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Old 04-23-2013, 06:50 PM   #21
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I have had a hard time with this as well....the work friends dropped me like a hot potato once I left. The ones I talked to sometimes would reach out and invite me for lunch and two even came to my wedding last year. The worst has been with friends and people we hang out....I usually get the question "So how's that massage thing going? You still doing it?" or my favorite..."How about working at a Michael's or something to fill your extra time?"
As for running errands....I love doing them during the weekdays!
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Old 04-23-2013, 07:07 PM   #22
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Though I got along great with my co-workers, I realized we would fade away. Your friends are the people you talk to, and hang out with after work. I never did that with any co-workers. I have the same friends, though they all still work. Sometimes I bombard them with emails while they are at work just to tick them off, as they cannot wait until they will be able to retire. I have also enjoyed being able to spend more time with my GF who works, and my Dad who is retired. The extra "alone time" I have gained in retirement is very satisfying, too.
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Old 04-23-2013, 11:21 PM   #23
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Though I got along great with my co-workers, I realized we would fade away. Your friends are the people you talk to, and hang out with after work. I never did that with any co-workers. I have the same friends, though they all still work. Sometimes I bombard them with emails while they are at work just to tick them off, as they cannot wait until they will be able to retire. I have also enjoyed being able to spend more time with my GF who works, and my Dad who is retired. The extra "alone time" I have gained in retirement is very satisfying, too.
Except for the "bombard them with emails....." part, this is me. With former coworkers, I don't live near any of them so it isn't like I want to hang out with them. And I never hung out with nealry any of them, especially since the 1990s ended.

Being retired has been a big help for my ladyfriend, as she has had various problems with her health and her car's health, often requiring my assistance. She can have packages delivered to my place if they require a signature. If someone needs to gain authorized entry into her apartment, I can be there to let him/her in.
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Old 04-24-2013, 09:31 AM   #24
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Except for the "bombard them with emails....." part, this is me. With former coworkers, I don't live near any of them so it isn't like I want to hang out with them. And I never hung out with nealry any of them, especially since the 1990s ended.

Being retired has been a big help for my ladyfriend, as she has had various problems with her health and her car's health, often requiring my assistance. She can have packages delivered to my place if they require a signature. If someone needs to gain authorized entry into her apartment, I can be there to let him/her in.
So your lady friend still works, too? I highly recommend this, as it is a perfect scenario. I get my alone time in the day, with no marching orders, then can go over in evening and visit. Since she has to get up early in the morning, she goes to bed early so I don't have to be over there all night. Me thinks serious problems would occur if we got married. I imagine the resentment would grow, knowing for the next 18 years of marriage she would have to roll out of bed to go to work while I do nothing. But don't think I am a cheapo, it's just if we married and she immediately retired, then I would have to go back to work, because she has few assets, and I don't have enough for two!
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Old 04-24-2013, 09:40 AM   #25
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As a DINK, we went through huge friendship changes when everyone else had kids. It has been difficult.

I used to cultivate friendships at work, but do not anymore.

So, I'm looking forward to ER for a fresh start to new friendships.
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Old 04-24-2013, 09:44 AM   #26
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So your lady friend still works, too? I highly recommend this, as it is a perfect scenario. I get my alone time in the day, with no marching orders, then can go over in evening and visit. Since she has to get up early in the morning, she goes to bed early so I don't have to be over there all night. Me thinks serious problems would occur if we got married. I imagine the resentment would grow, knowing for the next 18 years of marriage she would have to roll out of bed to go to work while I do nothing. But don't think I am a cheapo, it's just if we married and she immediately retired, then I would have to go back to work, because she has few assets, and I don't have enough for two!
Very good analysis of one of life's better situations. I have this too. I like dates with frames around them, saying, "hey girl, this is fun time." Lately I have able to get easy extra points by having her over for dinner often, because her place is being painted inside, and it is hard for her to get meals made after work. Also, when a woman isn't around all the time it is easier for some men, definitely including me, to have our game on when she is around. When we are together, I am not going to be distracted or preoccupied with some day to day thing, and I can be fully available emotionally to pay attention to her.

