Any advice on dealing with bullying in a school?

[WhoDaresWins]

Quote:

Originally Posted by aaronc879 When I was in 3rd or 4th grade, one of the teachers joined in in bullying me. You can't always count on the teachers to do what's best for the students.

What a pity, Aaron. I'm sorry to hear something like this happened to you or happens to any child. I have always felt teaching should attract the best sort of person but I am an idealist where certain things are concerned I'm afraid. I also think we should be willing to pay for the best where teaching is concerned and get local school board politics out of the hiring process.

[Sarah in SC]

So sorry to hear about this. Honestly, the older sister might be able to do more with less force. I'd advocate having her get in their faces.
Having said that, I moved schools a lot to avoid various sorts of issues, and that might be her best bet, to find a place where there are more kids like her, and fewer like the bullies.
Hope things get better.

[pb4uski]

I'm with Sarah and others - if she is wiling to go to bat for DD2, DD1 is a good option. All she would need to do is to get into the bullies faces and make it crystal clear that bullying my little sister is the same as bullying me and there will be consequences. Obviously, DD1 needs to do it in a way that she doesn't get in trouble too.

I recall when I was growing up there was a Lebanese-American family that I was friendly with that included 3 boys and it was well known that if you had a fight with one of them you were fighting all of them whether you liked it or not.

I also like the idea of recording some of this bullying - I suspect that those in charge will be less likely to dodge taking action in the face of a recording. Similarly, you could share the recording with the parents of the offenders - as a parent, I would want to know if my kid was bullying others.

Beyond that, you may want to escalate to administrators, school board, state department of education, et al or sue.

[Silver]

I'm sure you have spoken directly to the parents of the children that are being unkind. What do they say?

[spncity]

My nephew was verbally bullied. They would do it in a way that it was not witnessed. Principal would talk to the bully/ bullies and they, of course, denied it.

My brother outfitted his son/my nephew with a digital recording device under his loose-fitting shirt (somehow taped it to him; under the shirt it still recorded well enough; he just set it to record the whole day).

The next day my brother went in to talk to the principal yet again about the harassment. Principal started saying, "These accusations are so hard to prove; it's his word against theirs...."

My brother just pulled out the recorder and played it for the principal.

After that, the principal went to their parents and the bullying stopped.

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by WhoDaresWins What a pity, Aaron. I'm sorry to hear something like this happened to you or happens to any child. I have always felt teaching should attract the best sort of person but I am an idealist where certain things are concerned I'm afraid. I also think we should be willing to pay for the best where teaching is concerned and get local school board politics out of the hiring process.

One definition of an idealist is someone who sees what she believes rather than believes what she sees.

Ha

[Walt34]

Quote:

Originally Posted by spncity My brother outfitted his son/my nephew with a digital recording device under his loose-fitting shirt (somehow taped it to him; under the shirt it still recorded well enough; he just set it to record the whole day).

Check the state law before doing that. In MD it would possibly get you in legal trouble because the consent of BOTH parties is required absent a court order. In most states only the the consent of one person is required.

I realize we're talking about a third-grader here but I wouldn't count on common sense being applied when dealing with school administrators.

Check state law first.

[brewer12345]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silver I'm sure you have spoken directly to the parents of the children that are being unkind. What do they say?

I am reluctant to do this simply because of potential legal issues.

At least some of the parents of these little bastards have been told by the school of their behavior issues. We will press for more.

[Telly]

Call, and set up a meeting face-to-face with the Principal. Do NOT discuss it over the phone, just set up the meeting. You need to BE THERE, don't let anyone want to get into it over the phone instead. The phone is an "insulation" tool.

Be courteous, but firm in the meeting. Do not be a hot-head, or you will be marked as a troublesome parent, and they will try to avoid you and discount you. Do not say anything at the end that would minimize your case.

If you can put a list of bullet-items together, and talk from them, that will be a plus. A knowledgeable, firm, prepared parent who wants resolution to a problem is someone to be paid great attention to.

I am speaking from experience, and now have inside info on how many schools "work"... some poorly!

[brewer12345]

We are at the school physically every day and speak daily with the dean of students.

[Telly]

Set up a meeting with the Principal, not a henchmen underling, they are a dime a dozen. Set up the meeting during the school day, away from the beginning or end of the day. Do it one-on-one with the Principal, without the child. If needed later, the child can always be called down. The less audience, the better. Don't want them to be putting on a public floaty keeping-face over it.

In most school districts, the Principal of each school reports to the Superintendent, or to someone who directly reports to the Superintendent.

