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Old 06-30-2007, 07:50 PM   #21
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In 1972 I wore a red corduroy micro-mini-skirt with black tights, very high heels, and a leotard. My earrings were almost longer than my skirt! I am so glad styles have changed.

You must not have seen the styles that 20-something women are wearing these days. Micro minis, leggings, high heels. No leotards, instead they wear camisoles. And yes, loooooong earrings!
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Old 06-30-2007, 07:55 PM   #22
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Maybe I am a little bit "burned", having ended up with literally nothing but debt (and a job, an old sofa, and a K-car on its last gasps) after 23 years of marriage. Starting over from scratch after age 50 is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. I don't think I could do it twice.

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. My former marriage lasted 23 years as well. I think after that bond was broken, by him, it has been very hard for me to imagine trusting a man that way again. I agree that co-mingling finances is high risk behavior. But I really think my attitude is my own limitation and doesn't reflect a true reality. But anyway, it's my reality.
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Old 06-30-2007, 08:13 PM   #23
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I have no problem sharing my money .I just don't want to lose it at this stage of my life .
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Old 06-30-2007, 08:18 PM   #24
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I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. My former marriage lasted 23 years as well. I think after that bond was broken, by him, it has been very hard for me to imagine trusting a man that way again. I agree that co-mingling finances is high risk behavior. But I really think my attitude is my own limitation and doesn't reflect a true reality. But anyway, it's my reality.
Maybe losing your trust is harder than being suddenly broke. I still feel very trusting (why? I have no clue!) but I guess I believe in infinite trust within specific boundaries. I know that a 50+ woman with some money is a target for those who want to dupe or con someone rather than earning a living. We have to watch out for ourselves, Oldbabe, and I know you are smart enough to think about that.

My SO Frank has worked very hard for his money (like Goonie and Khan), and was looking for the same thing I was. Now and then, we get lucky. We have been together about 6-7 years now, and we are still happy with what we have.
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Old 07-01-2007, 01:05 PM   #25
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I have no problem sharing my money .I just don't want to lose it at this stage of my life .
A lot of wisdom in this. Be generous with the eggs, but hang on to the goose!

Ha
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Old 07-01-2007, 03:18 PM   #26
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And be very careful about whose eggs you goose...
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Old 07-02-2007, 12:40 PM   #27
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And be very careful about whose eggs you goose...
A whole other problem for we boys to consider! Remember what happened to poor Boris Becker.
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Old 07-02-2007, 02:12 PM   #28
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A whole other problem for we boys to consider! Remember what happened to poor Boris Becker.
A couple of years ago, a couple of managers and a VP suddenly got married since their GFs were expecting. Nothing like an unplanned marital status change.
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Old 07-02-2007, 02:50 PM   #29
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Maybe losing your trust is harder than being suddenly broke. I still feel very trusting (why? I have no clue!) but I guess I believe in infinite trust within specific boundaries. I know that a 50+ woman with some money is a target for those who want to dupe or con someone rather than earning a living. We have to watch out for ourselves, Oldbabe, and I know you are smart enough to think about that.
I think you are right (losing trust might be harder than going broke). At least you still have your good nature. I am different now, much more cynical. I doubt anyone could get past my BS detector these days.
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Old 07-02-2007, 04:42 PM   #30
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I think you are right (losing trust might be harder than going broke). At least you still have your good nature. I am different now, much more cynical. I doubt anyone could get past my BS detector these days.
"Time heals all", or so they say. I wonder if it is true? I hope so.

A man with a BS detector just as strong as yours would probably find your realism to be refreshing, and vice versa.

Friendship was a good start for Frank and me. We have been together about 6-7 years and haven't pushed each other on trust issues or anything else, really. No need to rush things. But by now we have been through so much together when our world was falling apart, during Katrina and its aftermath.

We got to know one another pretty well in the midst of the catastrophe and now know what to expect and where our limits are, and I guess that has been a basis on which to build trust.

Good luck to you, and I hope you find friendship first like I did.
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Old 07-02-2007, 08:30 PM   #31
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Don't forget that net worth can vanish pretty fast if someone doesn't LBYM, too. It's easy for the SO to be sucked into a yuppie "buy-buy-buy" attitude for whatever reasons. Maybe I am a little bit "burned", having ended up with literally nothing but debt (and a job, an old sofa, and a K-car on its last gasps) after 23 years of marriage. Starting over from scratch after age 50 is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. I don't think I could do it twice.

I regard sharing my hard earned money with another individual, fallible human being as risk-taking behavior, no matter how praiseworthy the individual may be. As far as I know there is no way whatsoever to predict the outcome. It's like playing Russian roulette. Any attraction in that is just too strange for me to contemplate at the moment.
I'm just curious, but why were you left with "nothing but debt...". Surely you accumulated some positive net worth over the 23 years....does debt mean mortgage? If so, then you retained the house which you could sell and use the proceeds for something smaller.
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Old 07-02-2007, 09:09 PM   #32
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I'm just curious, but why were you left with "nothing but debt...". Surely you accumulated some positive net worth over the 23 years....does debt mean mortgage? If so, then you retained the house which you could sell and use the proceeds for something smaller.
I initiated the divorce, and felt pretty bad about it. He didn't want a divorce. Then, as often happens in divorces, he wanted to get back at me. He wanted the house and everything else, and got it. The debt was credit card debt. I agreed because I didn't have the desire or money to drag it through court. I just wanted out.

What really amazed me was that all that stuff wasn't really that important once it was gone. That's when I started LBYM; I had to save something fast since my job was just temporary (soft money research). I slept on the floor for the first two years and enjoyed not having a TV. Suddenly (without a TV) one has so much more time. I spent the time figuring out what I really want in life, and that has helped me immensely.

And does accounting really suck? It seems like it would be lucrative and peaceful.
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Old 07-09-2007, 04:26 PM   #33
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I initiated the divorce, and felt pretty bad about it. He didn't want a divorce. Then, as often happens in divorces, he wanted to get back at me. He wanted the house and everything else, and got it. The debt was credit card debt. I agreed because I didn't have the desire or money to drag it through court. I just wanted out.

What really amazed me was that all that stuff wasn't really that important once it was gone. That's when I started LBYM; I had to save something fast since my job was just temporary (soft money research). I slept on the floor for the first two years and enjoyed not having a TV. Suddenly (without a TV) one has so much more time. I spent the time figuring out what I really want in life, and that has helped me immensely.
I'm sorry you have been through such a difficult divorce. Mine was similar;my ex wanted divorce more than I did so he was "generous" but still ended up MUCH better financially off than I did.

Thanks for the good wishes. I, too, hope I find a "friend for life".
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