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Old 09-17-2016, 07:55 AM   #21
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You sound like my husband. He says he was too big to be bullied but he stood up for smaller, weaker boys. He also did n't like it when others were excluded from something, and still does not like it as an adult.

Let's face it, some are noble while some are churls. Bullies and excluders are churls.

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I can't stand bullies. I used to intervene whenever I could.
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Old 09-17-2016, 08:14 AM   #22
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Usually, I just try to ignore bullies. Not worth the time to deal with them.

But sometimes, you just gotta punch a bully in the nose.

I remember a time (not when I was in grade school but in college). Well, I was out for an afternoon jog when in the distance I saw about 5 kids (probably early high school age) on bicycles. So, I'm jogging and just my sixth sense knows they are going to try and hassle me. They do, so what did I do? No something I feel good about but like I said, sometimes gotta punch a bully in the nose. I saw who the leader was, who was riding no hands on the handle bar. So, I pretended to charge him to knock him off. He turned so white that that thought he saw a ghost.

Well, that worked, after them calling me some names I jogged away to finish my run.

Things were simpler then, as if that was today, I'd probably be killed and posted on social media by them (who knows? no exaggeration).

Though I still try to walk away, but as I said, sometimes you just gotta punch a bully in the nose.
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Old 09-17-2016, 08:31 AM   #23
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Garden variety occasional bullying like you describe is probably unavoidable. Sure, I experienced it a few times as a kid. But it wasn't constant, unrelenting, and isolating. A couple of kids were a little "different" and were treated abominably by many in the class for years. That kind of treatment must be devastating and is exacerbated by social media. I doubt there is much more of it happening these days but those same social media amplify the responses and make it seem like an epidemic...
This x1000. I was bullied extensively up until 7th grade. I was a small, scrawny little kid with big ears...easy target. But something crazy happened the summer between 6th and 7th grades...my voice sounded funny and I grew up A LOT. I showed up to class in August and was now one of the biggest kids in school, it was quite surreal. The bullying stopped and I did my best to help the smaller kids who were still my friends. Any "real" issues were handled quickly at the end of school under the flag pole. So quick, in fact, that staff usually never knew. Through the HS years, I fought very few times, but when it came down to it, we dealt with it off campus. Today? No way that would fly since it would be posted on every damn social website available. So, if I had kids, I am not really sure how I would deal with it.
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Old 09-17-2016, 08:48 AM   #24
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DH was popped in the mouth by a high school loser back in the day for dating loser's ex girlfriend, he reports. Looking back he knows loser had a tough childhood and a tougher life after high school. Sad. DS never ran into bullying situations--but even though he and his friends were remarkably easy-going and are still close today, it was amazing how quickly a little physical fight would often break out among them. So there's that. I think girls might have it worse today--the physical bullying isn't really there for the most part, but the media made the "mean girls" a thing that some girls think is cool, and DD ran into that, where a group will just cut a formerly "in" girl out of the group for no reason. Interesting, most of the mean girls went on to develop eating disorders....
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Old 09-17-2016, 08:54 AM   #25
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Bullying back in the day must have been vastly different than what I witnessed going through the public school system a few years ago. If there was any physical bullying the bullies always singled out the smaller/weaker kids and fighting back was simply not an option. While I myself was never bullied some of the people who say fight back don't get it. If the equivalent of Muhammad Ali punched you, there's no way you'd throw down with him because you have exactly 0% chance of winning a fight. With social media so prevalent these days the tough crowd has to save face, and the whole school will know who wins the fight. As a result bullies find kids that cannot possibly fight back and zero in on them to assert their toughness. The only times I ever heard fighting back working was if the smaller kid knew how to fight outside of school and that fact was unknown to the aggressor. And even then sometimes the bully would round up some friends and find the opportune time to jump you, doesn't matter how much training you have getting jumped from behind by 5 people bigger than you will rarely ever end in your favor.

