Affect of ER on friendships

[cantlogin]

Oh yes, "The Little Red Hen".
I'm sure that has a lot to do with my own successful early retirement attempt. Seriously.

[Beryl]

I spend no time with former coworkers with whom I would regularly socialize but I've met new friends and have improved other non-work relationships. I have mixed feelings about that. I miss my former coworkers but not enough to regret ER.

Family is different. Initially I heard the "what will WE" do concerns from those would would ask for money every 6 months -- like clockwork. They were NOT in favor of my ER. They had to be wean off of their begging routine which was helped by my "I'm retired - receiving a pension that is 30% of my salary" comment. After 2 years, they don't ask for money anymore. Hope that lasts.

I am bonding with other ER family members though and that is terrific.

[deserat]

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Originally Posted by Midpack That has been a surprise. There are two guys who worked for me who I got along with well enough (not great, not bad), who were furious when I announced I was retiring early (because I was "in management"). They decided I retired on the backs of their hard work (never mind that we lived on less than half our income for more than 20 years), and still refuse to even look at or speak to me in public - now almost 2 years later. One of them refused to shake hands on my last day when I was making the rounds saying goodbye to everyone. I don't really care about either of them, but it's still odd IMO.

They weren't friends and my it seems the world should revolve around them, eh? They are merely jacka$$es and frankly haven't matured enough to realize it isn't all about them - sheesh. But then, I am not surprised.....and of course, you are much better off. Perhaps if they get wise, they will realize they could have what you have, too, someday.....

[Billy]

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I have had a hard time with this as well....the work friends dropped me like a hot potato once I left.

Because Billy and I owned our business or otherwise were in management positions, having work friends (versus work acquaintances) was a fine line to walk. It’s hard to socialize and share personal lives with an employee then direct them - if necessary - in their projects the following day. So when we left the conventional working world (at age 38), many of those relationships faded away.


During our career years we put in 60-80 hour workweeks which didn’t always leave time for casual socializing. When we did have parties or joined friends on vacations, they were upscale affairs – something we chose not to continue as we took 2 years to consciously work towards our financial independence (we had savings so tried for those 2 years to live on our allotted $$ amount to see if we could do it). Once we left that lifestyle we also sort of left that social circle.


Family – my mom had no frame of reference in 1991 for what we were doing. As a child of the Great Depression, she saw us leaving “perfectly good jobs and a beautiful home” to travel the world, which she thought was irresponsible. Also, I would not just be available a few blocks away as I had been previously, and I think she felt a bit abandoned.


I had to explain to her that we were not on any government program; we were not on food stamps, welfare or disability. Rather, we had earned our money, saved that money and had the discipline to purchase our freedom. It took her a little while, but she came around.


My father secretly loved the idea and wished it had been him.

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I'd be interested in knowing how others have handled friendships in a "moving" society. How many moves, how many "new" social circles, how many new sets of friends?

When we left our previous lives in California, we began our global adventures. We made outstanding friendships (some with people who were 20+ years older than we were) in Mexico, Thailand and - when we returned from our long distance travels - various locations in the States. Many of those friendships from our early years are no longer possible, because those people have died.


That being said, we have decades-long friendships in these various locations which we keep alive through email, Skype, postcards, presents and of course visits when we are in the same town or city. We have an active global network of fascinating people.

Akaisha

[FinanceDude]

I am not worried. Most of my friends I found by vounteering. They are service minded as I am, so when I retire I will be able to do more for the community and I will see them as much or more. The only difference is any of them will still be working..........

[pb4uski]

I telecommuted and worked part-time the last few years so all my co-workers were ~300 miles away and live a very different life. I still keep in touch with a handful of them and in fact while traveling last week called one of my old bosses on the spur of the moment and DW and I visited him at his house and took him out to dinner. I sensed no jealously from any of my co-workers, more of a good for you and wondering how I had done it.

Family relationships have been totally unaffected which is a bit of a surprise for me, but I think in part based on a sense that we had been FI for a ling time given that I worked hard, made good money and we lived modestly.

I do find it hard to find people my age to hang with and have gravitated to golf with other retirees who are 5-10 years over than me.

[Lisa99]

Friends...what friends? Acquaintances yes; work buds, of course. But really close friends, nope.

DH has traveled almost 100% for years, for several decades I worked 70 - 80 hour weeks. We don't go to church and the town that we currently live in is ultra-religious and if you don't have young children forget about getting to know them. So neither one of us has close friends. Sounds cheesy, but DH and I are each others best friends.

We hope to change all that (except the best friends part) when we retire. We're intentionally picking a place that is skewed demographically to closer to our age with kids long gone so we hope to find lots of people to connect with.

[Sarah in SC]

Wow, Lisa. That is a lot of sacrifice. I'm glad you and DH are so close--it'd be hard on my DH if I didn't have some other folks to lean on every now and again.
We've never lacked for friends, but we are much much lazier than y'all!
I really hope that you enjoy your retirement in the new place--you've surely earned it.

[MBAustin]

Like several others, I've been a bit surprised/disappointed in the lack of contact with former colleagues, many of whom I had w*rked with for 10 years or more. On the other hand, I've been pleasantly surprised that my friends here (mostly from church) have been generally fine with it. They were happy for me at the start and continue to be supportive, even those who are a few years older than me but still w*rking for financial reasons. My mother has been very supportive (but she thinks I volunteer too much!) but I think my sister is jealous, though she hides it pretty well.

[Lisa99]

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Originally Posted by Sarah in SC Wow, Lisa. That is a lot of sacrifice. I'm glad you and DH are so close--it'd be hard on my DH if I didn't have some other folks to lean on every now and again. We've never lacked for friends, but we are much much lazier than y'all! I really hope that you enjoy your retirement in the new place--you've surely earned it.

Thanks Sarah! Over the years we've gotten used to how we live so it will be interesting to see how we adjust once we move. DH is very social so he's going to be grinning ear to ear on the day we call it quits...me, I'm a bit of a loner so I may have to schedule "me" time amongst the days of fun and frolic.