Annoying MegaCorp people !!!!!

[ExFlyBoy5]

True. A lot of the people hanging around were just looking for face time Brownie points. I used to have a manager that made the rounds at 4:45 to see who his good boys were. By 5:00, most had fled.

Oh yes...the "good boys". I can say that I was never one of those dudes.

As a matter of fact, on occasion, I would leave extra keys and a hat on my desk to give the impression that I was "still around", when in fact I had left much earlier. Was I a scammer or slacker? Maybe just a little...

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Gaseous Clay, the crop duster. Snacks on junk food continuously throughout the day; about every 30 minutes he gets up and wanders around the sweatshop emitting nether coughs as he passes by co-workers at their stations. Some of us never made it out of adolescence.

Someday I'm gonna write a book about this guy.

We had more than a few of them. I never could tell the difference between the Cropduster Clay and Click and Drag Doug, though. I assume they are brothers and equally nasty.

 

[JoeWras]

This thread mostly made me angry, because it hit home since I'm still w*rking. But now that I've calmed down, I want to join the fun.

Refrigerator Rita, doesn't have a lunch tote, no, has a lunch storage container. Also goes to the grocery store on the way to work and puts 4 bags of groceries in the fridge. Everyone else is left stuffing their meager lunches in the cracks.

 

[braumeister]

emitting nether coughs

Never heard that phrase before. Uncomfortably descriptive!

 

[PatrickA5]

Oh yes...the "good boys". I can say that I was never one of those dudes.

As a matter of fact, on occasion, I would leave extra keys and a hat on my desk to give the impression that I was "still around", when in fact I had left much earlier. Was I a scammer or slacker? Maybe just a little...

I tried not to work late that often, but when I did I always tried to see who was leaving exactly 1 minute after the bosses. Always the same people that got to work 5 minutes before the boss and tried to say they'd been there for hours. On the very few Saturdays I allowed myself to work, they were always there sending out their emails to let the bosses know they were there on Saturday.

 

[kgtest]

I like Jimmy the Jumper, every time $hit hits the fan in a department, he jumps over to a new one, seemingly right before he was about to get outed.

 

[PatrickA5]

Related to the Chair Nazi, is the Office Snitch. In our office it was the same person. She (usually), or he, tells management about everything that nobody wanted to have them know. Lots of rumors, gossip, secret retirement plans, office plots, and underhanded or just confidential dealings go straight to the top via the Office Snitch. Many a career is harmed in the process. In return, she (or he) gets a lot of goodies and or promotions that nobody else doing similar work ever gets.

Worked with one of those. I called him The Spy. One day I got to work 15 minutes late. I saw The Spy write something down and leave it in the bosses chair. Suspicious, I decided to check it out. Sure enough, there in the chair a note: "Patrick - 15 minutes late". Me and The Spy had a little chat after that. He was a young kid right out of college. Soon after he went to work for the IRS.

 

[travelover]

I like Jimmy the Jumper, every time $hit hits the fan in a department, he jumps over to a new one, seemingly right before he was about to get outed.

Similar to Jimmy is Worthless Walter. At MegaMotors, for the first 25 years I worked there, virtually no one got fired or laid off. There were people that literally did nothing and were just shuffled from department to department. If your headcount got cut, you gave up Worthless Walter with crocodile tears. Some other poor schmuck with a new, growing project desperate for headcount would take him on. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat for a whole career.

 

[MRG]

Similar to Jimmy is Worthless Walter. At MegaMotors, for the first 25 years I worked there, virtually no one got fired or laid off. There were people that literally did nothing and were just shuffled from department to department. If your headcount got cut, you gave up Worthless Walter with crocodile tears. Some other poor schmuck with a new, growing project desperate for headcount would take him on. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat for a whole career.

We called those "gifts".

 

[travelover]

We called those "gifts".

The worst part was at Mega, many of these turds made much more than gifted hard working engineers and even new supervisors, as I found out at the first merit raise planing session.

 

[kgtest]

True. A lot of the people hanging around were just looking for face time Brownie points. I used to have a manager that made the rounds at 4:45 to see who his good boys were. By 5:00, most had fled.

First REAL 9-5 IT job, had a manager call me at 4:01 pm from her cell-phone, driving home in the car, asks me in a surprised voice when I picked up my desk phone" Oh yeah, uhhh can you check which brand of Green Tea I tossed into the trash?"

Really? I looked and said I saw a wrapper called Bull$hit was that it?

 

[Carpediem]

Similar to Jimmy is Worthless Walter. At MegaMotors, for the first 25 years I worked there, virtually no one got fired or laid off. There were people that literally did nothing and were just shuffled from department to department. If your headcount got cut, you gave up Worthless Walter with crocodile tears. Some other poor schmuck with a new, growing project desperate for headcount would take him on. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat for a whole career.

