Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-16-2005, 09:09 AM   #1
Full time employment: Posting here.
TargaDave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 588
Christmas Party Humor

One of my co-workers sent this to me. I'll apologize ahead of time if someone already posted this.



CHRISTMAS PARTY ANNOUNCEMENT

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: November 8, 2005

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should cost more than $10.00 to make the giving of
gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 8, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're
calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 9, 2005
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange; no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE W! ILL BE ALLOWED.
Patty
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: November 10, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything for you to take home in a little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed, though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food - we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All ****ing Employees
DATE: November 11, 2005
RE: The ****ing Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks - I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not! , so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f__king salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 13, 2005
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party.

Happy Holidays
__________________

__________________
TargaDave is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-16-2005, 09:28 AM   #2
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
JPatrick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,494
Re: Christmas Party Humor

Thats great.
What a country we live in* *
__________________

__________________
JPatrick is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-16-2005, 09:52 AM   #3
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Minnehaha
Posts: 2,375
Re: Christmas Party Humor

Thanks TD. That was really good!
__________________
MinnesotaEats - www.goodfoodmsp.com
Danny is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-16-2005, 10:11 AM   #4
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: No. California
Posts: 1,600
Re: Christmas Party Humor

Thanks for a good laugh....I sure don't miss working
__________________
KB is online now   Reply With Quote
Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-16-2005, 10:34 AM   #5
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
BUM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Mid Hudson Valley
Posts: 1,778
Re: Christmas Party Humor

I used to love our office christmas parties:

The introverted guy got smashed
The modest gal showed up with the sexiest outfit
The big-mouth showed up with his domineering wife
The cheapskate arrives with his wife in a new fur and him with a gold watch!

All true. Me? I dunno, maybe the smartass with the dumb look on his face
__________________
In a panamax down by the river.
BUM is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-16-2005, 10:42 AM   #6
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
SteveR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,803
Re: Christmas Party Humor

We had our "Holiday Party" yesterday. I was an employee only buffet meal at the local hotel with the full line up of company management excuses speaches about why we failed the great year we had.

No spouses or SOs allowed.

No adult beverages

No music



A great time was had by all. :
__________________
Work? I don't have time to work....I'm retired.
SteveR is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-16-2005, 10:49 AM   #7
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
dex's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 5,105
Re: Christmas Party Humor

I think companies should just ask employees:
Do you wnat a holiday party or the time off and your share of the money that would have been spent on the money?

I think we all would vote for the money and time off!
__________________
Sometimes death is not as tragic as not knowing how to live. This man knew how to live--and how to make others glad they were living. - Jack Benny at Nat King Cole's funeral
dex is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-16-2005, 05:46 PM   #8
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,083
Re: Christmas Party Humor

I'm going to start crying because I just remember that tonight will be the 1st company holiday party I will have missed in 20 years, because the f***ing CEO decided to can my a** lay me off.

What wonderfull human being. I think one of these days, I might drop by and thank him for setting me free from the cold hellhole with generous pay and unemployment benefit payments.
__________________
I look to the present moment because that's where I live my life.
MJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-16-2005, 05:52 PM   #9
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Minnehaha
Posts: 2,375
Re: Christmas Party Humor

Quote:
Originally Posted by MJ
I'm going to start crying because I just remember that tonight will be the 1st company holiday party I will have missed in 20 years, because the f***ing CEO decided to can my a** lay me off.

What wonderfull human being. I think one of these days, I might drop by and thank him for setting me free from the cold hellhole with generous pay and unemployment.
That is a great idea! Drop by the party...have a number of drinks...grab the microphone and lay it on
__________________
MinnesotaEats - www.goodfoodmsp.com
Danny is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-16-2005, 06:14 PM   #10
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
cube_rat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,466
Re: Christmas Party Humor

Quote:
Originally Posted by MJ

What wonderfull human being. I think one of these days, I might drop by and thank him for setting me free from the cold hellhole with generous pay and unemployment.
Man, I envy you right now...
http://early-retirement.org/forums/i...p?topic=5194.0
__________________
fuzzy? cute?
cube_rat is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-16-2005, 06:22 PM   #11
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 199
Re: Christmas Party Humor

MJ -- you are not missing a thing!! He did you a big favor. We have the same stupid party each year. They close the office at noon (Dec. 23rd this year) and have a catered lunch. Oh joy! They have done this each year too when the holiday falls on Dec. 24th. No consideration of the staff wanting to be home with their family.
__________________
Ginger
Ginger is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-16-2005, 06:32 PM   #12
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
HFWR's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lawn chair in Texas
Posts: 12,964
Re: Christmas Party Humor

We had our Christmas lunch last Tuesday. Can you say "Banquet Frozen Dinner?"
__________________
Have Funds, Will Retire

...not doing anything of true substance...
HFWR is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-16-2005, 09:41 PM   #13
Moderator Emeritus
Nords's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Oahu
Posts: 26,617
Re: Christmas Party Humor

Retirees are invited to my last command's Christmas parties, but we just haven't felt the urge to go.

