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Old 06-25-2010, 05:06 PM   #41
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You offered to donate your bone marrow to someone you don't know, are in the 20 gallon club for blood donations and are kind to animals. The world could use more people like you.
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in labels and pigeonholing that we forget that just being a good person is vastly underrated.
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Old 06-25-2010, 05:16 PM   #42
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Sometimes we get so wrapped up in labels and pigeonholing that we forget that just being a good person is vastly underrated.
Something like that
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Old 06-25-2010, 05:25 PM   #43
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Last Sunday at church, the conversation went something like this:

Gumby -- "Happy Father's Day, Chuck"

Chuck (the 30 something dad of two very nice young daughters) -- "Happy Fath . . . you two have kids right?"

Gumby -- "Nope"

Chuck -- "I'm sorry"

Gumby -- "I'm not"


It just sort of ended up that we never had any kids. When we first got married we assumed we would have them, but we never got around to it. I am happy with my life the way it is now and I'm pleased when others are happy with their own lives. Based on my observation, young Chuck is a great dad who enjoys his family immensely. He is precisely the sort of guy who should be a dad.
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Old 06-25-2010, 05:31 PM   #44
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The only time I really felt a chill when I revealed that I was kid-less was when I spent a little time in Kenya. I guess that in their culture childless people are not respected.
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Old 06-25-2010, 09:39 PM   #45
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Shouldn't this be a WTFC thread?

People who want kids are probably happier with them. People who don't want them are probably happier without them. The only downside I can see is for the kids who have parents who don't want them.

The only time we joked about regrets over having them was the timing. Many of our friends got married "because they had to". We were in our 30's when ours arrived and those friends didn't need to change diapers, find babysitters or do any of the less appealing parental tasks.

Disclaimer: We have one of each. I'd probably be just as happy if we had none, but I've really liked them since they arrived.
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Old 06-25-2010, 11:14 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by Gumby View Post
Last Sunday at church, the conversation went something like this:

Gumby -- "Happy Father's Day, Chuck"

Chuck (the 30 something dad of two very nice young daughters) -- "Happy Fath . . . you two have kids right?"

Gumby -- "Nope"

Chuck -- "I'm sorry"

Gumby -- "I'm not"


It just sort of ended up that we never had any kids. When we first got married we assumed we would have them, but we never got around to it. I am happy with my life the way it is now and I'm pleased when others are happy with their own lives. Based on my observation, young Chuck is a great dad who enjoys his family immensely. He is precisely the sort of guy who should be a dad.
Mmmm, hmmm..for years I've been asked when I'm going to have children. They just knew I'd change my mind. Finally the folks that know me realized I was not going to be a mom and the sad faces disappeared.

Now, people that don't know me ask if I have grandchildren.

....btw...congrats to the people that choose to have, adopt or foster a child/children.
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Old 06-26-2010, 03:13 AM   #47
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Here's my newest dog that found me on the road a month or so ago--her name is Biscuit and she looks, well, as best I can describe it, she's like a miniature Border Collie, even though no such thing exists. I've had suggestions of Pom and Papillon and some other guesses, but who knows. She's 14 lbs and adorable!
Maximum cuteness !
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Old 06-26-2010, 07:15 AM   #48
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Suspicions confirmed.

When I first started with the police department there was one "problem area" near a beer & wine store where the young'uns would congregate to drink beer. Later some of them started showing up with babies on their hips, some of those, no doubt, conceived in that same parking lot. And then those kids started having their social life drinking beer in the parking lot.

Apparently Darwinian rules have been modified by civilization....
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Old 06-26-2010, 09:40 AM   #49
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I love that movie, dumb as it might be. Like Vonnegut's Player Piano, it might predict the future.

But interestingly, the study above shows more highly educated women are more likely today to have children than they were 30 years ago (of course, as at the end of Idiocracy, they are probably having only one or two vs. the great unwashed having half a dozen):

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...A very small group — the most highly educated — is bucking that trend.
In 2008, 9% of women in the USA had a master's, doctorate or professional degree; of that group, 24% had not had children, down from 31% of the same group in 1994, the Pew analysis reports today.

"The most educated women are still the most likely to be childless," says report co-author D'Vera Cohn. "It's just that the rates have come down."
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Old 06-26-2010, 05:29 PM   #50
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I like to play games with kids and actually engage with them (I guess because I don't spend much time with kids), and I have had multiple people approach me and tell me I would be a good father. Girlfriends have said the same thing. I am now 44 and single and childless.

When I was in my 30s, I interviewed a number of people about their experiences with kids. Why did they choose to have them, were they happy, any regrets, etc. I didn't really encounter anyone with regrets. But nothing they ever said really made me change my mind. I thought that when I met someone I really loved that my mind would change about it and I would want to have kids with that person, but that simply was not the case.

That being said, I find the thought of having children downright scary. And the thought of taking care of a baby I can't even imagine.

It's the main reason I never married. Also, most women want kids. So not only do you have less of a reason to get married, but the potential population of mates understandably discounts you when you don't want to reproduce with them.

However, I am so happy that many folks do like to have kids. I think an aging society and especially a decreasing population are negative trends. I honestly wish I was not contributing to it.
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Old 06-26-2010, 06:11 PM   #51
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Not me, I have better ways to waste time. Besides, all I keep thinking about is the opening scenes from Idiocracy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
OK, THAT goes to the top of the Netflix queue.

