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Annoying MegaCorp people !!!!!
Old 12-18-2017, 12:55 PM   #1
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Annoying MegaCorp people !!!!!

It's almost like "Walmart People" ...you know …. The types of people at MegaCorp who annoy the heck out of you. Let’s have fun putting together your favorite list of annoying employee types!
I'll start with my list of MegaCorp bi-peds ....

1. The Loud Larrys:
These people insist on carrying on their cubicle phone conversations at high decibel levels, usually in a vain attempt to impress local cubicle dwellers with their apparent productivity. The best remedy is to bang away on your fart machine when they are on the phone.

2. The Corner Cutters:
When approaching a hallway corner, you know that 9 times out of 10, there is a CC approaching at light speed. They cut the corner, barely missing you and act surprised that there is someone else in the building. They are usually in a hurry, likely making a beeline for the bathrooms.
My advice … approach each corner with trepidation.

3. The Hallway Talkers:
The HT ostentatiously struts the hallways carrying on “important” phone conversation while using a wireless headset. It is important to them that they be seen, so they are always glancing around in search of nearby witnesses. It never occurs to them that they can make a phone call from their office.
If you ignore them they tend to go away … much like a mild skin rash.

4. The Hackers
These unfortunate folks have health problems and hack, cough, and spit up all day in their cubicle … much to the chagrin and disgust of nearby cubicle dwellers. They refuse to take a sick day. Instead, they sacrifice for the company … unfortunately infecting many other employees.

5. Meeting Monkeys
MMs will approach you in the hall and try to “suck” you into a meeting with them immediately. You are likely to be Shanghai’d to their office or the lab where you are entangled into their issue. They never actually schedule a meeting ahead of time. Instead, their MO is to prowl the hallways in search of fresh meat. Their issue is always more important than what anyone else is working on.
Advice: avoid eye contact at all cost and shuffle away quickly.

5. Barging Bobs:
The BB will barge into your office, uninvited, and interrupt you without asking. They almost always start talking to you even before they reach your office. Like the MM above, they can’t fathom that their concerns are not top priority for everyone in the company.

6. The Grammatically Impaired:
They usually start a sentence with the word “So”. The BB is a classical example, as his first words to you as he barges into your office are usually “So ….. “
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Old 12-18-2017, 01:11 PM   #2
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All good ones. Here's another:

Johnny Coffee Seed:
Like Johnny Apple Seed, they always walk the halls with a FULL coffee cup, leaving little "seeds" behind. You can follow their path around the building by looking for the trail of drops. On the tile, on the rug, on the stairs, it doesn't matter. I don't think they ever actually DRINK the coffee. There certainly can't be much left when they get to their office.

They might even be the same folks who dump their half-empty coffee cup into the "no drain" water cooler.
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Old 12-18-2017, 01:22 PM   #3
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Currently have "the hacker" in my office...pretty close to me. I leave my door open until he arrives then I close it. Coughing, snorting, clearing throat all day...he must have some serious post nasal drip...makes me want to puke.

We used to have a guy in my old office who sniffled all day...terrible allergies. We nicknamed him "sniffles." Had to wear headphones all day...was in a cube at that place. What a disaster.


I have a loud larry by me too...although this is a woman. She takes all calls on speakerphone...never shuts her door...and screams into the phone and says UMMMMMM every other word. She talks just to hear herself speak. Tells stories that have no beginning/middle/end. They just eventually stop and you wonder wtf she was talking about. The amount of ear beatings that woman has given is through the roof.
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Old 12-18-2017, 01:41 PM   #4
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I thought this was going to be a thread on how to annoy megacorp people.
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Old 12-18-2017, 01:48 PM   #5
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So, do we any other types?
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Old 12-18-2017, 01:48 PM   #6
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The Drummer: That foot tapping guy with size 14 feet. These normally inhabit building's with raised flooring to magnify the bass.

I sat next to one of these in a data center. Unbearable, I'm trying to code and boom, boom, boom. Finally I use headphones and turned up the volume loud. It really didn't help, by that time the beat was permeating my existence. Then the guy taps my shoulder and says your headphones might annoy others! Really? What about the feet?
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Old 12-18-2017, 01:54 PM   #7
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My all-time favorite was Connie Clipper. She was my cube neighbor and would spend at least 10-15 minutes clipping her nails. And she would do it more than once a week. I often wondered where all those clippings ended up.

This same person was also Sally Singer. Yes, she would sing along with her radio, which she listened to without headphones or ear plugs.
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Old 12-18-2017, 01:54 PM   #8
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I'd love to chime in, but I realized that this thread, along with the concurrent thread about cubicles, is just going to raise my blood pressure and ruin my day. Being retired means that not only do I not have to experience this **** anymore, I don't have to even think about it.
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Old 12-18-2017, 02:06 PM   #9
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Wow. I didn't know how good I had it. When I was a patrol officer I worked alone almost all of the time except for the first six months after the academy. If there was some major crisis going on or there were not enough cars sometimes we doubled up but 99% of the time I worked alone.