Ha
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Old 04-24-2013, 09:50 AM   #27
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Very good analysis of one of life's better situations. I have this too. I like dates with frames around them, saying, "hey girl, this is fun time." Lately I have able to get easy extra points by having her over for dinner often, because her place is being painted inside, and it is hard for her to get meals made after work. Also, when a woman isn't around all the time it is easier for some men, definitely including me, to have our game on when she is around. When we are together, I am not going to be distracted or preoccupied with some day to day thing, and I can be fully available emotionally to pay attention to her.

Ha
That is spot on! I am certainly able to devote better attention to her during shorter time windows. She likes to talk about her day and expects me to listen. If we lived together I might get yelled at for not listening. Kind of like that Klondike Bar commercial, where the guy gets an award for paying attention for 5 seconds to what his wife was yapping about.
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Old 04-24-2013, 10:29 AM   #28
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"hey girl, this is fun time."

Ha
It works for Ryan Gosling. http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=...rl&FORM=RESTAB

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Old 04-24-2013, 10:47 AM   #29
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It works for Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling Hey Girl - Bing Images

Thanks for sharing this Sis. I had already decided that Ryan was going to be my guru in matters of love. After all, who could teach me better? Now if I only had those Sweet Beagle eyes!

I was so angry at that sexy but heartless Michelle Williams for treating him so shabbily in Blue Valentine. All he asked was some love and understanding.

Ha
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Old 04-24-2013, 01:24 PM   #30
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As a DINK, we went through huge friendship changes when everyone else had kids. It has been difficult.

I used to cultivate friendships at work, but do not anymore.

So, I'm looking forward to ER for a fresh start to new friendships.
+1 on the peeps with kids. DH will be dropping out this summer, and I'm interested to see how he manages his friendships because everyone he knows will still be working, me included. But some of our folks have somewhat fluid jobs, with days off during the week and seasonal work schedules, so he may find that he can connect well enough to keep him happy.
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Old 04-24-2013, 01:37 PM   #31
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ER sure is one way to know who the real friends are. Real friends are happy for you while the others are just jealous.
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Old 04-24-2013, 01:53 PM   #32
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MichealB - I'm afraid you are correct. I got a few of "how great for you" comments, however 95% of my co-workers first comments to me when I announced ER, "I'm Jealous".
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Old 04-24-2013, 03:15 PM   #33
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ER sure is one way to know who the real friends are. Real friends are happy for you while the others are just jealous.
That has been a surprise. There are two guys who worked for me who I got along with well enough (not great, not bad), who were furious when I announced I was retiring early (because I was "in management"). They decided I retired on the backs of their hard work (never mind that we lived on less than half our income for more than 20 years), and still refuse to even look at or speak to me in public - now almost 2 years later. One of them refused to shake hands on my last day when I was making the rounds saying goodbye to everyone.

I don't really care about either of them, but it's still odd IMO.
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Old 04-24-2013, 04:34 PM   #34
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That has been a surprise. There are two guys who worked for me who I got along with well enough (not great, not bad), who were furious when I announced I was retiring early (because I was "in management"). They decided I retired on the backs of their hard work (never mind that we lived on less than half our income for more than 20 years), and still refuse to even look at or speak to me in public - now almost 2 years later. One of them refused to shake hands on my last day when I was making the rounds saying goodbye to everyone.

I don't really care about either of them, but it's still odd IMO.
Yes, some people have a very odd since of logic. If you had continued working because you spent all your money and did not have a nickel saved, they would not be mad at you. But since you saved it instead of spending it, they don't like you. It was still the same salary earned either way, but they don't see it that way for some reason.
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Old 04-24-2013, 08:31 PM   #35
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My last job unexpectedly came to a very abrupt end in early 2008. I looked around and did not see anything that I wanted to move into -- not many employers were hiring people into 6 figure j*bs in the beginning of the Great Recession so I just cooled my heels. Discussing this with DW we decided that the best course of action would be for her to work until January of 2013 when she would qualify for an unreduced pension and retiree health insurance from her public-sector job. We could afford to ER in 2008 but would not have had access to the medical, so that was the driver. Friends and former cow*rkers kind of suspected that we were OK, but were not sure.

