Another ER candidate gets it, and this time she really means it!

[Nords]

It's hard to know when to give it up, but there won't be any doubt when the moment arrives. You will know when it's time to go.

The time has arrived for my spouse. And this time she really means it.

When she left active duty in 2001 she had to sign a six-year Reserves obligation until April 2007. That seemed like forever in 2001 but now it's only nine months away. She could have immediately transferred to inactive status to serve out that obliserv, and she can still do so at any time. She currently has 23 good years of service and next April, at the end of her obliserv, she can file for a retirement that'll start paying out in 2022.

But since 2001 she's felt compelled to pursue her career to its end, despite my repeated FIRECalc printouts showing her that the game was won and she was just running up the score. In her defense, in her position I'd find it hard not to get sucked into the same behavior. At least the Navy told me when to go home, not just when it was time to change jobs.

She narrowly missed being mobilized in 2002 & 2003. She worked at a couple PACOM departments on short active-duty jobs of a couple weeks or a month, but each office was filled with stress, tension, raving psycho bosses, and the usual stuff that inspired her to leave active duty. Each year she worked a little less. Over the years she'd settled into the minimum weekend a month and a couple weeks a year, just like the Reserves used to be.

But each time she went back to work she'd get an offer-- "Hey, can you stand watch in the command center?" "We need a contractor for the next six months-- waddya think?" "Have you considered civil service?" Luckily she'd see enough during her time there that she'd quickly realize why they were so short of people. Still, those competitive juices flowed, her ego would inflate, and she felt privately insulted if she went back to work on Monday and didn't have an offer by Wednesday.

She's worked through 90% of her issues and she's been ready to hang it up for several months now, after the inevitable "just one more thing". But the Navy Reserve only pays a select few of its more senior officers and in late 2005 she lost her pay billet. For nearly a year she's been drilling for retirement points without pay. On one hand it was driving her even closer to retirement, but OTOH she was eagerly seeking any opportunity to get a pay billet, get out of the volunteer unit, and regain her "worker's self esteem". (Whatever that is.) At least she agreed that she was being a little nuts about it, but she felt obligated to pursue all the options until her hand was played out. Fair enough, I understand and I'd feel the same way.

This month the perfect storm of events came together:
(1) A PACOM department widely regarded as the best (least crazed) office in the building asked her to work for a couple weeks. Despite the supervisor's great reputation it quickly became apparent that he was just as overwhelmed, overstressed, and crazed as the rest of them. He spends all day out of the office avoiding e-mail, phone messages, & personal contact. He doesn't take it out on his people but he isn't there to help or protect them, either. He courted her pretty aggressively to get her into his office but he hasn't spent a moment of his time on her since she started working there.
(2) This boss invited her back for a couple weeks in August but she just couldn't make up her mind. Nice boss, don't want to burn bridges, but not enjoying working there. She was forced to contemplate why she was even showing up for work, let alone going back for more.
(3) She was asked to interview for a great (interesting & ego-enhancing) PACOM billet that might even have brought her back on active duty, but she didn't make the final cut.
(4) She's applying for a Reserve drill (paying) billet that starts in December, but there are already rumbles that the competition is stronger than her record. It's not at PACOM but this will be the fifth year that she's applied for the job. It's a cool job (disaster planning) but the chances are only 20%. We'll know by the end of August if she has it.
(5) There are persistent rumors that much of the remaining Navy Reserve officers will be mobilized in October to backfill the Army in Iraq. That's a strong corporate hint to retire. If (4) doesn't pan out then she'd either better start pricing desert boots or head for the IRR/retirement.

Still she's been agonizing whether to work "just a little bit longer" or to retire, and we've spent quite a bit of quality grownups time this month discussing her options. Dory's new versions of FIRECalc are very strong medicine but just not quite powerful enough to persuade her. "It's not about the money!" I know better than to argue, so I've been the supportive spouse at 7 AM: "Have a nice day at the office, honey, hope the H-1/H-2 merge traffic isn't too bad. Hope you can make it home before 7 PM. You don't have to phone-- I'll be surfing or napping!!"

Today was supposed to be the big boss meeting where they'd review her accomplishments and ask for her decision about August. But I just received this e-mail from her at 10 AM PACOM time:
"We had an elusive boss sighting today. He said (in a hurry and out of breath), 'Can I impose on you to stand watch next Thu & Fri?'
'Gee, boss, sorry, Wed is my last day.'
'OMG it is? Are you coming back to us.' (Already has the door open and is heading out.)
'Nope.' (To the back of his head as he raced down the hall.)

Dude, I am now officially cured. I'm done with PACOM. Aloha, Wifey"

So, (1), (2), & (3) are now complete. She'll know about (4) soon, and if she gets it then she can put up with it for three years. It's more about going through the process than actually getting the results. But I bet tonight we're drafting the retirement paperwork for (5) and just waiting out (4) to make it official.

