another woman here, with .02 to share.
I don't know what she does during the day, but it does sound like she's milking it, especially if the kids are in school now & you're doing 50% of the chores. I'd feel like an a$$hat if I worked that little while my husband (who I'm supposed to love) worked his butt off.
the part you stated about buying a cheaper car & banking the difference really bugged me. I don't see why her opinion in that (buy the more expensive care) is more important than yours.
I can understand that concept that, if you've been working long hours for so long, she may be used to life without you. it sounds like she needs to get used to life WITH you again, which may take time, but I don't see why it wouldn't be doable to start enjoying each other's company again. although I guess it depends on where her priorities are: keep up with the joneses, or have a husband to learn & grow & cherish life with.
I agree with all the 'get thee to a marriage consouler' comments. would she go? if she wouldn't go, you should go yourself. you may learn some good techniques on how to talk to her.
