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Bing's 13 Jobs for Retirees
Old 06-17-2009, 06:16 PM   #1
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Bing's 13 Jobs for Retirees

No, not the Microsoft Bing search engine, this is from Stanley Bing, a writer for Fortune Magazine. He suggests a baker's dozen "retiree jobs" for those of who lack the self-entertainment gene and realize "years and years of unbroken leisure can grow stale real fast."

A couple of examples of his job suggestions:

Quote:
"Before" picture model
  • Job description: Appear in variety of media looking miserable, showing off your worst attribute, unless you're concealing something even more deplorable.
  • Qualifications: Look like hell, be willing to show it.
  • Compensation: Antimodels make big bucks, even if they can't walk down a runway without tripping!
Artisan-cheese taster
In some cases it's hard to tell a cheese that's turned from one that's just naturally stinky. But it's an all-important question for those seeking to charge $18 a pound for it.
  • Job description: Must taste all kinds of cheese without gagging and be capable of giving appropriate response. Certain cheese-related jargon is required, such as use of the terms "aroma esters," "coulant," and "morge." Fair knowledge of mold is also advisable.
  • Qualifications: A working nose and somewhat pretentious mien. Ability to drink wine while nodding for a long time without falling over.
  • Compensation: Quite good for those who ascend to the party circuit; all the cheese you can eat (often with bread, crackers, and fruit).
Retired? Stanley Bing has 13 job recommendations. - Jun. 17, 2009
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Old 06-17-2009, 06:26 PM   #2
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I have first dibs on Artisan Cheese Taster! Does it come with a discount coupon for Lipitor?
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Old 06-17-2009, 06:40 PM   #3
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Thats a dream come true job for me.
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Old 06-17-2009, 07:28 PM   #4
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I already do the "early bird specialist," however it's a Thai restaurant and I order the basil tofu. I do sit in the window and usually the place is empty but I guess they don't pay me because I don't order steak.

Don't worry, I'm okay, I make big bucks shoveling cat poo while cat owner is away.
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Old 06-17-2009, 08:31 PM   #5
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I want to be an Artisan cheese taster but no Limburger or sweet wines .
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Old 06-17-2009, 09:06 PM   #6
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Do you have to be from Wisconsin and wear one of those funny hats to be a cheese taster?
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Old 06-18-2009, 05:42 AM   #7
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Sounds like Stanley's a bit worried about his job security. Maybe he's concerned that he can't handle retirement?

But deadlines are frequently more important to journalists than knowledge, research, credibility, or actual humor...
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Old 06-18-2009, 09:08 AM   #8
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"Jobs for retirees" -- isn't that an oxymoron?

And "oxymoron" -- isn't that a dumb person with acne, or Billy Mays?
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Old 06-18-2009, 09:33 AM   #9
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Definitely Plant Person.

Benefits
- talking to plants who are sadly imprisoned in w*rk environments.
- periodic chuckling at still w*rking people (I'm gonna burn for that ) who snicker at me doing a menial j*b.
- "warm fuzzy" from seeing plants thrive after I slip them a fertilizer plant spike when nobody's looking
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Old 06-18-2009, 09:39 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by freebird5825 View Post
Definitely Plant Person.

Benefits
- talking to plants who are sadly imprisoned in w*rk environments.
- periodic chuckling at still w*rking people (I'm gonna burn for that ) who snicker at me doing a menial j*b.
- "warm fuzzy" from seeing plants thrive after I slip them a fertilizer plant spike when nobody's looking
Suspicions confirmed? Was that you at long-ago Mega-Corp? She was very popular, probably had a sideline to the plant sideline, was invited to the wildest employee parties, I have no idea what she slipped to them.
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Old 06-18-2009, 09:56 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CuppaJoe View Post
Suspicions confirmed? Was that you at long-ago Mega-Corp? She was very popular, probably had a sideline to the plant sideline, was invited to the wildest employee parties, I have no idea what she slipped to them.
It might have been my wild sister.
I actually considered doing something like this when I first FIREd. Then common sense kicked in. There went that idea...
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