The best defense against bullying is to be involved and a part of the social fabric of the school. It ain't cool picking on the track team that many different kids are on, but if its the kid who sits alone in the corner all day everyday and says nothing? Nobody is going to care or stand up for them because they're a total stranger.
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Old 09-17-2016, 08:55 AM   #26
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Why can't we all just get along? Oh wait, we're people. Safe to say that things were much simpler back in the day.
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Old 09-17-2016, 09:44 AM   #27
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The best defense against bullying is to be involved and a part of the social fabric of the school. It ain't cool picking on the track team that many different kids are on, but if its the kid who sits alone in the corner all day everyday and says nothing? Nobody is going to care or stand up for them because they're a total stranger.
I like that idea, as well as encouraging students to be more inclusive. I've always disliked unfairness, and used to befriend those picked on merely because they were somewhat different in some way. It was an approach I learned from my mom.
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Old 09-17-2016, 09:57 AM   #28
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Bullying has always been around. Keeping kids safe is your job. Lots of people deride the idea, but society is more dangerous, and you probably have more responsibility than your parents did.

You can't encourage your child to fight back without possible retaliation from the school and other parents.

Many of us older folk do not understand the environment where a kid can be targeted in many more ways than you were as a child. Think of phones, social media. Way back when, bullying was just a physical thing. If you avoided the threat, it had minimal impact. Today a child cannot avoid the attack, as it shows up on their phone and other modern conveniences.
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Old 09-17-2016, 10:49 AM   #29
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Whenever I see or hear about a road rage incident I wonder if they have (or will have) kids. What kind of home environment do unkind/cruel kids come from?
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Old 09-17-2016, 11:39 AM   #30
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I feel strongly about "back in the day things were better" comments. People think it's worse now, it's actually a lot better. Why? Because for every one of these "stood up and punched the bully in the nose" stories there are ten sad stories of kids who had to silently take the abuse for years because abuse of any kind was hush-hushed. You hear more about spousal abuse, child abuse, rape, bullying, etc. now because we have become less tolerant of the behavior, not because it's increasing.

A neighborhood boy (two years older) hit and threw down my daughter and she came home crying. I stomped up the street and balled him out until he hyperventilated. I told him next time I would be talking to his father (implying I wouldn't tell his parents this time). He crossed the street before walking past my house for a few weeks, we've since worked it out and as time has passed he's not a bad kid. But what about kids without active parents? I hit six two at 15 and rolled with a group of guys similar in size in high school, I had it pretty easy then, but junior high had some rough moments. It was the tail end of the "boys will be boys" era and I'm glad it's behind us.

I'm grateful every day my kids are socially well adjusted and have found ways to shine and have a close circle of friends. I feel so bad for those kids who sit alone at the lunch table. I asked my daughter one day if she ever plays with one of those lonely girls (she was on her softball team one season). She kinda squirmed at the question. My daughter is always nice to her, but clearly it was social suicide to hang with her. I don't know if that more insidious level of social stigmatization/exclusion has a real solution.
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Old 09-17-2016, 12:28 PM   #31
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Growing up as a male in the 50s and 60s getting bullied was almost a rite of passage that you just managed, one way or another. It was stand your ground and you might get pummeled or be labeled as a pussy. I got my clock cleaned more than once by bullies but never the same one twice after you stood your ground. It was also helpful to have friends with big brothers who didn't mind having your back, if need be.

In this day and age it seems more of a mental bullying going on as compared to being physical.
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Old 09-17-2016, 02:24 PM   #32
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Huh, just minutes ago I finished J. D. Vance's book, Hillbilly Elegy, which is not really about bullying, certainly sheds much light on how "honor" and culture lead to various behaviors including what we'd call bullying.

