. His death, while important, is a relatively short process.

Ha
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Old 04-06-2009, 09:37 PM   #63
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Thanks to all for the interesting (and varied) responses.
p.s. My jammies are from Victoria's Secret & look fab with cowboy boots!
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Old 04-07-2009, 11:30 AM   #64
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We have an estate planning attorney who speaks every year at our client seminar and I call him "the worst case scenario dude". Trust arrangements protect your assets and assure that they go to who you want them to go.

Even in early marriages, a classic example is if you have inherited or stand to inherit a piece of property with family history. If you were to die, leaving it to your spouse (and presumably going to your children later), what happens if she (or he) remarries and then dies, leaving the property to a stranger? And your kids don't get the property that was your original intent? It happens.

These matters have nothing to do with romance, just practical money matters. I think the "idea" of a pre-nup is what is so volatile, whereas family trusts/partnerships/what-have-you are seen as less about the marriage and more about the family protecting property interests.
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Old 04-07-2009, 11:38 AM   #65
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I think the "idea" of a pre-nup is what is so volatile, whereas family trusts/partnerships/what-have-you are seen as less about the marriage and more about the family protecting property interests.
I wonder if maybe a pre-nup might not be useful for that very reason. It might flush out attitudes that were previously not clear to you.

When I think about these man-woman things I often just turn it around. If I were marrying a wealthy woman, would I be upset at the idea of a pre-nup? Yes, if I were marrying her for money! Otherwise, don't think so.

Ha
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Old 04-07-2009, 01:20 PM   #66
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I would think with most 55+ women it is the same type of care a loving man brings . Men are great companions , usually handy around the house , eager to help when you are sick and always think you look great even when you don't . Plus they usually have a few recipes they can pull off .
Showed this to my DW. She said a dog does most of that and is more reliable
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Old 04-07-2009, 01:29 PM   #67
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When I think about these man-woman things I often just turn it around. If I were marrying a wealthy woman, would I be upset at the idea of a pre-nup? Yes, if I were marrying her for money! Otherwise, don't think so.
You're right, but I think it's also interesting to see how some attitudes can change when you reverse the genders. Sometimes people who might see that a wealthy woman might want to protect herself with a pre-nup might balk at the idea of a wealthy man doing the same (or vice versa). I suppose some of that may be due to the imprinting of that "man as provider and woman as nurturer" claptrap that many of us grew up around and may have at least partially embedded in our subconscious.
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Old 04-07-2009, 01:42 PM   #68
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Cliche du jour:
Love is love, but business is business.

I do realize I am slightly atypical for my gender, as are the rest of the ladies here, but that is exactly why we are here.
Besides the fact that we really like your company.
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Old 04-07-2009, 01:48 PM   #69
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When I think about these man-woman things I often just turn it around. If I were marrying a wealthy woman, would I be upset at the idea of a pre-nup? Yes, if I were marrying her for money! Otherwise, don't think so.
Ha,

I was initially for the prenup camp, but I started vacillating between the two camps...... until I read your POV.

tmm
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Old 04-07-2009, 09:33 PM   #70
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Old 04-07-2009, 10:10 PM   #71
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Hmmm, admittedly I am very cynical but I have a lot of company in that attitude.


You do have a lot of company but look at that company are they enjoying
male companionship or just complaining about men ? My So is not 1 in a thousand . He's just a regular guy who responds to a woman liking him for him . There are hundreds of guys out there who are your age and single ( divorced or widowed ) and looking for a woman who accepts and likes them for who they are . So you can decide if it's worth a chance or just keep coming up with reasons it will not work ?
P.S . I know how you feel . I was divorced after a ten year marriage and that was much more crushing than being widowed .
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Old 04-08-2009, 12:42 PM   #72
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You do have a lot of company but look at that company are they enjoying
male companionship or just complaining about men ? My So is not 1 in a thousand . He's just a regular guy who responds to a woman liking him for him . There are hundreds of guys out there who are your age and single ( divorced or widowed ) and looking for a woman who accepts and likes them for who they are . So you can decide if it's worth a chance or just keep coming up with reasons it will not work ?
P.S . I know how you feel . I was divorced after a ten year marriage and that was much more crushing than being widowed .
Moemg, I appreciate your response but it seems that you are assuming that I "haven't given it a chance." I have been out there. I don't like what I have seen. How long does one keep putting out the energy in a given proposition? Or does one move on to other aspects of life that are more fufilling? I spent many years focusing on the man in my life. I don't need another one to "make me happy."
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Old 04-08-2009, 01:27 PM   #73
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Moemg, I appreciate your response but it seems that you are assuming that I "haven't given it a chance." I have been out there. I don't like what I have seen. How long does one keep putting out the energy in a given proposition? Or does one move on to other aspects of life that are more fufilling? I spent many years focusing on the man in my life. I don't need another one to "make me happy."


You are right plus I'm sorry that I did not see you had deleted your post otherwise I would not have responded .You are also right there are some real toads out there . I would never recommend to just focus on finding a mate and if it sounded like I did I'm sorry . Let's face it mates come & go through divorce or death so you'd better have a lot more in your life than one person . I unfortunately learned this the hard way . So enjoy your life especially your new granddaughter and if along the way you meet someone then you meet someone .
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Old 04-09-2009, 07:40 PM   #74
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You are right plus I'm sorry that I did not see you had deleted your post otherwise I would not have responded .You are also right there are some real toads out there . I would never recommend to just focus on finding a mate and if it sounded like I did I'm sorry . Let's face it mates come & go through divorce or death so you'd better have a lot more in your life than one person . I unfortunately learned this the hard way . So enjoy your life especially your new granddaughter and if along the way you meet someone then you meet someone .
No offense taken!
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