Next month we're spending a couple weeks' vacation with family & friends, including one of her mentors-- a woman we've known for 26 years who's now an O-6 with over 30 years of Navy service. By the second frosty beverage she'll ask "So, what's next?" It should be quite the interesting conversation.

I probably won't be participating in that discussion. I'll be touring our 13-year-old daughter around USNA and having an interesting conversation of our own...

For those of you whose working spouses aren't quite ready to hang it up, give 'em time. They need to keep running around & tugging on their corporate leashes until they surprise themselves or else reach the same conclusion that you've already reached.

They put up with your quest for ER serenity, and they'll finish their own in good time.

[laurence]

Yay! I'm glad she's getting well, I admit I found it fascinating that she was having trouble letting go to retire rich and young in Paradise, but we all have our hangups!

Seriously, though, I have a coworker who I have a great amount of respect for who is a lt. commander in the Navy Reserve, has plenty of good years to be able to retire (I think she's on 25 years, in fact), but loves being a part of "something great". She loves it, hey, we should all be so lucky to have something like that in our lives.

[REWahoo]

Yep. You gotta love it when the plan comes together!

[yakers]

My wife retired a few weeks back, official party is tomorrow. She has been a teacher for 25+ years and loves teaching. On vacations we would visit schools and she would make friends, when she taught kindergarted we would spend Saturdays at yard sales getting things for her class. I have played with ER ideas for a while but she made her decision to ER (at 58, there is some penalty for ER before 60 for her) last year when she got "the class from hell". She would come home burned out saying "I wonder why I do this?" and I would mention "Well, you don't have to. House is paid off, my job is going well, one son on his own and the other in high school." And the light clicked on.
She has 3 job offors but the general idea is to just relax for a year and see what happens. So far, in just a few weeks, she has been looking to see if I can move up my anticipated Nov 07 retirement date.
I am not sure it is always necessary but I certainly understand that there is often a decision point and sometimes it takes a "perfect storm" to see it clealy. Fortunately it wasn't a medical event causing the clarity.

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

Quote:

...but loves being a part of "something great".

Yeah, it is a real rush. But sa ve your money.

[brewer12345]

Sweet, Nords. But kiss your freedom goodbye...

[LOL!]

Just wait until wifey goes maudlin when daughter leaves the nest. She'll probably need something besides you to keep her occupied.

[Nords]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LOL! Just wait until wifey goes maudlin when daughter leaves the nest.

We're familiar with the concept of empty-nester anguish, but we've made our careers from training sailors/officers and sending them out to do great things on their own. We've been using the same method with our kid, and our daughter can't wait to get the heck outta Dodge for "my first apartment". We've told her that she can take anything in the house as long as she leaves the nest for good (storage is her problem!).

The first one to get maudlin has to make the interisland reservations for the other's destination of choice. I've always wanted to surf Molokai!

Quote:

Originally Posted by LOL! She'll probably need something besides you to keep her occupied.

Gosh I hope so. The honey-do list is long enough already... but she's pretty good at finding her own entertainment.

[Eagle43]

Good for her!* Good for you??* Good for the both of you.* Here's the scenario.* The Teenager checks out.* Then you two check out for about 6 months or so.... world-wide trip, a very slow trip.* Send your surf boards ahead!* * Space A works, when you have the time. By the time you get back, she will have forgotten how to salute! Attention!! ER is good!

[Martha]

I am curious Nords, what does you wife do all day?

[Bimmerbill]

Wow, I don't think we have to worry about losing pay billets in the Army National Guard. Maybe it is a Reserve thing?

I wouldn't drill for a whole year for retirement points only. Then again, 1 point = 32 cents a month for me. Not worth the hassle at my pay grade. A whole year worth of drills (75 points or so) would only be worth $24 a month or so.

I salute her dedication!

[Nords]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eagle43 Here's the scenario.* The Teenager checks out.* Then you two check out for about 6 months or so.... world-wide trip, a very slow trip.

Absolutely, as soon as the bunny goes to his great reward.* We're starting with 2-3 months in Thailand for immersion language & cooking classes.* A little bit of Bangkok and a lot more Chiang Mai, Chiang Rai, & Phuket.* Muay thai is a possibility.* Regular refreshers every year or two.

Then there's all the last-minute interisland cruises without kids or grandparents.* Next up is a thorough exploration of Molokai & Lanai-- there's not a lot but we've never been.* Eventually we'll re-do the bigger neighbor islands for a week or two each.

Monterey Bay.* Chuuk.* Guam.* The Great Barrier Reef.* The diving possibilities are endless.

Australia.* New Zealand.* Japan again.* Singapore & Hong Kong.* San Diego.* We could easily do a month or two in each during their summers.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martha I am curious Nords, what does you wife do all day?

Well, she wastes a couple hours sleeping in.* She's one of those people who needs 8-9 hours/night (and for some reason they end up marrying people like me who only need 6-7).* She just hasn't mastered the art of napping yet.

