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Caller ID and Privacy
Old 06-07-2008, 02:35 PM   #1
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Caller ID and Privacy

Caller ID and Privacy
I don't know if this is the first sign of marital trouble during FIRE (going on almost two years)....

DH and I finally have caller ID since AT and T is giving it to us as a freebie. We've only had it for a few weeks and already we have run into a slight issue. I'm curious to see how y'all feel about this:

If I answer the phone, DH comes in while I'm talking and checks to see what number is on the screen. As was the case before Caller ID, I will always tell him who called after completing the phone call. We have no secrets. There's nothing I'm hiding. But I just find it annoying that he can't wait until I'm done to learn who it was. It's not as if Hillary Clinton was calling to ask her advice about whether she should concede or not! Or that Ed MacMahon is calling to tell us we won Publisher's Clearinghouse---he'd be more apt to be calling to ask us for money to pay down his mortgage!

Before we had it, he did not interrupt me to ask who it was. With caller ID, he is not interrupting per se, but it still doesn't feel right that a call can't be conducted without him knowing who it is as it is happening....

Truly he's a good guy and I know this is a very small problem. He promises he won't do it anymore now that I've told him how it bothers me. Does/would this bother anyone else?
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Old 06-07-2008, 02:41 PM   #2
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It sounds like he's a curious type who has a new toy. Someone seeing the phone number wouldn't bother me since they're not trying to listen in on the conversation.
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Old 06-07-2008, 02:54 PM   #3
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Tango, you're overreacting, IMHO. Unless there are other issues lurking, this sounds really trivial to me.
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Old 06-07-2008, 03:16 PM   #4
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Not sure why he needs to ask who's calling when he can just look at the display on the phones base unit screen.
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Old 06-07-2008, 03:21 PM   #5
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"Truly he's a good guy and I know this is a very small problem. He promises he won't do it anymore now that I've told him how it bothers me."

So whats the problem?
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Old 06-07-2008, 03:40 PM   #6
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The novelty will probably wear off, don't you suppose? Then he'll find it easier to ask you who called after you hang up, and all will return to its prior happy state.
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Old 06-07-2008, 03:54 PM   #7
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I guess I'd really tick you off. I ask my wife who it is while she's talking so I dont have to hobble over and look at the caller id display.
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Old 06-07-2008, 04:19 PM   #8
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DH and I have had caller ID for years. Couldn't live without it. Yes, sometimes we check to see who the other is talking to but not that often anymore. We can usually tell from the conversation who it is without checking the devise. I would put this way down on the list of things to be concerned about. The novelty will wear off and I bet you will want to keep the service once you have had it for a while. It's a great way to avoid all kinds of annoying phone calls and see who called when you couldn't make it to the phone in time.
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Old 06-07-2008, 04:56 PM   #9
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It's the novelty of it. DW does that too, although most of the time the call is for her. It'll wear off, he'll be able to tell in a couple of minutes from the context who you're talking to just like always.
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Old 06-07-2008, 06:02 PM   #10
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People aren't allowed to make/receive a phone call without immediately informing their partner about who and why?

Do you have to post a daily schedule/itinerary?

Thanks for reminding me why I'm a hermit.

Maybe there's a good reason; my EX would drop me off at work and instead of going to work, would go off to see a divorce lawyer.

sorry - /rant off
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Old 06-07-2008, 06:36 PM   #11
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tangomonster, it would bug me too.

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Old 06-07-2008, 07:48 PM   #12
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This is what cell phones are for.

Ah, marriage!

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Old 06-07-2008, 10:11 PM   #13
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Whenever the phone rings and we are both home the one answering always shouts out who it it before we even say hello. If for some reason the other didn't hear it and comes in the room, the one on the phone always tells the other who it is while they are on the phone.

