m Maybe, just because we really look in love after many years of marriage.
!
I'm generally very poor at coming up with a good answer on the spot in cases like this, but here you have time to think about it.
If/when I can think before I respond, I think it is helpful to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they really didn't mean to be rude, maybe they just spoke before they thought, maybe they would be embarrassed once it sunk in. So give them a way out.
Maybe something like "Yes, there is an age difference, but it's never been an issue for us, we've been happily married for X years".
I bet that would settle it for most people. If they persist, some of the more 'in your face'/clever/snarky replies are probably in order. But most times, I'd think that comment would deescalate the situation, except for the truly dense/drunk/high.
-ERD50
.. and had to tell his wife " None of your business, don't ask me anymore questions ever again" . She was chasing me into mom's backyard trying to apologize.....Was I mean ? Passive-Aggressive ?maybe so...
W The minute they left, the other people started gossiping about them in depth to us (including the fact that there is a 32 year age difference).
had to tell his wife " None of your business, don't ask me anymore questions ever again" . She was chasing me into mom's backyard trying to apologize.....Was I mean ? Passive-Aggressive ?maybe so, but I never get any prying questions from her again.
I should have done this years ago. Lettings fester just makes them grow.
Just don't forget to consider the counter-scenario.
Granted, I'm sure there are some settings where it's not necessary to ask, but there could be some situations (healthcare setting, where spouse has rights for medical decisions, as one example) where it is genuinely necessary to find out who the person next to them is.
And perhaps you will concede that the number of instances of a large age gap in a marriage is probably much less than the number of instances where you do have a legitimate case of 'just a parent and child' instead of the 2 people with a large age gap being married.
If you were in such a setting (where you were with a non-spouse relative who was indeed a generation apart), how would you feel if someone instead assumed you were married? Would the younger person feel insulted that they appeared much older? Would one or both feel insulated that they appeared as someone who just goes after someone younger as a sugar momma/daddy?
As I said, many times it's not necessary to ask - but don't forget about the potential ramifications of someone who is truly trying to guess for perhaps a valid reason, and is instead assuming the situation is one of the vast majority of cases of 2 different generations, rather than you being married to each other (which is a much smaller % of times).
And how did you respond to the shocking facts so revealed?
One thing that strikes me about this thread is that several people have counseled me not to "let it bother me," as if I were at fault for being annoyed when people openly betray their bigotry.
It's funny; we have many lengthy threads about "what to do when people criticize my early retirement," and my thought is always "if they're happy, why do they let what others say bother them." I guess where you sit is where you stand, or words to that effect.
Your post helped me understand Amethyst's situation.
I Disagree with you regarding the frequency of "need to know" situations justifying asking for the status of a relationship to be identified. Yes, in a medical situation, the medical staff needs to know who you are, and they can ask without coupling the question with a guess or assumption. They can ask "who are you?" as opposed to are you his wife or daughter? Or "are you married?"
When I go to my disabled grandson's school to pick him up, I am asked to identify myself. I clearly look old enough that I'm likely to be grandpa and not dad. But no one ever asks "are you junior's grandfather"? They ask who I am. And when I identify myself, they check for the letter of file authorizing me to pick him up and leave with him. (I take him to Easter Seals for therapy.)
I doubt that many situations beyond these kind of examples (with legal implications) arise in life. It seems Amethyst's situation involves rude, nosy folks who are just idly curious and want to inappropriately know more and press for details.
A nosy waitress wants to know if he is my son or grandson. Inappropriate and rude. I could have fathered a child with a younger woman or he could be my grandson. But no business of hers even if she means no harm by the questioning. Zero tip for that b#tch.
A trickier question is "are you the mom or the nanny?" when I see a very young mom with many kids close together in age but not obviously multiples. "Is that your kid?" seems to work well in this situation too.
If these people don't want to talk or reveal anything about themselves, it's easy to take a hint and bug off. I can't recall getting the bug off signal though. Or maybe I'm clueless.
If these people don't want to talk or reveal anything about themselves, it's easy to take a hint and bug off. I can't recall getting the bug off signal though. Or maybe I'm clueless.