Use corporate business skills when dealing with school issues and people like this. The "education" world is, in my experiences, a disorganized do-the-least-possible often sloppy world. If most school districts were a business, and depended on customers buying, they would be out of business!!!

It's a hassle, shouldn't have to do it, but it can make a difference. Did for us with a teacher harassment issue in elementary school.

[brewer12345]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Telly Set up a meeting with the Principal, not a henchmen underling, they are a dime a dozen. Set up the meeting during the school day, away from the beginning or end of the day. Do it one-on-one with the Principal, without the child. If needed later, the child can always be called down. The less audience, the better. Don't want them to be putting on a public floaty keeping-face over it. In most school districts, the Principal of each school reports to the Superintendent, or to someone who directly reports to the Superintendent. Use corporate business skills when dealing with school issues and people like this. The "education" world is, in my experiences, a disorganized do-the-least-possible often sloppy world. If most school districts were a business, and depended on customers buying, they would be out of business!!! It's a hassle, shouldn't have to do it, but it can make a difference. Did for us with a teacher harassment issue in elementary school.

I just spent 5 years as a bank examiner essentially forcing tough customers at large banks to fix problems I or other examiners found. I know how to play this game. At the moment, I am still playing nice with the dean. That will end soon if things do not improve drastically.

DW reports that DD2 had a good day with no incidents. Perhaps the sh!thead brigade is starting to get the message.

[ls99]

Quote:

Originally Posted by utrecht People say fighting doesnt solve anything, but when I was about 10 I kept getting bullied by a big kid. He kept teasing me and flicking my ear (he sat behind me). One day I turned around and hit him square in the face with a book. He never did it again. So to those who say fighting solves nothing. I say, "you are wrong". Now I wouldn't recommend for you daughter to do that. I don't have daughters so I am of no help to you. Sorry.

+1

In third or fourth grade some kids picked on me. I was s skinny scrawny kid. Outside of school I was confronted, my instant reaction was to throw a punch. Then a few of ringleader's teeth got removed. I was never hassled again.

As the the story was told, some adults pulled me off the kid. I was so enraged, I have no recollection exept what I was told. I do remeber handing my eye glasses to someone beforehand.

When politeness and gentle persuasion fails, retaliation for wrongdoing must be swift, decisive and forceful, without forewarning of what is about to happen, to inflict maximum understanding. None of this: if you do it one more time I am going to.... whatever.

[brewer12345]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ls99 +1 In third or fourth grade some kids picked on me. I was s skinny scrawny kid. Outside of school I was confronted, my instant reaction was to throw a punch. Then a few of ringleader's teeth got removed. I was never hassled again. As the the story was told, some adults pulled me off the kid. I was so enraged, I have no recollection exept what I was told. I do remeber handing my eye glasses to someone beforehand. When politeness and gentle persuasion fails, retaliation for wrongdoing must be swift, decisive and forceful, without forewarning of what is about to happen, to inflict maximum understanding. None of this: if you do it one more time I am going to.... whatever.

30 years ago, that would have worked. Today the kid who beat the bully's ass would get expelled and possibly a criminal charge. The world has changed.

[ls99]

Quote:

Originally Posted by brewer12345 30 years ago, that would have worked. Today the kid who beat the bully's ass would get expelled and possibly a criminal charge. The world has changed.

That is the saddest comment on a sorry assed society.

Any option on cyberschooling after whipping the bully's ass?

[Brat]

The only approach that hasn't been mentioned is to find a couple student leaders to be her 'best buddies'. Odds are that other students are aware of what is happening. Use kid social pressure.

[Free To Canoe]

Reminds me of a time back in the inner city high school. Guy picked on the wrong girl. My two friends were brothers and could fight well. First they fought about who gets to sucker punch him first. Then, I got to watch the blessed event. The memory makes me smile.

Here is hoping that jagoff punk picks on the wrong little girl some day (he will sooner or later).
Brewer, I am hoping this thought brings a smile to you.

[brewer12345]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brat The only approach that hasn't been mentioned is to find a couple student leaders to be her 'best buddies'. Use kid social pressure.

We are working that angle as well. DW also went so far as to start up a second Brownie troop at the school last year after the existing one was out of room and DD2 did not land a spot. The troop still continues and this helps with friends and class dynamics.

[dallas27]

Bullys only pick on perceived weakness. Focus on your daughter, not the bully. Let your daughter deal with the bully. Shell be better for it.


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[Free To Canoe]

What was an effective remedy for this sort of thing when I was a child was for the parent to contact the bullying parent and have a talk about what is going on.