My version of Worthless Walter was Krafty Kristin. She experienced more injuries, natural disasters, and deaths that anyone I've ever heard of. Of course, none of her many managers wanted to go to the trouble of verifying or confirming her multitude of questionable reasons for not being at work. It was easier for them to simply ship her to a new manager during the next round of reorgs. As travelover said, "rinse and repeat" (for years).

 

[Ginny]

I'm glad I did not meet many of those people. My stomach tied up in knots just thinking about a**hole attorneys from my work.

I LOVE RE!! I have to go meditate now.....

 

[O2Bfree]

Clueless Cruncher
Snacks on extremely crunchy food in his cubicle several times a day, apparently with his mouth open. The noise is accompanied by smacking and the loud rustling of the snack bag.

No-Toss Ted
Takes the last doughnut, cookie, slice of pizza or whatnot from the box, then leaves the empty box on the table even when the trash can is an arm's length away.

 

[pjm-7]

Gift Grabber Gertie. Worked with a real a** kisser once who was always hitting up coworkers for money to buy gifts for the manager (another woman who Gertie was trying to grab her position). She was wanting to buy a gift every month for some reason or another (Christmas, birthday, anniversary, etc.) We all just learned to say "no". It was really BS when they were closing our office and laying off everybody and Gertie thought it would be nice to get Boss-lady a going away gift! Shezzz. I don't miss the cube farm.

 

[Janet H]

my personal hot button:

Dainty Drama Debbie
Cute as a button and uses her girlieness to get an assist with all sorts of things. She is prone to oversharing and then looking helpless, eliciting comfort and care from anyone gullible enough to get caught up in her mismanaged life. Her problems are always the biggest, the most important and her needs are met first.

 

[nhcycling]

Lazy Lump Larry

Does the bare minimum so as to not get fired, takes zero initiative to learn any new technologies despite being in IT where they really need to keep current, always waiting on someone else until they can do what was assigned to them is the excuse for late, sloppy work, believes the company owes them because they’ve been there 30 years

 

[brett]

It is simply a distant memory for me.

 

[O2Bfree]

It is simply a distant memory for me.

Perhaps RE folks are MegaCorp type "Early Retired Earl", that person who annoyed everyone at the office when they retired *gasp* before age 65.

 

[38Chevy454]

Perhaps RE folks are MegaCorp type "Early Retired Earl", that person who annoyed everyone at the office when they retired *gasp* before age 65.

Must be friend of Never Retire Ned. Sadly they will take him out on a stretcher someday.

 

[lwp2017]

Wow, no wonder Dilbert cartoons were so popular........

 

[Amethyst]

Mr. "You Don't Deserve Me" - this is his behavior:
Very intelligent, articulate, nice-looking, neat, tidy, trustworthy-seeming.
Changes assignments often. Comes on board, charms everybody, works his butt off, rises quickly and soon is one of the "key guys."
After a year or so, decides he is getting "screwed" by one or more cow-orkers who don't put in the effort that he does, or that the boss is doing him out of the compensation he deserves. Puts in a few more resentful months, then disappears for greener pastures. Which turn out to be pretty much like the pastures he just left.
Rinse and repeat.

 

[Tree-dweller]

Clueless Cruncher
Snacks on extremely crunchy food in his cubicle several times a day, apparently with his mouth open. The noise is accompanied by smacking and the loud rustling of the snack bag.
.

Combine a Clueless Cruncher with Gum-Snapping Grace for Stereo aggravation. Throw in the toe-tapper mentioned earlier for Sensurround!

 

[scrabbler1]

I had a Cackling Carrie who had this loud, annoying laugh you could hear all over the floor. I had the misfortune of having my cubicle fairly close to hers for several years and was subjected to her laugh which cut through my head like a nail. Her cackling laugh was not even her most annoying trait, as she had some others described so fascinatingly well by others here.

 

[travelover]

Mr. "You Don't Deserve Me" - this is his behavior:
Very intelligent, articulate, nice-looking, neat, tidy, trustworthy-seeming.
Changes assignments often. Comes on board, charms everybody, works his butt off, rises quickly and soon is one of the "key guys."
After a year or so, decides he is getting "screwed" by one or more cow-orkers who don't put in the effort that he does, or that the boss is doing him out of the compensation he deserves. Puts in a few more resentful months, then disappears for greener pastures. Which turn out to be pretty much like the pastures he just left.
Rinse and repeat.

At Mega, we had a number like this, except they leveraged their work contributions to defy normal standards of conduct, i.e. they acted like total assh*les because they knew they could get away with it. Abusive Alberts.

Come to think of it, that behavior was almost a prerequisite to quick promotion.