I found it fascinating.
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Old 09-17-2016, 06:09 PM   #33
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Safe to say that things were much simpler back in the day.
Ah yes...back in the day. A time when modern medicine wasnt what it was today. That when a disease plagued a village 75% of the people would be wiped out. Those were the days. The days when you had to rely on yourself to hunt and kill your own meat...and to grow your own vegetables. Boy it was much easier "back in the day." A time when you saw a wooden ship approaching your peaceful village from the distance and a bunch of serial killers were about to invade you and kill everyone...the good ol days.

Bullying isnt rocket science. It has been around from the beginning of time. Its alive and well in nature. Its called "survival of the fittest." The strong alpha creatures will always pick on the weaker ones...its hard coded in our dna. My god even plant life follows these rules. The most basic of which are trees...the large ones tower over the small...they suck up the sun and the smaller get the shade...a lot of those weaklings die.

Getting picked on isnt the same as bullying. Majority of cases...kids arent bullied. Those are pretty extreme...but absolutely do happen...and its not good.

Parents need to get their bullied kids into martial arts. No questions asked. Or wrestling. The bottom line is...if a kid can defend themselves the "bully" is going to go after someone else.
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Old 09-17-2016, 06:58 PM   #34
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No doubt, this explains why it took three 9-year-old boys to attack one seven- year-old girl. Survival of the,fittest!
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Bullying isnt rocket science. It has been around from the beginning of time. Its alive and well in nature. Its called "survival of the fittest." The strong alpha creatures will always pick on the weaker ones...its hard coded in our dna.

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Old 09-17-2016, 09:11 PM   #35
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We continue to try to eliminate all sources of conflict out of children's lives. You see the result in the Millennials. And they're just the tip of the iceberg as to what is forthcoming. Modern day child rearing makes Dr. Spock look like a Drill Sergeant.
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Old 09-17-2016, 11:00 PM   #36
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We continue to try to eliminate all sources of conflict out of children's lives.
That's your choice. Many others are taking a different path thoughtfully and realistically positioned between the extremes of (1) not helping kids even with cases of severe/harmful bullying and (2) over involvement in helping kids try to resolve even minor conflict.

There's a happy and appropriate medium and I think most parents are following that course.
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Old 09-18-2016, 05:32 AM   #37
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Bullying

Removed post. Typed in my pocket!
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Old 09-18-2016, 05:51 AM   #38
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Lets just keep nerfing the world. The helicopter parents have no idea the damage they're causing. Hopefully future employers will be understanding and allow the parents to join the kids while they interview for jobs. How on earth are the kids going to manage and make decisions for themselves?

Conflict is good from time to time. Forcing kids to make decisions for themselves isnt a bad thing.
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Old 09-18-2016, 06:44 AM   #39
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Here in Chicago, if a kid rode by and spit on you and you chased him into the ally to "kick him in the stomach," you'd probably find he was just luring you into a trap where he and his six buddies would take your lunch money and castrate you.

I appreciate all the current and upcoming stories of "little guys" who stood tough against bullies and won. But I'm not sure it's the same world today, at least in urban environments away from Mayberry, RFD.

I grew up in inner city Chicago and played in the streets daily with no real issues. I still live within a stone's throw from the old 'hood. I don't think I'd repeat now what I did then. Different times. Differrent world.
Thanks for the thumbs up on Chicago. Been thinking of visiting but was concerned about safety there. Now I know I wouldn't have to worry.
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Old 09-18-2016, 08:35 AM   #40
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IMO part of the bullying problem is now kids are punished if they defend themselves. Back in my day routine schoolyard scuffles were allowed to play themselves out. Now bullying victims are told to remain passive, which endures until they become infuriated and resort to guns.
A huge problem. My petite grade school daughter was a target. I was ready to take her to krav maga classes since the administrators did nothing. Dw stumbled across a more effective solution. She groused about the situation on Facebook and when the principal had to deal with the start of a scandal things changed fast.

Personally I would have preferred she deliver a solid beating to the culprits, but in the schools today that comes with a heavy price.
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