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Old 03-13-2010, 05:26 PM   #141
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Here's the only really comical dating story I can think of, at least right now:

So I've been hanging out with this guy for some time as just friends. I knew he had a thing for me, but I wasn't so sure about him. However, he was super nice, and I was entertaining the idea.

One night we went out on an actual "date", and he came back to my apartment to hang out. So we are sitting on the floor talking, and I notice something moving on the wall behind him. Eventually I realize it's a roach crawling up the wall, right behind his head! I was mortified, but he hadn't seen it yet. (This was my first apartment, and all I could afford...little did I know it had roaches until AFTER I had moved in.)

So, I am completely distracted as he continues to try and woo me. As several more roaches begin to slither up the wall behind his head, I am having significant trouble staying focused on the wooing. I was on a mission to get him out of there so he wouldn't see the roaches! So somehow I wrapped up the night and got him out of there without him turning around to see goodness knows how many roaches climbing up the wall. Poor guy has no idea it was the roaches, not him, that caused him getting booted out of my place, LOL!

After he left I was on a roach killing mission!!! A can of Raid was all I had, but I let'm have it to the best of my ability! Management heard a piece of my mind the next day, and I couldn't WAIT to move out of that place!
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Old 03-13-2010, 08:56 PM   #142
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Oh, those crazy Brits.....Alan, does your mascara look this good when you wake up?

Wow, You recognized me - I was hoping the mascara would disguise me

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And I pictured Alan for the quiet, scientific type! Yes, he is the clear front runner here for this thread. No one wants me to brush off the cobwebs and try to reconstruct any ossified tales of my teen-aged dating life for sure after his revelations. I would cure the sleep deprived in short order.
Oh please, do tell, it's only between us - we won't tell anyone else

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How many funny stories can one person have (Alan!) LOL, enjoying this thread.
Hey, this is only the dating stories !! Stuff just seems to happen when I am around

When we moved from England to Houston in 1987 I was working in a small office in Clear Lake and most of the guys there were young men in their 20's. I was one of the oldest at age 32 and the guys recognized that my weird accent and sense of humor could be used to their advantage. So, they would get me to go out with them on a Friday or Saturday night just so I could attract young ladies curious about my accent and funny stories and they could chat them up. Let me add that DW was fully aware of the outings, happy for me to be increasing morale in the office (besides, she knows I am crazy about her, and that reminds me of another funny dating story that happened well after we were married ) )
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Old 03-13-2010, 09:32 PM   #143
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Hey, this is only the dating stories !! Stuff just seems to happen when I am around
Could part of the explanation be that you seem to have been blind drunk most of the time?

I enjoy your humor, and I am awestruck by your drinking.

Ha
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Old 03-13-2010, 09:52 PM   #144
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Could part of the explanation be that you seem to have been blind drunk most of the time?

I enjoy your humor, and I am awestruck by your drinking.

Ha
I admit that binge drinking from time to time was definitely an issue for me from age 17 through college graduation. Thank goodness I couldn't afford to get blasted every week otherwise I doubt I'd have survived
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Old 03-13-2010, 11:17 PM   #145
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I admit that binge drinking from time to time was definitely an issue for me from age 17 through college graduation. Thank goodness I couldn't afford to get blasted every week otherwise I doubt I'd have survived
Alan, you are definitely the king of this thread...and this post is giving me a couple of new limerick ideas...
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Old 03-14-2010, 03:34 AM   #146
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I admit that binge drinking from time to time was definitely an issue for me from age 17 through college graduation. Thank goodness I couldn't afford to get blasted every week otherwise I doubt I'd have survived
I guess we should start a thread about the "perils and joys of alcohol use and abuse". I suppose I have my share, but I have a buddy who could keep our work group rolling on the floor laughing for hours with his stories of over indulgence. Some are so bizarre, folks who don't know him (nor have ever gone pub crawling with him) think they're made up. Since I was there for a few of the milder stories, I had to believe the wilder stories.

Kinda glad those days are over - I guess.
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Old 03-14-2010, 08:43 AM   #147
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I guess we should start a thread about the "perils and joys of alcohol use and abuse".
Kinda glad those days are over - I guess.
When I was 18, I dated a guy (also 18) who I didn't realize had a drinking problem, as he never seemed even slightly impaired; very calm, peaceful person, a math whiz.

Anyway, we were out with friends at a restaurant, the kind with a candle in a jar on the table, and one person brought up a gross topic just because it was gross: "Hey, ever wonder how long you can keep your hand over a candle flame before it hurts too much and you have to take your hand away?"