We're still parents.* Much of that has backed off to being teen-embarrassing mobile wallets, but there's the occasional schoolwork or high-school crisis to talk through or female shopping.* (I'm only invited to shop for sporting equipment or power tools.)* We seem to spend an inordinate amount of time driving her to basketball practices/games.* I share the basketball driving and do all the tae kwon do driving.

We record about 10 hours/day of PBS, HGTV, and a couple network shows.* That takes 2-3 hours a day to go through, although it goes faster for summer repeats.* She probably spends the same amount of daily time on TV that I spend on the Internet & financial management.

There's usually an hour a day of Reserves work with the occasional short-fused admin crisis although I doubt she'll miss any of that.* Yard work.* Cleaning files, shelves, & closets.* Reading.* Home improvement.* Heavy-duty power-tool pruning.* Ruminating over the landscaping project from hell (new side yard, overhauled lanai, pergola, much transplanting.)* Two or three mornings a month with her mother at places like Goodwill or a craft store or researching a grandparental home-improvement project.*

We usually walk/talk for an hour a day and spend at least another hour a day just talking-- solving the Navy's problems, checking the kid's stories against what she's told us parents, or the perpetual grandparental projects.* I miss the talks when she's working-- e-mail just doesn't cut it.* Every once in a while she'll ask one of those nagging little questions that costs about 10 man-hours of research.* Questions like "Who makes Splenda?" or "Have you seen this Lidoderm patch by a company called Endo?" or "Should we refinance the mortgage again?" or, the most dreaded questions of all, "Hey, take a look at this HGTV show..."

Somehow at least one morning a week turns into the circle island tour.* It's usually a trip to the Reserve Center, the exchange, a home-improvement store, some specialty retail place, lunch at Thai Kitchen, and 50-60 miles of driving.* I still don't understand how it happens on an island that's only about 30x40 miles.

We alternate the cooking so that's about 30-40 minutes/day for one of us.* I clean the kitchen & bathrooms, she gets the dusting/vacuuming.

She's blessed with an extraordinary metabolism-- pulse rate in the 50s, BP around 100/60, a low-stress approach, and four Russian grandparents who lived to at least their high 90s.* Her BP is so low that she literally gets lightheaded after prolonged standing (she actually thinks better sitting down) and she doesn't enjoy working out very much.* But maybe we'll get back into our routine of weights & swimming or take up yoga.*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bimmerbill Wow, I don't think we have to worry about losing pay billets in the Army National Guard.* Maybe it is a Reserve thing?* *

Yes, only in the Navy are the Reservists dumb enough to work for "free".* It's management's way of telling the deadwood more senior leaders that it's time to retire.* The problem is that many Reservists are hanging around in hopes of outlasting Rumsfeld to see if the age-55 retirement ever becomes law, but of course many of those hangers-on have paid for their dedication with a mobilization to Afghanistan or Iraq.* There's gonna be a pretty sizable shakeout in FY07.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bimmerbill I wouldn't drill for a whole year for retirement points only.* Then again, 1 point = 32 cents a month for me.* Not worth the hassle at my pay grade.* A whole year worth of drills (75 points or so) would only be worth $24 a month or so.* I salute her dedication!*

Yeah, I hear ya-- I keep updating that pennies per month per point statistic to see if it'll change her mind.* (She won the game in the third quarter but she still keeps running up the score.)* She doesn't pay a lot of attention to our retirement portfolio so perhaps some of it is the dreaded "bag lady with cats" syndrome.* But I don't think it's about the money as much as it's about chasing all the career opportunities to their conclusion, and again in her shoes I doubt that I'd be much better about it.*

Of course that doesn't stop me from making fun of the situation!

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords Absolutely, as soon as the bunny goes to his great reward.

[Nords]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cute n Fuzzy Bunnay

Hey, he's only five years old, in captivity they usually last to 10-12 years.

As long as they don't get any sudden cardiac shocks...

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Ohhhh....YOUR bunny...

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

Quote:

Absolutely, as soon as the bunny goes to his great reward. We're starting with 2-3 months in Thailand for immersion language & cooking classes.

Maybe Mr. Bunny can help with the cooking classes? Two birds....

[Nords]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ed_The_Gypsy Maybe Mr. Bunny can help with the cooking classes? * Two birds....

Our daughter's informed us that would be in very poor taste... although I've always wondered what happens to the 50-baht bunnies at the Chatuchat Weekend Market...

[cute fuzzy bunny]

All this talk about bunnies, the great reward, and cooking are making me nervous...

[SteveR]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cute n Fuzzy Bunnay All this talk about bunnies, the great reward, and cooking are making me nervous...

For those interested in some nice recipies for cooking bunnies...see the link below:
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/ferreter/recipes.htm

We used to eat rabbit a couple times a week when I was growing up.

[cute fuzzy bunny]

I'll leave the low and slow pitch alone...