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Old 11-08-2015, 07:44 AM   #61
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I've been the much younger partner twice- one was a long-term relationship that started when I was 25 and he was 45, and the other is current DH, who is 15 years older.

I remember only one relative stranger mistaking me for the first guy's daughter- he was the owner of a restaurant we frequented. He was a bit embarrassed when we corrected him. We changed the topic of conversation and that was the end of it.

I don't think current DH and I have ever had any rude questions or remarks. I guess I don't look young enough to be his daughter since, at age 62, I have mostly grey hair, I wear glasses and have furrows between my brows. I look younger but not that much younger.

Finally- no way I'd make a joke about the guy being a "sugar daddy"". A coworker jokingly used that term in my first relationship and I told her to stop (which she did). It's always been a matter of personal pride to me that I had my own career and made my own money.
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Old 11-08-2015, 07:48 AM   #62
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Well I have to say I have learned a little something from this thread. I am a bit of a chatty cathy when I meet new people -- even casual strangers waiting in lines and such. I often strike up a conversation. If the strangers don't seem receptive I never push. But I will start to watch for situations where I might be tempted to ask an "is that your grand kid/child/wife" type question. On reflection, those questions are probably more geared toward getting specific information I don't need rather than just encouraging casual conversation. I can understand that people with relationships that fall outside typical age expectations may get enough intentionally nosy/gossipy inquiries to become sensitive to that type of question. Better to avoid them in the first place.

What about, "what do you do?"
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Old 11-08-2015, 09:08 AM   #63
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My older brother is 4 years older but looks much older, taking after my mother's side. When he went to the hospital (3x), they confused me for his son. Usually they asked him. It upset him but he took it like a man just explaining the truth. The hospital staff were not really nosey, just trying to make conversation.

A good friend got married for the last time 18 years ago to a Mexican woman 18 years junior. She has always looked young for her age. They get asked more in the last five years since he has turned gray/white. They consider it a compliment to her youthful appearance.
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Old 11-08-2015, 09:30 AM   #64
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I think different people are indeed different in how they perceive other people's behavior. I'm in the camp that any question about myself from someone I do not know is rude. Period.
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Old 11-08-2015, 09:40 AM   #65
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BTW, I notice your kid doesn't look like you. From your wife's first marriage? Adopted? Does the biological dad have visitation rights? How's it working out? (Some personal, probing questions from total strangers can just make you feel uncomfortable.)

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Old 11-08-2015, 09:51 AM   #66
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This has been an interesting thread, and I thank everyone for their contributions. There were several helpful ideas for nipping impertinent questions in the bud, without chiding or snapping at people.

All the suggested rationalizations for why people ask nosy questions - they're "elders" who lack inhibitions, they never learned to ask questions properly, they're gathering gossip fodder for their social group, or (this one slew me) it is just the sort of thing that people like Mr. A. and I ought to expect due to our strangeness, are beside the point.

I have decided that asking if we are father and daughter is fine, as long as the person simply accepts "No, we're married," and doesn't proceed to dig in, trying to get a lady to reveal her age, or her husband's. That would apply to the cruise dinner, just as it would anywhere.

Finally, I was incorrect to suggest asking about a little child by starting with "what a beautiful girl/handsome boy." It works for me, but I'm a woman. Coming from a male stranger, in this day and age, that could indeed raise a red flag with the child's minder or parent.

Athena53, I've followed some of your posts about you and your husband. You both sound loving and lucky to me. No "sugar" nonsense about it.

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Old 11-08-2015, 10:04 AM   #67
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I have been reading this thread with great interest.

I would never ask if two people are married or they are parent/child (unless I can come up with something more indirect to say that makes them want to disclose the nature of their relationship on their own.) I would be very curious to find out and I may ask my friends after they leave though. It's like when you think some casual friend looks pregnant.

I've noticed people (cashiers at a grocery store and alike) often referred me and my then boyfriend as husband and wife. (I imagine an old guy and an old woman grocery shopping or hanging together are usually married couples.) I guess it is human nature to categorize people into their "normal".

To answer the OP's question, I would just say "No" and turn away. I hope that would teach the person not to pry next time she/he is tempted to ask someone else a similar question.
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Old 11-08-2015, 12:47 PM   #68
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Well your problem could be worse--like say, a guy walking a goat in Montana
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Old 11-08-2015, 01:09 PM   #69
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I think if you step back and try and understand how others perceive your noticeable age difference its just natural for people to be curious.

Did you mean to say "it's just natural for people to be nosy busy-bodies?"
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Old 11-08-2015, 01:10 PM   #70
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Why? You got something against my old goat?........
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Old 11-08-2015, 01:22 PM   #71
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Why? You got something against my old goat?........
Guess it would depend on the age difference..
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Old 11-08-2015, 01:33 PM   #72
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Guess it would depend on the age difference..
Do you measure that in human years or goat years?
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Old 11-08-2015, 01:58 PM   #73
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Are you trying to get my goat?
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Old 11-08-2015, 02:01 PM   #74
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Do you measure that in human years or goat years?
From the blog: "Leslie, the Goat Source"

How long do goats live?

A goat is considered mature at 4 to 5 years of age. An 11 year old goat is an old goat! Most does will live longer than the bucks, usually because they receive better care. I heard of an 18 year old goat that was still milking and kidding yearly! Now THAT is an OLD GOAT!!
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Old 11-08-2015, 02:08 PM   #75
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Do you measure that in human years or goat years?
Well if an old goat is a teenager, then that's the measurement I'd like.
Always wanted to do the "if I knew then what I know now thing."
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Old 11-08-2015, 02:20 PM   #76
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What were the odds of mentioning nannies and goats in the same thread?
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Old 11-08-2015, 02:21 PM   #77
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Well your problem could be worse--like say, a guy walking a goat in Montana
Was he wearing wellingtons?
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Old 11-08-2015, 02:23 PM   #78
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I thought it meant we can ask strangers or casual acquaintances their ages, how much they weigh, how often they have sex, etc. - really, anything that we might like to know or that catches our fancy about them - and then act like it's their fault if they get annoyed.
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Did you mean to say "it's just natural for people to be nosy busy-bodies?"
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Old 11-08-2015, 02:41 PM   #79
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It seems that the only legal prejudice is against older men.

What a delightful world! In this thread, a prejudice even expressed by some older men.

Ha
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Old 11-08-2015, 02:49 PM   #80
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It seems that the only legal prejudice is against older men.

What a delightful world! In this thread, a prejudice even expressed by some older men.

Ha
*OFF TOPIC** - but haha, you might be interested in this book:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/068...=1&*entries*=0

It is a tough read in some ways, the guy is just soooo angry. But I was shocked to learn that what he is saying is true, you need to look through some history that I wasn't taught in school to find it though, but it is in very credible sources (and he provides his own references, but I preferred to search on my own for independent sources).

-ERD50
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