So the one guy puts his hand over the candle jar, then snatches it away quickly as we laugh. Then, to my horror, my boy friend puts his hand over the jar candle, and....holds it there. And holds it there, as we gasp and beg him to stop. Just has this weird quiet smile on his face. He must have held his hand over the flame for a full minute.

Next day, the palm of his hand was one huge blister. He said he'd drunk so much that he never felt anything while giving himself a third degree burn.
After that I never felt the same about him, and we broke up.
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Old 03-14-2010, 11:19 AM   #148
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When I was 18, I dated a guy (also 18) who I didn't realize had a drinking problem, as he never seemed even slightly impaired; very calm, peaceful person, a math whiz.

Anyway, we were out with friends at a restaurant, the kind with a candle in a jar on the table, and one person brought up a gross topic just because it was gross: "Hey, ever wonder how long you can keep your hand over a candle flame before it hurts too much and you have to take your hand away?"

So the one guy puts his hand over the candle jar, then snatches it away quickly as we laugh. Then, to my horror, my boy friend puts his hand over the jar candle, and....holds it there. And holds it there, as we gasp and beg him to stop. Just has this weird quiet smile on his face. He must have held his hand over the flame for a full minute.

Next day, the palm of his hand was one huge blister. He said he'd drunk so much that he never felt anything while giving himself a third degree burn.
After that I never felt the same about him, and we broke up.
A.
Wow, that is scary. I've heard about that sort of thing before but never seen anyone do it.
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Old 03-14-2010, 12:52 PM   #149
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My sister brought home her boyfriend. My dad was sizing him up and asked him while looking out of the corner of his eye, "Well, what do you do for a living?"

Boyfriend promptly answered, "I'm retired. You'll enjoy it when you get there."
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Old 03-14-2010, 01:49 PM   #150
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My sister brought home her boyfriend. My dad was sizing him up and asked him while looking out of the corner of his eye, "Well, what do you do for a living?"

Boyfriend promptly answered, "I'm retired. You'll enjoy it when you get there."
Too much!! Any response, other than awed silence?
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Old 03-14-2010, 02:24 PM   #151
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Wow, that is scary. I've heard about that sort of thing before but never seen anyone do it.
I was impressed by Gary Busey's acting that out in the first "Lethal Weapon" movie. Then I learned about his cocaine habit and couldn't figure out whether or not that had been acting.

One college weekend after an away football game, spouse-to-be and I partied very heartily. (Navy had lost the game so we never had to pay for a drink the entire afternoon evening night.) We staggered back onto the bus for the six-hour drive back to the dorm and passed out dozed off as the bus rumbled onto the highway.

At some point I regained consciousness and hadn't yet opened my eyes when I realized that I heard angels singing. Ruh-roh. Otherwise it was totally silent and the bus wasn't moving. I opened my eyes and looked around but everyone else was still dead to the world asleep. I tried to wake up spouse but she was BAC at least 0.15 unresponsive. The bus was parked and the driver was missing. Holy crap. I opened the doors and stumbled out into the dark to see that we were in some sort of deserted garage. At this point, a bit before the era of "BeetleJuice" but after "Hotel California", I was still inebriated getting seriously freaked out.

I saw a doorway and could hear the singing coming from there, so I went toward the light exploring.

The next room turned out to be a workshop where the bus driver was drinking coffee and listening to gospel radio while watching the mechanic. The bus had hit a deer four hours ago and lost power to its headights, so the driver had found a truck stop with a night staff who was repairing the damage. They were just wrapping it up and we were back on the road 30 minutes later.

Next morning afternoon day I asked my travel buddies if they knew anything else about hitting the deer. No one else had even awakened, let alone heard of the incident, and I was judged to be seriously hung over hallucinating. They also thought it was pretty funny that I'd presumed my first stop after death would be heaven's parking garage...

These days I tell our kid that she has a genetic predisposition to be susceptible to alcohol poisoning, and then I use my "funny" stories as an example of what could happen. So far it seems to be working a lot better than anything DARE has come up with.
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Old 03-14-2010, 04:49 PM   #152
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These days I tell our kid that she has a genetic predisposition to be susceptible to alcohol poisoning, and then I use my "funny" stories as an example of what could happen. So far it seems to be working a lot better than anything DARE has come up with.
Good luck with that approach - it worked for me with our kids, at least we were totally unaware of either of our kids ever getting drunk or using drugs DS still does not even drink at age 27, let alone get drunk.

One story we told our kids as a warning was the time we were visiting my parents at a weekend, mainly so I could go out on a stag night with a load of my old High School friends (one of them was getting married). I went suitably prepared, carrying nothing of importance - left my driver's licence, credit cards etc and took only enough cash for the night.

