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03-04-2006, 04:56 PM
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#1
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,466
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As much as I resist, I often find myself doing the dilbert corporate speak thing. It really makes my hair stand up on end. Especially cutesie acronyms and constant changing of verbs to nouns and nouns to verbs.
Here's a list of sayings that I have to endure on daily basis.
- You need to reach out to <insert name>
- Let's make sure we are completely aligned...
- great call out!
- Make sure that's on your radar screen
- organic growth (eewww :P)
I know there's more in the recesses of my brain. Please add yours as well. I need a good laugh this weekend.
__________________
fuzzy? cute?
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-04-2006, 05:05 PM
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#2
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 907
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i've used "organic growth" a few times to describe systems while doing an analysis.
I turned an adjective into a noun the other day- "highlations" (highlighted words)- it's not even a word, so I can spell it any way I want 
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-04-2006, 05:07 PM
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#3
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Administrator
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Texas Hill Country
Posts: 16,468
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 Quote:
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Originally Posted by Jiggles
Here's a list of sayings that I have to endure on daily basis.
- You need to reach out to <insert name>
- Let's make sure we are completely aligned...
- great call out!
- Make sure that's on your radar screen
- organic growth (eewww :P)
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Jiggles, I don't understand any of these phrases. Is that last one related in some way to that nasty fungus infesting all those damaged homes on the Gulf Coast?
Truth is since retiring last year I don't "get" Dilbert anymore, either.
And the TV show "The Office" might as well be in Japanese as far as I'm concerned...
__________________
Numbers is hard...
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-04-2006, 05:07 PM
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#4
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,466
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Marshac
i've used "organic growth" a few times to describe systems while doing an analysis.
I turned an adjective into a noun the other day- "highlations" (highlighted words)- it's not even a word, so I can spell it any way I want |
One of the worst was hearing a senior executive speak how he was going to make sure everyone was "upskilled" (huh and you went to Stanford!)
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fuzzy? cute?
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-04-2006, 06:08 PM
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#5
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 513
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Somewhere Dilbert is smiling. :
__________________
"In today's regulatory environment, it's virtually impossible to violate rules." - Bernie Madoff, October, 2007
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-04-2006, 06:33 PM
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#6
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 715
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__________________
Random Reinforcement is Highly Addictive.
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-04-2006, 06:37 PM
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#7
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,466
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by riskaverse
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lol - how about "let's zoom out..." or "This is a high level analysis using the 30,000 foot level approach" 
__________________
fuzzy? cute?
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-04-2006, 06:42 PM
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#8
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 99
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A while ago our new director of HR explained to us in a company meeting that she was really glad to have this opportunity to "dialogue" with us.
Tim
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-04-2006, 07:18 PM
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#9
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 513
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Did you tell her to go fornicate herself ?* 
__________________
"In today's regulatory environment, it's virtually impossible to violate rules." - Bernie Madoff, October, 2007
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-04-2006, 08:45 PM
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#10
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Guest
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I need to 'touch base' with you! -
You touch my base and I will kill you! 
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-04-2006, 09:26 PM
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#11
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Losing my whump
Posts: 22,526
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All your base are belong to us!
__________________
Many an optimist has become rich by buying out a pessimist
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-04-2006, 10:14 PM
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#12
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Oahu
Posts: 17,531
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Hey, at least you avoid giving orders like "Reactor Operator, commence a fast recovery startup."
Or training presentations like "Once you pull your RSTL from your NSTL and enter your BALPARs, you're ready for Condition 1SQ."
For the corporate world, try these two sites. Chances are your company is already paying consulting fees to at least one of them...
http://www.huhcorp.com/about.htm
http://www.andrewdavidson.com/gibberish/
__________________
*
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For more info see "About Me" in my profile.
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-04-2006, 10:50 PM
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#13
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Losing my whump
Posts: 22,526
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My favorite is still the ***** generator.
__________________
Many an optimist has become rich by buying out a pessimist
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-05-2006, 07:53 AM
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#14
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Dryer sheet aficionado
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 26
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How about - "thank you for lifting that (idea) up!" or "we need to lift (insert name) up!"
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-05-2006, 12:03 PM
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#15
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,375
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My all-time skin-crawler is "going forward"--as if one could choose to do things differently going backward! I also grew to despise 24/7 after initially thinking it "cute." Kaizen was fine the first time, until applied anew by every replacement VP. But that was at a biggish company. My startup was less into general business buzzwords, although we had our specific ones (not memorable, except that we were gonna be "the next Oracle" hahahaha)..I went to fewer and fewer corporate meetings so after a while I was, pardon the expression, out of the loop*
__________________
You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find you get what you need.
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-05-2006, 12:08 PM
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#16
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Texas~29N/98W
Posts: 3,011
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Back in the day when I was ensnarled in the hum-drum corporate world the phrase "we're all a family here" really used to get my goat. I have no problem with us being a "team" but I did have a problem with being a "family". *I recall a number of heated discussions with the boss on this term that he liked so much and I hated. *
To me a family is something personal that I have and has nothing to do with work. The family is the key social organization to human life and to use it to get workers to become loyal to the company is just plain wrong.
__________________
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx
In dire need of: faster horses, younger woman, older whiskey, more money.
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-05-2006, 01:33 PM
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#17
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: May 2005
Location: DFW
Posts: 6,334
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Quote:
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I'm empowered, thus enabling me to multi-task in a quality environment; though my plate is full, I'm a valued stakeholder in a teaming atmosphere, where diversity initiatives allow the customer to come first. Through focused innovation, a win-win scenario has been partnered with a global overview, creating a knowledge-based decision tree, enhancing PFO, MTBF, and ISO9001 compliance, which is a really BFD...
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Reprise...
__________________
Have Funds, Will Retire
"...but do feel free to assert your duly noted opinion on this subject again without benefit of reference or provision of additional information..."
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-05-2006, 01:38 PM
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#18
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,466
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Heather
Reprise...
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Cool garters, Heather...
__________________
fuzzy? cute?
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-05-2006, 02:24 PM
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#19
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: May 2005
Location: DFW
Posts: 6,334
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Nice thong, Jiggles!! 
Mutual Bestiality Admiration Society, indeed... :P
__________________
Have Funds, Will Retire
"...but do feel free to assert your duly noted opinion on this subject again without benefit of reference or provision of additional information..."
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Re: Annoying Corporate Speak
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03-05-2006, 03:51 PM
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#20
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 309
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Synergy
Realignment
Rightsize (read "layoffs")
CJ
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