Then DW got RIF'd in 2011, 18 months short of retiring with an unreduced pension (not a massive pension, but significant). After 12 months of looking, and at least 250 applications, DW got a job making less than half what she made before. The salary was not important -- she just wanted the pension and health insurance. So she joined the class of 2012 retiring in December.

Some people still ask me when I am going to get a J*b, tell me to go be a teacher, yada yada yada.

Siblings: DW has three, one older than she, and two who are younger. They live near here, see us often, and I think they get it.

I have three siblings that are 5, 9, and 13 years older. They treat me like a little snotty nosed kid that knows nothing. Maybe this is typical with older siblings. The 5 year older one kind of gets that we are FI. The 9 and 13 year older ones don't have the slightest clue even though we are living on more than we have ever spent before with a 1.9% WR. The rest of the family we hardly have any contact with.

So, executive summary: mixed bag.
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Old 04-24-2013, 09:23 PM   #36
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The tough one for me is how few early retirees are out there. None of my peer age friends are even close to retiring. And I'm not ready to hang out with older retirees just yet.
This was one of the factors in our choice of future retirement destination. There are quite a few early retirees and semi-retirees in the area, many of whom moved there from someplace else as we will be doing.
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Old 04-24-2013, 09:32 PM   #37
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As a DINK, we went through huge friendship changes when everyone else had kids. It has been difficult.

I used to cultivate friendships at work, but do not anymore.

So, I'm looking forward to ER for a fresh start to new friendships.
I can relate to this. We never had kids either, and as time went on, our circle of friends evolved to be disproportionately childless as well. I don't really have social friends at work, though a number of our joint friends are through DW's work.

Part of my ER vision is also a fresh start to new friendships in a new location, where I expect there will be an increased overlap in interests, and I'll have much more time to pursue them.
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Old 04-24-2013, 10:00 PM   #38
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Every life change usually requires new friends and retirement is no different . I have acquired a new set of friends. Most are retired or work occasionally .We lunch, go to events & just laugh & enjoy each other . My SO & I also spend more time together and this has been good but if Ryan Gosling wanted to friend me I would not say no.
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Old 04-24-2013, 11:32 PM   #39
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So your lady friend still works, too? I highly recommend this, as it is a perfect scenario. I get my alone time in the day, with no marching orders, then can go over in evening and visit. Since she has to get up early in the morning, she goes to bed early so I don't have to be over there all night. Me thinks serious problems would occur if we got married. I imagine the resentment would grow, knowing for the next 18 years of marriage she would have to roll out of bed to go to work while I do nothing. But don't think I am a cheapo, it's just if we married and she immediately retired, then I would have to go back to work, because she has few assets, and I don't have enough for two!
Yes, she works full-time. While I get my alone-time during the day to do my volunteer work and local errands and whatever else I feel like (or do nuthin LOL), I am actually busiest at night when she is done with work. I have ny dancing 2 or 3 nights per week. She used to join me to dance (square dance) one night and come with me to watch another night but lately she does it rarely if ever. And one more weeknight I am with my best (male) friend. One the third dance night I go to her place afterward because that dance night ends earlier than the others.

Like your GF, mine has nearly no money and could not retire. I don't want to live at her place and mine is too small to hold 2 people (it is a studio apartment). So living separately is best for both of us.

Once in a while, I stay over at her place on a work night but she usually has to get up early to go to work. I don't sleep well a lot of the time so it is not so bad, but it is still a bit of a disruptive way to start the day.
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Old 04-25-2013, 06:17 AM   #40
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Yes, some people have a very odd since of logic. If you had continued working because you spent all your money and did not have a nickel saved, they would not be mad at you. But since you saved it instead of spending it, they don't like you. It was still the same salary earned either way, but they don't see it that way for some reason.
That is a good point you guys made, Midpack and Mulligan. I have noticed the same thing here. I think it is a feeling of entitlement...that they can do nothing about. They see you every day in the same environment they are, and yet you are "getting ahead", of them. They need and want to be a part of that. But cannot. It's like a benefit that only certain people are entitled to get from work and others are not allowed that benefit. It's not fair in their mind.

They don't know the sacrifices you made and they did not. I look at it as the Ant and Grasshopper Syndrome...or Tortoise and Hare Complex. Who will help me eat this bread?...(remember that one?). I don't think their parents told all those old stories to them as kids, either...
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