Hanging out with shipmates-- sure. Socializing with the entire command-- no thanks.
__________________
*
*

The book written on E-R.org, "The Military Guide to Financial Independence and Retirement", on sale now! For more info see "About Me" in my profile.
I don't spend much time here anymore, so please send me a PM. Thanks.
Nords is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-16-2005, 10:24 PM   #14
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
REWahoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Texas Hill Country
Posts: 42,120
Re: Christmas Party Humor

I've been invited to a company function next week, indirectly associated with the holidays. A month before I retired 7 months ago, new company owners fired the CEO, and the security guard escorted him to his car one moring prior to 8 AM.

Those owners have now re-sold the company and, in the spirit of the season, the former CEO has been invited back for a formal good-bye to the employees. (He came up through the ranks, spending over 30 years with the company and was CEO for the last 10 of those 30+ years.) Since he hired me and I worked directly and indirectly for him for 27 years, I was asked to attend his formal going away party. I've had limited contact with my former work associates over the past 7 months and though it would be "intresting" to attend.

However, I didn't consider the downside when I accepted the invitation...I'll have to wear pants. Maybe I'll just call in sick.

__________________
Numbers is hard

When I hit 70, it hit back

Retired in 2005 at age 58, no pension
REWahoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-16-2005, 11:03 PM   #15
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,083
Re: Christmas Party Humor

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ginger
MJ -- you are not missing a thing!! He did you a big favor. We have the same stupid party each year. They close the office at noon (Dec. 23rd this year) and have a catered lunch. Oh joy! They have done this each year too when the holiday falls on Dec. 24th. No consideration of the staff wanting to be home with their family.
Don't get me wrong, I certainly don't miss it.
Our party started after 5:30PM OOT (on our time). The food though was pretty good. We went to the same restaurant well known for their huge thick rib steak. One of the few times during the year I had steak. Our bonus was distributed after waiting for 4 boring hours. It was a sneaky way to get people to go to the party and wait until the old man came around to personally pass out the envelope. I got the same $500 bonus for the last 18 years, so inflation certainly shrunk it down significately.

MJ
__________________
I look to the present moment because that's where I live my life.
MJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-17-2005, 05:08 AM   #16
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 3,875
Re: Christmas Party Humor

I don't remember much about Christmas parties back in my working days. I used to host one for my employees, which was a chore
(for me). However, back in the 60s there was a regular Christmas
luncheon that was held
at a small company that was owned by a friend of mine. I never missed it. Good food, lots of free booze, good conversation, and then
we'd sit around and play poker until time to go home.

JG
__________________
MRGALT2U is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-17-2005, 07:46 AM   #17
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 1,375
Re: Christmas Party Humor

Quote:
Originally Posted by REWahoo!


However, I didn't consider the downside when I accepted the invitation...I'll have to wear pants. * Maybe I'll just call in sick.

ReWahoo: How's everything going in the old "Colony'?

Getting an "even" tan is great, but playing co-ed Vollyball is what keeps the retention up.

Have fun.

Jarhead
__________________
Jarhead* is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-17-2005, 08:01 AM   #18
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
REWahoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Texas Hill Country
Posts: 42,120
Re: Christmas Party Humor

Quote:
Originally Posted by ex-Jarhead
ReWahoo: How's everything going in the old "Colony'?

Getting an "even" tan is great, but playing co-ed Vollyball is what keeps the retention up.
Things are OK now, but it was very uncomfortable for me and my team until I fully understood the "pendulum effect". That duct tape works wonders, but removing it gives an entirely new meaning to the term "sex a-peel".


__________________
Numbers is hard

When I hit 70, it hit back

Retired in 2005 at age 58, no pension
REWahoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-17-2005, 08:53 PM   #19
Recycles dryer sheets
Jeb-NY's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: North Coast of NY
Posts: 269
Re: Christmas Party Humor

Looking back over past company Christmas Holiday parties, I think they peaked in the late 90s. One of those years the boss rented a local museum for an evening party, great food, open bar, a private concert on a large pipe organ that is at the musuem and private tours of the museum. Best company party ever.

The last few years we have had potluck grazing all day while we work. Total cost to the company, loss of a confrence room for the day.

Jeb
__________________
Jeb-NY is offline   Reply With Quote
Re: Christmas Party Humor
Old 12-18-2005, 04:27 PM   #20
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Okanagan Valley
Posts: 805
Re: Christmas Party Humor

Ours are not so bad. Done on a department basis at good quality 4 or 5 star restaurants. Starts about 6pm (every year) and have to listen to about 15 minutes of stupid speeches, but the wine and food is always good. Get a present, usually a Xmas type dish from Mikassa (how many does a person need?) and then home by 10pm.
__________________

__________________
AltaRed is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Tales of Christmas past... REWahoo Other topics 6 12-27-2006 11:41 AM
Merry Christmas! & Happy Hanakuh! Jane_Doe Other topics 0 12-24-2006 09:22 AM
Favorite Memory Of Christmas Outtahere Other topics 7 12-23-2006 03:39 PM
Merry Christmas! Share some photos? laurence Other topics 23 12-28-2005 06:24 PM
Christmas presents Martha FIRE and Money 38 12-15-2004 02:24 AM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 09:10 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.