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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-05-2006, 04:53 PM   #21
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

We need to uplevel this discussion in order to achieve parity among the various constituencies represented in the organizational hierarchy.

Yep, I still got it.
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-05-2006, 05:24 PM   #22
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

I have never worked in corporate, but I have to say that it sounds like the most stupid sayings I have ever heard. I suppose the person who speaks like this thinks he/she sounds important and what not, but to me they would sound like a pompous ass and ridiculous, too.

Thank God I am retired.

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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-05-2006, 05:29 PM   #23
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Actually my favorite, which I never heard until a couple of years before I quit working, and have heard on this board a few times.


"I dont disagree with you".

So...does that mean you agree with me and you'd like to say so in a roundabout manner, or you really do disagree but you're trying to be agreeable about it?
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-05-2006, 05:38 PM   #24
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

granular .............. We need to examine this at a more granular level.


One that I like and we have been using more and more ...... strategery
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-05-2006, 05:47 PM   #25
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Quote:
Originally Posted by LL
I suppose the person who speaks like this thinks he/she sounds important and what not, but to me they would sound like a pompous ass and ridiculous, too.
Exactly!

I mean honestly, do any of us corporate wage slaves (or former) speak like this to our friends and relatives??
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-05-2006, 06:05 PM   #26
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

The latest buzz word in our office is "socialize" as in, "socialize this with XXX office at HQ".
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-05-2006, 06:59 PM   #27
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

i left 5 years after we were re-engineered (my area went from 35 people to, yikes, 7 of us) & 3 years of exceeding expectations. exceed this.
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-05-2006, 07:24 PM   #28
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Quote:
Originally Posted by yakers
The latest buzz word in our office is "socialize" as in, "socialize this with XXX office at HQ".
OMG! I thought our company was the orginator of "socializing" ! Ack!
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-05-2006, 10:32 PM   #29
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Got a letter from a lawyer once, which began: "Enclosed please find the hereinafter referred-to enclosure."

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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-06-2006, 10:43 AM   #30
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Level playing field, mean anything ?

A flat organization ?

Synergy ?


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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-06-2006, 10:49 AM   #31
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

How about "level setting"?
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-06-2006, 10:56 AM   #32
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Quote:
Originally Posted by Caroline
Got a letter from a lawyer once, which began: "Enclosed please find the hereinafter referred-to enclosure."

I see this all the time. Lawyers want to be able to show that they mailed something so they use an "enclosed please find" letter. Lawyers are also in love with meaningless words like hereby, hereinafter, wherefore, blah, blah, blah. I always would edit those words out of my associates' work. The other writing issue I see alot is using three words when one will do, like: "sells, transfers and assigns" and "promise, aver and agree" . Yuck.
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-06-2006, 10:57 AM   #33
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

http://www.dack.com/web/bullshit.html

whiteboard impactful applications
reinvent bleeding-edge deliverables

http://www.lurkertech.com/chris/corpspeak.html

==== FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE ====

TO: SGI Users
FROM: Public Relations
CONTACT: Louis Semprini, Corporate Mgmt Comm. Coordinator

Having first verified that the price-performance leading edge blows them away with a team, a careful examination of big deals reveals that the technologies interface with the extensible merger. It is fiscally true that emerging workgroups get up to speed on the open standards. As a company, we have a firm grip on kick-ass graphics. The win-win next generation systems ... uuum ... are going to get up to speed on the massively parallel tangent. If we can foresee the benefits of drop dead dates, then motif-compliant key players will assure us the high-performace geographies. Surely, we can conclude that the component indicates that the integration can ride the wave of the customer dealer channels. This is why Tom Jermoluk recently announced that a teamwork-oriented disclosure (and by the way this is all in my report) syncs up with a competitive skill set. Can we indeed say that a paper trail signs off on a goal ? Our third parties tell us that massively parallel workgroups provide an indication of the UI scripting languages. As Ed McCracken states in a recent report about sweet spots, " the killer app will ramp up progress on the enabling executives." I think that internet service providers provide an indication of the information superhighway.

A massively parallel horizontal market syncs up with ISVs, however the staffing look and feel raises a flag over value-added workgroups. Now what was I saying? The price-performance critical paths will follow through on the issue of object-oriented killer apps, which leads us to believe that the UI user interfaces soon get your input on the skill sets. We are pleased to announce that personal digital assistants will pass the baton to mergers. Desktop integration interactively raises a flag over the win-win action items, so technology enables the binary-compatible relationships. We will with all deliberate speed take over the technological market for the platform.

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Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-06-2006, 08:54 PM   #34
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

We have a problem with our "comfort level" at our workplace. I guess being comfortable is bad, as in slack, lazy, complacent, and being "just on the other side of comfortable"--ie stressed, nervous, jumpy--is good.

It all just makes me want to leave sooner.
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-06-2006, 09:15 PM   #35
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tawny Dangle
We have a problem with our "comfort level" at our workplace. I guess being comfortable is bad, as in slack, lazy, complacent, and being "just on the other side of comfortable"--ie stressed, nervous, jumpy--is good.
Worked for a CEO who frequently stated that his main role was to "inflict the comforted and comfort the inflicted". :P

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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-06-2006, 09:36 PM   #36
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tawny Dangle
We have a problem with our "comfort level" at our workplace. I guess being comfortable is bad, as in slack, lazy, complacent, and being "just on the other side of comfortable"--ie stressed, nervous, jumpy--is good.

It all just makes me want to leave sooner.
Considering my old company's mantra was "only the paranoid survive", it probably shouldnt surprise anyone that a little of that paranoia still carries on in me... :
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Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-06-2006, 10:18 PM   #37
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean they are not out to get you!
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-06-2006, 10:32 PM   #38
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Heyyy...you look a little bit familiar...was that you hiding out in my front shrubs earlier?

Dang I still want someone to come up with that way to git your dog on someone through the internet...
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Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-07-2006, 02:52 AM   #39
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

I had a boss who loved the phrase, "Problem? ... or Opportunity?!" that he picked up from some Japanese management bible that was popular back in the day...

me: "The printer just exploded and we have a new business presentation in a half-hour."

him: "Problem? ... or Opportunity?!"

me: in my head=>"Problem!!! you smug, ignorant !@$#%"
me: in reality=>speechless.

This boss also liked to secretly program keystrokes on our computers and then sidle up as we were working and in a snotty tone of voice ask, "why don't you just hit option-shift-7"??* :
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-07-2006, 06:41 AM   #40
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

"I will, but only if that key combination triggers an ejection seat that will shoot me out of here and back into my car..."
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Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. Just another form of "buy low, sell high" for those who have trouble with things. This rule is not universal. Do not buy a 1973 Pinto because everyone else is afraid of it.
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