At the end of the evening I called for a taxi from a phone booth but when I got home I realized that I must have left my purse with the cab fare in the phone booth. So I left the taxi waiting while I went in and raided DW's purse for cash.

Next morning I was nursing a hang-over plus I had a large knot on my forehead that was particularly sore. DW happened to look in her purse and shout, "Eek, what's happened to my money?". "Oh, I'm to blame", I said and explained what happened. "It's mostly all coming back to me but I can't think where I bashed my head". "I'll tell you where you got that lump from", says DW. By now my parents were already in fits of laughter and waiting to hear more.

Let first add that while staying with my parents we were sleeping in my little sister's bedroom which she had vacated for our visit.

DW continued, "You were drunk as a skunk when you got in, but made it into bed, and then later got up and I heard you staggering around the room. When I heard you open your sister's wardrobe I realized that you thought it was the toilet so I jumped out of bed, grabbed you and pushed you out of the bedroom to the bathroom before disaster struck. Unfortunately you'd left the bedroom door ajar and I shoved you right into it, edge on. I have no sympathy and am just relieved that I saved your sister's clothes from what they were about to receive "
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Old 03-14-2010, 05:09 PM   #153
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Old 03-14-2010, 05:16 PM   #154
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I'm gonna hear it in my dreams from time to time...'Percy, is that you?'
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Old 03-14-2010, 05:38 PM   #155
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Too much!! Any response, other than awed silence?
There was a "Hrmmph!"

Boyfriend became my brother-in-law. He was a great guy even though much older than my sister. When he tragically died, my mom and sister were at the hospital together. The nurse said to my mom, "I'm so sorry about your husband" whereupon my sister said, "I'm the wife" much to the embarrassment of the nurse.
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Old 03-14-2010, 05:52 PM   #156
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I had a friend from Pakistan whose sister had an arranged marriage. Both she and her new husband, while very well educated, were sexually inexperienced, as would be the norm in that country. On their wedding night they went to bed tired but happy, and being unsure of exactly what was expected of them, cuddled up and promptly went to sleep. They were awakened at 6 am by an inquisitive aunt who knocked on the door eager for news, and said "Well, how was it?"

It was three months before they could relax enough to consummate the marriage.

I hear they are very happy.
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Old 03-14-2010, 06:24 PM   #157
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OK - Alan's wife is going to get a saint award!

Audrey
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Old 03-15-2010, 12:07 PM   #158
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All I can say is some of you have had very interesting dating lives... Allen seems to be the 'winner'....
Allen is definitely the winner...........I could post a fair number more but I am sure they would be censored........ Ah.what the heck..........

Typical college Thursday night out. I NEVER had classes on Friday if I could help it. Stopped at a bar and some annoying "bar buddies" are there..you know the type, they are your "friends" but you can't stand them............... The night is uneventful but then two lovely young women walk in. My "buddies" immediately start hitting on them, which goes nowhere fast. I watch amused but not involved at that point.

One of them gets involved in a pool game and one hits the bathroom, so I make my move:

Me: How's everything, are you getting sick of "amateur hour"??

Girl#1: What do you mean? Aren't you with them?

Me: No, they're just some guys that think they should be my friends, but aren't.

Girl #2: Well, we were going to go somewhere else anyways.

Me: I'd be happy to show you around town..........

Girl #1: What makes you think we don't know our way around here?

Me: You told the other guys you were from out of town, so either you're convincing liars or you're from out of town.

Girl #2: That's not very nice...........

Me: I never said you WERE liars, I just overheard. Obviously, neither one of you is impressed with this place, so why not?

Girl #1: So, you want to be our tour guide (laughing)

Me: Do you have any better offers?

Girl #2: No, but how do we know you're not just some smooth operator?

Me: You don't, but in case you nocitced I didn't start rutting the moment you stepped in like those other desperate losers....

So, we leave before my "friends" came back. It was a fantastic night, I get to dance and drink with two lovely women. The end of the night nears, and they both say; Thanks for a great night, what are your plans NOW? The rest of the story I need to plead the 5th on..........
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Old 03-15-2010, 01:32 PM   #159
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I am amazed at the the details remembered in these stories...conversations, food/drink, time of day, etc.... I just remembered we stripped while driving across a bridge. ......
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Old 03-15-2010, 01:42 PM   #160
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I am amazed at the the details remembered in these stories...conversations, food/drink, time of day, etc.... I just remembered we stripped while driving across a bridge. ......
That's probably because I remember the more unusual things that happened in my life
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