Yow.
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Old 06-26-2010, 07:12 PM   #52
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I thought that when I met someone I really loved that my mind would change about it and I would want to have kids with that person, but that simply was not the case.
It is really funny how different many people are.You are a very thoughtful person and had an open mind, I never even considered it a question. I spent most of my life in very ordinary surroundings. Both men and women wanted children and seemed to enjoy them and not in any way consider them a burden, but rather the center of life. The professional couple in that movie are hysterical to me, they are so detached from the pulse of life. Of course they are supposed to seem that way, they are being lampooned

I was and am very warm and easy-going with my kids, it was never any of this special voice for interacting with kids. My kids (both boys) were very able from the getgo and I feel that I learned more from them than they from me. We never really had any struggles, and don't now.

Also not to be dismissed is the excellent feeling of watching a woman swell up with your own baby. My wife sometimes remarked that she seemd invisible to Anglo males when pregnant, but the Mexicans dug her. (She looked Mexican, and very pregnant).

Excellent days. I wish I had the energy to go around again.

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Old 06-26-2010, 07:16 PM   #53
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Except those people who got sterilized so they could "reduce their carbon footprint".
If that is how they really feel, let them! This is more responsible than many other practices
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Old 06-26-2010, 07:44 PM   #54
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One thing I've noticed is how people who don't have kids tend to be much more attached to pets. I think it's a natural diversion of the nurturing instinct.
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Old 06-26-2010, 08:00 PM   #55
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Old 06-26-2010, 08:02 PM   #56
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Spouse is out for the day and unlikely to read this post. Whew.

Reflecting back on nearly four decades of hormones choices, I'd have to say that most of my significant life decisions were made on the basis of hormones "What if?"

As in, "What if I don't join the Navy?" "How will I feel in 30 years if I don't try the Naval Academy?" "What if I don't try to get into the submarine force?" "What if I don't get married?"* "What if you don't look for a job after leaving the service?" "What if you don't take this opportunity to hike Haleakala crater?"

So naturally when the conversation turned to a romantic beach-cabin weekend "Hey, honey, you're coming up on shore duty and maybe we could get a little head start on our family...**", my instinctive response was hormones "What if we don't have kids?"

Well, I've sure found out the answers to those questions. And in general, they haven't killed me yet-- so I must be a better person now.

* Well, to be fair, the Navy answered that question for me: "Then you won't be able to live with your fiancée for at least two more years!"
** Luckily I had this conversation with my spouse first.


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Anyone want to start a pool on how many posts this thread will go prior to being closed? Maybe a secondary bet on when the personal insults and name calling will start?
$%^& you, you &*()ing %^&*er, I bet it happens in one more post...
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Old 06-26-2010, 08:12 PM   #57
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Spouse is out for the day and unlikely to read this post. Whew.

Reflecting back on nearly four decades of hormones choices, I'd have to say that most of my significant life decisions were made on the basis of hormones "What if?"

As in, "What if I don't join the Navy?" "How will I feel in 30 years if I don't try the Naval Academy?" "What if I don't try to get into the submarine force?" "What if I don't get married?"* "What if you don't look for a job after leaving the service?" "What if you don't take this opportunity to hike Haleakala crater?"

So naturally when the conversation turned to a romantic beach-cabin weekend "Hey, honey, you're coming up on shore duty and maybe we could get a little head start on our family...**", my instinctive response was hormones "What if we don't have kids?"

Well, I've sure found out the answers to those questions. And in general, they haven't killed me yet-- so I must be a better person now.

* Well, to be fair, the Navy answered that question for me: "Then you won't be able to live with your fiancée for at least two more years!"
** Luckily I had this conversation with my spouse first.



$%^& you, you &*()ing %^&*er, I bet it happens in one more post...
Something like that. Do what you want; just leave me out of it.
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Old 06-27-2010, 01:10 AM   #58
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But interestingly, the study above shows more highly educated women are more likely today to have children than they were 30 years ago (of course, as at the end of Idiocracy, they are probably having only one or two vs. the great unwashed having half a dozen):
I'd like to read that, do you still have the link?
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If that is how they really feel, let them! This is more responsible than many other practices
I'll gladly let them. It's their choice, and I think the gene pool will be better of without their contribution.
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Old 06-27-2010, 08:24 AM   #59
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Idiocracy is an awesome movie--highly recommended. Same guy who did Office Space.
I suspect that most of my friends with kids didn't put nearly the thought into *having* kids that I put into *not* having kids. They just, as Ha noted, did what was the norm and didn't really consider alternatives.
That's okay. We all create the lives we want if we're lucky. I like having choices. As the pill turns 50 this year, I'm glad for the opportunity to actually exercise that choice more successfully than my parents' generation.
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Old 06-27-2010, 08:51 AM   #60
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People who want kids are probably happier with them. People who don't want them are probably happier without them. The only downside I can see is for the kids who have parents who don't want them.
The fourth box of the quadrant is "people who want kids and would be great parents, but things don't work out". My best friend from grade school and his wife are in this position. They got married at 23 and were hoping for several kids. This year they had their silver wedding anniversary and they're too old now.

The really sad thing, to DW and me anyway, is that they never went for medical help. They decided that if they couldn't get pregnant without assistance, it was God's will. Now I can see why some people might draw the line at IVF, but they didn't even go to see if it was a blocked tube or something. (Another reason DW and I are glad to be non-religious.)
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