Now, I do not think this is due to any trust issues. (although I guess I can understand if you live alone this must sound like a huge privacy violation). I think it is just that it lets the other know: 1. if the phone is going to be passed to them (like if I answer and it is DH's mother, I'll talk for 5 minutes then give it to him) 2. if it is going to be a long conversation (like with my sister) then DH might as well go do something else or 3. Just so the other person will have some context to the one side of the conversation (like which sister DH is talking to)

I don't think I would care if he looked at the caller id, but I do (sorta) understand letting little things bug you. Maybe you can just let this one go (not take it so personally) and save it for the really annoying things!
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Old 06-07-2008, 11:41 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by tangomonster View Post
.......If I answer the phone, DH comes in while I'm talking and checks to see what number is on the screen. As was the case before Caller ID, I will always tell him who called after completing the phone call..................
Curiousity. And he may be wondering who it is, in case he may be needed. If it turns out it's one of the kids, maybe he would want to say something to them.

Too bad I can't PM your DH a simple alternate solution - I'd tell him to get another Caller ID unit, and plug it into another phone outlet. We have them in multiple places, if the phone rings when I'm not in a room with the phone, I'll check the CID display first to see who/what it is. If it's just garbage, I'll let it ring and let the answering machine get it. If it's one of the kids or someone worthwhile, I'll hustle to pick it up.
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Old 06-08-2008, 01:28 AM   #15
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I have to say I am with Shiny.....

I know when I called my sisters... there are a couple of different ways it is handled....

One sister will tell her husband it is me... because she knows he wants to talk to me at times and this might be one of them.... or he might even get on the other phone and we have a three way talk.... they have multiple phones and all of them display so there is no need to 'go look'.... they can do it without letting the other know..

Another sister will tell her husband if he is walking by and asks... but usually does not say anything unless he asks...


To me... you are getting your panties in a knot for no reason.... there is no lack of trust... just curiosity.... and even you say you tell him in the end anyhow.... so what IS your beef.... really....
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Old 06-08-2008, 01:51 AM   #16
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If this is the biggest problem in your marriage, then you don't have a problem. In fact, he should get a husband of the year award for promising not to look at the caller ID box cause it bothers you.
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Old 06-08-2008, 06:23 AM   #17
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Maybe you can just let this one go (not take it so personally) and save it for the really annoying things!
Reminds me of my sister asking how things were going with DW about a year after the wedding. "Well, the worst thing I can say about her is that she squeezes the toothpaste tube in the middle, but I guess I can live with that".
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Old 06-08-2008, 07:17 AM   #18
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I might do the same... not snooping, just curious who called.


Of course you may feel that there is some boundary or space you want to maintain. My opinion is that you are overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing. If that is the only problem you have... count yourself lucky.

What would be your reaction if he came to you tomorrow and said. I feel we have grown apart. I want a divorce. Would this situation seem trivial? Or what if went to the doctor and the doctor said he had 1 year to live... does it really matter?

Relax and enjoy your healthy good years.

If you think it is something weird like your husband is feeling insecure about your relationship... Reassure him of your commitment to him and your relationship.
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Hey, You Never Know For Sure...
Old 06-08-2008, 11:03 AM   #19
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Hey, You Never Know For Sure...

Is Your Guy Hooking Up at Work?

Some bad news: Your guy is more likely to cheat with a coworker than with any other woman. Here's how to keep it from happening.

Statistics show that the workplace has become the number one breeding ground for cheating. According to a study done by infidelity expert Shirley Glass, Ph.D., 62 percent of men who admitted to having an affair had done so with someone they met at work. "You often spend more time with coworkers than with your partner, which can create intense bonding," says Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D., author of Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?
To ensure your guy is doing his job rather than his coffee-break buddy, follow these tips.


More Tips:

Know His Business

Be a Presence

Identify the Biggest Threat

Stay on His Mind 24/7

“To keep him from straying while on the road, send him off feeling fantastic about your relationship. "Save up some fun, novel sex ideas and try them out the night before his trip to leave a sexy lasting impression," suggests Perry.”

So girls, to keep your man bonk his brains out just before he might be exposed to temptation. Kind of like working out your horse on the lunge line to cut down on his friskiness.


Finally, a good suggestion from the guy’s POV!

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/couplesandmarriage/articlecosmo.aspx?cp-documentid=7074865


Ha
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Old 06-08-2008, 11:19 AM   #20
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I want to see more articles that promote bonking. I think if they exhaust the adultery angle there's always financial uncertainty, tool envy, beer anything, and rising gas prices.
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