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Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-04-2006, 04:56 PM   #1
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Annoying Corporate Speak

As much as I resist, I often find myself doing the dilbert corporate speak thing. It really makes my hair stand up on end. Especially cutesie acronyms and constant changing of verbs to nouns and nouns to verbs.

Here's a list of sayings that I have to endure on daily basis.

- You need to reach out to <insert name>
- Let's make sure we are completely aligned...
- great call out!
- Make sure that's on your radar screen
- organic growth (eewww :P)

I know there's more in the recesses of my brain. Please add yours as well. I need a good laugh this weekend.
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-04-2006, 05:05 PM   #2
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

i've used "organic growth" a few times to describe systems while doing an analysis.

I turned an adjective into a noun the other day- "highlations" (highlighted words)- it's not even a word, so I can spell it any way I want
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-04-2006, 05:07 PM   #3
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jiggles
Here's a list of sayings that I have to endure on daily basis.

- You need to reach out to <insert name>
- Let's make sure we are completely aligned...
- great call out!
- Make sure that's on your radar screen
- organic growth (eewww :P)


Jiggles, I don't understand any of these phrases. Is that last one related in some way to that nasty fungus infesting all those damaged homes on the Gulf Coast?

Truth is since retiring last year I don't "get" Dilbert anymore, either.

And the TV show "The Office" might as well be in Japanese as far as I'm concerned...

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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-04-2006, 05:07 PM   #4
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marshac
i've used "organic growth" a few times to describe systems while doing an analysis.

I turned an adjective into a noun the other day- "highlations" (highlighted words)- it's not even a word, so I can spell it any way I want
One of the worst was hearing a senior executive speak how he was going to make sure everyone was "upskilled" (huh and you went to Stanford!)
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-04-2006, 06:08 PM   #5
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Somewhere Dilbert is smiling. :
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-04-2006, 06:33 PM   #6
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Sounds like it's time for buzz word bingo.*
http://www3.brinkster.com/Redline/toys/bwbingo.asp

http://www.georgealozano.com/jokes/Buzz.pdf
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-04-2006, 06:37 PM   #7
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Quote:
Originally Posted by riskaverse
Sounds like it's time for buzz word bingo.
http://www3.brinkster.com/Redline/toys/bwbingo.asp
lol - how about "let's zoom out..." or "This is a high level analysis using the 30,000 foot level approach"
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-04-2006, 06:42 PM   #8
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

A while ago our new director of HR explained to us in a company meeting that she was really glad to have this opportunity to "dialogue" with us.

Tim
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-04-2006, 07:18 PM   #9
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Did you tell her to go fornicate herself ?*
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-04-2006, 08:45 PM   #10
 
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

I need to 'touch base' with you! -

You touch my base and I will kill you!
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-04-2006, 09:26 PM   #11
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

All your base are belong to us!
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-04-2006, 10:14 PM   #12
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Hey, at least you avoid giving orders like "Reactor Operator, commence a fast recovery startup."

Or training presentations like "Once you pull your RSTL from your NSTL and enter your BALPARs, you're ready for Condition 1SQ."

For the corporate world, try these two sites. Chances are your company is already paying consulting fees to at least one of them...

http://www.huhcorp.com/about.htm
http://www.andrewdavidson.com/gibberish/
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-04-2006, 10:50 PM   #13
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

My favorite is still the ***** generator.
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-05-2006, 07:53 AM   #14
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

How about - "thank you for lifting that (idea) up!" or "we need to lift (insert name) up!"
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-05-2006, 12:03 PM   #15
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

My all-time skin-crawler is "going forward"--as if one could choose to do things differently going backward! I also grew to despise 24/7 after initially thinking it "cute." Kaizen was fine the first time, until applied anew by every replacement VP. But that was at a biggish company. My startup was less into general business buzzwords, although we had our specific ones (not memorable, except that we were gonna be "the next Oracle" hahahaha)..I went to fewer and fewer corporate meetings so after a while I was, pardon the expression, out of the loop*

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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-05-2006, 12:08 PM   #16
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Back in the day when I was ensnarled in the hum-drum corporate world the phrase "we're all a family here" really used to get my goat. I have no problem with us being a "team" but I did have a problem with being a "family". *I recall a number of heated discussions with the boss on this term that he liked so much and I hated. *

To me a family is something personal that I have and has nothing to do with work. The family is the key social organization to human life and to use it to get workers to become loyal to the company is just plain wrong.


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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-05-2006, 01:33 PM   #17
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Quote:
I'm empowered, thus enabling me to multi-task in a quality environment; though my plate is full, I'm a valued stakeholder in a teaming atmosphere, where diversity initiatives allow the customer to come first. Through focused innovation, a win-win scenario has been partnered with a global overview, creating a knowledge-based decision tree, enhancing PFO, MTBF, and ISO9001 compliance, which is a really BFD...
Reprise...
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-05-2006, 01:38 PM   #18
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heather
Reprise...
Cool garters, Heather...
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-05-2006, 02:24 PM   #19
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Nice thong, Jiggles!!

Mutual Bestiality Admiration Society, indeed... :P
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
Old 03-05-2006, 03:51 PM   #20
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak

Synergy
Realignment
Rightsize (read "layoffs")

CJ
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