When I went to the Fraud Section that was an open office layout but everyone was well behaved (tends to be that way when everyone has a gun) and I never had to deal with any of the behavior described in this thread.
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Old 12-18-2017, 02:12 PM   #10
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I shared an office with two other guys but I only seen the guy I relived for a quick 10 min pass on meeting and the guy whom relived me for another 10 min pass on meeting otherwise alone for the most part. Three guys three desks three computers.
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Old 12-18-2017, 02:15 PM   #11
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It's been 19 years* since I had a regular office that I would go to every day so I have no idea what you are talking about!

But... when I did go into an office regularly, the worst ones were those who would poke their head in the doorway for a "quick" question and I would have to nudge them out 45 minutes later while having accomplished nothing in the interim.

While I hated closing my door when it was just me in the office, sometimes I would do so just to have uninterupted time to focus on the disaster of the day.

* 6 years retired preceeded by 13 years working from home and traveling to client facilities or firm offices.
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Old 12-18-2017, 02:17 PM   #12
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I recall Harriet Holiday Hater. She’s the one who scheduled meetings at 4-5:30 the day before thanksgiving, last minute meetings before three day weekends, even non essential meetings on Christmas Eve. Always the same narrative “it’s just another work day”.
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Old 12-18-2017, 02:21 PM   #13
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+1..... I had two years in a row that one of my favorite British client's projects intruded on our Inedpendence Day celebrations... I jokingly told them that I had to excuse myself to celebrate freeing ourselves... "from you guys"
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Old 12-18-2017, 02:23 PM   #14
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Peter Politics who constantly talks politics and makes unfunny jokes about it. No clue there could ever be anyone who has a different opinion, or that the workplace isn’t the appropriate forum.

Radio Randy who can’t be bothered to use headphones even after being asked nicely, and eventually not-so-nicely.

Speakerphone Sam. This was in one of those open offices with 4 foot high cubicle walls. Every frikkin call, personal or not. Overlap with Loud Larry.
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Old 12-18-2017, 02:25 PM   #15
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The chair nazi: Lady who's job seems to be policing meeting rooms to verify all chairs are present and all at the same height in their appointed positions.

Dear Lord don't ever have a meeting room chair in your office. People can sit on the trash can when there's 12 empty chairs next door.
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Old 12-18-2017, 03:02 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MRG View Post
The chair nazi: Lady who's job seems to be policing meeting rooms to verify all chairs are present and all at the same height in their appointed positions.

Dear Lord don't ever have a meeting room chair in your office. People can sit on the trash can when there's 12 empty chairs next door.
Related to the Chair Nazi, is the Office Snitch. In our office it was the same person. She (usually), or he, tells management about everything that nobody wanted to have them know. Lots of rumors, gossip, secret retirement plans, office plots, and underhanded or just confidential dealings go straight to the top via the Office Snitch. Many a career is harmed in the process. In return, she (or he) gets a lot of goodies and or promotions that nobody else doing similar work ever gets.

Another duty of the Chair Nazi is to be the Cubicle Nazi. The Cubicle Nazi stays after hours with a measuring tape, and records exactly how many inches wide and long each cubicle is. Of course this information is reported to management as well. "Joe's cubicle is 103.791 square feet and nobody else has more than 100 square feet!" Of course nothing is said about the fact that Joe's cubicle is in a noisy location with no windows. On Monday, Joe's cubicle is a foot narrower (making it 90 square feet), and the aisle between his cubicle and the next is a foot wider.
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Old 12-18-2017, 03:07 PM   #17
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As a corollary to the Drummer, how about the Clopper? Usually a petite woman wearing flip-flops, and you can hear her coming a mile away. Alas, if you make a comment off the cuff that nothing should make that much noise unless it's pulling an Anheuser-Busch beer wagon, it gets you a trip to HR
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Old 12-18-2017, 03:26 PM   #18
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How about Buck Passer Bill, the guy that will never make a decision. He hangs around a lot with Consensus Connie, the lady that is always needing consensus for anything. Neither of them will make a decision on their own.

Don't forget Vacation Veronica, who has to spend the first week back to work telling everyone about her vacation and not doing any of her work.
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Old 12-18-2017, 03:31 PM   #19
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The Watch Maker. You ask what time it is and they have to explain how to make a watch. We had one guy that was so long winded, that we had an agreement with cube mates that if the guy had you in his grips, they'd call you so that you could excuse yourself "to answer the urgent call".
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Old 12-18-2017, 03:59 PM   #20
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Awesome!
I have another ....
Nose-Picking Norman
He furtively hunches over his desk and starts digging away, thinking noone is noticing. He has also been known to clip his toenails in his cube.
(all true)
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